The Tales of an Infinite Regressor

[Translator - Jjescus]

[Proofreader - Gun]

Chapter 187

──────

Addict IV

"Is it painful?"

The anomaly spoke to the fetus.

"Do you still want to be born?"

The voice sounded gentle, almost kind.

This, in itself, was quite an oddity. Anomalies were known to mimic human behavior awkwardly.

Yet, this anomaly was exceptionally skilled at pretending to be human.

It had adopted a human appearance, imitated their voice, and copied their mannerisms.

"There are so many lives like this outside," it said.

With a splash, the anomaly thrust its arm into the amniotic fluid without hesitation, stirring it.

-...!

In response, the color of the fluid that composed the fetus flickered in various hues.

The surface of the fluid became a screen, displaying scenes like a film projector.

Scenes of Jeong Seoah's mother suffering.

Her father, stressed out over running his bakery.

Her uncles, aunts, cousins, and grandparents—all those connected by blood to the tiny fetus named Jeong Seoah—were shown in their moments of distress and pain.

"Ah... Those aren’t just ordinary scenes," whispered Fairy 264 beside me.

"Those scenes depict the misery and pain they should have felt without dopamine…! Each color carries a dense emotion…!"

Birth, aging, sickness, and death.

From the smallest to the most devastating misfortunes of human life, all the pain that should have been erased by dopamine was now transferred to the fetus.

The anomaly, having completed the transfer, shuddered and pulled back.

"Jeong Seoah."

-...

"Even after this, do you still want to be born?"

Thump.

The heartbeat that had sustained the fetus's dream weakened. The rhythm grew fainter, the sound quieter.

But the heartbeat continued. Jeong Seoah still held onto the will to live, a will sustained over 25 weeks.

However, the anomaly wasn’t finished speaking.

"Of course, there is a way to avoid such suffering."

The anomaly caressed Jeong Seoah.

"You just need to take dopamine."

The fetus convulsed violently.

"If you do that, you can pretend there’s no misery or suffering in the world—just like your mother, your father, and everyone else living in this world."

-...

"Why should you accept this burden? It’s not your fault that the world is like this. You’re just being born into it. You can just pass it on."

Another jolt.

"But if you do that, you’ll be the first generation to do so knowingly."

Drip, drop.

The water that composed the fetus's body also began to diminish.

Like shedding an old skin, droplets of amniotic fluid fell from the surface.

It was tears.

The fetus, still without limbs, knew no other way to express itself than through tears.

We, from the outside, deduced that "the fetus is gradually shrinking and will eventually disappear."

But the truth was different.

The child, made of water, was slowly vanishing, simply by shedding tears.

"Yes, that’s a good decision."

The anomaly licked the water droplets that had fallen from the fetus. It lapped them up like a hamster.

"There’s no reason for you to do it. No reason to bear unhappiness, to knowingly pass on guilt. So... isn’t that right?"

The anomaly tilted its head while drinking the amniotic fluid.

"This isn’t the dream."

At that moment, the anomaly's right arm was severed.

It was a clean cut from my sword, slicing through the forearm.

"Ah."

Plop.

The severed arm in the air turned into water and splashed onto the floor.

Only then did the anomaly, which had borrowed Jeong Seoah's face, glance at me obliquely.

At this point, Fairy 264 shrieked and fled somewhere. Truly useless in a fight.

-...!

But without even glancing at the fairy, the anomaly's face was filled with surprise.

It seemed to recognize me, displaying a reaction that could only be described as genuinely human.

"The undertaker?"

"Do you know of my existence?"

"If the local resident doesn’t know, they should close up shop."

"Quite talkative for an anomaly. You speak as if you have intellect, articulating yourself fluently."

"Ahaha."

The anomaly laughed.

The sound of its laughter was exceptionally accurate. It resonated in the dream's darkness, sounding like a child's pure laughter.

"Because I’m human! Of course, I have intellect!"

"Oh, really? You’re not an anomaly but a human?"

"Yes, yes, because..."

The anomaly spread its arms. The arm I had cut off had already regenerated.

"We feel pain and suffering."

The anomaly cradled the fetus like a statue of the Pietà.

"Pain, suffering, and responsibility—things that those outside who no longer feel or wish to feel them can’t understand. Of course, that makes us more human."

I opened my mouth to respond, but then closed it.

The logic was disturbingly human.

"You cherish those who are more unhappy and more miserable than yourselves. Isn’t that what you call being human?"

"My family is more unfortunate. My environment is more pitiful."

"My teacher is scarier, my workplace is harsher, my country is more brutal."

Competing over who suffers more is something humans enjoy, something only humans can do.

Could do.

"You’ve lost your humanity."

In this era dominated by dopamine, it was something humanity had lost.

"Now, we will become the new humans of this era."

At that moment, I looked at Jeong Seoah in the anomaly’s arms and spoke.

"In a world where no one is born?"

"A dream. Reality. The only difference is the hierarchy."

Indeed.

Are you saying that the new royalty will unfold in dreams?

