Why Did I Become the Villainess?

     Darkness. All I see is darkness. I tried walking, but it feels like I'm going nowhere. The path never ends.

What is happening? The last time I remember, I was sleeping in Csille's room after the meeting with the King and the Queen. Is this some sort of transition? Will I wake up as a fourteen years old Csille?

"Ysavel." I stop walking when I heard Lena's voice. I tried looking everywhere, but I really couldn't see anything because of the darkness. I also tried shouting, calling Lena's name, but I couldn't even produce any sound.

The voice continues. "Ysavel, where are you? Come back home now. I miss you." After that, I heard Lena crying.

I miss you too, Lena. How I wish I could go back now, but I don't know how. I don't know what I am doing in my own story. I don't even know if I could still go back. I wish I do. I miss you.

I slumped to the floor and cry. I want to go home now. I want to go home. I was busy crying when suddenly a voice echoes through the place.

"Look, dear. Look at our daughter. She's so lovely." A woman said. I don't know who, but I'm pretty sure I heard that voice before. There's also a crying baby in the background.

"She looks just like you." A guy then replied. It's also a very familiar voice for me. Where did I hear them? "We will name her Csille Lauretré, the daughter of Count Waltier Lauretré and Countess Marcelle Lauretré. The future heiress of the noble Lauretré family. I hope you grow up as a great person."

     The sounds disappear. Csille? Is it the time when Csille was born? But I've never written those scenarios. Why do I hear it?

    "I am Csille Lauretré, the daughter of the Count and the Countess. And the only heiress to the Lauretré family." Suddenly I heard a little voice. It sounds like it's coming from a five years old child. I then heard laughing voices.

    "You're daughter looks so adorable, Countess." Another familiar voice said. It sounds like the Queen.

    "You're flattering me, your majesty." My mother replied.

     The Queen then called the Crown Prince Fraser. The Queen starts to introduce the Prince to Csille. Afterward, all I could hear was silence. I think I understand it now. It is the first meeting of Prince Fraser and Csille. But there's one thing I don't understand. Why am I hearing those conversations?

    "You look cute, Csille. I like you." A cute voice suddenly echoed throughout the place again. I just couldn't figure out who said it. It sounded like a five years old child or younger.

     I wait for a few minutes for another sound to appear, but the deafening silence welcomed me. I stand from sitting on the floor and tried to walk again. I am walking aimlessly because I still couldn't see a thing. Walk and walk until my legs couldn't take walking anymore.

   I sit for a moment to take a break. I'm tired. I just want to go home. It doesn't matter anymore if it's the modern world or the novel world. I just want to lay on the bed and sleep.

    I was busy trying to catch my breath when I heard a very high-frequency sound. I immediately cover my ears. After a minute, a light engulfed the whole place. A light that is soo bright it's blinding. I don't know what happened, but I lost my consciousness after that.

     The high-frequency sound continues. My body felt lighter. It seems like I am floating in the air. I suddenly experience a nerve-wracking pain in my head. It's an excruciating pain. It's like someone was cutting my skull into two. After a minute or two, the pain suddenly stops, and waves of memories play through my mind. That's when I lost my senses.

    A girl in a maid costume waked me up. I was still trying to figure out what happened when my mouth speaks on it's own.

    "What are you doing here? Get out!" The voice was so loud that even my consciousness was startled. I look at the maid. I wanted to say sorry, but my mouth wouldn't open.

    "I heard you were shouting while sleeping. That's why I woke you up, Miss. I was worried you're having a nightmare." The maid responds. Her head is down, and her hands are trembling a little.

    "Get out!" My mouth shouted on it's own.

    The maid immediately left the room. I look at the room. Trying to look for some changes, but everything is still in order, just how I left it yesterday.

    "Yesterday?" I instantly walk in front of my room when I realized something. Yesterday was the first scenario I've written in my novel. Am I still a child today, or did I aged five years now?

    The reflection in the mirror answered my question. The reflection in the mirror is still the nine years old Csille.

