You've Got Mail: A Cautionary Tale

Chapter 16 – The General Wants to Stay

Edited by: DancingdolphinsYo

Something major happened recently in Qingcheng County — Adviser Wu of the magistrate’s office seemed to have found a life partner.

“Aiyah, there’s something all of you don’t know about. Don’t look at Adviser Wu’s honest face, his methods are out of the ordinary.” Due to having some free time, Auntie Li grabbed a chair and sat outside her door, chattering with her neighbours.

“What do you mean?” Ah Niu’s wife was still a girl aged fifteen or sixteen. As she helped her mother-in-law strip the maize, she could not help but ask curiously.

“Hah! Although Adviser Wu is a friendly person, you should know what he’s like!” Auntie Li clicked her tongue a couple of times, a look of scorn on her face.

“Adviser Wu is rather clean.” Ah Niu’s wife was young and so after she said this, her thigh was slapped by her mother-in-law. “Niang¹…” Full of grievances, her tears nearly fell.

“Shh! What do you know? Looking like that, how can Adviser Wu compare to anyone?” Her mother-in-law shot her a warning look and turned to echo Auntie Li, “Who knows how he managed to attract that god-like person? He must have used some shameful method.”

“That’s right! You’re completely right!” The few aunties all agreed with each other.

With such support, Auntie Li became even more pleased. She raised her chin, “The heavens really have eyes! A few days ago, my boy woke up early to go to the mountain and happened to come across Adviser Wu and that god-like man! Aiyah, it was so embarrassing! The god-like man had wanted to leave, but Adviser Wu stopped him and refused to let him go, kneeling and begging. The god-like man was too kind and had no other choice faced with his pleading, and so he stayed.”

“I really couldn’t tell that Adviser Wu was actually this shameless!” Fang had a look of loathing on her face. “To think that Adviser Wu is actually a scholar. He didn’t look for a woman and live his life properly, instead chasing after a man all day long. Could it be that he has been running to Goose City all this while to harass this god-like man?”

“Who says it isn’t!” Ah Niu’s mother was deep in thought. “Didn’t the Liu family just mention a few days ago about how Adviser Wu was obsessed with making friends through the pigeon express? Hah! How do you make friends without seeing the other person? No way! He must have done something shameless and so managed to cling onto the god-like man.”

“But Adviser Wu is such a nice person…” The little daughter-in-law wanted to speak up for the adviser, only to get smacked again by her mother-in-law. Being glared at, she did not dare to speak again and lowered her head to do her work dejectedly.

“Auntie Li, what is the background of that god-like man? How was Adviser Wu able to kneel and beg to deceive him into staying?”

“Hah! Let me tell you, this god-like man is really extraordinary. Apparently he moved here from the capital and hasn’t been in Goose City for too long. With a good family and a good career, he’s young and promising! The Emperor treats this man like no other. When the god-like man was going to leave the capital, the Emperor even personally sent him off for ten miles!” Auntie Li was very detailed, as though she had witnessed it herself. That yearning and sighing on her face made the other women all sigh along with her.

“Too bad that this god-like person was somehow deceived by Adviser Wu. Such a noble stature, but he’s living in that little house.” Auntie Fang sighed, an unconcealed jealousy in her eyes.

“Who knows? Adviser Wu is a scholar, he must have drawn some charm of sorts to blind the god-like man. How evil!” Auntie Li’s speculation had roused everyone’s agreement, and she was extremely smug.

“Bullshit!” A voice suddenly rang out, and next, a basket of kernels was flung towards them.

Auntie Li shrieked, falling from her chair. Groaning on and on, she was unable to pick herself up.

“Who’s there!” Ah Niu’s mother jumped a step away, snarling as she looked for the culprit.

“Who else but me!” Auntie Liu spat, rolling up her sleeves. She pushed away the few bystanders aggressively and rushed towards Auntie Li. Raising the broom in her hand, she started hitting her. “You cheap gossip mongers, aren’t you afraid that the King of Hades would yank your tongue out?!”

