Trouble With Horns

28: Euphoria and Drinking

Rora was Dawn. Rora, the girl who had almost stabbed me when I spawned, was Dawn, the girl who’d hated me for the last three years. Dawn, the girl I’d fought beside in elementary school when people bullied us, was Rora, the girl I’d fought beside and flirted with in Cora. Dawn, the girl who’d decided to make up with me despite all the bad blood, was Rora, the girl who’d made out with me… and more.

Fuck! How had I done it again? How had I ended up in some sort of pseudo-relationship with my other childhood best friend?! This was so much. I couldn’t even blame Dawn for reacting the way she did.

And yet… it was there, it was still sitting like a needy little lump in my chest. My heart wanted her so badly. I could see the similarities now. I could see how it had happened. The looks, the expressions. They were all Dawn. The body had been different, but it was so gut-punchingly obvious it almost hurt like I’d actually been gut punched.

Her eyes, the way they’d looked at me. The way she’d moved them, the way they’d crinkled at the edges a little when she smirked. Oh fuck and that smirk. That smirk alone should have clued me in, now that I was looking back with hindsight. It had been Dawn’s signature expression since the… Dawn of time.

The way she’d acted around people too, that kinda aggressive shyness, the cold glares and don’t-fuck-with-me attitude. Those defensive spikes of hers were the same in VR. Even the dynamic between us had evolved to be the same. I was always the one with the absolutely ridiculous ideas, and she’d been the one to stand there clapping as I did something incredibly dumb. Or how I’d always been her eager audience when she wanted to go monologuing about some random as fuck subject.

I slumped back on the bed, pulling my legs up against my chest and resting my head on them. Fuck. What now? I couldn’t just ignore what I was feeling for Rora… for Dawn. But she probably wanted nothing to do— 

Wait.

She didn’t know. The door had opened after we’d discussed my new body… she thought I was Terry in the real world still. She thought I was still rolling around in that gross as fuck guy body I’d had. But I wasn’t…

I was Tami out there too. Then there was the party… I could go to it. She might not go in the end after what just happened… but I had to try. I had to try and see her, show her the truth. We could talk about things properly once we were both on the same page… Yeah. Yeah that would work.

My tears began to slow as that small flickering flame of hope sparked in my chest. I could fix this! Probably… maybe? Definitely. I hoped we could at least try to be friends. If there was something more than that between us in the real world… it would happen. But I just needed her in my life. She completed me in a way that I needed so badly. My dumb antics didn’t work if she wasn’t there to laugh at them.

So… I would do the whole, new body thing, which I was still very excited about. Shit, I needed to even see it for myself before I went rushing off on any lovebound quests. Grabbing the paper quickly again, I held it flat in front of my face and took a picture, then forwarded it to my phone’s memory. I’d probably need that later.

Which meant logging out.

Guess I should do that huh?

With a shaking, nervous hand, I pressed through the menus until I got to the logout of vr button and just stared at for a second. Was this going to work? Was it all some kind of prank and I was going to logout into my old Terry body and everyone was going to laugh at me? I mean, I knew that my family would never do it… but my brain was just throwing all sorts of impossible worst case scenarios at me.

Which meant, fuck my brain, and not in a fun way. I pressed the button.

****

My eyes fluttered.

That felt strange.

It was like… 

I don’t know what it was like. I’d never felt this before. Had something about my girl body changed in translation? I moved things experimentally, one at a time. It was the same as just a moment ago, but it was also completely different. You know when two very good artists draw the same object in a realistic style, and they look so alike that unless you’re looking for something, they seem identical?

That’s what this felt like.

It was almost impossible to describe, so I’m not going to try. I felt different, but the same, and I sure as shit wasn’t freaking out like a human in an alien suit like last time. This felt natural. As natural as when I’d first assumed the character three weeks ago.

I smiled.

“She’s awake! She smiled!” the muffled voice of my mother said through the heavy doors of the pod.

Well, I guess there was no waiting for it.

“May, can you let me out now?” I asked softly, still with my eyes closed.

“Sure. Enjoy the new body… don’t forget about me,”  said a small speaker near my head.

“I won’t, my precious little May… I won’t,” I mumbled with infinite care for the girl. She’d done me a huge service. I needed to find some way to repay her.

“Yours?” she asked softly.

“My little sister, at the very least,” I smiled.

The speaker just gave a little chirp and in the tiniest, cheekiest little voice, she said, “Thank you. Sorry about that rock in Character creation. Don’t know how it got right there on the ground. Weird bit of luck.”

“Wait what?”

She didn’t reply, instead, the doors on my pod unbolted with a thunk that shook the pod slightly, and then they were opening. I finally allowed my eyes to flutter open and watched as the nervous and excited faces of my family appeared. Mum was there quickly with a towel to place over my nakedness, and then we were all smiling at each other.

I was finally whole!

“Hey guys,” I croaked, my voice sounding a little sore, but definitely like my Tami self.

“Hey Tami,” Taylor smiled, her eyes filled with tears.

With a little start I realised that this was the first time Taylor had seen me in person as Tami. It had always been calls and stuff while I was in the game.

With the sight of her tears, my own emotions broke over me with a vengeance. Holy shit it was finally over. I was finally free. Free of the shackles that chance or what have you had placed on me at birth. Free to be who I really was inside. Free to show that person to everyone I loved without the filter or mask of masculinity.

I was just Tami. Just me. Sure, I wasn’t without some of the baggage I’d collected as Terry, but I could work on that. I was Tami! I didn’t back down from any problem that was punchable. Also ones that weren’t, but that’s not the point. The point was, I get to the point. Like, eventually. Anyway!

I wobbled my way out of the pod for a moment until Dad’s big hands reached in to steady me. Wow his hands were huge now. The pod was bigger too. I’d been this short before in the game, but it was different with people and a place that you’d known as a certain height for most of your life.

