The Heavenly Martial Empress Returns: An OP Xianxia Returnee LitRPG

Chapter 37: I Don’t Want To Be Alone

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As I descended from the heavens and landed on the village, I looked around, finding many of the beast people shocked, looking around the skies. Not many paid much attention to me, having grown used to my ability to fly. However, the twins noticed my arrival quite quickly, running to see me.

“Bing Xue!” Urbosa ran to my side. “What has happened? The screams of the Gods! Did you… Was it you?”

“It was me.” I nodded. “I’ve freed the world of Eclipse from the two Gods for now. It might be painful for some, but it was something I needed to do.”

“T-That’s… You can slay Gods?” Merkite muttered, utterly baffled. “Just what level of strength do you have, Bing Xue? To do such a thing, you must be a Goddess then?”

“I… Are you afraid of me?” I wondered, looking at my own hands, as I noticed the twins stepping back from me. They quickly realized their actions, gasping and running to me.

“N-No, that’s not it! I… Sorry, we didn’t mean to make you feel rejected.” Urbosa sighed. “We know you’re a good person even with such power, but… It is hard to process, but you can slay deities. That’s not something anybody could ever do at all. Such a feat of power meant you could even destroy an entire world.”

“It is even more baffling how you carry yourself with such elegance and calm even while carrying so much power…” Merkite said. “We knew you were at least, like, very strong, but this is on another whole level.”

I felt slightly afraid for some reason. Not of my own strength, but of how my power could drive those I love away from me because they would be afraid of who I am.

But that too is something that couldn’t be helped.

Although I was surrounded by people and allies back then, I always felt surprisingly lonely in Murim.

Everyone was always close to me due to fear; nobody truly saw me as a person, but as a figure of authority, or perhaps a natural disaster, a force of nature.

“It’s fine; I won’t do anything to you if you’re afraid of me or if you leave me either.” I sighed, smiling painfully at them. “I know what I am; I am a monster; I’ve always been one. It is fine; I’ve grown to live like this. I am quite used to being alone, but thanks for giving me your company and love, even if briefly.”

It was clear they were afraid of me; deep down in my heart, I was fearing this day would come, but it came quite sooner than I imagined.

For someone like me, a relationship would simply never work unless I met someone equally as strong as me.

But I am afraid they might also try to kill me anyway.

No matter how much I’ve enjoyed life here, it still feels like I am trapped in Murim, even though I’ve been out of there for a while now.

Murim never left me; it remains within me, even in my own personality, my strength, my weakness, my traumas, everything.

I hate to admit it, but I both hate and miss that place.

It is a curse that I’ll never be able to free myself from.

“N-No, wait, Bing Xue, stop it!” Urbosa, however, grabbed my arm. “Don’t say such things! We will not leave your side! And it is not because you’re strong either. We want to be with you.”

As her beautiful silver-colored eyes glanced into my own, I felt like I almost skipped a beat.

“You’ve already been chosen as our mate; stop with that depressing talk already.” Merkite smiled. “We’ve learned a lot of things from the life you had at Murim anyway; we know you were lonely, and I don’t really want you to be lonely ever again.” She caressed my face. “Calm down, relax. It’s fine. It was shocking, but I am not afraid of you.”

"And if you want to put it more romantically, yes, your meeting has been brief, but you've saved our family, friends, and tribe. To us, that was a great act of selflessness. Our love might feel rushed, but it is sincere. We want to be with you and further develop these feelings." Urbosa sighed. "You've already filled the emptiness I felt when my husband passed away, so please... Don't leave this scar open again. I need you, dear."

"I've had a lot of crushes in my life, but nobody like you accepted me for who I was... Maybe it might be different in human societies, but the bonds we make as mates are forever." Merkite said. "And even if it might have been earned quickly, our love for you is genuine!"

Even now, after knowing the monster I am, they chose to remain by my side.

Even when I could accidentally kill them if I didn’t gauge and control my strength properly, and even when I could even destroy this world if I ever thought about it, even after all of that, they chose to remain by my side.

I… Has there been someone in Murim who has ever acted in such a way?

I simply can’t remember.

“Merkite…” I felt like crying, but I resisted my tears. “I’ve reached such a level of strength after so long, after so much, yet even now, I can’t believe how moved I am when you speak with such love in your words. Thank you. And yes, I am sorry; I might have let my own depression take over there. I’ll try for it to not happen again.”

“Trust us, as we trust you.” Said Urbosa as she kissed my lips. “Alright? Let’s talk this through inside our house. Let’s go.”

“Come on, let’s go.” Merkite held my hand and dragged me there.

“Okay… I am quite tired myself.” I nodded. “I need some rest after everything, if possible.”

“Sure, we’ll make you some tea to relax,” Urbosa said. “You did a lot today, after all.”

“Are you truly okay with this?” I couldn’t help but ask. “With being with a monster like me? I could even kill you by accident, you know? I might even blow up the whole planet if I get slightly angry! To be by my side after knowing this is insane..."

“Then call us insane!” Urbosa said angrily. “Bing Xue, are YOU the one afraid of us or something?”

“I-I… No…” I muttered. “I…”

“Then stop with that already. We’re mates; we’ll stick together until we croak, as simple as that. We live together, we share food, and we share our lives. We sleep together, we see the moon in the night sky, and we see the sun rising from the horizon.” Merkite said.

“We’ve chosen you, and you… chose us.” Urbosa spoke. “It is a ritual that must not be broken unless one of us dies.”

“…I’m sorry, I guess I was being foolish. Maybe… Maybe I was slightly afraid.” I sighed. “I’ll try to be better; I will.”

