To Live Again, For the First Time!

WARNING: This chapter hints at human experimentation, death, etc. If you are not comfortable with such topics, please skip to the next chapter!!

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[The success ratio so far has been just under 2 percent.]

[Yes, it's quite good, better than I had expected, and it will only get higher from now on.]

[Let's continue until we have at least 100 successful subjects.]

[The youngest ones from the streets are perfect. They have the strongest tainted mentality. If we only use them, we might even raise the success rate. After the first testing phase, we should be able to get at least 1000 successful subjects to proceed to phase two.]

[Plus, no one will notice even if they disappear. The higher-ups should agree.]

[AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!]

[Successful subject number 4 seems to have woken up.]

[Use the level 3 tranquilizer, if that doesn't work just inject another dose.]

[Got it!]

[UHHH]

[uhh]

[…]

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Emilin POV:

WHAT WAS THAT!

I could feel the cold sweat soaking up my clothes along with the hotel sheets. My anxiety made me want to sit up from my position, but no matter how much I wanted to flail, I couldn't move an inch.

It was sleep paralysis.

Was this what happened in my previous nightmares?

I was there.

This was too realistic for it to have been conjured up from my imagination.

The sentences were too specific, but more importantly, the voices sounded so familiar

What exactly was happening?

They seemed to be two men talking about subjects.

Test subjects?

Was I being tested on?

Was it possible that I was experimented on in my past life?

But I don't recall having any scars or injuries on my body. Except for being incredibly frail. Plus, wouldn't these scientists want their subjects to be in their best physical condition possible?

Even if that wasn't the case, I was one of the successful subjects, right? They should want to keep me alive.

If I was a failed one, I would have died no?

And there were more people?

If they actually got 100 successful subjects even though the success rate was less than 2 percent… 4900 deaths would be a conservative estimate!

That's not even going into that phase two they spoke of.

Yet somehow, I had a gut feeling that the ones who survived were the unlucky ones.

I stared into the blank ceiling as I tried to calm myself down so that I could think rationally. Hours seemed to pass like seconds and the next thing I knew it was already morning. I could tell through the digital clock on my bedside.

It was already 8 AM and my sleep paralysis had still not gone away. I could move my head, but the rest of my body wasn't listening to my commands.

Today had just set a new record for bad days.

***

It had started raining just a few hours ago, even though there were no signs of rain clouds just last night. It also didn't seem like it was going to stop anytime soon.

Emilin looked at the depressing view as she bathed in her depressing thoughts. It was just too much mental pressure for her to handle, especially when it came in like a wrecking ball.

Completely unexpected.

She got a glimpse of the reason for her PTSD, yet it seemed to be the least of her worries. There were just too many.

Too many things she had to think about.

Too many things that plagued her mind.

Too many things left unanswered.

And too many doubts, that were most likely better off unsolved.

She couldn't handle it. She was like a can of soda that was continuously shaken without her own knowledge, and then suddenly, she burst from all directions and she didn't know which hole she wanted to cover first.

As she covered one hole, she would be constantly thinking about the damage done by the other holes that she failed to cover.

In common terms.

She was having a mental breakdown.

Her stomach that had started grumbling was also ignored. Its sounds were overshadowed by the pattering of the rain.

Emilin didn't know when it happened, but she regained her mobility.

Even though she didn't really want to move, Emilin slowly sat up, still staring at the view beyond her bedroom window, before moving on to the shower.

The bright looking hotel room from yesterday, couldn't feel more melancholic.

She came back out in her bathrobes and sat back on the sweat-soaked sheets. With each second that passed, Emilin felt as if another piece of her was taken away.

Or maybe a lost piece was placed back. Her mind would flashback to the memories she had regained. To what they meant, to what they implied.

The pain that she felt.

And the pain that she had yet to understand.

It seemed to be too much of a coincidence that she was to finally start to regain her memories after so many years.

Maybe it was her location? But there didn't seem to be anything special here that would induce such a reaction. Recalling her memories had to be something that her own brain wanted subconsciously.

Emilin was traveling to find her happiness, not relive her past.

Maybe this was her brain's way of telling her that she had to face the past before she could move on.

Or maybe it was the world telling her that she didn't deserve to be happy after all.

Then, the realization came.

This was also the first time she was alone in this world.

***

This is part I, part II will also be coming out today.

I would just like to take this time to say that the painful things you experience in life, are the ones that make you stronger.

Sometimes you will go through a tough phase, that will make you think you are better off dead, but that's not true.

In the end, there are just too many things in life worth living for.

Be it the people, the places, the food. Don't ever give up, even if you are in a slump.

I know that a lot of what you will read in this novel, as well as many others, will be very unrealistic and romanticized.

But this is also a method of coping, and that's okay.

If you ever meet someone who needs help...

Sometimes, what people need is not words of comfort, just a shoulder to cry on.

Sometimes, they also need to know that it's okay to look for help.

And other times. They just need to know that there is someone in the world that cares.

Your words and actions have bigger impacts on others than you could ever imagine, so use them carefully!

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