Twin Heroes

Chapter 13

Their conversation was interrupted by a gentle laugh: “That is correct, I can attest to it. Every inch of his body is male, not one bit otherwise.”

To whom could this wonderfully tender voice belong, if not Xiao Mimi?

Xiao Yu’er felt his bones go weak. He tried to turn, but felt a sharp, cold object probing into the base of his skull.

In warm and soothing tones, Xiao Mimi murmured, “Be good now, don’t move, and don’t turn around.”

With her hand she beckoned to Jiang Yulang and said: “Yulang, why don’t you come over too…mmm, that’s a good boy. Now, turn around, and stand beside him.”

Xiao Yu’er could only hope that Jiang Yulang wouldn’t be too compliant. If only he would resist, even a little, then Xiao Yu’er would be able to take out his ‘Celestial Dew’ and use it.

But that d*mn Jiang Yulang, infuriatingly, had become an exemplary model of co-operation. With head down and hands lowered, he approached. Xiao Yu’er tried to signal him with his eyes, but Jiang Yulang didn’t see it. Xiao Yu’er was so frustrated that his teeth began to grind, but he could do nothing. With a sword-tip aimed at your brain, even if you had ten thousand strategies, you would not be able to use them.

However, Xiao Yu’er did not despair, but continued to wait for a chance. All he needed was to be able to take out that ‘Celestial Dew’, or the blow-tube, and Xiao Mimi would be finished.

Unfortunately it seemed that instead of Xiao Mimi being finished, Xiao Yu’er would be the one whose life was over. She suddenly reached over and removed some objects from his shirt. She laughed sweetly: “Ah, little flirt, it appears that you two have acquired some very nice things. ‘Bone-Penetrating Needles’, ‘Celestial Dew’. Lucky for me that I was careful, otherwise I’d be in a lot of trouble.”

Xiao Yu’er heaved a long sigh: “Now it seems I’m the one who’s in a lot of trouble.”

She giggled, “Not too much, I think. I will let you live for now.”

Unexpectedly, she pulled Xiao Yu’er’s right hand and Jiang Yulang’s left one together. Laughing, she teased, “You two seem to be good friends, why don’t you hold hands?”

Xiao Yu’er noticed that Jiang Yulang’s trembling hand was icy, and slick with cold sweat. Of course, his own hand was just the same. With a ‘guk’ sound, their hands were locked together with a pair of heavy black cuffs.

Her laughs tinkling like a silver bell, Xiao Mimi finally came from behind their backs to stand before them. Her beautiful eyes looked at them in merriment. She said softly, “Now you can really be good friends. You will live together, and die together. And neither will leave the other behind.”

Xiao Yu’er joked bitterly: “Now I really do wish he was a girl.”

Xiao Mimi said to him appreciatively: “I really like you. Under these circumstances, you still have your sense of humour. There aren’t many people like you around.”

Changing the subject, Jiang Yulang asked, “You…how did you get in here?”

“You are surprised by this?” Xiao Mimi laughed, rolling her eyes.

Xiao Yu’er sighed, “If we hadn’t been surprised, that would have been strange.”

“Clever little boys,” Xiao Mimi said, “how did you become so stupid all of a sudden? Think about it. You are so good to me, how could I bear to let you die of suffocation?”

Puzzled, Xiao Yu’er said, “I still don’t understand.”

Xiao Mimi explained, “At the time, I knew of course that you were hiding down below. But I didn’t dare come down, because I knew nothing else about the situation. If I came down, you would surely have killed me.”

She sighed and went on: “And your welcome of me obviously would not be quite as hospitable as the way I have treated you.”

Xiao Yu’er retorted, “Indeed, you were too hospitable, trying to suffocate us to death.”

She laughed prettily, then said: “I thought, even this might not truly manage to suffocate you two. But at least it could get you to lower your guard. Once you believed that I was using this method to kill you, you thought I would not come back to look, isn’t that right?”

“Only now do I understand,” Xiao Yu’er sighed, “that a man who has gone through a near suffocation is already very unlucky. If, on top of that, he meets a girl who really likes him, then his fortune has truly worsened indeed.”

Xiao Mimi giggled ‘ge ge’- and teased: “You are hilarious, oh, I’m dying of laughter! Next time, I’ll have to explain that it’s not so bad for someone to hate you, that being suffocated is actually quite fortunate.”