Dad helped me out of the pod, and it was cute how hard he avoided putting his hands anywhere that might not be appropriate. I concentrated on keeping the towel on myself and putting one wobbly leg in front of the other, straight into my sister’s waiting arms. She caught the towel and wrapped it tightly around me, while Dad released my weight fully into her care. Mum and Dad had always understood that while they were our parents and we were close, Taylor and I were closer still.

“You’re so light now,” she commented, wrapping an arm around my waist to steady me.’

“We’re the same height now,” I commented right back.

And we were. It was hard to tell how close it was with me leaning on her like this, but our eyes were basically level. It was amazing. I couldn’t help a huge grin. I’d always been a little jealous of my sister, because she’d been born in a body like that and I hadn’t… but now we were the same. Sisters...

“Tami… you look so small now,” Mum said just above a whisper. She was staring at me in awe, and I couldn’t help giving her another smile.

“Already an improvement then,” I joked.

“You look like Taylor,” Dad said, a grin spreading over his face as his eyes flicked between us.

“They do look alike! Not quite identical, the hair and the eyes and some other features, but so close! It’s…” Mum said, tearing up all over again.

I opened my arms to her, and she walked over and hugged me, gathering me up tight in her arms. Mum was tall for a woman, taller than Taylor and I, but when Dad walked over and gathered all of us in his big arms, we were all dwarfed by him. A big old family hug. Oh gosh I was crying again. Fuck I was so happy.

“I think… I was worried that I wouldn’t care for you the same way, that my subconscious wouldn’t recognise you as being my child… but you look so much like your sister, with a helping of your fathers darker features. Oh the love I feel. You are my daughter,” Mum sobbed happily.

“Thanks Mum… I think… I think that was probably her intention when she did this,” I said with a wry grin.

“Her? Who?” Taylor asked inquisitively.

The family hug broke apart, with me leaning on Taylor again as everyone watched me for answers.

“MaTRON. Or as I’ve been calling her, May. She’s the AI in Cora that’s responsible for the player’s mental health,” I explained, then turned to Taylor. “You’ve met her actually, she’s the one you talk to in the death dream.”

“Really? She was the one who locked your pod?” Taylor asked in surprise.

“Yeah she… gah it’s a long story and I’ll try to get it right. She used to be just another mindless AI. Not truly there. But somehow, through some accident or other, she became self aware. Because she was designed to help humans play the game without lasting psychological damage, she retained those values when she gained sentience. When I joined the game, from what she just told me, forced me into a random character that she designed. I imagine that I was made to look like Taylor, not just through random genetics,” I said, smiling as I thought of the little girl.

“So this… May helped you?” Mum asked suspiciously.

“She did more than that Mum. According to her, the shaping would have failed if she hadn’t stepped in, locked the pod and taken control,” I said with a wince, then remembered something important, something that might help May. “You’d love her Mum. She’s actually not very old. Sixteen years old, by her perceived time, and a few months old in objective time. The form she likes using is a little teen girl with messy blond hair that she keeps in a bun and big glasses. She has a nervous habit of playing with them.”

“Yoooo!” Taylor exclaimed, her eyes lighting up. “She didn’t look like a kid to me, but she did play with her glasses a lot. Holy crap! Totally thanking her the next time I see her. She did a good job!”

"She did. She's a lonely little sweetheart who— " I said, before a familiar squeaky little voice piped up from the pod.

"Stop it! You're embarrassing me!" May complained.

We all turned to the pod in surprise, and I couldn't help a smirk when I said, "Uh huh. What I'm doing is telling the truth. You're incredible."

The pod made a petulant squeaking noise and went quiet for a moment while my family stared between the pod and I in surprise. Cheeky little shit had been listening in.

"May?" Mum asked after a moment, all but waving a sign that said, Motherly instincts.

"Hey May? You talk to Mum while I take Tami to get changed okay? Thanks for taking good care of my sister," Taylor said, taking hold of me and motioning to the door with a questioning look.

"Yup, and you're explaining that rock thing later!" I called as I followed Taylor's lead out the door.

"You… you were being dumb! You made a dumb character that you were going to hate, so I intervened!" the AI brat called back, and I could already picture those big puffy cheeks of hers all pouty as she frowned out at us from the pod.

"Uh huh!" I laughed as I left the room.

"She seems a lot cuter than the name MaTRON implies," Taylor chuckled.

I nodded as I heard Mum begin her motherly interrogation of May. Asking something about looking after herself properly. I was lucky that the little AI was there as a distraction or Mum wouldn’t have left me alone and given me time with Taylor.

“She hadn’t had a hug until I first died. Not a single hug,” I said, shaking my head. “You should have seen the poor girl, she looked overwhelmed by the whole thing at first, playing with her glasses and shit. Then she snuggled in and let me hold her properly for hours.”

“Getting motherly already huh?” Taylor teased, getting a blush out of me. These damn blushes! Where did they keep coming from! I didn’t blush!

“More like older sister. Kids… that seems a bit scary right now… especially considering…” I sighed, trailing off.

“Hold that thought,” Taylor said as we opened the door to my old childhood room.

Fuck, it had only been two years since I’d lived in here full time, but it felt like so much longer. My big bed still had the pokemon duvet cover on it, with a series of delivery packages on it. My wall still held a variety of posters featuring women, but not the way you’d think for a “boy’s” room. No, I had Wonder Woman, Lady Selk, and other intense don’t-fuck-with-me women like that. I still had the replica of Lady Selk’s huge mace I’d bought at a con one time. I’d had trouble lifting the thing back then, and I severely doubted I’d be able to lift it now. God I’d loved that show, even if it was from like twenty years ago.

