Transformation or Death

Chapter 48

Like a Comet in Your Heart (9)

Han Jae-jung smiled despondently. He covered his face with his hand dripping with drops of blood. It was a motion more fitting to be called a wet face wash rather than a dry one.

“I’m sorry! Everything Jae-jung said was right! Right now, I’m weak. I don’t have the strength to protect both you and myself at the same time right now. And I admit it now! I’m scared of the enemy! I really don’t want to die! I know running away is the right thing to do. I know what the rational choice is. But I know…!” 

In the bright light reflecting her face reddened by smeared blood.

“Still, I couldn’t run away and leave you alone, Jae-jung! It’s not because of my mistake or duty or anything like that. Right now, I want that more than anyone else.”

The place she flew towards and arrived at with her dream is none other than this battlefield. 

“If I run away now, I feel like I’ll never reach the future I wanted. Even if I secure my life right now, I won’t be able to secure my dream. So… I came back!”

This is the place she thinks her ideals exist.

“I told you, I won’t resent you, right?”

Just because her ideals existed here didn’t mean this was a place she could achieve those ideals.

They both knew that.

Despite her bold entrance, the situation hadn’t changed.

In the end, nothing had changed from before.

What Libra is aiming for is Han Jae-jung.

This was confirmed by the fact that Red Vega would not be chased if she fled alone.

Therefore, it’s impossible for Red Vega and him to flee together.

However, both sides are too seriously injured to defeat Libra.

One side was already on the verge of death.

The threat of death is still imminent, and there is no proper way to overcome this situation.

It defies instinct and rationality.

It’s a foolish act.

And yet, by challenging it, she’s a hero.

Red Vega’s eyes held desperation.

She was looking for an ally to support her stubbornness.

Anyone would be scared to walk a path alone, especially if it’s for the first time.

She wants to gain legitimacy for her actions now. She wants to gain the belief that she wasn’t wrong.

‘None other than my answer.’

To Red Vega’s question of whether he would resent her, Han Jae-jung simply nodded with a refreshing smile.

“Yeah, I won’t resent you.”

He felt drained and perplexed.

But that was no reason to drive her away after she returned.

He doesn’t know the result of her return.

Coming back here now could be the wrong choice.

It doesn’t matter.

The resolution made amidst fear is firm.

The decision she made, prioritizing it over her own life, transcends any rationality or reason.

Of course, he should affirm it.

‘How could I even think of denying that answer in the first place?’

No one has the arrogant right to force specific actions on others for their own achievement.

It was foolish to have forced it so far.

If sincere persuasion didn’t work, then there’s nothing else to be done now.

‘I’ll just believe.’

This is no one else’s life but hers. This is the answer she firmly made after recognizing the value of her own life.

It’s not acting recklessly without knowing fear.

She clearly recognized the fear and still acted.

Han Jae-jung had no right to make her turn back, nor did he want to.

‘Even if the whole world denies it, I alone will affirm it.’

Because that’s what a protector of protectors does.

“I will affirm and support every choice you’ve made. If you didn’t run away… If that’s truly what you want… Then I’ll just believe it now.”

And a protector deservedly receives due respect.

Protecting isn’t just about life, but all of their honor and dreams.

If her dream lies with him now, he’ll dedicate himself to it.

“I was about to give up my life just now. The fear of you dying was stronger than the fear of my own death.”

Unlike the previous time on the bridge, this was a true rescue. 

A salvation from an attempted suicide without any delusion.

For her, who saved others while saving herself, he entrusted his life.

“Did you come to waste your life, or risk your life? Did you come to commit suicide or save yourself?… The latter, I suppose.”

He missed the chance to transform.

The miraculous power of a dying resilience was gradually draining away.

Now he couldn’t even grab the belt or move his body.

“Suicide prevention… Now you’re showing it through action, not just consultation.”

Red Vega’s eyes widened. Those eyes gradually calmed. Her eyelids were beautifully curved.

Whether the joke worked or she was just happy to receive any affirmation.

“So you won’t say anything different later?”

Red Vega who heard the answer smiled brightly.

Receiving affirmation from others always lifts one’s spirit.

“Okay, get ready because I’m going to save you!”

She conveyed clearly and firmly the words she had spoken vaguely before.

Of course, there was still some unease.

