The Law of Averages

Book 2: Chapter 184: Ruffians

Dan watched the sermon with his sound off. Pastor Eddie toddled up to the stage after a brief introduction and rapturous applause. He made his way to the front pulpit, where a few pages of printed text waited for him. Eddie's glazed look cleared away, and he stared down at the pages. His hands gripped the sides of the stand, white-knuckled and straining. He looked across the crowd, mouth turning up into a salesman's smile. He opened his mouth, and began to speak.

Dan wasn't sure what to look for. He'd obviously had not seen himself while under the effect of Charleston's upgrade, and his memories of that brief period were hazy at best. He could vaguely remember Gregoir sort of... swaying? But that could have just as easily been Dan himself. It was hard to be sure. He could tell that nobody in the audience seemed unsteady on their feet. If anything, they seemed enraptured by the speech; wide-eyed, and open-mouthed, like children offered ice cream out of a suspicious van.

The sermon was short. Dan measured it at seven and a half minutes. Eddie read through his script, changing pages every now and then. Those were the only motions he made. His hands were otherwise occupied with gripping the pulpit, and his body was ramrod straight. His eyes swept the audience every thirty seconds on the dot, in a motion so obviously mechanical Dan was surprised the man didn't sprout hinges and gears. The smile on Charleston's face remained fixed in place until the very end; until he finished his reading, collected his applause, and turned away from the crowd.

The change in expression was sudden and jarring. The moment he left the public's view, his entire face went slack. His eyes went blank. his jaw hung loose, his body sagged. It was as if all his energy had been used up at once, and what was left was a desiccated, drained, walking corpse. His brother cultists escorted him back to the bunk room, sat him back down in the bed, and turned off the lights. They stashed him away, like the room was a supply closet and Charleston was a mop. One of the priests was gracious enough to hand Eddie a peeled banana, which the comatose man held in the manner one might a hand grenade.

"Eat and sleep, Brother Charleston," the old priest ordered, and then they were gone.

Eddie Charleston stared blankly at the banana in his hand for thirty long seconds, then finally began to eat. Dan left him to it. He turned his attention back to the sermon chamber, and the audience within. They were still fervently listening as the Evo Church continued down its scheduled programming. Dan tried to pick out any slack expressions among the crowd and failed to find anything. They were all attentive. They were all excited. There was none of the lethargy that had accompanied Charleston's power the last time Dan had felt it.

Dan didn't know what else to look for.

So, he called someone who did.

"Daniel!" Gregoir's voice boomed out of the phone speaker, and Dan double checked the volume. It was one blip above muted.

He sighed. "Hello Gregoir."

"It's good to hear from you, my friend!" Gregoir said, with the energy of a man shouting across a football field.

"You too, Gregoir," Dan said, smiling as he realized he meant it. He spent a few minutes just catching up with the big man, who had been occupied the past few weeks with his own duties. He was still working steadily towards tempting the local vigilantes into the APD, along with reforming the long defunded police academy to allow some new blood into the system.

It was a nice break, though Dan kept a door open to monitor the Andeno household. He hadn't forgotten Peter Andeno, nor the younger Nikolos, but neither of them had broken routine. Their stoic refusal to go off on a killing spree convinced him to finally bring up the subject he'd called Gregoir about.

"Does Eddie Charleston have a warrant on him?" Dan asked pointedly.

"Charleston...?" Gregoir mused, and Dan could almost see the big man scratching his chin. "I'm sorry, Daniel. I'm not certain I remember an Eddie Charleston."

"He drugged you?" Dan's voice went up a register. "He kidnapped you?"

"...Could you be more specific?" Gregoir asked.

"He kidnapped Connor!" Dan shouted, flailing his arms. "On our ride along!"

"Oh! Yes!" Gregoir laughed. "That ruffian! I remember the man, now. The one who got away! Yes, I do believe there is a warrant out for his arrest. Why do you ask?"

"I think I saw him in D.C."

"Oh." There was a pause as Gregoir processed that. "I see. You're sure it was him?"

"Pretty sure," Dan said. "He was dressed like a priest of the Evo Church." Dan's voice broke off as a thought occurred to him. He quickly reoriented his door, bringing up the view of the Evo Church's nave, where dozens of pews were now empty. Services had ended, but like any public space, there was evidence left behind. Dan flexed his veil, and a pamphlet dropped into his hand. He glanced at it, running his finger down the scheduled speakers and events.

"Daniel?" Gregoir asked. "Are you well?"

"I'm good," Dan said. "Just had to check something. He's listed on the schedule, Gregoir. Brother Charleston. He gave the sermon, today."