Something I’d noticed even through the shakes from leaving the pod was that I was not nearly as strong as I was in the game, and I wasn’t as strong as I’d been previously either. So much for gaining cool abilities from some ridiculous sci fi mishap. Let’s check the demon form… nope. Bugger. Guess I was just a regular ol’ girl.

“Weird, your mirror has a sheet over it,” Taylor mentioned, frowning at it.

“Um… yeah,” I grimaced. Three guesses as to why that was the case. “Let’s leave the sheet on until I get some clothes on.”

“Oh! Speaking of clothes! We ordered some real basic stuff for you to use according to your file. Thank fuck we could at least access that. We didn’t really know what style you’d be interested in and figured we’d stick to the basics and let you go from there. So here’s some panties and a T-shirt bra to put on. Let me know if you need help with either,” she said, picking up the packages and opening them, then handing me the contents.

She turned her back while I struggled with the underwear, my body feeling so damn weak. I got the underwear on, but the bra I struggled with because of the strength issue. On the plus side, I was definitely flexible as all hell… I could get my arms all the way behind me no problem. If I was extremely lucky, maybe I could get Dawn to…

“Are you okay? You’ve gone red,” Taylor teased, having turned around at the sound of my bra problems.

“Oh you know, just thinking about how flexible I am now and what might happen if I get… someone… to do things to me,” I mumbled, an embarrassed grin spreading across my face.

“Oh?” Taylor prompted. “Sounds like there’s a someone you have in mind.”

I sighed, and wandered over to sit heavily on the bed. I grabbed one of the packages that looked like it had T-shirts and tried to open it. I failed, the plastic was too thick. Stupid fucking plastic. I pouted up at Taylor and thrust the package towards her.

“Please open it?” I pleaded.

“Sure,” she said, taking it from me with a laugh and tearing it open without much work. Damn I needed to do something about my strength problem.

“Thanks,” I said, taking the T-shirt she handed back. It was a normal black one, and it went over my head without a problem. Having gotten a little clothing on, I started to speak. “So you know how I cut the call… how much did you hear?”

“Nothing really, just someone gasping and then you panicked and turned it off,” she said, sitting down next to me.

“Well… That was Rora. The girl I’ve been with. The girl… I agreed to date, only in the game though because we were scared. She heard the call, saw you guys and heard Mum call me Terry,” I sighed, telling myself I wouldn’t cry. I wouldn’t. Fuck.

“Ohhh shit. Tami, come here,” she said softly, gathering my weak, frail body against her. “She thinks you’re a dude?”

“Yes, but it’s worse than that Taylor… Do you have my phone?” I asked, looking around and spotting it on the other side of Taylor sitting on the bedside table.

“Yeah, it’s here, let me grab it,” she said, reaching over and picking it up.

When she handed it to me, I unlocked it and flicked through the appropriate menus until I found the file. With the picture up, I passed it to Taylor and buried my face in her shoulder. Fuck. I had this knot of fear and anxiety sitting in my gut that just wouldn’t fuck off. I cared so much about her, about Dawn. Shit, the fact that Rora was Dawn had just reinforced my feelings tenfold. Like, I don’t know. Maybe I was just the type to fall for friends or something. I just knew I wanted her to hold me. Really, really fucking badly.

“No… no shit. Oh my god. Rora was.. Dawn Bridges? As in, your friend since childhood who suddenly started hating you Dawn? The one who you started being friends with again like a week ago? The one who messaged me, telling me she was worried about you? That Dawn?” Taylor asked with a sound that was half groan and half disbelief.

I didn’t say anything, if I did I’d hear my voice crack and that would start the tears for real. I nodded into her shoulder though, and earned a wordless noise of care from her, her arms wrapping around me with renewed strength.

“That is fucking rough. Not gonna lie,” she said into my hair.

I nodded again and lost my fight with the tears, beginning to sob into her shoulder. “Fuck,” I warbled, my voice breaking and scattering under the weight of my emotions.

“You care about her huh. Still care after you know who she is?” Taylor asked gently.

“Yeah… I might even care more now…” I mumbled desperately.

“Jeez,” she said, giving me a squeeze. “What are you going to do?”

I shrugged, sitting up out of the hug for a second, taking the hem of my new T-shirt and giving frustrated daps at my eyes. “I’m going to tell her the truth, but I don’t know if she’ll let me talk long enough to get it out.”

“Well you need to go to her then,” Taylor said matter of factly.

“I can’t just go to her!” I said sadly.

“Why not? Just walk up to her place and knock on the door,” Taylor said, a confused expression crossing her face.

“I can’t because she lives with her parents and she’s not out of the closet yet,” I grimaced, finally getting the tears wiped away.

“Oh…” Taylor said, her face falling into concentration as she tried to think of a solution for me. “I mean, you’ll see her at class right?”

“Yeah I will… Oh!” I exclaimed as I remembered the damn party. I quickly got my phone from Taylor’s lap and flicked through it. Yup, Dawn had sent me the details. “She might go to the party still…”

“Party?” Taylor said, her expression asking for more information.

“Dawn invited me to a party before we logged back in. It’s um… Here,” I said, showing her the address and time. “It’s tomorrow. Maybe I can talk to her there?”

Taylor shrugged, “I guess it’s as good a place as any. I’m coming with you though. I’m not letting you out of my sight while you’re still tottering around like a newly born foal.”

I grinned at her protectiveness and leaned over to give her a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks sis.”

“Team Twins,” she grinned, offering a fistbump, which I accepted. “We’ll get you the girl back, for sure.”

****

I crashed pretty soon after that, cuddling with Taylor on the couch while Mum and Dad bustled about. The evacuation of Tieille and then Chaillere had taken their toll. I’d slept barely eight hours in three days and I was exhausted. I felt comfy and happy under the blanket, zoning in and out of consciousness in a daze of euphoric happiness like nothing I’d ever felt. My twin sister’s arms around me and my parents doing whatever it was they were doing.