She appeared to pay no further attention to Xiao Yu’er’s words, but instead began to focus on the contents of the room.

Xiao Mimi searched methodically through all the rooms to such a degree that you would think she was a jealous wife going through her husband’s possessions(?).

And then her face shone, her eyes were alight. She had finally found what she was looking for.

It was the pale yellow book which naturally contained the essence of all the five experts’ labours.

Xiao Mimi hugged the book to her chest. She pressed it to her face, and dropped kisses on it, giggling all the while. She murmured, “Oh my precious, I have you now, I don’t need to worry anymore! From this day forth, who will be number one in wulin? Don’t you know? That would be me, Xiao Guniang.”

Jiang Yulang’s eyes were locked on the book in her hand; he looked as if he would spit fire.

Xiao Mimi stroked his head and laughed, “Come to think of it, I should be grateful to you two. Without you, how would I have my precious?”

Happy and carefree, she spun around in a circle. In her delight, the years fell away from her and she looked more than a decade younger.

Smiling, she added, “Now I need you to lead me. Take me everywhere so I can look. This must be a gift from heaven, how could I refuse it?”

In fact, Xiao Mimi had never imagined that her ‘gift from heaven’ encompassed so much riches and treasure. Her eyes were dazzled from it all.

She looked at everything, poked around everywhere.

When they were finished, she looked at Xiao Yu’er and Jiang Yulang. Her eyes were so warm and tender, her smile was so enchanting.

She smiled and said softly: “Good little children, do you know why I haven’t killed you yet?”

Xiao Yu’er’s eyes were fixed on the earthen wall, as if he hadn’t heard her words. Jiang Yulang’s face was completely bloodless- he had been rendered speechless from fear.

Xiao Mimi said: “To tell you the truth, if I were to explore this place by myself, I would be a bit afraid. So of course I had to leave you two alive to accompany me.”

Jiang Yulang gnawed at his lip, and turned even paler.

With a glance at Xiao Yu’er, Xiao Mimi laughed: “Now your purpose is fulfilled. Since you’re now chained together, it would be impossible to crawl out through the tunnel. In that case, you may as well stay here.”

Jiang Yulang’s lips were already raw from biting. Now tears began to course down his face.

He suddenly fell to his knees and pleaded in a trembling voice: “Please, I beg you, don’t kill me. As long as you spare me, I will be your slave for life. No matter what you want, I can…”

She cut him off: “I’m very sorry, that is the only thing I cannot do. Other than that, whatever method of death you wish, I will certainly grant.”

She looked at Xiao Yu’er again, and said, “Xiao Yu’er, did you hear me?”

His eyes were still on that earthen wall. “Mmm,” he responded distractedly.

Xiao Mimi proposed, “There’s a very unique and comfortable way to die, if I might recommend it. Would you both be willing to try?”

“Mmm.”

“How about I bite you both to death?” she suggested.

Her white alabaster hand reached forward, and caressed Xiao Yu’er’s throat. She whispered, smiling: “I only need to lightly bite you once, that should suffice.”

Xiao Yu’er still stared ahead without blinking, and mumbled, “Mmm.”

Xiao Mimi drew her eyebrows together, and snapped, “What is so interesting about that wall? What are you thinking?”

Heaving a sigh, Xiao Yu’er said, “If I’m going to die anyway, then it doesn’t matter.”

“I still want to hear it,” she demanded.

He replied, “Don’t bother, why don’t you just kill me and get it over with.”

She said, “The more you don’t want to say it, the more I insist on hearing it.”

With another sigh, Xiao Yu’er said: “Since you insist, I can only obey.”

He said: “I was thinking, since there is something wonderful behind every wall, the room behind that earthen wall surely cannot be empty. What is behind that wall then?”

Xiao Mimi’s eyes lit up. She said, “Right, what could be there?”

Her eyes darted back and forth. She muttered: “It’s too bad there’s no earthen knob, I wonder how you move that wall.”

Xiao Yu’er blinked and said, “Well there’s no knob, but up above there’s a ring hanging down(?), that we haven’t tried pulling on.”

Xiao Mimi said excitedly: “Ah, that must be it. Go and pull it then. How could I sleep well without knowing what lies behind that wall?”