“Aiyah! Why did you start hitting people!” Auntie Fang too received a few swipes from the broom. She retreated in panic, but was pushed back to the center by the bystanders.

“I’m going to beat you all gossipy old women! All of you, you’re always troubling Xingzi with this and that. Auntie Fang, didn’t your family just look for Xingzi a few days ago to get him to write an indictment for you? Even an animal knows how to be grateful, all of you are worse than animals!” When Auntie Liu got angry, the broom in her hand swung and danced around, hitting Auntie Li and Auntie Fang till they cried and dodged.

“Why? Why? Wu Xingzi dares to do such things, yet he’s afraid of us talking about it? With his looks, how would he be able to attract the god-like man? If not for using some demonic method, would he have been able to make him stay? Who doesn’t know that Wu Xingzi is bad luck, that his parents were cursed to death by him!” Ah Niu’s mother had been hiding a distance away, but her mouth was merciless. This time, Auntie Liu was extremely furious. She had watched Wu Xingzi grow up, and their families had stayed rather close to each other. Although she too liked to chatter about Wu Xingzi with the other women, she would never say anything that would harm Wu Xingzi. Such a good child, it was that god-like man who seemed to have bad intentions!

In no time at all, the few aunties had all gathered up, one digging at the other’s eyes while the other pulled at someone’s hair. No one could stop them, until their husbands heard the news and came running over, pulling them apart.

“I’ll say it now! If I hear another ungrateful bastard speaking bad about Xingzi, I’ll beat that person each time I hear it!” Naturally, Auntie Liu was the final victor. She was barely wounded. Although her hair was messy, her face scratched a little, she was still a lot tidier looking than those women who had been smacked by her broom.

“As if we’re even willing to talk about such ugly things!” Ah Niu’s mother who was not beaten as badly could not swallow this down and turned to shout at her.

“What ugly things?” This voice made the crowd fall silent.

“Hmm? What happened? What ugly things? We’re all neighbours, we should talk things out nicely.” The voice came from Wu Xingzi, who was dressed in a dark green robe. His forehead was covered with sweat, looking like he had run over. Still panting, he had a warm and friendly smile on his face, and the gossipy aunties all lowered their head, not daring to respond.

Auntie Liu snorted with a laugh. “Who’s the one who doesn’t dare to admit what they’ve done now? Maybe they’ve also drawn some charm to deceive others, the effectiveness of this charm isn’t very good!” This time, no one dared to retort.

“Charm?” Wu Xingzi was perplexed. “Auntie Liu, you shouldn’t believe in those travelling Taoist priests so easily. If you really have any trouble, I can help you.”

“I know.” Auntie Liu waved her hands, pushing those gossipy women to the back of her head. Warmly, she caught Wu Xingzi’s hands, “I’m very well, don’t worry over nothing. There’s nothing much going on here now, you should head back.”

Nothing’s going on??Wu Xingzi sneaked a glance at the mess on the ground, as well as at the untidy looking aunties. He seemed to even see Auntie Liu’s basket that had been broken by a foot, lying on the ground pitifully.

“It’s fine, really. If you don’t believe me, you can ask them.”

“Aunties, if you do have any trouble, please feel free to come to me.” Wu Xingzi spoke honestly.

“It’s fine, it’s fine.” The beaten-up aunties all replied with a dry laugh. They had no choice but to swallow it down. How could they mention the things they had been saying in front of Wu Xingzi?

“Look! Some people are just too free. If they don’t do some funny things, they would feel uncomfortable. You won’t be able to help with this, who let them be so spiteful?” As one of the people of Qingcheng County who usually started a topic, when Auntie Liu started talking, her words tended to be more ruthless than a beating.

Wu Xingzi could only smile in response. He was also not a fool and could vaguely make a guess about what might have happened, and so, he naturally did not probe further. Also, he was here because someone had went to the magistrate’s office to call on them to settle this dispute, and so he should also close one eye.