Mum was having trouble though. With her attention, because it was split between me, her kinda-sorta newly born daughter, and the one she was rapidly adopting who was talking from the pod. As May had started to warm up to Mum, she’d begun to talk her ear off about everything she was frustrated and upset about in the game. This ranged from the ongoing non-human virtual genocide, to not getting enough hugs.

I’d been briefly woken up by a lot of swearing when Mum had found out about the ongoing attempts on May’s life. There had been lots of swearing, and she’d thrown some cutlery around. Typical Mum behavior really. Glad she was pointing it at the evil bastards responsible for trying to hurt May. They were so fucked.

When dinner came around, we all had a TV dinner and watched the news. Things got a bit awkward when the recent events in Cora came up and there I was, front and center during one of the times I was used as ammunition. It did make for impressive visuals, so I wasn’t surprised that the newscast had decided to use the footage. I was moderately famous now… and I had that face outside the game now too. That might cause issues.

Before we went to bed though, something had to be done. I’d been avoiding it mostly because I’d been too tired to care, but I wanted to look in a mirror.

So Taylor, our parents and I all crowded into my room, and Taylor stood ready to drop the sheet I’d put over my mirror all those years ago.

“You ready?” she asked, a grin on her face.

“Yeah!” I said, breathless with anticipation.

She threw the sheet off, and my grin turned almost painful as I saw myself. Holy shit. I turned this way and that, admiring myself with awe. Sure, I’d been in this body, or one very close to it, for a total of two weeks already… but this was different. This was real.

My wide hips were there, as were my long legs and thin shoulders. I didn’t have nearly as much muscle as I had in the game, transforming my appearance from buff but petite to just straight up petite. Or gay up petite. Damn! I kinda wanted to be a little bit buff to be honest. Not a shitload, but enough to have some definition. Oh well, goals, goals, goals.

My face was almost identical to the game. My eyes were that almost-black stormcloud grey, and so was my hair. They were missing the little sparks of lightning too sadly. What was actually the most different, except for the lack of muscle, was my hair length. Where in the game it was down to my nipples, here it had only managed to grow down a little past my chin. It was long, longer than was fashionable for guys and very wild, but still short by your average girl standards.

I actually kinda liked it like this. Especially the way it was looking just barely tamed at any one time. I looked like I was a bit wild in bed, and I loved it. Because I was.

Then Taylor stepped up next to me, and I was suddenly crying tears of happiness. With us standing next to each other, there was no doubting it. We were sisters. Like, so close to identical it was crazy. Just enough differences, excluding the hair and eyes, to tell us apart.

I looked at my twin and grinned. Her long styled ginger hair contrasted well with my short dark hair, and her dark warm eyes with my dark chilled ones. We were the same height, just a little taller than average for a girl, about five foot eight if I had to guess. I was thin and almost waifish at the moment where she was filled out much as I was within Cora. We were like two sides of the same coin.

This was like a dream come true for me. It all felt so amazing, and I was getting hit with wave after wave of giddy euphoria as I just interacted with such a familiar environment in my new body. Picking up the little action figures I still had on my dresser and how different they felt in my much smaller hands. How everything had shifted up by like, a foot, because I’d shrunk. Even my bedsheets, when I finally got into bed, felt different on my softer, smoother skin. Good riddance to body hair, god damn.

****

The next morning, Sunday morning, I stumbled groggily out of bed and into the shower without thinking, following my old routine until I game to a grinding halt when my soapy hand found my boob. Suddenly, I was very awake. Very very awake. I lazily circled my nipple with a finger, smiling at the sensations as I watched it slowly harden. Oh this was fun.

My back hit the glass wall of the shower as I leaned on it for balance, my fingers beginning an eager but targeted exploration of my new body. My right hand, still on my nipple, circled the nub with two fingers and I squeezed experimentally. The resulting explosion of sensation in my mind dragged a delighted gasp from my lips.

Oh my. Continuing that for sure. Meanwhile, my left hand trailed down my flat, smooth stomach to the mound down there. Hmmm… no hair? Interesting. As my fingers fluttered over my center, uncertain of how to proceed all of a sudden, an image of Rora’s face between my legs on that first night sprang into mind. Shit… that had been Dawn. Wow.

As my fingers slipped beneath my own, very real folds, the image of Rora changed to one of Dawn down there. She wore that smirk of hers, her purple and green hair pulled to the side and out of the way as she lapped at me. Oh fuck. I shuddered as imaginary Dawn glanced up again with amusement as the warmth within began to build and build.

My body bucked and shifted on its own, not understanding that there was nothing to grind against as it begged for more, more… MORE. I let out a giddy, breathless moan of euphoric delight as I took myself over the edge. I slipped haphazard to the floor of the shower, my legs twitching and shaking as ripping sparks of both pleasure and euphoria shot up and down my limbs, collecting in my toes and fingers.

Holy crap, I'd just masturbated, as a girl!… to Dawn! Damn, I knew I should feel guilty about that, but damn it was just so fucking validating, no pun intended, to finally get to do that without the awful sick feelings in my stomach.

After I’d recovered from my little escapade, I cleaned myself up and hopped out of the shower. I was now thoroughly aware of my new body, especially the way it was still tingling after the shower. I was also glad to note that I could move under my own power now, although there was a vague ache across most of my body, like I’d been doing a workout.

When I was dressed, I wandered out to the kitchen to look for breakfast, and found dad hunched over the island in the kitchen, blearily spooning cereal into his face.

“Hey Dad, you look… tired,” I said diplomatically.