Accordingly, Xiao Yu’er went over in a very reluctant manner. But actually, he was feeling very happy. Of course he didn’t know at all what was on the other side of that wall. He would guess that it was nothing special. Right now, though, whatever it was certainly couldn’t make his situation any worse. If he had to die, he didn’t really care if there were monsters or ghosts!

The only one with anything to lose, was Xiao Mimi.

The copper ring was hanging from a tall height and took a lot of strength to pull. Xiao Yu’er tugged at it and apparently just could not even get it to budge one little bit. But with Jiang Yulang there using all his might, together they pulled. Suddenly the ring descended completely.

Then there was a crash of sounds ‘dong long long’, as if a mountain were collapsing. The entire wall came crashing down.

A flood of water smashed towards them, as if a mountain had fallen into the sea.

Xiao Mimi’s expression changed and she screamed in terror. Although normally she was dramatic and her expressions always varied, this time she was very different from usual.

She acted like a young girl encountering a big rat. She leapt onto the rack containing the knobs(?), but the water was really pouring in too forcefully. Soon the water would rise above the rack too.

At this moment her only thought was of escape. She was even willing to leave aside Xiao Yu’er and Jiang Yulang. But alas, the remaining exit, the tunnel, had also filled with water.

Coincidentally this section was on an even level with the ‘toilet’ tunnel from which they had come. Therefore, although the tunnel was filled with water, there was no way for it to drain.

Right now Xiao Yu’er and Jiang Yulang were also floating in the water. Jiang Yulang’s swimming abilities were fantastic; he treaded water as easily as if he were moving on solid ground.

As he saw the miserable state that Xiao Mimi was in, an evil grin began to spread over his face. He cackled: “So that monster doesn’t know how to swim, how wonderful, that’s perfect.”

Xiao Yu’er laughed, “She deserves what’s coming to her.”(?)

Suddenly Jiang Yulang turned to face him. He asked, “And how’s your swimming?”

Although Xiao Yu’er’s hand was still chained to Jiang Yulang, he did not react, but merely laughed and quipped: “Did you forget my name? Since when have you found a fish that couldn’t swim?”

His words seemed to be convincing and honest. Jiang Yulang stared at him a while longer, then finally smiled and said, “Good, that’s great.”

The water level continued to rise. Soon the entire room would be full.

Not only had Xiao Mimi never learned how to swim, she was very afraid of water. Her limbs shook and she flailed about. The more she moved, the faster she sank.

Jiang Yulang commented in a low voice, “Although she doesn’t know how to swim, if she could hold her breath, and not thrash about like that, she wouldn’t sink. Besides, she has excellent martial arts skills. Even if she did sink a bit, she wouldn’t choke on the water.”

He gave a sly laugh or two before adding, “But the way things are going, she’ll choke for sure. Once she gets one or two mouthfuls down the wrong way, all the martial arts in the world will be useless.”

On the other side, Xiao Mimi had already sputtered on two or three gulps of water. She cried out shrilly, “Save me…are you two really going to stand by and watch me die?”

Jiang Yulang replied in a voice just as tender as hers: “Of course we couldn’t bear to let you die from drowning. As long as you hand over that martial arts text, I will save you myself.” Naturally, he had not dared to swim over before this, because as soon as Xiao Mimi got her hands on him, he’d lose his life.

By now, the book had been floating in the water for quite some time, and the inked words were starting to become indistinct.

It was now Xiao Mimi’s turn to become docile. She immediately grabbed the book and flung it over, then yelped, “Quick, hurry up!” Then ‘gu du’, she swallowed yet another mouthful of water.

Jiang Yulang deftly caught the book in his hand. Xiao Yu’er decided not to fight him for the book, since Jiang Yulang carried the torch in his free hand and grabbed the book in the hand that was chained to Xiao Yu’er. He laughed wildly: “Stupid girl, you really thought I would rescue you?”

Xiao Mimi called to him in a trembling voice: “Please, I beg you…”

Jiang Yulang laughed even harder. “I am going to watch you choke mouthful by mouthful…by the time you die, your belly will be as swollen as a balloon. That’ll be a sight to see.”

“You bastard,” Xiao Mimi cursed him.

She struggled to reach them, but the more she flailed, the more she choked on water. The fear of a non-swimmer in water is quite unimaginable to those who have never experienced it.