After expressing some sympathy, Auntie Liu then dragged Wu Xingzi away, as pleased as a peacock.

When they arrived at her place, Auntie Liu shoved a few steamed buns at him before letting him go.

After walking only a short distance away from the Liu family’s place, a warm chest embraced him from behind. Wu Xingzi hurriedly came to a stop, the tips of his ears tinted red.

“You, you’re here?” He secretly looked to the side. Under the gentle afternoon sun, Guan Shanjin looked as though he was covered with a layer of golden gauze. There was a glint of light in his half-lowered eyelids, scattering about with his breaths.

“Mn.” Guan Shanjin curled his lips, hugging the person in his arms a little tighter.

“Look, Auntie Liu has given us some buns.” Wu Xingzi waved the cloth bag in his hand. He was clearly feeling a little constrained and uneasy, but did not try to struggle out of Guan Shanjin’s embrace.

Ever since that day, Wu Xingzi had been assuming this attitude.

Talking about that day, nearly one month had passed.

That morning, Wu Xingzi had woken up in hunger due to the aroma of food. He groggily opened his eyes, his body and mind feeling lazy. He was still drowsy, and if not for the fact that he was starving, he would be unwilling to even open his eyes.

They had indulged too much the night before, and Wu Xingzi felt that his waist no longer seemed to belong to him. It was sore, painful and numb. He tried to get off the bed, but found himself unable to move. It scared him so much that he thought he was paralysed, and quickly pinched his thigh. Only until a bruise could be seen and when the pain nearly made him cry out loud, did he feel relieved.

“What are you doing?” His door was pushed open. Guan Shanjin had very sharp hearing and he immediately knew when Wu Xingzi had woken up. He walked in with a bowl of porridge in his hands.

“Uh…” Wu Xingzi stared foolishly at the beauty who had a bowl of porridge in his hand, and unconsciously rubbed at his eyes. “You, you’re still here?”

This was the second time already, shouldn’t Guan Shanjin leave after having done it?

“Why do you always ask that question?” Guan Shanjin’s brows creased slightly, with a slightly resigned look on his face. “You must be hungry, come up and have some porridge.”

“Thank you, thank you…” Wu Xingzi cupped his hands, then tried his best to push himself up from the bed. However, his hand suddenly gave out, and he nearly rolled off. Guan Shanjin’s reaction was very fast. In the blink of an eye, he was next to the bed and caught him in his arms.

“I’ve been too impulsive.” The gentle and mild voice was right next to his ear. Feeling the familiar, warm breath, Wu Xingzi shuddered, his hips convulsed, and his entire body flushed red in an instant.

“No, no…” A bowl of porridge was tucked in his hands, and he was firmly supported between the mattress and the broad chest. Wu Xingzi did not know how he should react, and so, he just lowered his head and gulped the porridge down.

That porridge was minced meat porridge. It tasted like rabbit that had been seasoned with ginger and garlic, leaving behind the rich and smooth flavour, but without the gaminess of meat. The meat was minced very well, but not to the point where it was so fine that it could not be chewed upon. Together with the porridge that was cooked perfectly, every mouthful was delicious.

Wu Xingzi’s appetite had been whetted, and he finished one bowl after another. Only after four continuous bowls did he feel satisfied.

“You can clearly eat so well, but why can’t you seem to put on any meat?” Watching him satisfy his hunger, Guan Shanjin could not help but exclaim. Wu Xingzi’s body was extremely sensitive, and was one of the most enchanting ones that he had ever touched, but he was very very thin.

“Uh… I was born like that…” Wu Xingzi was very dejected. Ever since he was a child, he could never put on weight. As a baby, his mother had fed him without a single sense of accomplishment. He had clearly drank twice the amount of milk compared to an ordinary child, but his size had always been smaller than other babies.

