Chapter 1225: Gone for good
She had no idea why she said that to him. "You." Her answer kept repeating in her mind. She just told him that he was the reason she could not go back.
She believed since seeing him last night. Her mind had gone haywire. She could not think straight as her memories plagued her thoughts of their moments together and the emotions she kept shoving aside.
"What do you mean?" Serena remembered him asking, but she never had the chance to answer as the kids rushed to their side, calling them so they could join the games outside.
Honestly, she was glad of the interruption. Until now, she had no clue how to answer Adam's other question.
"Hey, focus on the ball." One of the kids shouted at her. "You are making us lose." Another one complained when she kept dropping the ball.
She was part of Team A while Adam joined the other group. They were supposed to collect as many ping-pong balls, by throwing them to several baskets on the other side.
First of all, she was not good at it. Adding to that, she was distracted. Therefore, it was only natural that she failed miserably in this game. She sucked.
"I am sorry. I am doing the best I can." She promised her team as she concentrated on shooting at least one ball. But if she could manage two or more, that would be great.
The team that could shoot the most numbers of balls would win the game. Therefore, everyone scrambled to pick some balls and sink them in their designated baskets.
It was chaos, but it was fun as she started enjoying the game. Soon, she forgot all about her thoughts as she joined the competitive spirit.
"That's it." One of the older boys guided her, teaching her the technique. "A little more power." He told her.
She guessed she was getting the hang of it as she finally sunk her first ball in the basket. "Yes," Serena shouted jubilantly, basking in the thrill of accomplishing something new.
"Come on. You can do it." Now, it was her turn. She encouraged her teammate to get as many balls in the basket, more than she did.
"Wow! That is impressive." She told the young girl who placed three balls all in all.
"That was a valiant effort on your part, but my Team will never let you win," Adam said, competitively against them as he looked in her direction, challenging her to do better.
"My team is not afraid of you guys." But she was, seeing that the other team had more balls in their basket than them. But she would not give up without a fight.
"Serena. It is your turn." The youngest member of their group called her. This time, she would do better in this last round.
She focused on the ball, remembering what they had taught her. Eventually, she managed two balls which were better than the other rounds.
Until the game ended, his team won, and hers lost. But that was not the lesson of the story. "Hey, guys. It is not about the winners and the losers."
She gathered all the boys and girls in the center, seeing the other team rejoicing and the other one sulking on the other side.
"It was how you played the game. How much you enjoyed every second of it." She looked at each one of their faces.
"At the end of the game, it is about how you should humbly accept winning." She pointed to the winning party. "And how you should proudly accept defeat."
"Most importantly, how we should maintain sportsmanship and friendship among our peers." She told everyone who listened attentively to her remark. "So, are we ready to shake hands and enjoy the rest of the day?" She asked, seeing the growing smiles on each of the children's faces.
"That was a nice speech. But we still won." Adam whispered in her ears when he moved closer to her, looking at her with that silly grin on his lips.
Suddenly, his question crossed her mind again, wondering if he was still waiting for her answer. But at that moment, talking about them was not on the agenda as more chores distracted them from themselves.
"Next time, my team will win." She responded when she had the chance. But would there be a next time? Suddenly, she wondered when he was leaving.
She believed he had never mentioned it in their conversation but was afraid to ask.
"Serena, have you heard from Sebastian today?" Sister Eloisa came closer to her and asked.
"I think he mentioned that he had a full schedule today. But he would drop by tomorrow morning at the latest." She informed the nun, who probably wanted to ask about the test result of one of the kids.
"Ok. Thanks." Sister Eloisa excused herself, walking along the hallway until she was gone.
The other nuns were also busy with the different things they had to do while the kids returned to the playground, study area, or bedrooms.
It was just the two of them again in the empty room that served as the indoor play area for the kids. She could see several balls hiding in the corner that the children had missed, so she picked them up and placed them in the basket.
"Are you done?" He suddenly asked as he sat at one of the tables, idly watching her. "I know you have been avoiding being alone with me. And I guess, answering my questions."
"No, I am not." She quickly denied his accusation, but she also knew she was lying. "I just don't know what to say to you." She finally admitted.
She believed it was hard to lie to him. He had been so good to her. It was eating at her conscience. But still, she had no answer for him.
"Ok. Then answer me this. Have you found someone else?" Adam suddenly asked, looking more determined than ever to get some explanation from her.
"No." She reluctantly responded. She knew she could not lie to him, but she could not also give him false promises. "I have not. But..."
"And who is Sebastian to you?" He quickly asked, not allowing her to continue with her elaboration.
She could not read what was going through his mind. She could see his eyes swirling with emotion, but she could not distinguish it from the different emotions she could think of in the back of her mind.
"Sebastian?" She asked, surprised to hear his name in their conversation.
Then, something clicked in her brain. Was Adam jealous? Did he think she and Sebastian had a thing going on between them? That was the only explanation for his abrupt odd behavior.
"Yes, I think I met him last night." He told her, reminding her that Sebastian joined them when she was searching for Fabio.
"Not that it is any of your business, but Sebastian is my friend." She clarified to him what her relationship was with the other man.
She could not tell if he liked what he heard, but something seemed to glow in his eyes. But again, she was not great at reading people. She could not even distinguish the good and the bad ones.
"Are you sure he is just a friend?" He asked, but he did not seem to wait for an answer. "What about me? What am I to you?"
Again, those questions were hard to answer because once she did. There was no turning back. But was she ready for the outcome and the consequences?
"I am sure that Sebastian is just a sweet and kind friend, nothing more." She disclosed to him. Then, she took a deep breath, thinking of what she would say next.
She expected him to nag her, but he remained quiet in his seat as he waited patiently for her. But was she ready to divulge her feelings for him?
"I am still unsure of what I feel for you." She finally told him, feeling like it was the best answer she could give him.
She knew it was not enough, but she could not force herself if she did not feel ready to enter another relationship.
She knew she was a fool for letting him go. But she could not accept something she did not deserve. And he was too much of a perfect man for her.
Although she believed many of her physical and psychological wounds had healed, she still carried some emotional baggage that made her damage good.
"Here is the thing, Serena." He finally stood up and moved closer to her. He planted his hands on her shoulders, mildly coercing her to look at him.
"I love you, Serena. More than I ever loved anyone else." He confessed to her. "But I can't wait for you forever."
His eyes searched hers as if he was digging through her soul for answers. But how could he see them when she had denied her feelings for him?
"I need to know that you feel the same way as I am." He continued. "I need you to say that you love me too."
She could feel his hand slightly tightening on her shoulders as if he could not control his feelings anymore. But she still could not say it back to him.
"I can't." She finally told him.
She could see the pain registering in his eyes. She felt the knife cut through her heart, as well, after denying him what he wanted to hear.
"Why?" He seemed desperate to know.
Why? She repeated in her mind, but she still could not answer him.
"I guess then, this is goodbye, Serena." Adam leaned over and kissed her on the cheeks before letting her go.
This time, he marched out of the room without looking back at her. She could only surmise that he was gone for good.
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