Now it was Jiang Yulang’s turn to laugh: “From this day forth, who will be number one in wulin? Xiao Mimi, don’t you know? Let me tell you, it would be me, Master Jiang.”

Xiao Yu’er sneered coldly: “Not necessarily.”

Jiang Yulang hastily corrected himself: “Of course, there would also be big brother Jiang Yu.”

Sighing, Xiao Yu’er pointed out, “I don’t think the two of us should be dreaming just yet. Right now the only exit is filled with water. Unless we can really swim like fish, we will also drown here.”

Stunned, Jiang Yulang’s face instantly turned ashen in colour. Grabbing Xiao Yu’er’s hand, he said, “You…you must think of something.”

Xiao Yu’er reflected, “I was thinking: gold, silver, copper, steel, tin, all of these were dead ends. In the stone grave there was a door leading upwards, but that door opens from the outside.”

Jiang Yulang laughed sarcastically: “Well of course the door to a grave would open from the outside. The dead people wouldn’t need to go out…oh, do we really have to die in this place?”

“Perhaps,” Xiao Yu’er mused, “we have another way out.”

“What way?” Jiang Yulang cried excitedly.

“We haven’t tried moving that wooden knob over there…”

Jiang Yulang’s hopeful expression vanished like smoke. He said angrily, “Did you forget, we entered this place from behind the wooden wall.”

Slowly Xiao Yu’er answered: “But we crawled up here from below. What about above?”

Instantly Jiang Yulang became happy again, and said, “Right, why didn’t I think of it!”

Xiao Yu’er grinned and said: “That’s because I’m much smarter than you.”

Jiang Yulang sighed. He admitted, “At such a time, still being able to think of these details…other than you, not many people would be able to manage it.”

They noticed that Xiao Mimi had stopped moving in the water, except for her hair which was floating on the surface.

Jiang Yulang dived down and turned the wooden knob. He had been holding the torch all along, but as he dived, the room suddenly became black.

With a “chi” sound, water suddenly began gushing out. Xiao Yu’er and Jiang Yulang were also inexorably swept outwards by the force of the water. And suddenly, it seemed as if their hearts would burst free of their chests.

Beyond the wooden wall, there indeed lay the exit. About a hundred or so stone steps stretched upwards, and a sliver of sunshine streamed down from above. Jiang Yulang cried out in delight, and once again tears streamed down his face.

They saw the top of the stairs bathed in sunlight. This was quite startling.

Jiang Yulang felt surprised in the midst of his happiness. He said, “This kind of exit is rather strange. Wouldn’t the makers be worried that it would be discovered? With such a need for secrecy, the exit should have been quite well hidden.”

Smiling, Xiao Yu’er said, “From our perspective, the exit seems rather obvious. But I think it must be well hidden, otherwise, someone would have discovered this place sometime during all these years.”

Unexpectedly, the sound of voices floated down to them from above.

Despite themselves, they were surprised, and quickened their steps. Faster, and faster, they dashed upwards and found that the exit was actually hidden by a stone cover, which was flanked on either side by cracks about half an inch wide.

The sunlight was, of course, spilling through the two cracks. The voices could also be heard through them. Scared but curious, the two of them ventured a peek outside.

Outside, they could see a tiny temple. As for which god the temple was dedicated to, they could not tell. This was because the statue for worship was sitting on top of the stone cover above their heads. Who could have imagined that under the resting place of an idol at a small temple, there would be such a mysterious, wondrous and impressive underground palace? Who could deny that this exit was thus well concealed?

Of course, there was an altar, but there were no incense or candles on it. Instead, oddly enough, there was a pair of legs. The legs were firm, and covered with thick black hair. Pant legs were rolled up to the kneecaps, and the filthy feet wore a pair of grass shoes. Above that, they could not see further.

There was also an unusually large gourd containing wine on the altar, as well as half a smoked chicken. Beside that was a huge slab of beef, a string of preserved sausages, a heap of beancurds, and a pile of peanuts. The fragrance of wine and food mixed with the stink of the feet- it drifted over with the breeze. Smelling this, Xiao Yu’er really didn’t know what to feel.

His first impulse was to break out and run outside, but then he noticed five people standing directly facing the altar. At once he was scared stiff, and even almost cried out in surprise.

