You've Got Mail: A Cautionary Tale

Chapter 5 – Adviser Wu’s Wet Dream (NSFW)

When the salesman saw Wu Xingzi, he welcomed him with a smile. “Master Wu, you’re here.”

“Ah yes, yes.” Wu Xingzi smiled bashfully. He wrung his hands unconsciously, and with familiar steps, followed the salesman to the parlour at the back of the shop.

“Master Wu, please take a seat. I’ll go and retrieve your letters now.” The salesman offered him both tea and snacks. After collecting the letters that Wu Xingzi wanted to send, he left.

As Wu Xingzi sat, his feet kept tapping on the ground. He lifted the teacup a few times, but did not put it to his lips before placing it down again.

The butterflies fluttering in his stomach made it so that he ?could not help but stare at the closed door. Although he had come a few times to collect the letters already, Wu Xingzi was still not used to being in such an elegant place like the?Peng?Society. As he was filled with anticipation for the letters, he was also anxious over letting someone else work for him.

After about a quarter of an hour that felt like it would never end, the door was finally pushed open. Wu Xingzi nearly leapt up from his seat, but managed to hold himself back.

“Master Wu, you have a little more letters today. Some are from Bastion City.” The salesman pointed at some of the letters in his hand, before gathering them up and passing them to Wu Xingzi.

From Bastion City? Wu Xingzi was a little taken aback before he remembered that he did send three letters to the?Peng?Society in Bastion City, about seven or eight days ago. That was probably the furthest place located away from Goose City, and Great Xia’s most southern and most flourishing city.

An unexplainable hopefulness welled up within him. Wu Xingzi thanked the salesman for the letters, then passed a few coins over to him. Just like before, he packed up the leftover snacks and left, satisfied.

He had spent some time in quite a number of available parlours at the back of the shop. Although they were not extremely spacious, they were not cramped either. For a person to wait there with drinks and snacks for about a quarter to half an hour, they were very comfortable.

In the past, Wu Xingzi had never met any other members of the?Peng?Society, likely because very few of them would come so early like he did. Most of them would probably only come after it was noon — this was what the salesman had told him over a casual chat.

Therefore, when he heard the door of the parlour next door open the same time as he opened his door, he jumped in shock, shrinking and thinking of retreating back into the room. However, the salesman was just behind him, so he was stuck, a foot beyond the threshold and a foot still inside, completely frozen.

“Master Wu?” The salesman was very nimble, and was able to avoid knocking into Wu Xingzi.

“Umm…” Wu Xingzi felt so embarrassed that he wished he could dig a hole and bury himself in it. In a fluster, he did not know what he should do.

“What happened?” The customer from the parlour next door stopped and asked him casually, after seeing Wu Xingzi’s pale and sweating face.

Wu Xingzi shivered when he heard that voice, his ears turning red.

He had never heard such a pleasant voice before. It sounded just like the flowing water, as well as the striking of jade pieces. It was clear and melodious like a cold spring, yet warm and gentle like a lover’s whisper. Even though it was just a simple question, it went straight to Wu Xingzi’s heart and hooked onto it.

Wu Xingzi did not dare to look towards the owner of that voice. He covered his ears in discomposure, his head hanging to the point where his chin was pressed into his chest. From the corner of his eyes, he caught a glimpse of the edges of a black robe that were embroidered with elegant dark patterns.

“It’s fine, it’s fine… Please go ahead…” With some effort, he gestured at the man to walk, but who would have guessed that his body would be so stiff that he twisted his arm. A creak could be heard, and there was really no way else that he could be embarrassed even further.

The man did not reply him, and that black robe soon disappeared from Wu Xingzi’s sight.

“Master Wu?” The salesman waited for the man to be some distance away, before cautiously calling out to Wu Xingzi. “Are you alright? Should we get the physician here to take a look?”

“No need no need… It’s fine, it’s fine…” Wu Xingzi could no longer care about his embarrassment, he waved the salesman off. Clutching at the package that contained his letters, he headed out of the shop stiffly, nearly tripping over the threshold.

He did not know why he reacted that way. There were over a hundred members in the?Peng?Society, and members who listed their location under Goose City amounted to about twenty or thirty of them. To meet a member during these few weeks should not be an issue, and there was really no need to feel embarrassed. If they happened to exchange looks between each other, there might even be a chance for them to settle in marriage.

But Wu Xingzi was unable to take this step.

Without any reason, he just felt ashamed. A person like him, who was old and far from handsome, might even lose his chance to collect any more pengornis drawings.

Without a contrast, he could still console himself that his features were regular. However, the man he saw just now, his voice was like music to the ears and his looks were definitely also above average. With the existence of someone like him in?The Pengornisseur, what business did he have appearing inside as well?

Clutching the replies, Wu Xingzi hurriedly left the?Peng?Society as though he was running away. As such, he did not notice that there was a pair of eyes following him closely. Even when he was swallowed up by the crowd, the eyes continued looking in his direction.