Regardless of how shit he looked, his big face turned up in a loving smile at the sight of me that warmed my heart. “Hey tyke, yeah. I was up all night altering that pod again. Something about the encryption that the military pod is using seems to be allowing little May out into the wider world. So I’m running some cabling from it into the house network. Gloria seems to have taken a liking to your little AI friend, and I can’t say I blame her.”

“Yeah me neither. She’s cute as a button. I promised her that she could be my little sister, I didn’t think I’d end up dragging the rest of the family into that arrangement,” I laughed, looking towards the room with the pod fondly.

“Seems like your mother is going to make something happen one way or another,” he laughed, his eyes twinkling with hidden mirth as we both shared a joke over Mum’s nature.

It was funny really. I definitely took after Mum the way I fixated on shit like her. She’d find some cause to rush off after, leaving the rest of us to watch in bemused confusion as she got almost violent at whoever was the problem. It was great fun to watch when the object of her motherly wrath or outrage wasn’t you.

Speaking of Mum, she turned the corner looking equally tired, and walked through the kitchen, then said. “Taylor, what happened to your hair?”

“Uh Mum, I’m Tami,” I giggled.

“Oh! Oh my! Gosh darn it!” she exclaimed, blinking and rubbing her eyes. “This is definitely going to take me some getting used to.”

She moved back around the kitchen island and pulled me into a warm hug, asking, “How’s my newly minted girl holding up then?”

“Pretty good. Slept really well, both the nap yesterday and last night,” I smiled.

“Lucky for some!” she joked. “That little AI of yours needs some serious love and attention. It’s criminal! Absolutely criminal! Honestly, the way they’ve treated a sweet little girl. I will find a way to help her if it involves walking up to the assembly with an axe and putting it through that ostentatious… ridiculous… door.”

“Whoa Mum,” I smiled, leaning up to kiss her on the cheek. “That doesn’t sound very productive. We all know you smuggle explosives in and put them under the floor.”

“Quite right,” Mum chuckled, patting me on the arm as she moved away to get her own breakfast.

The rest of the morning passed in pleasant familial bliss. Taylor wandered in looking her usual put-together self five minutes later and we all joked and played around like we used to. Except now I was a girl, and none of them were making an issue of it. That was just how things were now. I was sure they were doing that intentionally. Taylor would have bludgeoned it into both their heads to not exhaust me by having overeager reactions to everything.

So far, my new and improved life was feeling pretty good… apart from that still present lump in my chest that was my nervous heart. Damn. I wanted Dawn. I missed her, whatever form she was in.

And so as midday started to loom, Taylor dragged me to her room.

“Okay, so… I think you’ll probably fit my old clothes. I used to be kinda skinny back in the day before the whole streaming thing. Anyway, we’re going to find you some stuff to wear to the party!” she said, beaming excitedly at me.

Oof. Tears everywhere. I melted down on the spot, earning a look of alarm from her and another hug. It wasn’t that I was upset, it’s that… well I’d always looked on with envy as Taylor played around with women’s fashion. I’d been stuck with shitty, restrictive male fashion, while she’d gotten to wear dresses and skirts and jeans and shorts and sweaters that apparently counted as dressed and just... everything.

“What’s wrong? You don’t want to wear my clothes?” she asked worriedly.

“No, no… I’m just happy I finally get to wear some of this type of thing,” I sniffled with a hiccuping laugh.

“Oh… well in that case, here’s a tissue and let’s get you into something cute!” she grinned, back to being chirpy as she shoved a box of tissues into my hands. “Okay, help me dig through everything, I can’t remember where anything is.”

We began a hunt through all her clothing, quickly making a mess as we jokingly showed each other garments that would be very out of place at a college party. She’d managed to acquire a lot of stuff over the years, and it was quickly becoming apparent that she was a little bit of a clothes hoarder. She really didn’t need the too small clothes from when she was thirteen.

I did eventually find something that caught my eye. A very short, pleated red dress with a high neck. The skirt started mid-waist and ended down at my upper thigh. I was sure there was some name for this type of dress, but I had no idea what it was. There wasn’t any cleavage. There wasn’t actually any skin shown on the chest at all. It went all the way up around the neck, using the collar-like fixing up there to hold it up due to the fact it was backless and sleeveless. It opted to show off my entire back and some of my sides instead.

“I want to wear this,” I stated, still staring at it.

“Are you sure…? It’s a little… uh… revealing,” she said, motioning to the entirely empty back, then down to the skirt that didn’t cover much.

“I can wear stockings, and a jacket,” I said, very set on the dress now.

“What about this combo? Black skirt and blue jumper?” she asked, holding up the offending items.

“Taylor, if I’m going to convince a girl to take me back, I’m going to do it looking irresistibly fuckable. A blue sweater does not say, ‘irresistibly fuckable’,” I said, rolling my eyes.

Taylor dropped the clothes on the ground with a snort, “Alright Tami, point taken.”

I just laughed.

“Well, time to find some stockings then,” she sighed, looking at the mounds of clothing on the floor.

“Black stockings,” I said, looking down at the mess that was like forty percent black clothing.

“You dig on that side of the room, I’ll dig on this side,” she chuckled, and we got to work.

It took us far longer than I’ll admit to find black stockings in the mess, but at least taylor found some very lacy garters during the hunt. I’d be needing those too. My idea with the outfit, was to reinforce my new body to Dawn. It would be pretty hard to ignore my femininity if I turned up looking like I planned to.

Once the stockings were found, we added a pair of red flats to the mix as well, and a black leather jacket that was was cut off very high up the waist. Taylor had suggested some heels, but we were going to be drinking, and I didn’t want to roll an ankle and break this new body so quickly. Best to play it safe.

After we had the outfit together, Taylor decided to wear something similar, but in blue. Her dress was longer and her jacket was denim, but we looked pretty similar. I guess we were going to be leaning into the opposite twins thing. It was going to be fun, and I mentioned this as we stood there grinning at each other in our respective outfits.

