You Boys Play Games Very Well

67-70: Starting from the Cat Food, Being Trapped in the Cat Climbing Trees, Loyal to the Cat Courtyards

Chapter 67

During summer vacation, the broadcast platform traffic was higher. In order to gather more popularity during the holiday season, Fighting Cat signed the contract with Shan Zhu early.

Shan Zhu was limited in the scope of his activities now, so he could only go out in town with Ling Meng during the day and had to go back to stream on time at night. Ling Meng let Shan Zhu use the desktop he had used in high school. The network speed at home was also very ideal. The only downside was that there was no camera.

The Mang God face powder couldn’t accept it, every day crying out and scratching at the earth, writing demands in their own blood for the camera; the skill powder took pleasure in the misfortune of these superficial fans: Who could have thought? Mang God used to stream without showing his face!

But also thanks to this, no one knew that Shan Zhu secretly went to Ling Meng’s home. According to their intel, Ling Meng went home on vacation and Mang God was still in North Hebei. Therefore, the well-known Fighting Cat dog abuse couple had activated the short-term long-distance mode, giving the millions of Galaxy single dogs a fasting vacation.

It was the summer competitive season so wonderful match replays became the regular program every night on Mang God’s broadcast room. Those who really wanted to learn how to play the game and those who loved watching games listened to the loud and firm voice without the camera. Even Lemon Dad and his filial sons all gathered there to watch with their paternal mindset.

In the middle of his monologue, Shan Zhu looked over his shoulder by instinct and caught a hamster popping his head in the door and looking around.

Ling Meng, with a fruit tray prepared by Lemon Ma in his hand, squeezed through the door with his cheeks puffed out. At first glance, who knew how many pieces had been stolen.

Shan Zhu crooked his finger at this hamster and Ling Meng turned back and shut the door, then he crept in soundlessly.

Ling Meng approached and found that Shan Zhu was commenting on a replay of VEGETABLE’s afternoon game. The Vegetable team had excelled this season since the opening loss against FRUIT, so far they hadn’t lost. The captain, Shan Yao, who was especially carrying, was the favorite of many people.

With his hand, Shan Zhu pulled Ling Meng into his arms. Regarding the Porn Anchor, Ling Meng was used to playing around with the rascal Mang, so he sat down on his thigh and ate fruit while watching the beautiful match.

Shan Zhu had a person in his arms but the rhythm of his commentary wasn’t messy. The techniques and intentions of the players and the situation of the match were all analyzed clearly. Ling Meng watched it and was drawn into the match, so that even when the Porn Anchor put his hand into his clothes, he didn’t even notice the misbehavior.

When he came back to his senses, Shan Zhu had rubbed and touched all over the lemon peel.

Ling Meng squinted at Shan Zhu in a sign of dissatisfaction, so Shan Zhu exercised restraint for a little bit, didn’t make it past three seconds, and began to walk his hands up and down.

Ling Meng pretended to struggle, but was afraid of his movements making too much noise. Each time he was a centimeter away from stopping Shan Zhu with a good show of force, the motion turned into covertly fanning on the big shot.

Shan Zhu gobbled up this paper tiger. After rubbing the two red lemon nubs, he went even further and moved his hands downward. How could this Ling Meng let him cross the line so easily, protecting his waistline from the salty pig hand from entering. Shan Zhu made two unsuccessful raids, then returned to attack the chest. Ling Meng instantly covered his chest, but Shan Zhu seized the opportunity to slip through the gap and broke through the outer tower of the base.

Ling Meng understood that this Shan Zhu had used the method of making a feint in the east in order to attack in the west. It so happened that the player in the match had also used this most-commonly-used trick in the Galaxy strategy. The corners of Shan Zhu’s mouth tipped up in a smile when he spoke the four syllables “misdirection.”

Ling Meng gnashed his teeth and gripped Shan Zhu’s wrist to break it out. But Shan Zhu was in and didn’t plan on coming out. After a couple of seesawing rubs to his thighs, the ground invasion force broke into Ling Meng’s underwear as if it were a walk in the park.

Ling Meng bit him on the shoulder in anger, but Shan Zhu absorbed the pain, determined not to let go. Though Ling Meng squeezed his thighs tightly, the little lemon disappointed him by raising its head from between his legs. It was immediately caught firmly in Shan Zhu’s hands.

