Vaudevillain

Chapter 9: Grand Theft Computer

Dylan soared off into the night sky, ecstatic to have gotten everything listed. All that was left now was the phlebotinium, the lackey factory, and some way to gain information in secret. He even had the added bonus of facing another hero! This Dana Dozer could turn out to be a nemesis, her brawn against his brains. It sounded like the perfect setup for a comic book.

With the spartan hero and Dana, Dylan was starting to create a whole repertoire of heroes to face. He wondered if he'd be able to meet up with a hero when he went to steal the printers. As he flew, he marked areas on the map that might hold the goods he needed. The most promising was a computer manufacturer in the factory district. The second most promising was an imported goods warehouse in the harbors.

But first, he needed to join up with Jacques again and upgrade him into something more deadly. It was fine for nameless lackeys to get thrown around by heroes but he couldn't have the inventions he named that weak. Jacques was an absolute disgrace in that fight, which is why Dylan sent him back to the base.

Speaking of fights, the notification for his fight with Dana Dozer pinged at him. He opened it up to dismiss it. His reputation had fallen back to the bottom of F and he'd need to succeed in two more escapades. He wasn't too upset that it said he'd lost the fight. He did run away after all.

Dylan landed on the front lawn of the abandoned mansion and walked inside. He spent the minutes cleaning up the place, storing the furniture and sheets in his inventory. The dust on the sheets drifted into the air, no longer stuck to the white linens. Dylan coughed as it all swirled around him.

"I'll never be able to clean this on my own," Dylan hacked out. He went back to the front door to let some air in and check to see if Jacques had arrived. Seeing he hadn't, Dylan decided to create another gadget to help him clean.

Auto Broom

V8 engine (1)

Straw (1)

Wood stick (1)

Twine (10 ft.)

"Why the heck would I need a V8 engine for this?" Dylan said aloud. And then it hit him. "It thinks I mean a broom car or something!" He changed the entry.

Auto-broom

Straw or plastic fibers (1 bundle)

Wooden or plastic stick (1)

Toy Robot (1)

Twine (10 ft.)

Dylan looked through his inventory to see if he had the materials. "I'm missing the toy robot." He'd have to think of something else.

He spent the rest of the time waiting for Jacques trying to find that something else. He tried making a vacuum, a scrub brush, and a duster (all autonomous). But he was always short in materials. Dylan was on his last ideas when Jacques arrived.

"Jacques!" Dylan exclaimed. "You're back! Good. Well, don't just stand there, get up here."

The lackey obeyed, wordlessly walking up to Dylan and stopping right in front of him. Dylan tried to grab him and add him to his inventory. Jacques didn't budge. "Well this is a problem, I can't upgrade you without adding you to my inventory," Dylan said.

An alarm blared to inform him it was breakfast time. "Well, we'll cross that bridge later. For now Jacques," Dylan created a simple broom with his power. "I want you to clean this place up. Sweep all the dust out. This place is going to be our base of operations from now on and we can't have it looking like such a pigsty. We're villains of class!"

Dylan handed off the broom to Jacques. The minion nodded an answer and started sweeping the dust out of the mansion. Satisfied, Dylan logged out. He blinked some eye gunk and tears out of his eyes as his vision changed from the mansion to his superhero covered room. His computer showed it was around eight o'clock in the morning on Sunday.

"Dang I gotta get some chores done and make sure everything's ready for work tomorrow."

Dylan hopped out of bed and went to the bathroom for a quick shower. Feeling clean once again he prepared a couple of eggs on toast, grating some parmesan cheese on top because he felt a bit fancy. With breakfast finished he cleaned up his plates and started doing laundry. With his clothes in the wash, he grabbed the vacuum from his closet and went to work.

Dylan chuckled. "I'm doing the work of a minion." As he cleaned an idea popped into his head. He imagined Dr. Zlo was in the room monologuing his plan.

"It's brilliant Jacques," Dylan started. "My latest plan is downright brilliant. I've created a series of cleaning supplies for the housewives in Haven City and am selling them at half the price of the competitors. The thrifty wives won't be able to resist purchasing them. Little do they know that in each bottle of cleaning supplies I've added a small amount of Crueltinum, a compound of my own design. In small amounts this compound does nothing but as the ladies buy more and more supplies the Crueltinum will react! Suddenly every housewife in Haven City will be out on the streets robbing the fair people instead of cooking and cleaning! With no mothers, the family unit will break down and kids and fathers will be left helpless! From there all I have to do is use my Crueltinum controller to command the housewives and I will TAKE OVER THE CITY!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA"

Dylan collapsed onto his couch in a fit of giggles. He'd have to file that idea away for later. It was every bit the over the top scheme he wanted. Still smiling, he finished up the rest of his chores and tossed his clothes in the dryer. He made his way back over to his room. It was time to get back into the game.

Dylan appeared at the front door of his hideout. He immediately noticed a difference in the gothic architecture. The front porch had been swept spotless and Dylan swore he could see the wood twinkling with cleanliness. Walking inside he was greeted by an open and airy sitting room with an inviting spiraling staircase. Stepping past the sitting room led him to a large living room, empty save for a cozy fireplace. Behind the living room was a large kitchen with granite counters. An island counter with barstools rounded out the last of the room.