As usual, after passing Old Liu a meat bun and some chilled water, Wu Xingzi sat on the swaying cart and chewed on his own bun. For once, he did not pay attention to his food, his mind still occupied by that melodious voice. A faint silly grin appeared on his face.

Old Liu took a glance at him, but did not mention anything, only moving the cart along.

They returned to Qingcheng County earlier than usual. This time, as the letters had to travel further, Wu Xingzi arranged with Old Liu to head to Goose City again three days later, then headed to the magistrate’s office to deal with his work.

Only when the sun had nearly set completely, did Wu Xingzi hurry home from the magistrate’s office.

He quickly prepared a bowl of noodles and finished it off. Fetching the water, he took a bath. The weather had started to turn colder, but he was too lazy to heat the water up. After the bath, he was chilled to the point where his teeth were chattering, and only after huddling under his blanket for a long time did he start to warm up.

Once he felt warm enough, he excitedly opened the letters he had received today. As expected, all of them were pengornis drawings, and there were a total of eight of them.

Five of them were average looking, and just after a glance, Wu Xingzi put them down.

By now, having studied quite a number of pengornis drawings, towards the pengornises that were not outstanding, Wu Xingzi would not spend a lot of time appraising them. Naturally, the artist’s skills were still exemplary, even though they looked ordinary, they were still decent looking, and could still be put to use normally.

However, Wu Xingzi’s mood today was somewhat fevered, and he needed a very attractive pengornis to soothe his emotions.

As for the next three drawings, they were all very eye-catching. All three of them were from Bastion City, and after the artist’s retouching, they could all be labelled as awe-inspiringly noble and handsome.

Especially… Wu Xingzi gulped down his excessive saliva, his eyes drilling into the pengornis that left him awestruck. To blink now would be considered a waste of time.

At his first glance, Wu Xingzi had noticed that this pengornis was definitely comparable to the number one unrivalled pengornis in his heart.

Whether it was the length, the thickness, the heft, or even the curvature, they all attracted the eyes of Wu Xingzi, making his throat so dry as though a fire had passed through it.

After studying the drawing carefully for the second time, Wu Xingzi was deeply shaken. Only now did he notice that the paper of this letter was nearly one inch longer than the rest of the letters. Despite the extra space, this pengornis still filled up most of the paper, almost exploding out from it.

Although it was just a drawing, the words “baby’s arm” popped into Wu Xingzi’s head, bringing along with it a bright flush upon his face.

Not only was it weighty, Wu Xingzi could almost feel its heat coming off the paper. From that bulbous head that was not unlike an egg of a chicken, that slightly gaping slit that made people want to suck upon it, that throbbing vein along the thick shaft and the two full and round balls at the bottom, it was as savage as it could get, as alluring as it could be. It was extremely good looking, and it was perfect, neither too big nor too small.

Full of masculinity yet it did not feel boorish; the curve looked as though it could hook the hearts of the viewer; with the elegance of a scholar and also the might of a warrior. Wu Xingzi’s eyes were glued to the drawing in his hand, and little Xingzi in his pants was swollen until it hurt, the tip drooling, forming a large wet patch on his trousers. Without even touching himself, just by looking at this drawing, imagining its weight, heat and scent in reality, was enough to make him nearly ejaculate.

He finally understood what indescribable meant. The pengornis in front of him was exactly like the epitome of it.

Wu Xingzi did not know what he should do. He only knew that he had been completely entranced by the pengornis in front of him.

No matter how much he looked at it, it was not enough. He had long forgotten about the other two pengornis drawings, and the attractiveness of those 50 pengornis drawings in his rattan case had also faded in comparison. Wu Xingzi grabbed the teapot and poured the tea directly into his mouth, finishing half the pot in one gulp. His throat finally felt soothed, unlike the burning dryness from before.

During this, his eyes were still stuck on that drawing, greedily capturing every inch of the lines on the drawing, from those full and round balls… Wu Xingzi pursed his lips and sucked in air, his tongue twisting in his mouth, as though he was really sucking that bulging sac into his mouth.

Next was the thick shaft, that throbbing vein along its head… Wu Xingzi opened his mouth slightly, his bright red tongue curling up, finally licking his own two lips. However, this was far from enough, he felt an emptiness in his heart, his mouth tingling. How he wished he could pull that phallus off the paper and put it into his mouth, licking and sucking at it, and know the taste of the fluids dripping from the tip.

It was like he was possessed.

Wu Xingzi panted heavily. He curled up on his bed, pumping vigorously at little Xingzi who had already released once. He bit at his blanket, sucking and licking at it.

This was definitely the first time he had felt like that. Having appraised over fifty pengornises, he had never lost his composure in this manner before. Of course, he had also wanted to try the taste of those pengornises that had imprinted deeply within his heart, but that was only within his imagination. Looking at the pengornis drawings while rubbing at little Xingzi, then having a good sleep after his orgasm was already enough for him.

Wu Xingzi had never had a partner before. From head to toe, he was a virgin. Cocksucking was something he had learnt from the erotic drawings that Manager Rancui had given him a while ago.