“It’s fine; nobody is asking you to change,” Merkite said. “You’ve been yourself with us already!”

“Yeah,” Urbosa said. “It has been but a week since we’ve met, but even then, we already care for you and everything else... I am rather embarrassed to admit it, but I enjoy your company. You bring something new to our house, and as the savior of my daughter, my gratitude is also endless towards you. Hekita used to be a rather silent girl before you appeared, did you know?”

“Eh? Hekita?! But she’s such a ray of sunshine!” I said.

“Yes, she was... Before her father passed away.” Urbosa sighed. “It happened only half a year before our entire tribe moved down from Floor 2 to Floor 1. Hekita was only five years old when it happened.”

“…” I remained in silence for a bit. “I’m sorry, it must have been very painful."

“It was, but this is how life is in the Tower.” Said Urbosa. “Hekita changed since then; she was very lively but slowly became silent and didn’t like playing anymore. Years after years, she only focused on learning the basics and then often sat down looking at the skies in silence.”

“And she changed so much with me? But why? I am a stranger…” I sighed.

“You might have been a stranger a week ago, but you’re now a pillar of our family,” Merkite said.

“That’s right. Hekita needed someone else, a father figure, even if you might not like being called that by her… You’ve become important to her.” Urbosa said.

“I see… I understand.” I nodded with a faint smile. “Though I would prefer her calling me mommy or just auntie instead of father, I am not a man after all, haha.”

“Noted, we’ll tell her about that once we wake her up.” Laughed Merkite.

“Wait, she’s still sleeping?! Such a sleepyhead!” I giggled.

We entered the house, and we met my mother, my sister, and Juan. They were in the middle of having breakfast with the twins when this happened. Hekita had just woken up too, looking sleepy, sitting over my mother’s legs.

“Katherine! You’re back, dear.” Said my mother. “W-What happened? That scream… Was it truly a god, as they said?”

“Big sis…” Ruby muttered. “D-Did you do something again?”

“Err… Well, yes.” I nodded. “I’ll be honest with you. I killed the two Gods of Eclipse.”

“PPFFF…!”

Juan, who was sipping tea, ended up spitting it in shock.

“S-Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to…!” Juan panicked as he saw me glaring at him.

I shifted my gaze back to my mother and my sister.

“Let’s… talk about it then.” I sat down near the table, the twins by my side.

“Papa beat the gods?” Hekita wondered. “Awesome!”

A little girl like her had little knowledge about what this truly meant. My mother seemed conflicted; I could see that in her eyes. And my sister seemed both flustered and a bit shocked. I could see hints of fear towards me.

I don’t know why, but the fear they showed in their eyes hurt more than any torture, wound, or agony I’ve gone through in all of Murim. To be rejected by those I love.

I suppose because I never truly cared about the “allies” I made in Murim, as they often always had secondhanded intentions toward me, I never felt this before.

But this…

I suppose my greatest fear is rejection from those I love. It feels like such a horrendous darkness, a fear greater and stronger than anything.

To make them afraid of me...

What else will I have left if they leave me?

Myself and my strength, nothing else.

What different would that be from Murim?

I escaped from that world because I wanted to meet my family. I wanted company.

I wanted their love again.

My only goal through my entire eleven thousand years of life.

It was to meet them once more.

“This is a conversation I’d like to have with you alone, with your sister too.” My mother said, “Can we go to another room?”

“Y-Yes, of course.” Urbosa nodded. “Hekita, come here, dear.”

“Huh? What are they going to talk about?” The little girl wondered.

“Important things. For now, let’s have breakfast, alright?” Urbosa smiled at her daughter.

“Okay…” Hekita looked at me with confusion in her eyes.

I nodded silently as I walked to another tent outside of the main one. My mother walked there in silence; her face looked tired, exhausted, stressed, and furious. All these emotions, which she has been accumulating since I appeared, I could see in her eyes.

“Katherine.” She said. “I’ve been doing my best to cope with everything so far. I know this world is insane, and I know some people would come to kill us. And I know that what you’ve done so far is justified in many ways based on how our world has changed since then. But even now, I simply can’t. I can’t accept what you’ve done.”

“…” I remained in silence. “Why?”

“It is as simple as it sounds!” She said it with a furious tone of voice. “My daughter, you killed the pillars of belief, faith, and everything in this world! Do you know what you’ve done? You took away the spirituality of this world; you took away their religion! And with that, their culture is a part of their lives. A part of the pillars that formed their societies. This is wrong, no matter how much I think about it! You should have tried doing it differently!”

“…I thought about it many times, but there was no other way,” I said. “The gods, mother, killed millions, if not billions, of humans. They’re monsters themselves; I simply can’t forgive them. I had to do it.”

“No! You didn’t have to!” My mother screamed. “I’ve accepted it and even helped you fight those that came after your life, but this is too much! You came after them?! They were weak, and they didn’t intend to fight either!”

“But if I hadn’t done it… They would have simply waited for the moment to strike themselves! Mother, these beings dominate the Tower, and the Tower is the one bringing chaos and destruction to our planet! All the people that died, it was because of them!” I said. “If I don’t act and do something to stop them, then what else will be left? Our world is going to end!”

“But even then… These gods—they're beloved by people! You can’t take away their pillar of faith like this. It just feels wrong to me.” My mother cried. “I don’t want my daughter to just do all these things…” She started weeping. “My Katherine… You were such a gentle girl.”

As I saw my mother crying, I comprehended once more.

This was the result of my own actions.

The results of what I have achieved.

And the pinnacle I reached.

All those Venerables I fought, I wonder if they also went through such things.

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