“You know it actually extends ingame too? Into Cora?” she asked with a laugh.

“Really? How so?” I said, intrigued.

“Well, you’re like, a lightning Darkling girl now right? Well, I’m an Aurelling highborn. Looks pretty much the same was you but I’m all holy fire and a halo and shit. If you’re blue and black, I’m gold and white,” she winked.

“No way, like that dumb dress?” I laughed.

“Yeah, like the dumb dress,” she nodded with a giggle.

“Oh that’s too good. I can’t wait to hang out in the game finally,” I said, wobbling my way through the pile of clothing to give her another hug. I liked hugging my family now. All the hugs.

“Yeah, it’s going to be fun. I can’t wait to watch your silly ideas in action,” she nodded, hugging me back.

****

Taylor and I walked out of the lift and into the too-cold hallway of the apartment complex floor. We were up high in one of the nicer but not wealthy levels of the tower, where those who would have once been the lower middle class would have had their homes. It was probably a shared apartment now, the combined basic income of the people living there being able to afford the place.

I felt so god damn nervous I thought I was going to shake myself apart. I was about to go into my first social situation as a girl in the real world, and not only that, but I was doing it to try and impress a girl. Also I was beginning to regret my choice of clothing as I realised there would also be drunk straight dudes at the party. Damn… why hadn’t I thought of that?

“Which number again?” Taylor asked looking back at me and squeezing my hand reassuringly.

I’d lunged for her hand the moment we went into the elevator, and I was pretty sure I’d be crushing it right now if I wasn’t so damn weak. As it was, my knuckles were white with the stress. What if Dawn didn’t care? What if she still wanted nothing to do with me even after she found out I was trans, after she found out that I was a girl. It would fucking crush me, and even worse I’d have to face her in class knowing she not only hated me again, but hated me for being who I was.

“Tami?” Taylor asked again, dropping my hand to give me a sisterly side hug.

“O-oh… um. Forty eight,” I mumbled, trying for the phone in my pocket before realising that I didn’t have the luxury of pockets anymore and my phone was in Taylor’s purse.

It was really just my nervousness wanting me to check the phone anyway. I’d memorised the address just by the sheer number of times I’d anxiously checked my phone on the way here.

We made our way around the circular corridor until we came to the right number, and I could already faintly hear some sort of shitty electronica playing from inside. Why was it always shitty electronica? Like, that one synthetic music nerd who always found the damn stereo and just hissed at anyone who came near and tried to change the music to something that wasn’t stupidly niche and strange. Don’t get me wrong, there’s good electronica and stuff, but it was always the really crappy stuff that they played.

“You ready?” Taylor asked, giving me a reassuring smile.

“Fuck no,” I growled, pushing forward anyway and opening the door.

The music washed over me with its grating awful tinny sounds, but the sound of many voices talking and laughing blended together and made it sound a little less crap. There was a certain level that the hubhub of people talking reached where it turned into pleasant white noise. There must be quite a few people here.

Taylor stuck close as we moved into the party, smiling and deflecting as we went. I couldn’t see Dawn anywhere though. Damn, had she not come to the party after all? We’d made it into the very large living room area, one of those huge open plan affairs that also had the kitchen and dining room attached, when a guy blocked our path.

He was your typical college guy party goer. He had those weird tight plastic pants on that were fashionable at the moment for guys. I’d personally refused to wear them, sticking with the more timeless jeans. He had a shitty little goatee that was just a little too sparse to pull off the already very hit-or-miss style.

“You ladies want a drink?” he asked, offering some cups to us.

I was about to accept the offer when Taylor pushed my hand down and shook her head. “No thanks.”

I blinked at her as she quickly moved us past the guy, and she leaned over to whisper, “Come on Tami, you know better than to accept opened drinks from people.”

“Oh! Crap!” I winced, feeling a little spike of fear at what that might have just been. “I didn’t… I mean I’ve never really had to worry about before. I know to watch out for it, for other girls… just not… me.”

“Well it’s a damn good thing I came along too then,” she said, ruffling my hair.

I hadn’t really touched my hair when we were getting ready. It was a mess, but that was kinda the point of the style, so it didn’t matter. I wasn’t wearing makeup either, not that I needed it yet. I was just regular old Tami, but that was the point right? Dawn needed to recognise me.

“Isn’t that her?” Taylor asked, pointing over to where someone had just come out of a hallway.  “Damn, that hair colour suits her.”

I looked over, and my heart instantly started doing a wild gymnastics floor routine. Spinning flips and cartwheels all over the place. Oh god it was Dawn. Was it too late to run away? Could we go home and I could hide? No… no I didn’t back down from shit, I wasn’t going to back down from this.

“Go on,” Taylor said, giving a gentle nod of her head towards Dawn. “You go talk to her and I’m going to go and find whoever is responsible for this party and let them know to watch the creepy guy.”

“Wait!” I squeaked, as she patted me on the arm and walked away.

Damn it! Damn it! Shit! Fuck. Okay, I needed to just… walk over to her. God she was looking gorgeous. She had her dark eye makeup on again, and her hair was wild and free, falling down her back. She was wearing a simple jeans and tank top combo that showed off her strong, slim arms and shoulders. Her neck was open too and oh fuck I was totally staring.

Now or never I guess. I started moving through the room as she sipped her drink and watched the room. Each footstep I took felt like it had the weight of mountains behind it, and I could feel raw adrenaline smashing through my bloodstream like one of my lightning fists. Any second now her curious eyes would hit me. What would she think?

Then it happened. Her eyes strayed to mine. It took her a second, her unconcerned expression widening in shock. Her eyes flew wide and she took a small step forward. I don’t know what happened, I was walking, then I was.. Something. I made it to her, her eyes wide and her breathing looking just as intense as mine. Fuck she was gorgeous, so, so gorgeous. Please don’t hate me.

