Vaudevillain

Chapter 109: Only a Little Overboard

Riptide came up to Dylan a day later.

"Sup, dude. Wanted to run by some ideas."

"Sweet Dream told me you would come to pick my magnificent brain," Dr. Zlo replied.

"Yeah, dude, she knows me well. And I have the best idea! What if we had a sharknado!"

Dr. Zlo immediately dismissed it. "Too tacky."

"Aw, c'mon. It'd be hilarious! The heroes come to attack, and they get a tail full of shark."

"I am not here to make second-rate horror movies. I am here to create chaos!"

Riptide squinted at Dr. Zlo, then smiled. "We could put top hats on them and monocle lasers."

"You. You! You won't get me with that talk!" Dr. Zlo said as he thrust a finger at his villainous companion.

Riptide sidled up to Dr. Zlo. "Think about it. Laser sharks are a staple for any villain, dude. And adding the tornado gives it that crazy flair."

"You just want to surf a tornado," Dr. Zlo rebutted.

"What? Noooo," Replied Riptide.

"Aha! I knew you weren't taking this seriously! Coming to me about making sharks in tornados. The top hats and monocles are fine; I'll give you that. In fact, I think you need two sets of minions now, one with the surfer garb and another shark minion that's posh and rests on yachts."

"Dude!" Riptide exclaimed. "That'd be sick! They can be all like, 'wot wot this is spiffing good tea lad.'"

Dr. Zlo winced at the terribly mangled accent. "Please, don't ever do that again."

"Make me the tornado, and I promise I won't."

"You'd dare hold me hostage with your terrible way of speaking?!"

Riptide waggled his eyebrows, "I learned a few things from my new villain partners. One of which is to never let go of an advantage, dude."

"You tell him, Tide Pod," Shizuka said as she appeared in a puff of smoke.

Riptide raised a hand for a high-five, which the ninja returned with gusto.

"And we demand you make a sharknado," Shizuka continued.

"Or else," Riptide said.

"Or else," Shizuka agreed.

"Curse you and your low standards," Dr. Zlo said.

The villain opened his power and typed in the two's demand.

Based off of a tacky movie (that Dr. Zlo never watched and finds horribly offensive mind), this device holds a tank of sharks wearing top hats and laser monocles. When activated, a tube sucks up the animals, places them into the created tornado, and then sends the offending weapon towards whatever direction it gets aimed.

Live Sharks (10)

Top Hat (10)

Laser Monocle (10)

Tornado in a Bottle (2)

Loudspeaker (1)

Bag of Ice (5 lb.)

Sciencium (25 g) or Alienite (4 g)

"I don't like it," Dr. Zlo said.

"Aw, why not Zlomboni?" Shizuka asked, her voice dripping with fake sweetness.

"It feels too much like it's own thing," the villain answered. "This is something Riptide would do on his own to terrorize a prime surfing spot."

"Dude," Riptide said. "You're totally right!"

"What if we gave your new minions the ability to create small tornadoes when attacking?" Dr. Zlo said.

"I love it!" the surfer replied. "Get it done!"

Rolling his eyes, Dr. Zlo opened his power once more and created Riptide's new minion.

Created by Dr. Zlo for Riptide, these menacing minions perform all the "wetwork" in Riptide's operations. These minions always dress in their Sunday best, and their tails cause small tornadoes when they attack.

Tornado in a Bottle (1)

Shark (1)

Ascot (1)

Suit (1)

Saltwater (1 cup)

Sciencium (10 g)

"Here," Dr. Zlo procured a piece of paper and wrote down the minion's requirements. "Bring me these ingredients, and I shall make you the greatest of followers!"

"Hold on a second, dude," the surfer said. "I still have a few ideas."

"Yeah, Zloey. Hold on a second," Shizuka butted in.

Dr. Zlo shot her with a laser, scorching the floor behind the ninja as she stepped out of the way.

"You're getting predictable," Shizuka taunted.

"Okay, dude. I want a surfboard weapon for Jaws. Something he can swing around to attack people. And I want an upgrade to my board. Something that lets me hold on and go fast. And I want"

"Slow down!" Dr. Zlo cried. "A weapon for Jaws I can do, but don't you have a decent kit at the moment?"

Riptide stared at his friend, "Dude, I need new stuff if I want to take on the highest waves."

"You already have the replacement board I made. It has a few upgrades to speed and damage. And you still have the disintegrator gun. What else could you possibly need?"

Riptide crossed his arms to think, "Hmm. Oh, dude! I know! I need a wide damage weapon. Like an instant wave bomb or something!"

"Ooh, gonna surf into the sunset after stealing the crown jewels?" Shizuka asked.

"You know it!" Riptide said.