"He gave the sermon?" Gregoir repeated, and for the first time since Dan had met him, the big cop sounded genuinely flabbergasted.

"What if he's using his upgrade on them?" Dan asked. "I mean, the Evo Church is a cult, and they're not subtle about it either. They could use a man who can mind control people."

"Well, I think it would be fairly obvious if he were misusing his upgrade," Gregoir pointed out. "It could hardly be missed when a thousand parishioners drunkenly stumble out of their seats. But— Regardless, Daniel: You need to alert the DCPD. I don't know anyone in Washington, so I can't recommend a specific officer, but the department could hardly ignore a tip like this."

"You think I should, what, just walk in there and say, 'Hey I found a criminal hiding in a church. Go get him!' Will that really work?" Dan asked.

"I don't see why not. Simply mention you are a friend of the APD, that you know this man has a warrant out for his arrest, and your qualifications for recognizing him."

"You mean the ride-along?"

"Just so!" Gregoir exclaimed happily. "A direct testimony from someone who has met Charleston in person, and was subjected to his power, will go a very long way. And the incident was documented, so they can double check your authenticity."

"Okay." Dan nodded to himself. "I'll do that. Thanks, Gregoir."

"Always happy to bring justice to ne'er-do-wells!" Gregoir bellowed, before Dan ended the call.

Go to the cops. It seemed like such a simple solution, yet it had completely escaped Dan's mind. He was getting too used to this secretive spy shit. Speaking of which, he needed to update Anastasia. He was ratting out Charleston no matter what she said, but giving her a heads-up was a courtesy he could afford. She might point out something he's missing.

"That's a terrible idea," Anastasia said, about an hour later. She was back in Florida, in her Miami office. Framed behind her were clear windows with a grand view of the open beach. The sandy shores were packed to the brim with tourists of all shapes and sizes. The sun was out, the water clear, not a cloud to be seen. It was a beautiful day outside, and Anastasia's desk faced firmly away from it.

"The Evo Church has a mind controller giving out sermons, I want to report him to the police, and you're telling me that's a terrible idea?" Dan repeated, no longer even a little surprised by her staunch determination to be as amoral as humanly possible.

"If you're indeed correct, if this Eddie Charleston has a broken upgrade, and People sold him or gifted him to the Evo Church, then yes, it's a terrible idea." Anastasia's tone was completely calm and self-assured. "He's a Trojan Horse, Newman. A poison pill. I assume the People were planning on reporting the man's presence themselves, should the Evo Church move against them. The Church probably has no idea they're housing a wanted man."

Dan pursed his lips. "Surely they would've done some kind of background check? He's using his real name."

"On their brainwashed, brain damaged slave?" Anastasia asked with a laugh. But she nodded, afterwards. "Possibly. But Austin is a long ways away, and I don't believe the Evo Church has many police department connections. It's not like a generic web search of Eddie Charleston's name would reveal anything. This kind of information is not open to the public."

She shrugged, lackadaisical. "Or perhaps they know who they harbor, and simply don't care. Maybe they have a contingency in place, should Charleston be discovered. Maybe they don't plan on giving the People a reason or an opportunity to move against them. Or maybe they are even acting in full knowledge of the risk, allowing another faction to have leverage over them in order to gain some other unseen advantage. Regardless, revealing him will only damage our goals."

"Yeah?" Dan scoffed. "And what are 'our' goals, exactly?"

"The stability and preservation of society," Anastasia said, with a completely straight face. "Think, Newman! If Charleston is taken in by the police, his arrest would be a major story! Think of the headline: Church brainwashes audience! Someone will look into Charleston's past and realize his upgrade is not acting as it should! When that gets out it will undermine societal confidence in upgrades, one of the People's major goals!"

Dan shook his head. "Occam's razor. Everyone would just assume Charleston was hiding a mutation."

"You underestimate human stupidity," Anastasia said mournfully. "Someone, somewhere, will suggest he broke the limits of his upgrade. It always happens. Some random person with too much imagination and too little sense will make hay out of it on social media, and who knows where it will go from there! And worse, this time it's actually true!"

"I know where it'll go from there." Dan laughed. "Half the internet will call them stupid, the other half won't give a shit."

"It only takes a few pebbles to start an avalanche, Newman. An idea, once planted, will not wither."

Dan rolled his eyes at the platitude. "If you're constantly worried about your actions creating conspiracy theories, you'll never accomplish anything worthwhile."

Anastasia clicked her tongue, and flicked her hand at him. "Fine. Go. Do as you will, I will not stop you. When it all goes to shit, I'll be the one to clean it up, as usual. Go! And take your self-righteousness with you!"

Dan sketched a mocking half-bow, threw her a two-finger salute, and returned to the capitol.

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