Even as an adult, although Wu Xingzi’s meals were simple and plain, the quantity was not small. He did increase in height, but he was as thin as a piece of paper. Compared to his life, it was hard to decide which one was worse off.

“I’ll have to feed you more in the future.” Guan Shanjin shook his head, his voice proper. However, those passionate eyes of his had a little seductive charm to it, and Wu Xingzi nearly blurted out,?are you planning on feeding the mouth on top or the one below?

Fortunately, he managed to hold himself back, if not he really would have to look for a place to bury himself.

Hmm? Hold on…?What did he just hear?

“G-general Guan…”

“Haiwang.” Despite the door between them, Guan Shanjin’s voice was still crisp and clear.

“Hai, Hai, H-h-hai…” Wu Xingzi took a deep breath and tried to call out without any embarrassment, “Haiwang.”

“Hmm?”

“Uhh… You said in the future… What do you mean by that?” He half-reclined on the bed, cautiously trying his best to speak louder.?I definitely did hear wrongly, right? The general of Bastion City would definitely return to Bastion City in the future!

However… Since he still hasn’t left, maybe…

“The meaning?” Guan Shanjin’s actions were very fast, and he was soon done with the dishes. Coming back, he stroked Wu Xingzi’s cheeks with his hands that were still wet. “Why? Are you worried that I’ll stay here in the future, or worried that I’m about to leave?”

Uh… Wu Xingzi chuckled wryly, not daring to respond.

He still had to go to Goose City today to collect?The Pengornisseur! If Guan Shanjin remained, what to do about?The Pengornisseur? That was fifty coins! And a hundred pages of?pengornises!

“Seems like you don’t want me to stay?” He naturally could see what he was thinking. Guan Shanjin’s face sunk, and he pinched Wu Xingzi hard on the cheeks. “Wanting to retreat after treating me like a whore?”

Whore? T-t-this…?Wu Xingzi’s eyes rounded, and he could not help but dig at his ears. A beauty was truly a beauty, even the word “whore” could sound so elegant from his mouth.

“You’re not admitting to it?” Beauty Guan bared his teeth with a smile, and those white teeth caused a shiver down Adviser Wu’s spine, making him feel breathless.

“I, I… I didn’t pay any money…” He also did not know why he was murmuring like this.

Guan Shanjin huffed in laughter. “How much do you plan on paying me?”

This old fellow even dares to mention money? Together with his bucket stash, he probably has less than ten silver taels, and he even dares to think about using money to brush him off?

“Uh…” He could not say that it was for free, as that was illegal…

“You’ll never be able to afford my fees.” Gnashing his teeth in anger, Guan Shanjin leant into his face and bit his cheek. Only after leaving a mark was his anger somewhat released. “So, I’ll be staying here until the debt is cleared.”

What??Wu Xingzi was stunned. In a fluster, he waved both of his hands, “Uh uh uh… I’m bent over with the General’s undeserving generosity!”

“Then we’ll just continue bending it. I know very well how flexible you are.”

No! What does he want to bend? His waist?

Last night’s memories immediately flashed across Wu Xingzi’s mind. His face reddened, and he did not know how he should place his limbs.

Last night, he had been directly bent into half by Guan Shanjin and forced to lick at his own little?pengornis! His waist… “But, but… I’m not good at cooking. I’m afraid that the general won’t be used to it. It’ll be too, too impolite…”

No, no, Wu Xingzi was determined to reject this. He had originally only planned on having a casual fling with General Guan.

Instead, Guan Shanjin avoided the topic. “Was the porridge just now delicious?”

“It was…” Wu Xingzi licked his lips, wishing a little for more.

“I cooked that personally. With regards to food, I can take care of it.” Beauty Guan’s eyes narrowed with a smile, and he bent over to lick his wet lips.

Wu Xingzi could not be anymore astounded.

General… General… With such accomplishments on the battlefield, and such skills in the kitchen, is this reasonable?

“Then this is settled.” Guan Shanjin smacked the table and leant over to kiss Wu Xingzi.

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