At that moment, I felt like I understood where the unborn children were heading.

But.

“You're wrong.”

I raised my sword and spoke.

“Not everyone is consuming dopamine. Therefore, you cannot deprive them of their humanity.”

The anomaly frowned deeply. It was a look as if it thought I was playing word games.

-Well, that's true, considering that neither the fields after the sword nor the logistics network serve all of humanity. But you should know, shouldn't you? Self-proclaimed expert on anomalies. Talking about such 'realism' when conversing with us is meaningless...

“Noh Doha.”

The anomaly flinched.

“He doesn't consume dopamine. He refused to consume it long before he knew about side effects like yours.”

-......

“If you know my name, then of course you know about Noh Doha, and you should know that Noh Doha doesn't consume dopamine. Am I wrong?”

The anomaly, who had been silent, soon ground its teeth.

-...He's an oddball. A weirdo. He can't represent humanity.

“In some ways, I agree.”

I swung my sword again. Once more, one of the anomaly's arms flew off.

“But in every other way, he alone represents humanity.”

And this time, the severed arm did not regenerate.

The anomaly's argument had crumbled in the face of the counterexample named Noh Doha.

-Grrk!

The anomaly started to back away, as if trying to flee.

But this was my dream. It might have entered at will, but there was no freedom in leaving.

Swish! I immediately slashed, cutting off one of the anomaly's legs. The anomaly, trying to flee, collapsed backward.

The moment I embraced Seoah, who I had accepted into my arms, the anomaly looked up at me.

-P...Please...

The anomaly trembled.

-Please don't kill me. I don't want to die...

I have slain countless anomalies until now. Even humans.

Those with mouths, tongues, and vocal cords would often beg for their lives when faced with my sword.

I did not listen to them. I had lived long enough to know that just because something was born human and looked human didn't mean it was human.

Especially when it came to an anomaly merely mimicking a human being.

But.

“Why.”

When I came to my senses, I suddenly found myself asking.

“Isn't that exactly what you told Seoah? That there's nothing but pain and misery in this world, and all there is to inherit are bombs. Then why are you begging for your life?”

-That's...

The anomaly's words trailed off.

The once eloquent debater fell silent as if their tongue had stopped working. The expression also disappeared.

Only those eyes.

The anomaly's eyes were fixed on Seoah, whom I held in my arms.

I realized that there was a certain kind of envy, or perhaps even longing, in that gaze.

“......”

Indeed.

If this anomaly had continued to speak fluently as before, I would have immediately swung my sword.

The anomaly did not. I could not easily cut down something that longed for life, a being that did not seek an easy escape through death despite bearing and chewing on pain and misery.

Especially when some old man was doing that too easily himself.

But I knew what I had to do.

I also knew how to do what I had to do.

These emotions would subside. My hand would move forward. The anomaly would be exterminated.

I knew it would happen in just 10 seconds.

But.

But even so.

“I have a question.”

[Translator - Jjescus]

[Proofreader - Gun]

I sheathed my sword.

-...What?

“If you claim to be human, I should ask you this.”

Jingle-.

A bell rang in the dark space. The sound originated from the bracelet on my wrist.

Attached to it was a 'silver bell.'

I showed the anomaly the very thing that had earned me the nickname of 'Undertaker' and asked.

“Do you want to escape from hell?”

6

Originally, [Time Seal] only activated on humans.

The reason was simple. The opponent had to agree, saying, 'Yes, please use that ability on me!' for the ability to work.

You could call it a kind of contract.

Therefore, using [Time Seal] on non-human races was almost impossible.

Most anomalies only mimicked human thinking and language. They did not truly understand it.

They couldn't even sign their names on a contract.

But.

“Do you want to be at peace forever?”

-......

“I can make you live the happiest day of your life for eternity. You, who claimed to carry the misery of many people and complained about your misfortune, must understand how sweet this offer is.”

If there were indeed an anomaly that truly thought of itself as human.

Even if that anomaly had somehow come to understand human thinking and language.

“However, in return, you will be forgotten by all humans. No one will remember that you existed.”

-......

“Except for me.”

If such an anomaly existed.

Of course, it could be sealed in the Tombstone of Time.

-Ah.

The anomaly murmured.

-Even if you ask if no matter how happy the dream, it's just an illusion...

“You said that there is no difference between dreams and reality, so you'd contradict your own argument.”

-Right. It's a checkmate.

The anomaly murmured.

-I see. If I say no here, I'm giving up being human. But if I agree, I'll be exterminated.

Staring blankly.

The anomaly looked at me.

-Cruel human.

“I asked you a question.”

-Truly cruel.

A person taking their own life is called suicide.

Then what should we call it when an anomaly exterminates itself?

Shouldn't that also be called suicide?

-…I've only ever dreamed of an unfortunate life.

The anomaly's gaze had already turned toward the sky.

-I said that suffering is the human condition, but the truth is, I didn't want to be unhappy either. I wanted to live a life full of happiness, just like the humans outside.