   "I didn't age, but what will happen now after? I didn't write anything after the announcement of the engagement. I thought the time would fast forward. Is this world doesn't follow my novel? But it doesn't make sense. If it doesn't follow it, then why am I here?"

   I stared at the reflection in the mirror. "Why did I become Csille Lauretré? And why did I heard those voices in my dreams?" Sudden memories flash through my mind. All the memories of Csille. The memories that I didn't even write about.

    I can now remember all the memories of Csille. But why? Do I really need to stay here? How long? Can I still go back?

    I walked towards my study table and sat. If I cannot go back, what will I do? Is this world will follow what I've written in my novel? Wait, novel? Speaking of the novel, I didn't even get the chance to finish it. What will happen then?

    Is the reason why I have no full control over my body is because I made Csille Lauretré a cruel person to the maids and other people who have lower social class?

    I was so busy thinking about things when I heard someone knocks at my door. "Miss, the Count, and the Countess are already waiting for you for breakfast."

    My mouth replied on it's own. "Get lost!" Afterward, I heard quick steps outside. I've probably scared the maid again. I am now regretting why did I make Csille innately evil. I am currently paying for that price.

_____________

    The breakfast went through. My mother then let me join her do some charity works. Based on the memories I've to regain from Csille, charities are one of the old traditions of the family Lauretré.

    Today my parents decided to do a gift giving and food feeding to one of the orphanages here. It's one of the many orphanages my parents build. Every month my mother would visit one of our orphanages and do some activities.

    "Are you tired, my dear?" My mother asked me. I just finished giving gifts to the children and currently taking a break.

    My mother and our other people are serving food to the children. My mother stops for a while to give me the food.

   My head moves on its own and nods. My lips also started to pout. Oh, come on, let me take control of this body. I'm not tired. How can I get tired if I could see these children happy? "I want to go home, mom." My mouth said.  I don't! I don't want to go home.

   My mother smiled at me and patted my head. "Just wait, dear. It will be finished. You could take a break first, okay? I need to go back now." My mother kisses my head and goes back to serving the children.

   I look at the children that are currently happy now. Everyone is wearing a smile. I understand how they feel because, just like them, I was an orphan. I grew up in an orphanage. The nuns said I was left in front of the gate of the orphanage without anything on. Just a blanket. No letter or something that would help me identify myself or my parents. It's just like they totally want to disregard me.

   I could feel my eyes getting teary now. That's why I stand up from my seat and goes to the back of the orphanage. There's an old swing there, and I sit in there.

   My tears are starting to flow. My memories from childhood started to flash—memories of Ysavel. I envy Csille. She has a loving family. A family that will always be there for her. Unlike me, Ysavel, I was an orphan. Growing up in the orphanage is both pleasing and painful. I was happy because I have many friends I could talk to and play with every day. Painful because I grew up seeing all of my friends getting adopted while I was left in the orphanage. Alone again.

   After I become eighteen years old, I decided to move out of the orphanage and started to live on my own. It is not an easy decision, though. I struggled a lot afterward. I remember only eating once a day because I couldn't find a job that will sustain my day-to-day living.

   It's probably my luck when I met Lena. Lena helped me a lot. She helped me look for a college scholarship. After graduating, she also helped me search for a job.

   "Lena, I miss you. I want to go home now." I cried. I was busy crying my heart out when a handkerchief suddenly come out, out of nowhere.

  "I didn't know you're a crybaby." A little voice said. I immediately raise my head to see who's the person that interrupted me from crying.

   "Prince Fraser?!" I instantly wipe my tears and do a little curtsy. "This Count's daughter greets your majesty, the Crown Prince."

   My head is still down when Prince Fraser walks in front of me. He lifted my head and stared straight at me. "I don't understand why you do that count's daughter here and there. We're just the two of us here. You could just call me Fraser. I thought you don't hate me?" He then raises his hand that has the handkerchief and wipes the traces of tears on my face.