I opened my mouth, wanting to say something. Like, anything would do at this point, but all the words that were bouncing around in my head seemed unable to find their way to my mouth. So we stood there, staring and shaking for I don’t know how long. Hours? No, probably just a second or two.

Then she was reaching out. Slowly, oh so slowly, like she wasn’t sure I was real. Her fingers skated like terrified mice across my bare arm for a moment, then jerked back.

“How?” she asked, confusion dominating her expression. “You’re… meant to be…”

“Um, talk outside?” I asked quickly, pointing to the balcony as people brushed past us. I wanted this conversation to be private, and the toilet was probably down the corridor we were blocking or something.

She nodded awkwardly, not quite knowing how to nod at the moment apparently. I knew I was losing basic skills by the second, my brain deciding they weren’t relevant right now. Walking? Who needs to know how to do that? I led the way with an uncertain tread, looking back almost as much as I looked forward, making sure she was behind me.

We made it to the much quieter balcony, a reasonably large affair with a bunch of potted plants strewn across the place. It had a great view of the city though. I walked past a few people hanging out around the door and into the far corner where no one was currently hanging out and turned to her. She’d followed me, thank fuck.

“How?” she asked again. “When I logged out… I thought you were…”

“Thought I was who?” I asked quietly, my eyes flicking between hers. We were the same height now, pretty much. I think I was half an inch taller? Maybe not... I don’t know.

“I thought you were my friend... Terry. He’s um… we’ve known each other a long time and I freaked out because… no, but that doesn’t make sense! It was you! Terry’s family…” she said, her brows furrowing in even more confusion.

“No… you’re not wrong,” I sighed, my heart leaping into my throat.

“What? But I’m staring at you… How are you…?” she said finally trailing off.

“You want to know why my relationship with Krissy fell apart? It was because of this,” I said motioning to myself and turning to the city rather than having to watch her reaction as I spoke. “I’m transgender. I couldn’t… I was deteriorating. My life and my will to live crumbling before my eyes as my ignorance and defences on the subject finally fell apart.”

“No way…” she breathed, shifting to lean on the railing. I saw her wide eyes and surprised expression in the corner of my vision. Damn, she was pretty even in the fuzziness of the corner of my eye.

“So when I jumped into Cora, I accidentally used a randomised character. But it didn’t end up bad. I loved the character, but more than that I loved being a girl, being in the right body. It was intense and I was almost high on the euphoria of it all. Hanging out… and uh, more with you, and just everything. It was great. And then I logged out,” I grimaced.

“So… oh my god this is a lot. My head is still spinning, sorry, can we skip to how you’re standing here as Tami now?” she said breathlessly, taking a little step forward again and leaning around to see my face properly.

“Uh, black market modifications to my pod. The whole… the whole last week we’ve been hanging out in Cora, I was changing,” I murmured, feeling even more emotionally wild as she got closer. “Do you remember that night when I just passed out? The one where I was screaming and crying in my sleep?”

“I’m not going to forget it anytime soon,” she shuddered.

“That was the night of the major surgery. The pod was cutting me up, taking out all the large parts that it didn’t need anymore,” I said matter of factly. “I was probably awake for it on some level… hence the um, screaming. I don’t remember it though.”

“Holy shit,” Dawn gulped, finally reaching out to touch me. Just my arm again, but her hand stayed there and I turned to her. “I’m sorry. That sounds awful…”

“Yeah, well, it was doing something I wanted sooo.. yeah. Anyway... um… I don’t know. I guess this is… hello? I’m Tami… we’ve known each other a bloody long time, but you’ve always seen me through a mask or a filter, at least until you met me in Cora,” I said, smiling nervously at her.

Her eyes explored my face for what seemed like a long time, but her thumb was more than enough conversation right then, the way it was gently moving across the skin of my arm. I could see her chewing on her tongue as she thought things through.

“Nice to meet you Tami. You’re really damn pretty and fun and… damn especially now. That outfit…” she said, finally stopping to devour me with her eyes. Oh that was a look. Be still my heart.

“Thanks,” I blushed, ducking my head and grinning. “You look fucking amazing too. God I wish that things were different and we could… yeah. Anyway.”

“Ugh… yeah, same. Look, I’m sorry… for running away in the game at the end there,” she smiled, giving an awkward cough. “For the record, I wasn’t running away because of… like, the fact I thought you were a guy IRL or anything. My sexuality doesn’t care about that type of thing. It sees what it sees. It was just… it felt… I felt scared, knowing I was… feeling things for my other best friend. I thought I’d escaped that shit you know?”

I nodded slowly, my eyelids fluttering for a second as the tiny movements of her thumb on my arm sent excited sensations up through my body. My world was rapidly narrowing to that point of contact.

“Same here,” I whispered.

“Fuck, what do we do now?” she asked, taking her hand off my arm and leaving a gaping, aching hole where it had been. I wanted it back. “I’m just… shit, I’m thinking back on everything. The last three weeks, the way you acted. Fuck, it’s so obvious now that I look back on the... Tami I knew in Cora. But then there’s how fucked up you looked after that log out. No wonder you looked like shit. Jesus and the way I’d always hear how you did things with girls you were with. People said a lot of things. Jesus and even further back. Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“Yeah, my sentiments exactly,” I groaned, leaning my elbows on the railing and dropping my head in my hands.

She was silent for a minute, and then I gasped in surprise as her hand went into my hair and she pulled me against her. Her other arm quickly wrapped around me and I shook like a leaf at her touch. What was happening?

“You like this still right?” she asked, doing that thing she’d done in the game where she scratched in circles across my scalp.