Her legs were trembling and she lost strength in her clenched fists.

Her heart was pounding wildly. She could hear her heartbeat. Maybe that’s why her breathing was rough too.

She shivered like someone with hypothermia, and she clenched her teeth to stop the shaking.  

All of this was evidence of her fear.

But it wasn’t a reason for it to recede.

She glanced back and carefully observed his body.

‘Serious.’

It was miraculous that he could even speak and move right now.

Blood was soaked like someone had accidentally spilled an inkwell, one of his legs was bent at an odd angle like a mishandled doll, he had bruises all over, and his cracked head was bleeding into his eyes.  

As she carefully observed, her gaze lingered on one area – his waist area and abdomen, the area with the most serious injury, and…

“…”

“…”

There was a lot she wanted to say but there was no time right now.

“Over there.”

Suddenly, Han Jae-jung’s body staggered. Trying to balance his body with just steel bones was quite a difficult task after all. Even more so in a state with no strength left due to excessive bleeding.

Eventually, having lost all strength to stand, his body followed the laws of nature and was pulled down.

The belt wrapped around his waist also came undone, returning to its ring shape.

Red Vega rushed over and supported him.

“…I’m okay. I can still move…” 

“If you move any further here, you’ll really die. Are you going to make my coming here pointless?”

Han Jae-jung closed his mouth. He had nothing to say because it was true.

Red Vega briefly turned her gaze towards the enemy’s direction.  

“As you said. Girl, due to your wrong choice, you both ended up throwing away your lives in vain.”

Libra, brushing off the dust as she stood up, narrowed her eyes in displeasure.

“Then I shall grant your wish and kill you.”  

A flickering golden radiance slowly blossomed.

‘Right now, I’m the only one who can stop her.’

For a while, she couldn’t pay attention to Han Jae-jung. She had to leave him be.

Red Vega closed her eyes tightly and placed her hand on his wound. Right now, he was bleeding excessively – moving would kill him, but not moving would also kill him. The most urgent thing was to stop the bleeding.  

“I’m sorry. You can’t blame me for this either, understand?”

“…? Arghhhh!!!”

A scream piercing enough to rip one’s ears erupted from Han Jae-jung. It was a scream of excruciating pain that would make one think of resistance fighters being tortured.

It was because of the tremendous heat emanating from Red Vega’s raised hand.  

She cauterized the bleeding area with fire to stop the bleeding. An extreme emergency measure.

Among human sufferings, searing pain is said to be the strongest.

It was only natural that a scream would burst out when that stimulated his nerves to the fullest.

“I’ve practiced this a few times, you know? It was just imagination… But it should be okay! Feel my delicate touch!”

“You’re doing this for… Arghhhh!!!”

“Revenge? I don’t really know about that!”

“You wicked witch…”

Her brazenness left him speechless. 

Han Jae-jung, who had been screaming, soon fell silent. 

The pain made it impossible for him to speak any further.

Extreme pain fails to awaken consciousness, but rather paralyzes it instead. Han Jae-jung’s eyes gradually closed.  

He began entrusting his weight to Red Vega’s body.

“Damned…suicide counselor…”

“I’ll take that as words of encouragement. Yes, I heard your cheering. Rest for a bit.”

In the end, his body lost its self-control completely and fell entirely into her hands. At the same time, the blood flowing from his abdomen also stopped.

“Infighting?”

“No, this is a protective act as well as a treatment.”

“Foolish. To diminish your own forces like that.”

“I can’t very well ask a civilian to help with combat.”  

“Are you feigning ignorance?”

“Haha, there was nothing for me to know in the first place. I’m just an uneducated idiot who doesn’t understand…”

Red Vega gently laid down his body.  

Her tone was calm, but intense anger existed within.  

Like quietly boiling oil.

“The only thing I know right now is this.”

She raised her fractured left arm and clenched her fist. The piercing pain sent warnings repeatedly to her body, but she ignored them.  

She also raised her right arm to chest level and clenched her fist. Her legs were in a stance ready to lunge out at any moment.

“That I must defeat you.”  

“…Haha.”

Libra laughed unpleasantly.  

Spreading both arms, she accepted Red Vega’s challenge.

“Then go ahead and try!”