The person on the extreme left was dressed like a rich merchant. His belly had started to get fat in his middle-aged years. A fragrant pouch hung from his body(?).

Beside him, was another well-dressed man, with a strong and energetic appearance. But on closer inspection, he gave off the air of being the merchant’s bodyguard or servant.

On a glance, the other three people were clearly ‘Regarding people like chickens' Wang Yizhua, Sun Tiannan, and seventh master Qiu Qingpo.

Normally the three of them were extremely confident and insolent. But now they stood with lowered heads and gloomy faces, their expressions full of fear.

Squatting on the altar was the man with the filthy feet. Someone who could reduce those three people to such a state, was not anyone that Xiao Yu’er had heard of.

Xiao Yu’er observed the situation carefully, not daring to make a false move. Jiang Yulang of course, would be even more scared at this point.

They saw a pair of hands descending, covered in thick and coarse black hair. The right hand was normal, but the left had only the thumb and index fingers intact.

The pair of hands ripped off a chicken leg and pointed it at the rich merchant. The voice shouted: “Get over here!”

The merchant’s normally well-groomed and healthy-looking face was now completely drained of colour. He wobbled a few steps forward, and stammered in a trembling voice: “The lowly one pays his respects to you, my lord.”

The voice boomed like a huge bell: “Bastard, your old man clearly knows, you son of a turtle, that you are the rich boss in the city, Wang Lingchuan. (?) Wang Baiwan, don’t even try to fool your old man, you son of a turtle.”

In just one breath he had already used the profanities ‘your old man’ four times, and ‘son of a turtle’ twice. Although he was speaking fluently in the native Szechuan dialect, the words came out muffled and indistinct. Presumably this was because he was devouring the leg of chicken.

Wang Baiwan threw himself on his knees and said with a pitiful expression: “The lowly one does not have much money on his person at the present moment. However, he is willing to give it all to you, my lord, as long as…”

The voice roared and cursed: “Bull sh*t, who wants to take your money, you son of a turtle. Your old man heard that you gamble better than the gods. So I specially arranged for you to be brought here, now I can see for myself.”

Wang Baiwan exhaled a breath, and laughed, saying: “My lord, if you wish to play, whether it be at dice, dominoes, mahjong, the lowly one would be happy to join you. The only problem is a lack of gambling equipment. Once I return to the city, I will make ready to properly and comfortably gamble with you, my lord.”

A hand slammed down on the altar and the voice growled, “Who would want to play at such silly games with you, son of a turtle! Your old man here wants to bet on coins. Heads or tails?”

Wang Baiwan mumbled, “Unfortunately the lowly one did not realize that my lord wanted to gamble; he has not brought much money to bet with.”

The voice declared: “Your old man will accept one of your arms, and a leg as gambling chips.”

Wang Baiwan had just begun to rise from his kneeling position. Instantly his legs went soft and they buckled, toppling him to the ground. Gritting his teeth, he asked, “And if my lord should lose?”

The voice replied, “If your old man loses, I’ll chop off a finger for you.”

Wang Baiwan objected, “But this…this…”

A furious holler cut him off. “ ‘But’ nothing! One finger from your old man is worth much more than all four of your limbs!”

The teeth began to chatter inside Wang Baiwan’s head. He said, “The lowly one would…would prefer not to play.”

“Bastard, you must play,” the voice ordered.

In a loud voice Wang Baiwan shouted: “People can rape women, force them to have sex. But who ever heard of forcing someone to gamble?”

The voice chuckled, “If your old man ever committed one sin, it would be forcing people to gamble. You son of a turtle, since you love gambling so much, you should count yourself lucky to meet the “Devil Gambler” today.”

Wang Baiwan’s eyes immediately widened. He said in a hoarse voice: “You…you are Xuanyuan Sanguang?”

“Your old man is indeed Xuanyuan Sanguang. Do you know me, son of a turtle?”

Wang Baiwan said glumly, “Everyone who gambles, within the city and outside of it, invokes your name as a curse. Whoever cheats at gambling, we’ll condemn him to run into Xuanyuan Sanguang. But…but I have never cheated anyone before, how could heaven let me encounter you?”