“Ohh fuck yes,” I moaned, leaning my weight on her.

“Whoa, that was a noise,” she said with a choking laugh.

Yeah it was a noise! I want you! God fuck damn shit jesus I want her so badly!

“What do we do now?” I pleaded. Pleading for her to just press me against this railing and take me right there, hanging out over the edge of the abyss.

“Shit. I don’t know,” she sighed, her hand stopping for a second and earning a rumble of protest from me. Bad hand, you get the fuck back here!

Taking a deep breath to try and calm myself and draw my mind out of fantasy and back to reality. “Your um… your note said… you wanted to see what happened out here in the real world?” My heart was once again hammering away in my chest as I waited for the answer, almost as soon as I’d said the words.

She started to move away from me, but I almost fell over at the sudden absence of her support and she was quickly there again to hold me up. Careful. I might be made of lightning on the inside, but I was made of feathers and tissues on the outside right now. Fuck this was embarrassing. I was the girl who got shot out of cannons and turned into a kinetic impactor!

“Sorry…” I chuckled, my face heating with embarrassment. “I’m really weak right now.”

“Yeah you don’t look like you have much in the way of strength out here,” she laughed along with me, but then her voice turned serious as she said her next words. “I’m… fuck, I want you so bad, but I’m also terrified that I want you this bad. It’s maddening... So uh, yeah… let’s just see what happens?”

Leaning against the railing to hold myself up, I pulled out of her support and looked up into her eyes. Fuck they were just as intense as ever. Devouring me with a look, as she had every time she’d seen me while she wore the guise of Rora.

“Yes… please! Fuck, I want you too,” I swore, my heart bursting with the pressure of my feelings for her.

“Okay… so… we um, we start over, ish. Or we don’t, but we… we start as friends, like we said a week and a bit ago and then if things go somewhere, they go somewhere,” Dawn stated, her face going red at my words and she ran her hand through her gorgeous hair.

My eyes followed her fingers as they brushed through it, wishing that it was my fingers running through that thick fluffy mess she had. Far out. Without the distraction of dysphoria to pull me down and kill my mood, I was ravenous for her. She was gorgeous. Incredible. Everything about her was lightning in my veins.

“Should we um, go inside?” I asked instead, taking notice of the cold. “Taylor’s here too.”

“She is?” Dawn asked, looking over at the window into the apartment.

“Yeah. Let’s go find a couch to sit on or something, I don’t think I can stand,” I huffed, wincing as my weak muscles protested the abuse they weren’t used to. “And thanks by the way, for being chill about this.”

“Oh, I don’t feel very chill,” she laughed nervously, her hand going tentatively around my waist to hold me up as we went inside. “I feel like a crazy woman. This is so surreal.”

“Well, I’m just glad my life didn’t turn into a shitty twelve episode romance anime where the entire plot hinges around a stupid, easily resolved misunderstanding,” I grumbled, leaning into her and loving every ounce of warm contact.

“Yeah, there is that. Sorry for almost letting that happen,” she laughed.

“I’ll forgive you for pretty much anything at this point,” I said softly.

She didn’t answer, maybe she didn’t hear me. Instead, she helped me inside and onto a free couch, where she immediately sat down next to me. Very close. So deliciously close. See where things went, my sweet, tight little ass. Damn, I needed to chill out or I was going to jump her within hours of us making that little agreement.

“There you are! I assume the talk went okay?” Taylor asked, looking between us as she held out two beers. Not my first drink of choice, but that wasn’t the point of drinking at a college party.

I took it with a grateful smile and if the way my weight fell when I leaned back was more on Dawn than off her, then so be it. There was contact between us from thigh to hip to shoulder and it felt lovely. She was so damn warm! Like seriously, this dress was cold, even with the jacket.

Taylor sat down on a couch across from us, and we started chatting. We talked about the old days, how things had been when we were all kids, without tons of bullshit drama between us. Except, every time I was mentioned, the pronouns were flipped to match how I was now, and my heart swelled with happiness that both of them were this understanding. Fuck I was lucky.

That first beer did more than I’d anticipated though, and I tried to keep my cool as I was handed another and another. At some point the girl from our class turned up, the one hosting this party, and then more of our classmates. No one mentioned anything about my fame or who I might be, but I figured when we got to class tomorrow it might be different, when they all realised who I used to be and the news had gotten out further about what has happening in Cora. News of the awful shit that was happening was still spreading.

Both Dawn and I began to get more and more drunk as the night went on and Taylor gave us more random and sister approved drinks, and if that also resulted in me planting myself in Dawn’s lap, well it was the alcohol's fault, I swear. She was just so nice to cuddle. The drinks stopped after a while though, something about wanting me to be able to walk, whatever. Party pooper. As things wore on, I began to doze, my tired body refusing to go on much longer, and suddenly it was time to go home.

A mostly sober Taylor dragged Dawn and I out of the apartment and into the elevator, asking Dawn, “You okay to get home?”

“Um— “ she mumbled drunkenly, before I cut in.

“No! I don’t want her to go. Not leaving her!” I exclaimed petulantly, her arm still around me and my arms still very much around her.

“Yeah I… I don't want to go either,” Dawn slurred, resting her head against mine.

“Useless fucking lesbians,” Taylor muttered. “Alright, come home with us then. We’re staying at our parent’s place for now, so good luck in the morning.”

“Yay!” I exclaimed happily, maybe wobbling on my feet a little. “Will you come home? I mean, we’re just still friends but like we used to have sleepovers when we were kids and it was fine!”

“Yeah! Sleepover like when we were kids!” Dawn nodded drunkenly, giggling and cuddling close. Mmmm she smelled nice. She was so warm.

“You’re really cool,” I mumbled.

Taylor laughed and got her phone out, ordering us a taxi. “Tomorrow is going to be fun.”

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