Red Vega stomped the ground. That one stride alone was enough to instantly close the distance to Libra.  

Libra didn’t bother defending. She intended to fully gauge Red Vega’s strength with this one blow.

Pow!

Her chin jerked upwards. Red Vega’s fist had struck her chin.  

At the end of her skyward gaze was bewilderment. 

Could there really be this much impact, even if she didn’t take a defensive stance?

‘Indeed.’

The bewilderment soon turned to certainty.  

It was different from when they had exchanged blows a few days ago.

‘She has grown stronger.’

Libra swung her ugly hand fiercely. With just that one sweeping motion, a powerful gust akin to a crashing storm erupted, strong enough to rip the ground apart. An overwhelming force to match the overwhelming light.

An appearance akin to a pseudo-divinity. A smaller light compared to what she had seen before.

‘Compared to what she had seen before.’

It was still undoubtedly powerful.

The moment she sensed her movement, Red Vega leapt upwards. This time too, she discharged fire from the soles of her feet. It was closer to taking flight than a leap.

“Aren’t you overestimating your growth?”  

The problem was, Libra was also capable of the same maneuver. With an explosive sound, Libra jumped up as well.  

A shadow fell over Red Vega above.

“Ugh!”

Soon after, a thunderous impact struck her. Red Vega swiftly spun around to defend.

Bang!

A repeat of the scene from moments ago. Red Vega plummeted to the ground. Pulverizing the already shattered building once more, shards of debris and a cloud of dust sprayed up like droplets of water.  

Amidst the rippling wake of destruction, the girl rose.

“Did you discard your left arm?”

Her left arm was in such a state that it could no longer be used. Hanging limply downwards like a doll with the stuffing pulled out, its ragged appearance was almost pitiable.

“Hah, no different from a moth to a flame.”  

Red Vega didn’t outright deny it.

A moth to a flame.

An expression likening one to an insect drawn to something, burning up its life.  

It’s often used to describe a foolish person entering the ruin of their own accord.

‘It suits me perfectly.’

Since Watcher’s appearance, Red Vega has experienced defeat, disgrace, and setbacks more times than she could count.  

Through this, she has realized a few truths.

One, the villains are terrifying.  

Their self-assurance alone makes them too formidable to simply overpower.  

Their massive sizes instill a primal fear, and the strength they wield is unreasonably overwhelming.

Also, it is unequal.

For a magical girl who must protect civilians as well as herself against them, the struggle is extremely arduous, repeated day after day.  

The accumulated fatigue rests heavier on this side, while the accumulated power rests heavier on theirs.  

‘I know.’

She has fully realized it. That there are walls in this world that cannot be overcome through sheer willpower and blind persistence alone.  

Two, losing one’s life is terrifying.

A simple truth.  

Yet she kept averting her gaze. But now, she can no longer look away.  

Just as an intense light reveals itself even in a dark room, an overpoweringly strong fear can crumble even the most hardened resolve, like an iron fortress.

Even for a so-called hero, death is terrifying. No different from anyone else.  

That primal instinct present in all life forms applied to her just the same.

But it meant more than just a simple instinct.  

If you die, it’s over. There is no future.  

No more dreams to pursue, no more things to do, no one left to protect.

All of it would cease to matter in the end.

The negation of all possibilities and the self. 

That is why death is frightening.

Third, not being recognized is frightening. 

It was said that humans are social beings. It certainly was true.

Having no allies is frightening.

Not receiving affirmation from someone is frightening. 

I tremble at the thought that this behavior could just be a needless nuisance. If I get cursed at, I feel wronged. I get angry.

Somewhat childish and vulgar thoughts like ‘I devoted myself like this, so why don’t you recognize me and just curse me? Praise me! Understand me! Forgive me!’ also come to mind.

They say heroes must be noble, but in the end, they too needed affection. 

Red Vega finally had to acknowledge the three fears she had denied.

The realization she came to.

‘I am not Sky Polaris.’

Ever since the day she descended onto the burning road, she had always admired her.

Respected and dreamed of her.

She wanted to become like her. She trusted every word in her interviews and wanted to follow them exactly.

But admiration did not mean being the same.  

She and Sky Polaris were different people.

No matter how much she tried to imitate, she could not have the same mindset, the same power, or stand in the same position.

‘Still a young, inexperienced magical girl.’