Xuanyuan Sanguang rumbled with laughter: “Since you know your old man, you should also know that I play true. I have never denied a loss or shirked a debt, so what are you worried for?”

They saw a copper coin flip over in the air countless times before landing on the altar with a “guk” sound. Xuanyuan Sanguang covered it up with his meaty hand, then cried out: “Heads or tails? Guess, hurry up!”

Xiao Yu’er sucked in his breath sharply. He would never have dreamed that this ogre with the dirty feet would be Xuanyuan Sanguang, the ‘Devil Gambler’ of the ‘Ten Evils’!

And never, not even in a fit of mad ravings, would he have thought that, having just barely escaped the clutches of one of the ‘Ten Evils’, he would immediately encounter another one of them.

Furthermore, the way things were going, as he met more members of the ‘Ten Evils’, each one seemed more malicious than the last!

Just now he had quickly glimpsed the copper coin; it had landed heads up. He would guess that Wang Baiwan had seen it too. In that case, the ‘Devil Gambler’ was destined to lose.

He saw that Wang Baiwan was so pale, even his lips were bloodless. He opened his mouth a few times, but yet could not utter a single word. The tendons on Xuanyuan Sanguang’s hand tightened and popped up, as if he too were tense with excitement. He thundered: “Quick! If you don’t speak now that means you lose.”

Wang Baiwan finally breathed: “Heads. It’s heads!”

At once Xuanyuan Sanguang flipped his hand over. He barked out a laugh and announced: “Son of a turtle, you lose.”

Wang Baiwan closed his eyes. Xiao Yu’er was also in shock.

He had seen with his own eyes that the heads side was face up. How could it have changed? Unless Xuanyuan Sanguang purposely let Wang Baiwan peek and see that it was heads, then changed it when his hand covered it up again!

Technically speaking, this could not be called cheating. No-one forced Wang Baiwan to peek when he wasn’t supposed to look. Xiao Yu’er secretly sighed, and laughed sarcastically to himself: “This ‘Devil Gambler’ is really impressive!”

Xuanyuan Sanguang laughed and said again: “You lose. Now hand over the arm and leg as your forfeit.”

Wang Baiwan choked out: “The lowly one…I would willingly give my lord the deeds to my ten pawn shops in the city…and also my three rice shops north of town. I only beg that my lord spare the lowly one his life this one time.”

Xuanyuan Sanguang chuckled, “You greedy animal, did you really think your old man was after your pig’s leg? Your old man is certainly evil, but what annoys me most is you stealing off the backs of the poor!”

He soundly smacked the altar, and yelled loudly: “I will confiscate your pawn shops and your rice shops. Get your turtle shell back to the city and get everything ready. I don’t think you’ll try to shirk your debt, you son of a turtle.”

Wang Baiwan gasped: “Yes, yes…” Half tripping, half crawling, he hurried away as quick as he could.

While he escaped, his servant was already groveling on the ground. He pleaded: “This lowly one is merely a servant, my lord wouldn’t deign to gamble with me. I beg you my lord, please release me.”

Xuanyuan Sanguang chortled: “Wrong, you son of a turtle. Didn’t you know, your old man has another nickname: ‘Whom He Sees, He Gambles With’. I’d gamble with the Emperor if I met him.”

The servant hardened his heart, and asked: “What would my lord like to gamble at?”

Xuanyuan Sanguang answered, “Your old man bets that you don’t know how many buttons you’re wearing. If you lose, your old man will hack off your nose. If you win, I’ll give those ten pawn shops and three rice shops to you.”

In his shock, the servant’s face had turned a grayish dirt colour. Unconsciously his hand went to his nose.

Xuanyuan Sanguang burst into loud laughter: “Think about it. By yourself, you could never earn such wealth in a lifetime. Uh-uh, no looking down, or your old man will poke out your eyeballs.”

Accordingly the servant could only fix his gaze straight ahead. He said, “But those pawn shops and rice shops are now in old master Wang’s possession.”

“Don’t worry, you son of a turtle,” Xuanyuan Sanguang laughed. “As long as you win, your old man will make sure he gives them to you!”

The servant suddenly broke into a smile, and declared: “This lowly one has had a strange habit since childhood. I love to swallow my buttons. Thus my mother never used buttons when making my clothes. She used belt and string to fasten my clothes. To this day my clothes are still made this way!”

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