   "I couldn't do that, Prince Fraser. It would be disrespectful to the royal family."

   Prince Fraser stops at what he's doing and looks at me. He then frowned. "I'll be mad at you if you do so."

   I wanted to refuse, but I've seen how serious he is right now. How could I forget? Prince Fraser is quite a stubborn person. "How about this, your majes-" I stopped at what I'm saying when I saw him raised his eyebrows at me. "Prince Fraser. How about we compromise? I'll only call you Prince Fraser-"

   "Fraser." He cuts me off.

   "I'll only call you Fraser if we're alone. If there are other people, I'll call you again, your majesty, Prince Fraser. Is that okay?" I placed my hand at my back and did cross fingers.

   Prince Fraser smiled and messed my hair. "Okay, that's a deal." He then raised his hand in front of me, like he's asking for a handshake. I raised my hand too and shook it.

   I sit on the swing again afterward. Prince Fraser just sits on the other swing beside me. I started to swing myself gently.

  "Why are you crying?" The Prince asked. I pretended not to hear it and continues to swing myself. I don't even know how to reply to that. Should I say I miss my home? That I remember my past? But he wouldn't believe me, though even if I told him.

  "Why are you crying, Csille?" The Prince repeated. This time in a louder voice.

   I stopped swinging and look at him. I smiled and stared at the sky. I want to be honest with him, but I know he wouldn't believe me if I said I'm not really Csille that I come from a parallel universe. I shake my head. "I just felt sad for those children living here. Why did their parents abandon them? Don't they love their child?" I cried again.

   The Prince just looks at me. "I don't know. We could never tell. Maybe they have no choice but to do so. It's easy to ask that question because we're not in their situation. However, we could not judge them because who knows, they might have an acceptable reason for it."

   I shake my head. Me? Am I not in their situation? I wanted to shout at him that I am, but I know I couldn't. "Acceptable reason? They should not have decided to conceive a child if they know they couldn't handle the responsibility of having one." I tried my best not to burst in front of Prince Fraser.

  "Yes, I know, but maybe they have no choice but to do it. What if the parents are both in a dangerous situation?"

   I shake my head again. I tried my best not to cry again, but I really couldn't. A stream of tears comes out of my eyes. "That's a more reason not to have a child. If they know they're in danger, they shouldn't conceive a child."

   Prince Fraser stands up from the swing and sits in front of me. He gets his handkerchief again and wipes my tears. "I didn't know you'll be affected that much. Okay, I wouldn't say anything anymore. So, stop crying now, okay?" He gently said.

   I stare at him for a moment and hug him. And since the prince got startled, he falls on his back. We both fell on the ground while I cry myself to his chest.

   If Lena found that I cried on the chest of a nine year old boy, she probably arrested me by now. I even feel embarrassed just imagining it. However, I'm still in the body of a nine years old Csille.

   Prince Fraser didn't even complain and just let me cry. He then gently tapped my back and comb my hair.

   I didn't know Prince Fraser could be this sweet to Csille. It's just sad that Prince Fraser will not choose Csille in the end.

   After a minute or so, I raised my head and looked at him. His eyes are full of concern.

   "Do you feel better now?"

   I nodded my head and stood up from lying on him. I offer my hand to help him stand up, and he accepts it. He stared at my eyes and smiled.

   "You look beautiful even if you're crying, but I hope you wouldn't cry now. I also feel sad when you do so."

   The Prince assisted me to sit in the swing again. At the same time, he checks if I got some bruises when we fell. "Good thing, you're okay. Next time, don't startle me, okay?"

   I just nodded my head. I held his hand when he tried to sit in the other swing. "Thank you, Fraser," I mumbled.

The Prince laughed and just messed my hair. "If you really want to thank me, then just smile at me, Csille."

I look up to him and stare into his eyes. I then smiled at him. Probably one of the genuine smiles I made in my life.

Thank you, Fraser. I didn't even imagine that the character I made will be the first person to comfort me aside from Lena. Thank you.

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