Ling Meng narrowly swallowed back his sounds, his dignity forcing the sound to shrink back. He knew just how many people were in Shan Zhu’s broadcast room. The brain powder of Mang God not only watched the stream but also recorded the video. If he made a little noise today, how could Lemon Daddy mix in with the rest of the universe?

It was probably impossible to expect Shan Zhu to show restraint on behalf of the live broadcast. Ling Meng didn’t know how he did it, calmly analyzing the match video while pinching his member and playing with it. These two things continued in parallel and Ling Meng was in his arms leaking like a sieve, but there wasn’t even a hint of abnormal fluctuation in Shan Zhu’s voice.

Shan Zhu could multitask, but Ling Meng couldn’t. All that floated in his ears where the familiar words, though he couldn’t put them together in complete sentences. Shan Zhu’s touch made him tremble all over. In order not to arouse suspicion, he could only bury his face deep in the other’s chest to suppress the moans into muffled sobs. Unless the audience brought 800,000 Watt hearing aids, they wouldn’t be aware of the existence of a second person.

However, the audience not knowing doesn’t mean that Ling Meng didn’t know. Shan Zhu’s unbridled behavior gave him the illusion of being molested in public, making him nervous but also a little excited. Several times he was stimulated to the edge, but he was too nervous to shoot out. Ling Meng buried his head deeper, to the point where asphyxiation was also disguised as pleasure. His clenched lower lip was shaking, his shoulders were shaking, and his desperately curled toes were shaking.

As the climax approached, Ling Meng clenched Shan Zhu’s shirt between his teeth and gripped Shan Zhu’s arm with both hands; that was all that was holding him back from screaming.

Shan Zhu grabbed some paper towels and wiped the lemon juice from his hands. Ling Meng had just come down from the “The Anchor Blew Up” show but his brain was still empty and he was so lethargic he only had the strength to protest against the anchor silently:

Have you been told wrongly what “Porn Anchor” means? Is this what people do? “Porn Anchor” is not enough to describe your animal behavior when you stream!

Shan Zhu also pointed to his right arm, where there were five nail marks from Ling Meng’s pinching, the deepest one had faintly drawn blood, meaning, I’m a monster, you’re a beast, there’s not much difference between us.

In the face of Shan Zhu’s allegation, Ling Meng mouthed the phrase “serves you right” and then, not at ease, pushed his lips together and blew. Shan Zhu smiled and crooked his neck, kissing the hairline slightly damp with sweat.

Shan Zhu continued to commentate on the match. Ling Meng used the excuse of his soft legs to avoid leaving his nest, slumped lazily in Shan Zhu’s arms and trying to smooth out the part of the shirt on the other side of his chest that he bit into a wrinkle.

Release was always accompanied by exhaustion and Ling Meng’s eyelids were getting heavier and heavier. The sound in his ears was very hypnotic and he couldn’t hold back a yawn.

Shan Zhu continued to speak and then found the man in his arms had gone motionless and took a look. Ling Meng was sleeping soundly and drooling; it looked pretty amusing.

“And then when it comes to the skill of the Empire…..”

“Porn Anchor!” Ling Meng suddenly roared.

Shan Zhu:?

Barrage:???

Ling Meng’s eyes didn’t open either: “Get your paws off me!”

Shan Zhu: …..

Barrage:?????

“I’m telling you, Daddy is not ￥#%&*&……” Ling Meng shifted as if to move, facing away from the mic so he vaguely couldn’t be heard.

The barrage didn’t say much, merely full of “?”

“MengMeng is asleep, sleep talking.”

Still “????????”

Shan Zhu pressed pause: “Hold on, I’ll put him to bed first.”

“???????????????????”

— Put him to bed? So what was the position just now?

— Are you telling me that these days porn anchors are streaming with a clear stream anchor in their arms?

— Is that why you don’t use the facecam?

— Is worthy of being the top porn anchor of Fighting Cat, heehee

— New powder weakly raising my hand, just a few days experience; this anchor isn’t very serious, why do you call him porn anchor? Who is the clear stream anchor again?

……

Shan Zhu moved Ling Meng to the nearby bed, tucking him in with the quilt. Ling Meng kicked out with his foot, flipping it off to sleep soundly.