Excited, Dylan moved up the stairs to see more of the place. A long hallway stretched to a box window at the end. Doors alternated on each side of the hallway. Opening the doors revealed a library, and office, two bedrooms connected to bathrooms, and a garden room with a sunroof.

With the top floor explored Dylan made his way down into the basement. The master bedroom was down here, sitting right next to the stairs. The room was complete with a walk-in closet and full bath and the tub even had a jacuzzi! A small corner of the basement held a washer and dryer. The rest of the area was a bar, or man cave, or entertainment area, whatever you wanted to call it. Carpet lined the floor in a gaudy plaid pattern and a drink bar lined the far wall. Jacques was on top of the bar, sweeping dust off it.

"The place seems a bit cheery and we'll need to remove this terrible carpet but I think we can make the mansion suitably villainous," Dylan said. He grabbed the broom from Jacques. "Yeah, add some dark dcor here, a splash thematic lighting there, and we'd have an imposing secret base."

"I also need to find a way to upgrade you, Jacques. But we'll work on that later. For now, its time to steal some printers!"

World of Supers had many features unique from traditional MMORPGs. There was the reputation system that replaced traditional leveling. There were the non-scripted NPC characters, which admittedly reached uncanny valley sometimes but was a novel idea. The most unoriginal idea was the hero and villain morality system, which had been used in many superhero games before. One of the other less original ideas was the idea of setting specific areas as places for robbery.

Mirt's Electronics Depot was one such place. Designated as one of the many areas to rob or protect in the city, Mirt's and the rest of the Factory district had been largely ignored for the more lucrative financial district. The warehouse of new and used computers straddled the edge of the Factory district and the Harbor district. The morning sun crested over the flat roof of the building, shining down on the asphalt street below.

Being the morning, the various NPCs working at Mirt's were only now arriving at the warehouse. Burly workers dressed in jeans and a t-shirt milled about the area loading and unloading boxes into trucks. Across the street Dylan sat with Jacques on top of a neighboring warehouse. Dylan fiddled with the telescopic vision on his monocle, zooming in on the loading zone.

"There's our printers Jacques," The villainous mastermind said. "Just waiting for us to nab them."

Jacques nodded in agreement.

"Well then, shall we go?"

With that Dylan assumed the role of Dr. Zlo and jumped down from the top of the building. He activated his rocket shoes right before landing and gracefully landed on the sidewalk below. Jacques jumped down after him, landing with a thud on the sidewalk and bouncing. "This is no time for playing around Jacques." Dr. Zlo said.

The villain focused his monocle on the large warehouse door and fired. Concentrated light fired forth and cut straight through the flimsy metal door. Dr. Zlo carved out a large enough hole and walked inside. He was greeted by a smattering of warehouse guards and a few brave NPCs.

"Hello workers of Mirt's Electronics Depot! I am Dr. Zlo and this is my minion Jacques. Say hello Jacques."

The lackey tipped his bowler hat.

"We are here to make a withdrawal on some 3-D printers. If you would be so kind as to direct us to their location we will be out of your way shortly."

"Never should have come here," A guard replied. They pulled out a collapsible baton and whipped it ramrod straight. The other guards followed suit and the brave workers raised their large fists.

"Why do they always want to make it difficult," Dr. Zlo lamented. "Jacques, grab the truck."

The minion leaped to obey the command. The guards leaped at Dr. Zlo. The first made an overhead swing with his baton, attempting to rap the villain on the head. Dr. Zlo fired his laser at the man. The light went straight through the guard's shoulder, causing him to collapse in pain.

The second guard tried working in tandem with the third. He moved to Dr. Zlo's left while his partner went right. The swung their batons at the same time. Dr. Zlo activated his rocket shoes and launched himself at one of the workers, cane extended like a spear. It connected with the NPC's stomach. The worker bent forward in pain and collapsed to the ground.

Dr. Zlo turned to the two guards behind him, aiming his cane. He turned it to the foam setting and let loose. The guard to the right somersaulted below the stream but the other wasn't so lucky. White foam enveloped the guard, blinding him.

A baton swung in an uppercut at Dr. Zlo's chin and the villain backpedaled out of the way. He aimed his monocle once again and fired out at the guard. Once again he connected with the guard's shoulder, causing him to double over in pain. Dr. Zlo rapped him on the head with his cane for good measure.

The sprayed guard recovered once Dr. Zlo had finished with his partner. "Never should have come here," The guard said again.

"I guess not all the NPC's are sophisticated," Dylan muttered.

The guard charged forwards, baton held high overhead. Dr. Zlo took off his top hat and flicked it at the guard. Razor blades emerged as the hat spun. The guard rolled out of the way and into Dr. Zlo's waiting cane. Nose met polished wood in a clash of titans. The nose lost in a grand display of red.

Jacques picked that moment to arrive with the captured semi-truck. "Good work Jacques!" Dr. Zlo said. "Now let's work on finding those printers. And perhaps a few other items as well. Get as much as you can into that truck."

An hour later Dylan was driving out of the factory district and back to his secret base. The printers needed were in the bed of the truck, with a few extra just in case. He'd also snagged a pallet of laptops and a crate of graphics cards. There were various other electronics as well, all stacked on top of each other.

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