“Ahhhhh…” His hips shuddered, those pale and slender thighs kicking a few times on the bed, and Wu Xingzi nearly lost his breath. His body was weak after his orgasm, and his hand was full of a white, sticky fluid.

His mind only cleared up after a long period of panting. He stared blankly at the blanket that had the imprints of his teeth, then ?raised his hand to look at the cooling ejaculation on it. His entire body was out of strength, but deep within him was a restlessness that was constantly wriggling away.

He did not know why he behaved like that. After all, it was only a pengornis drawing… No no no, Wu Xingzi immediately refuted himself, this was not some ordinary pengornis drawing, this was the Pan An of all pengornis drawings!

Or maybe, this was the Lanling Prince amongst all pengornises. Exceedingly beautiful, yet within its beauty lay a great strength, powerful enough to destroy cities.

Wu Xingzi was now one of the cities that were destroyed, he had been defeated by it, but still willingly fell under its charm.

After resting on his bed, Wu Xingzi finally regained some energy. He carefully placed the pengornis drawing by his bed, then stood up and cleaned all the sticky fluids off himself. Changing his clothes, he then wiped and made sure his hands were clean before carefully picking up that drawing again, unwilling to let go of it.

It was only when the moon was high up in the night sky, the stars distant, did Wu Xingzi reluctantly place the drawing in the rattan case before going to sleep.

It was hard to decide if Wu Xingzi slept well that night. At the start of his dreams appeared the owner of that voice. As he did not see his face and only his robe, the face of the man in his dream was blurry. He had a vague impression that the man was very handsome, to the point where he was unable to find the words to describe it.

The man was somewhat cold, after asking for his name, he ignored him. He sat on a seat that was some distance away from him, his actions while drinking tea looked just like a painting.

In the next moment, the man somehow leaned towards him, laughing quietly into his ear. The laugh left Wu Xingzi feeling weak, his entire body turning red like a cooked shrimp. Then, the man removed his black robe, exposing his large pengornis, and it just happened to be the one Wu Xingzi was enraptured with.

Wu Xingzi’s eyes widen, and his brain turned blank.

“Do you want to touch it?” The man asked with a smile. Wu Xingzi nodded away, his legs collapsing under him and he kneeled between the man’s thighs. Reaching out with his trembling hand, he touched that pengornis.

So hot… It was so hot that his palm tingled.

Wu Xingzi carefully dragged his hand from the root to the tip, letting that hefty weight slide along his palm, while another hand cupped those swelling balls, caressing them lightly.

The man’s breathing became slightly audible, his groan extremely pleasant to the ears. Wu Xingzi hardened as well, the sweat on his forehead rolling down his face, his abdomen tingling, and how he wished someone could soothe the sensation there.

“Lick it.” The man directed gently, and Wu Xingzi naturally obeyed.

He opened his mouth, eager yet shy. He drew closer to that heated bulbous head, about to swallow it in… Giving a violent start, Wu Xingzi woke up with a choke.

Having just woken up, he was still trapped in the surroundings of the dream. He sat there in a daze, sucking in air with his mouth half-opened, his breaths coming out in hisses.

It took him awhile before he recovered his senses, his body a bright red, almost feeling as though he had nothing to live for.

He actually had a wet dream? Ignoring that, exactly how much did he want to suck that pengornis! Pinching his own cheeks harshly with no mercy, he only let go after leaving a bruise on each side.

His trousers were again stained by his own ejaculation. Wu Xingzi climbed out from his bed in shameful frustration. After changing his trousers, seeing the arrival of dawn, he carried his clothes to the riverside and washed them clean before running home secretively to dry them out in the sun.

Wu Xingzi ah, Wu Xingzi, forget about the fact that you’ve achieved nothing in your life, and that your hobby of appraising pengornises is fine, but why would you fall in love at first sight with a pengornis?

He reproached himself silently, but ?Wu Xingzi tried to justify it in his heart.?That’s no ordinary pengornis! Think about it, if Lord Lang Yang was standing in front of you today, would you not fall in love with him immediately?

This might be difficult. Wu Xingzi gave himself a few good hard slaps, but he still could not get rid of that lingering daydream, and knew that he had to admit defeat.

This was the first time Wu Xingzi decided to spend a second coin on the same man.

The question was, should he draw his own little Xingzi as a reply? Or should he act properly and write a sentimental letter with an offer to be friends? Caught in the dilemma, Wu Xingzi struggled with it for three days.

On the third day, which was also the day he had arranged with Old Liu to go to Goose City, Wi Xingzi woke up early, and finally made his decision.

He inhaled a few sharp breaths, pulled his trousers off, prepared his writing materials, and rubbed little Xingzi till it turned hard — it was not difficult to do so, all he had to do was think of ?that Lanling Prince of pengornises and he would become so hard that he would start leaking. With a stroke of the brush, he slowly drew his little Xingzi onto the paper, making sure to include every detail, then folded it up after it dried.

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