Fortunately it was summer. Shan Zhu left him, going back to the computer. The old powder were keenly sharing the common knowledge on the porn anchor and the clear stream anchor with the new powder.

“Alright, going to keep my voice down, let’s go on.”

— Go on? Who will go on with you?

— Go on…..to explain why MengMeng is with you?

— You can’t talk loudly because the clear stream anchor is sleeping soundly? If you really care about him, turn on the camera and use sign language.

— Home for summer vacation? Short-term long distance? Letting the single dogs have a fasting vacation?

— Heartaching for Godfather who wasn’t going to see Dad for a vacation, must have been a fool [smile]

— Someone, report the deceitful anchor. [smile]

— Looking at your stream again, I’m a dog [smile] ao ao ao

“He did go home and didn’t lie to you.” Shan Zhu corrected, “It’s just that I’m at his home right now.”

— Single dogs are hit by a 1 billion pound food order, this single dog brought it [smile]

— You used to feed us dog food, now you’re going to eat dog meat?

— Why do you think you want to be fed dog food? Wasn’t it to fatten you up?

— Why do you eat dogs, dogs are hot…..dip in the sauce and eat it, it’s more tasty.

“There wasn’t such a plan. There was a little accident, this is ahead of schedule. MengMeng’s family is in good character, he didn’t encounter any resistance.”

— Wait, wait! Does that mean you’ve met the parents?

— I remember it wasn’t long ago that Mang God announced they were off the list, right??

— Oh my god, do you anchors love to race against time so much for the big life events?

— What time in the live of the wedding??

— What time is the live of the son’s first month birthday???

— Is there anyone else who cares that this is a game stream…..

……

40 minutes later

Ling Meng stretched out into a big slouch, flipped over to look and saw Shan Zhu was still live.

Shan Zhu glanced back at him: “You’re awake.”

Ling Meng:?

“Come and say hello to everyone.”

Ling Meng:???

Chapter 68

— Famous anchor, deceiving the audience! Separation only on the surface, an act against the heavens!

After “you boys play games very well~”, Ling Meng once again realized the deficiency of the Mang Kingdom people’s language. For several days in a row, Mang God’s broadcast room was almost dominated by this one line.

The water friends who missed the stream that day, driven by such a heyday of condemnation, quickly went to Station B to catch up on the history and turned around to join the army in the crusade against the unscrupulous anchor.

Ling Meng played dead at first, then found that the mess didn’t pass by and had to come out and explain:

“We really didn’t cheat the audience, I was supposed to be home on vacation…..well, it took a few days for me to get home……

“The unexpected events, nobody wanted it…..the Queen Mother’s mind is very meticulous, I’m good too, ah….what do you mean, separation only on the surface, we weren’t living together either…..

“My home really doesn’t have a camera, didn’t intentionally not turn it on…..we’re not doing something shady, you don’t believe Mang God and don’t believe me, yet I’m such a serious clear stream anchor….Alright, I’m CHUO! I’m really CHOU! Forgive Daddy!”

— Clear stream anchor, report him.

— Failed to live up to your words, shameful father!

— Just tell me that you’re going to make up for my forced weight loss during this vacation – fill my belly with dog food [forced smile]

At this time, Shan Zhu entered the room with a tray of fruit, catching sight of Ling Meng giving his hurried explanation. Luckily there was no camera, otherwise everyone would have been able to see his head, which was scruffed up into a chicken nest.

Shan Zhu, who didn’t think it was a big deal, sat down next to him and said, “Don’t worry, eat some fruit, explain slowly.”

Ling Meng: ….I really want to cut him into a pattern of mango slices and take a big bite!

“I’m telling you, this guy has been really shameless, in order to curry favor with his mother-in-law (popo – husband’s mother). My ma likes him more than me right now, have you seen this fruit tray? When I was home previously, I used to get at most washed fruit but now this falls just short of carving the fruit into a phoenix for him…..Oh, yes, you can’t see it.’

— Is it popo or zhangmu (wife’s mother) when you speak in your heart?

— Don’t refer to her as the wrong generation, the mama of Daddy is nainai (paternal grandmother).

— My nainai is good with a knife, this (male) phoenix begs for a lifelike (female) phoenix carving! [pretending to see it]

— So does this mean my nainai agreed to the marriage?