"A wave bomb" Dr. Zlo stared at his power thoughtfully. "Yes, I can do something with that."

"Dude, sweet."

This handy gadget creates miniature waves inside a glass dome. Once the dome is broken, the waves grow violently and crash down.

Snow Globe (5)

Water Jug (size: 1 gal)

Funnel (1)

Pipette (1)

Computer (1)

Sciencium (12 g) or Alienite (1 g)

"Okay," Dr. Zlo scribbled down another list. "Get me this as well. Now, leave me be! I have work to do."

Dr. Zlo turned to leave, but as he took a step, Shizuka grabbed his collar and pulled him back.

"Boss!" Cass yelled.

"Ack!" Dr. Zlo shouted.

"Hold up a minute. I still need you to make things," Shizuka said.

"L-let go of the boss!" Cass cried, fumbling as he took out his discus.

"Aw, it's so cute how loyal he is," Shizuka said.

She released Dr. Zlo's collar, letting the villain recover. He straightened himself and his collar, then turned back to the ninja.

"I ask that you don't do that again. Cass is liable to attack if you do."

Shizuka smiled, "Cross my heart and hope to die. But I have some ideas, Zlo-ita, and I need you to make them a reality."

"I dread asking, but what is it you want?"

Shizuka's smiled widened, "I want little ninja animals. Like little rabbits with headbands and shurikens. We're going to get all cute and cuddly on these players."

"I'd rather not," Dr. Zlo said. "Can they be animals like possums or raccoons? Something that doesn't make everyone go, 'aww,' once they see it?"

"No dice, Zlot tot. What I have in mind needs ninja rabbits and nothing else."

Dr. Zlo squinted, "I don't believe you. You are the most unhinged villain I've ever met."

"Why, thank you."

"It wasn't a compliment. And you must want something besides rabbit ninjas."

Well when you put it that way" Shizuka said. "I do want some night-vision goggles."

"Get Jack to make those," Dr. Zlo snapped.

"But I want them to see in the dark, see infrared, and see someone's astral soul! Jack can't do that," Shizuka complained.

"You made one of those up," Dr. Zlo countered.

"Infrared vision is completely real, and you can't convince me otherwise," Shizuka said, crossing her arms and turning up her nose.

Dr. Zlo sighed, "If it will get you out of my hair, fine. I have my own devices to build, you know."

"Aw, thanks, Zlo-yo. I'll think of Cass every time I use the goggles."

"Please, don't."

Dr. Zlo opened his power and created Shizuka's requests.

These fluffy little animals hide a deadly secret. A ninja secret! Trained in the arts since birth, these cuddly animals use their shadowy skills to sneak up on unsuspecting victims. And if they get caught, their innate cuteness makes sure they live longer.

Stuffed Rabbit (1)

How Not To Be Seen (1 clip)

Forehead Protector (1)

Shuriken (1)

Sciencium (10 g)

Created by Dr. Zlo at Shizuka's insistence, these tacky goggles allow one to see in any level of the light spectrum and even see a player's astral soul. Dr. Zlo is, of course, skeptical about the existence of an astral body and places no faith in the device. But it works all the same.

Blacklight (1)

Infrared laser (1)

Crystal Ball (1)

Swimming Goggles (1)

Sciencium (100 g) or Alienite (13 g) or Phlebotinium (1 g)

"Your goggles need Phlebotinium," Dr. Zlo told Shizuka.

"I'm sure it won't be a problem for you," the ninja said. She strolled away, hands resting behind her head.

"I'm not making this for you unless you find the materials," Dr. Zlo said.

"Ugh, fine," Shizuka replied. "I'll be back before you know it."

She turned to Cass and blew a kiss, "Wait for me."

Cass only glared.

"I don't like her, boss," the butler replied.

"Despite her lack of class, she is a villain. And one under Dextra at that. We can't make moves against her until we have a secure foundation. But, I do give you permission to make her some of the strongest drinks you know."

Cass smiled, and Dr. Zlo raised an eyebrow at the wickedness of it.

"Enough of that," the villain said. "Let's find Mabel, Suitor, and our Jacques. We have an announcement to make and cities to ruin!"

Dr. Zlo made his way toward the skyscraper, Cass not far behind. Ideas of new weapons spun around inside the villain's head, and Dylan noticed a spring in his step. He was finally going to get back to the fun stuff. The attack on the school was a good distraction, but this would be his current magnum opus. Which means it needed some flair.

"I'll need some fireworks and theme music," the villain muttered.

"And a martini?" Cass asked, offering the drink.

"Thank you, Cass," Dr. Zlo replied. He grabbed the drink from his minion's hand and quaffed the beverage. The edges of Dr. Zlo's smile reached his eyes as he gave the cup back. There were things to do, and so little time left to do them.

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