A silly girl who learned magic late and charged in recklessly without thinking.

“To practice justice, one needs the power befitting it. Why have you returned? You should have nurtured your power later and challenged me again.”  

Libra’s words were not wrong.

She humbly accepted them.

“Is he your family?”

No.

“Is he your lover?” 

No.

“Is he your friend?”

No.

“Then what reason is there for you to protect him like this? In such a pitiful state, shaking your hands and feet, gritting your teeth, dripping feeble flames, trembling in fear.”

Red Vega clenched her fists again.

“Why did you return?”

Am I afraid? Of course. She is a villain who threatens lives and has defamed my honor. Naturally, she is frightening. I’m regretting not running away while I could.

Fear is hope.  

Because it is an act of self-defense.

If fear makes you step back, you can protect your body and mind.

The protected mind and body can one day step forward into the future again.

Since it preserves the possibility for the future, this fear, this dread, is hope.

But it is merely hope.

“Why did I return, you ask?”

Hope is merely a possibility. Something that may or may not happen in the future. Some unrealized reality. 

Just a fantasy.

If hope is not realized, it is no different from the hallucinations of an addictive drug. 

Something sweet that may make you happy now, but render you pitiful later.

So fear is hope, but simultaneously, it is nothing.

“Do you really need to ask that?”

Therefore, a step taken while acknowledging fear is honorable.

A determined step taken while acknowledging hope. 

The courage that blossoms from fear. 

That single step is not a possibility, but a realization.

“When did protecting people ever need a reason?”

Her answer was not about the duty of a magical girl she had imposed on herself until now. 

It was even less about guilt. 

There was no force or coercion.

She did not push herself.

She simply voiced her natural feelings.  

Simply reaffirming her newly refined ideals here and now.

“I don’t need your understanding. I move for my own reasons.”

Because she had already received affirmation from the one behind her. Because there is someone here to answer for this ideal.

Thus, Red Vega took a step forward. 

Hearing her answer, Libra laughed.

“I see. Yes, that was originally what a hero was. That is the justice you all have shown. My apologies. I have insulted you.”

A brilliant light gathered in his two hands. A blinding golden radiance spread, and the air trembled.

A power that could rip the sky and shake the earth gathered there.  

The sun’s glory paled before it, and the earth’s embrace abandoned her.

Eventually, those two rays converged into one.

“Then perish, without any reason.”

Celestial Downpour.

The light burst forth in a straight line, cutting down everything in its path, reducing it all to ash.

Red Vega raised her only usable hand.  

She too unleashed flames, not holding back.  

It could not be called a technique. It was not something so refined. Not violence tamed by reason into something crafted.  

Desperately, recklessly, she squeezed out all the magic power she could muster and breathed fire.

It resembled the raw wail of a lost child. 

It was like a raging torrent of emotion.

‘I can’t lose.’

She cannot retreat.  

Red Vega’s footsteps faltered back a step.

‘I cannot lose.’

There is someone behind her.

Someone who worried about her so much, yet smiled and affirmed her when she returned.  

Someone she still has a mountain of things left to say to.

Red Vega silently retreated.

“What a pitiful glimmer! Be snuffed out here! Disappear! Sacrifice yourself for the glory of this light!”  

What obscures light is not darkness, but a stronger light.  

Red Vega retreated again.

And again, and again she retreated.  

Until finally,

Her heel struck something behind her with a thud.

“There’s no way it will be erased.”

The right hand of someone was placed on Red Vega’s right hand as she breathed fire. He placed it there, unconcerned by the heat, the pain.

An embodiment of affirmation. 

He affirmed the girl’s efforts, right here, right now.

“Since I’m watching over here. If I’ve witnessed it, I know, and if I know, I’ll remember. No matter how much you deny it, here, I affirm it. I affirm that her light exists brilliantly in this place.”

Villains grow strong through people’s denial. 

Magical girls are the opposite.

They grow strong through people’s affirmation.

Love.

Self-affirmation gained through others.

“Here, I have seen a star.”  

Peace.

Others’ affirmation gained through oneself.

Red Vega’s light grew stronger.  

The flames gathering in the girl’s hand were no longer feeble.

They surged powerfully, as if able to embrace anything.  

It was the harbinger of the sacred.

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