— I’m against it!

— Household demons and ghosts, this perfect couple, this is your turn to oppose the ideal couple!

……

Chapter 69

In the end, there was more and more opposition for the marriage of the ideal couple and Ling Meng had to stream on his phone to quell the public’s outrage.

“This is the bedroom where I grew up, not bad, right? It’s just a littler smaller. That’s my bed.”

— The bed is a little small, isn’t it?

“No, since I was a kid, I’ve been skinny.”

— Since childhood, has been a shou.

(t/n: skinny (shou) and bottom (shou) are pronounced the same but are written with different characters)

“Why don’t you empty-ear people join me in editing love lyrics?

— Is that bed so small that you can’t squeeze in?

“Squeeze? Why is there squeezing? …..Mang God sleeps in my dad’s study! That’s enough!”

“That’s my computer over there, Mang God has been using it to stream recently.” Ling Meng gave the desktop a close-up, “See, there really is no camera, not deliberately not turning it on.”

“Mang God? Mang God is eating mangoes next to me.” Ling Meng turned the camera towards him and found the fruit tray was almost empty and that the mango juice that Shan Zhu had splashed on his fingertips was still there, “…..You were supposed to leave some for me.”

— Don’t be angry, there’s a bigger one over there.

— Mang God: My whole mango is yours, isn’t it enough?

— New powder seeing the anchor for the first time, rubbing my hands like an excited fly.

— The anchor is too handsome not to turn on the facecam, reported.

“I was going to buy one, it’s not that much money anyway,” Shan Zhu said, licking his fingers, “But MengMeng said no.”

Ling Meng: …..

“I mean, they were going to see you in my home, no way.”

— The absence of a camera, most likely a conspiracy.

— The family has a lemon essence, you can’t take a look.

“And can you stop licking your fingers, it looks really porny.”

“I am a Porn Anchor, there’s nothing to fear.” Shan Zhu grabbed some paper towels and wiped his hands, “Shouldn’t it be that you’re afraid to be alone in a room with a Porn Anchor?”

Ling Meng’s face was a little red. Luckily, the phone wasn’t aimed at him. “What are you talking about, we, we’re in this situation, can you say we’re alone in the room? Besides me and you in the room, aren’t there a million more keen water friends?”

— Shocked! One bedroom in the district can accommodate 1,000,002 people!

— MengMeng’s bedroom —- it can really store a lot.

— Who fucking stepped on my foot? Can the friend on the bed make some room for me?

— Friends on the bed, please act consciously and give the stage back to the main character, thank you.

— Million Water Friends: Excuse me!

“Oh, that’s right, I’ll show you my awards.”

He had a little award shelf in his room, there were still a few medals hanging on the sides: “There are from the competitions during my six years of secondary school. This was my first long-distance race in junior high school, took third place, most of the back row is first place……”

Introducing them to everyone: “And this one, my trophy (jiang bei) for the District Competition Long Distance Champion, awesome, yeah? When it was sent to me, I thought it was pure gold.”

— My father is awesome!

— I just cleaned my hands, can I touch your JB?

— I just cleaned my JB, can I touch your hands?

— Long distance champion? You? Don’t tease me, with your thin arms and legs.

— Primary school competitions attended by MengMeng in junior high school, the referee can’t see the difference anyway.

“It’s true! When I was young, I was skinny, so I looked like I was easy to bully. The teacher said I’d better practice a sport, so I just practiced distance running…..

“…..you can’t beat others at long distance running, but you can run away!

“…..No, not short and thin, just skinny! I’m telling you, I wasn’t too short!”

The majority of those watching were doubting, so Ling Meng hurried to find help outside of the audience. “If you don’t believe me, ask Mang God; am I good at running?”

“Yes,” Shan Zhu seriously echoed, “The one that shines when he runs.”

— Kinetic, kinetic energy power generation?

— Mind you, this lemon is coated with a fluorescent agent.

— Focus point: the origin of the shine message

— Good memory, class representative! I’m going to go reread that Weibo post…..

“What kind of person would shine?” Ling Meng also thought of the “confession” post, “You’re not saying at that time…..?”

You fell for me?

Shan Zhu understood his meaning: “No, before then.”

“When was that?”

“That time you went to the university shop?”

“…..Fuck! I knew you were upstairs peeping!”