The anomaly, who had been looking at the sky, lowered its gaze to see Jeong Seoah in my arms, and then looked at itself as it would appear when Jeong Seoah grew up.

-Now, I want to live a happy dream.

-Because I'm human.

I nodded silently.

Jingle.

The moment the silver bell rang for the last time, the anomaly that had taken the form of Jeong Seoah suddenly exploded.

The anomaly's body turned into a black liquid that flowed onto the ground. On the wet ground, a crystal-clear tombstone was erected.

Indeed.

I had just witnessed an anomaly committing suicide for the first time.

7

There is an epilogue.

“Dopamine? What’s that?”

When the anomaly was [sealed in time], people naturally lost all memory of dopamine.

Of course, it wasn’t just memories that were lost.

“Tang Seorin, can’t you see the rice covering that plain?”

“Huh? What are you talking about? It’s just a wasteland.”

“…….”

People couldn’t even perceive the dopamine itself.

Even if there was an opium paddy growing right in front of them, or even if they refined the rice grains and presented them, they would only perceive empty space.

The fact that no babies had been born for the past two years was only considered ‘a very strange occurrence.’

No one remembered that it was all caused by dopamine. Not the saintess, not the Sword Maiden.

“What do you think, Aryeon? Don’t you feel a sudden wave of happiness or something?”

“No, not at all. It feels just the same as usual.”

Even more surprising was that if you tried to force dopamine on someone else, it would have no effect.

It was once a crop that was expected to save human civilization, and everyone used to carry it around and consume it.

But now, in this world, I was the only person who knew about dopamine.

“Hmm.”

Perhaps in the next turn, even the Sword Maiden wouldn’t find and bring dopamine.

Feeling somewhat bitter, I suddenly asked Noh Doha a question while serving him tea.

“Chief Noh Doha, suppose there was food in front of you that supposedly brought happiness without any side effects, at least as far as people knew.”

“Are you talking about hot fried chicken……?”

“Anything at all……. Would you eat it?”

Noh Doha adjusted his glasses. The dangling chain jangled hysterically.

“Why the hell would I eat that kind of crap… Do others eat it as well?”

“Yes.”

“Hmmm…….”

It was the second day of an all-nighter. Noh Doha, pressing his deep dark circles with his fingers, said,

“If there were only enough for me, I’d eat it all myself… but if others were eating it too, I wouldn’t eat it….”

“Why not? Everyone else is eating it.”

“Well… I guess because I’m a hipster who gets annoyed when the genre I like becomes mainstream…?”

“Indeed.”

I nodded immediately. It was such a convincing reason.

So, I couldn’t understand what happened next.

“Why did you hit me on the head, Chief?”

“I was just spouting nonsense, but you seriously agreed, and it annoyed me….”

“Was it nonsense?”

“What else would it be…? Damn it, how can you take me so seriously…?”

Shaking his head, Noh Doha put down the teacup and said in a more serious tone,

“If everyone else is taking that unknown happiness pill, someone has to abstain to prepare for any potential situation, right?”

Hmm.

Considering that I was able to corner the anomaly because of that, I had no rebuttal, but I couldn’t help asking the reverse question,

“Would you give up certain happiness now for a contingency plan that may or may not be effective?”

“What the hell are you talking about, you bastard… My life since you found me has been summarized by that very sentence… Don’t you have any awareness of that, you bastard?”

“That’s indeed true.”

I resolved that I would serve Noh Doha tea more often in the future.

8

The second epilogue.

One day, after cleaning up the remnants in the deepest layer of the dream within a dream, I suddenly went up to the second floor of the dream.

The scenery of that floor changed every time I dreamed.

But in a corner of the scenery, there was always a crystal tombstone.

‘Now I’m living with graves even in my dreams.’

I tried touching the tombstone out of curiosity.

Usually, when I touched the surface of a tombstone, the 'happiest day' of the person sealed inside would unfold like a virtual reality.

So, right now, the happiest moment of that dopamine anomaly should have been re-enacted――.

At this moment, something quite surprising happened.

-Do you want to escape from hell?

-…….

-Do you want to be at peace forever?

In the anomaly's dream, the scene where I confronted the anomaly was repeating.

I blinked blankly. Why?

‘Ah.’

Come to think of it, it was obvious.

That anomaly, once called dopamine, didn’t have any 'happy memories' to begin with. It had fed on the misfortunes of humans until it was exterminated.

In other words.

-I’ve only ever dreamed of an unfortunate life.

-Now, I want to live a happy dream.

This was the only happy memory the anomaly had.

-Because I'm human.

Jingle.

In the dream within a dream, the anomaly left those words as its last will and exploded.

Just before it died, the anomaly had a beaming smile on its face.

The happiest day for this anomaly was the moment it committed suicide.

“…….”

I had no choice but to acknowledge it as I watched the anomaly continuously repeat its suicide in the dream.

There was an anomaly here that was all too human.

-Addict. END.

[Translator - Jjescus]

[Proofreader - Gun]

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