— What are these two playing at?

— Seems to be discussing their first time?

“Don’t lead the rhythm, housekeeper?”

“He’s asking me ‘when was his my heartbeat boy.”

Ling Meng looked back over the shopping experience of that time more closely: “That time, I looked up too.”

“First impression’s strong point was ‘very good-looking’, I couldn’t believe that real life Lemon Dad had such a painting style, a little contrasting.” Shan Zhu covered his mouth slightly, “That’s a saying: starting with the face value…”

“Superficial!”

“….trapped by the face value, loyal to the face value.”

“…..should I go next door and thank my ma for giving me this face?”

“No, it’s a little better to let auntie think I’m being attracted to your inner beauty.”

“Of course, I’m beautiful inside too.”

“Let’s keep tricking the parents with words like that.”

Ling Meng:???

— Wait, wait, Mang God, do you no longer need to be the chief Ning Blower plus V?”

— This is a man; once he gets it into his hands, he won’t cherish it.

— Mang God has dissected the journey of his heart, MengMeng, it’s your turn.

“What journey,” Ling Meng was a little disgusted with the topic, “Was it, started with the cat food, trapped by the cat climbing tree and loyal to the cat courtyard?”

— Excuse me?

— Look, I told you this was just keeping a mistress!

— Xiang God:?? I can do that too?

“Are you implying that I should brush car courtyards to you?”

“Joking, joking,” Ling Meng quickly changed his tune, “Let me think, uh….started with the food delivery, got trapped in the running, was loyal to the fighting, that’s it.”

— It’s okay to list a dozen.

— The true love evaluation is error-free.

— Xiang God:??? I’m fine with that too!

“I’m joking too.”

Ling Meng:?

“Actually, what attracted me was never your face value.”

Ling Meng:???

“Stop! Don’t say anything!” Ling Meng stopped him, “I regard everything you just said before as absolutely true. Except for the line about shining. How can a man shine?”

Shan Zhu held out his hand towards him.

“What?”

“Heartbeat boys hold hands successfully8.”

Ling Meng: =_,=

— Kikikiki, despicable, despicable, despicable~

— Audio artist, got the wrong track!

— I love you~ You are my Romeo8~

— I love you~ You are my Butterfly~

“Stop singing, NILI Mang God is going to stream, today’s hasn’t been not long enough and will be insufficient to meet the quota at the end of the month!”

Chapter 70

Two days later, Shan Zhu went back to North Hebei with a box of Ling Meng’s hometown specialties. Ling Meng specially sent a little Weibo post to tell the world:

@Lemon: Sending off @Mangosteen to return home! This time it really, really, really is long-distance!

— @FanA: Long distance on the surface, we understand.

—- @Lemon: It’s true! I’m sick at heart (sour) if I deceive you.

— @FanB: How many days are you going to stay this time? Or how many hours?

—- @Lemon: I’m not going back until school starts, absolutely no face-to-face contact!

— @FanC: I listened to the voice of Mang God these past two days of live broadcasts, the sound was a little bad, is that okay?

—- @Lemon: NILI Mang God wasn’t acclimatized, he has a little cold!

……

After Shan Zhu left, Ling Meng’s vacation was a little dull. Lemon Ma realized the problem was a little serious: this kid was really in love, he could only eat three bowls of her cooking.

There was no break from Shan Zhu’s streams; every night, Ling Meng was on time in the broadcast room to “listen” to him live.

Another million powder had written their letters in blood, threatening to raise money to buy the anchor a camera. The cat climbing trees were brushed one after another. Nevertheless the Fighting Cat Face Value-Ge was unmoved.

Instead, Ling Meng looked at the pure game screen for two days and his heart felt a little itchy.

Ling Meng: There are not many anchors who don’t sell their face these days.

Shan Zhu was streaming after a simple announcement he was back on Weibo.

Shan Zhu: Hmm?

Ling Meng: You must be a rare nationally-conserved fruit species.

Shan Zhu: You want to see me?

Before Ling Meng could understand what he was saying, he got a video call request.

The video connected, Shan Zhu smiled at him through the camera. If he were a bowl of lemon ice, he would have melted.

Shan Zhu touched his lips with his index finger, signaling for him not to talk. Ling Meng nodded like a chicken pecking rice, gesturing back with a strong OK sign.

Shan Zhu continued to commentate. Ling Meng was lying on the bed with his zoomed-in face, it couldn’t be more beautiful.

A million of water friends were listening live, but only this father could see the anchor!

Shan Zhu’s eyes occasionally drifted over and the two people smiled across the camera.

The next time Shan Zhu’s eyes moved, Ling Meng stuck his tongue out.

And the next time Shan Zhu’s eyes moved again, Ling Meng squeezed his eyes shut.

Ling Meng discovered a fun, new pastime. He was a man who could be made into an expression pack; in one minute, he could make 60 faces, without repeating one once.

The water friends were puzzled, obviously it was a serious match, why did the anchor sound like he was smiling?

— Is there a happy event at the anchor’s place?

— Could it be that you won a bet on this match?

— Didn’t you say you’re long-distance with MengMeng, why do you sound happy?

Ling Meng saw Shan Zhu bow his head and quickly write something, he held up the paper and showed him a moment later.

— If wacky behavior continues, this ends.

Ling Meng had been making a very awkward grimace. His squinted eyes saw six words and they reached through to his brain. His originally very exaggerated face became instantly expressionless.

This time Shan Zhu couldn’t hold back, he chuckled while smiling.

— What the hell is going on at the anchor’s place, say it to make us happy too?

— How much did you win on this match? Can I buy in with you next time?

— Does it make you so happy to be with separated from MengMeng?

“MengMeng, get up and eat fruit.”

Ling Meng jumped up in fright: “Ma!”

Barrage:???

As soon as he jumped up, Lemon Ma naturally saw Shan Zhu in the video.

“Aiya, isn’t that Xiao Shan?”

“…..” Shan Zhu bowed his head, “Hello, auntie.”

Barrage:?????

Ling Meng quickly pushed his ma out: “Ma, why didn’t you knock on my door before entering the room?”

The innocent Lemon Ma was pushed out with the fruit tray: “I knocked for a long time, you didn’t hear me. Who knew you were so engaged in doing that.”

“Don’t talk so loudly! He’s live!”

“Ah? I’m not going to be in the frame, am I?”

……

The sound faded away, Shan Zhu cleared his throat in a nonchalant manner.

“Excuse me, there was an accident, we’ll go on.”

— Go on? Who’s going to go on with you?

— Go on……to explain why MengMeng is with you?

— Come, report the deceitful anchor. [smile]

— Famous anchor, deceiving the audience! Separation only on the surface, a crime against heaven!

— Why do I feel like I’ve seen this barrage.

— The author copied and pasted the meme again~

“We’re really not together now.”

— This anchor is full of deceit.

— MengMeng’s bedroom —- I can imagine it!

Shan Zhu’s head hurt: “I’m going to buy a camera tomorrow, the story can move on, yeah?”

— If this is your deception, I am willing to be fooled!

— Anchor, please continue your commentary!

— Don’t let the irrelevant remarks disturb you, we’ve only come here for one purpose – watching the live game stream!

—

Footnotes:

1. rascal Mang (流芒): homophone pun, 流芒 is pronounced liumang, which is hoodlum/rascal using different characters 流氓

2. misdirection (声东击西): idiom about misdirection/deking, feint in the east to strike in the west

3. paper tiger (纸老虎): idiom, a person who appears fierce and powerful but is actually ineffective (all talk, no action)

4. dog meat (狗肉): meat is slang for smut

5. separation (分居): when a husband and wife live apart

6. CHUO: stinky, shameful, evil

7. lemon essence (柠檬精): slang for someone who is argumentative, jealous, possessive, basically someone who is drinking vinegar a lot

8. heartbeat boy (心动男生), hold hands successfully (牵手成功), Liang ShangBo & Juliet: references to the Chinese dating show If You Are the One, kind of like The Bachelor; the “heartbeat girl”(in the show) is the target for the male contestant, if the girl agrees to date him, they hold hands successfully and (in one season) the song Liang Shanbo & Juliet plays as they walk out

9. phrase with face value: this is a reference to a poem by Wu Gui Jun, “Liking A Person”, that goes “starting from the face value, being trapped in the talent, loyal to the character, infatuated with the flesh, lost in the voice, drunk in the affection”

—

[] one of my favorite chapters ? also….one of the longest, oof

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