The Butcher of Gadobhra

Chapter 367: More Legendary Loot

Four weary travelers stepped out of a gate to a hidden Fae Realm, completing their journey after a few detours. Rolly looked around smugly, "I told you it was a left turn at Albuquerque."

Ben glared at him, "I was doing fine until Route 66 crossed over itself. How can you stand at the corner of Route 66 and Route 66? That makes no sense!"

Rolly shrugged, "It was lucky I had my trusty stick with me."

Legendary Crook of the Pathfinder

This sturdy wooden walking staff may appear straight or with a crook at the end and be from three feet to seven feet in length. This has made it difficult for sages to track its ownership through the ages. It was certainly owned by Jean Baptiste Champagne, who led the first expedition north from the fledgling empire into the vast maple forest now ruled by the Priests of the Maple Leaf. More famously, it was held by Father Moses Malone, who led his army of battle pilgrims during the Peach Basket Rebellion, allowing his army to score victories after driving marches against the Lost Tribesmen from the Lake of Angels.

Its powers are known to include the following:

Pathfinding: While leading a flock or army from the front, difficult paths are made smooth and straight, allowing your flock to travel easy, returning to the original state after the last of your flock is passed. If heading to a specific, known destination, the staff will point towards it.

Light Hearts make for a Fast Journey: Increase the morale of your flock or army, and increase their movement speed by 50% for eight full hours, after which they must eat a full meal and rest for a night.

A Bridge over Troubled Waters: Twice a day, create a sturdy bridge over a body of water or other obstacle that endures for 8 hours. You may dismiss this bridge at any time.

Ben looked at the staff and then down at his own item. "I think you beat me this time."

Legendary Curry Comb of Destiny (+3 DEX)

Removes dirt and burs from your Chosen Mount, leaving them with a clean and shiny coat in only half the time.

Rolly pointed to Ozzy. "Could be worse. The Butcher got a cooking pot. Hmmm...or is that a Dutch oven. Maybe a cauldron?"

Ozzy was holding a battered and dented iron pot with a hinged lid, and three stubby legs to hold it above the coals of a hearth. "And that, my friends, is where you show your lack of knowledge of the fine art of charcuterie. Only the finest salumist can appreciate such a delicate and subtle magic item. And it even came with a cookbook."

MacDonald's Legendary Tripe Pot

This battered and rusty pot was created when a largely forgotten Scottish butcher, Angus 'Pig-grinder' MacDonald, made a deal with Cailleach, the one-eyed Hag-Witch. Angus was a miser who despised the wasting of entrails and guts by other pig and sheep farmers. He was especially fond of tripe soup and hated to see a good sheep stomach tossed to the hogs. Cailleach made him a iron cooking pot that would roam the village at night and gather the unused parts that other butchers and pig-slaughterers didn't use, wasting not a bit of meat. In return, Angus owed Cailleach his weight in haggis, (a snack she was quite fond of), each day on her birthday. Angus grew feebleminded in his old age, losing track of the days, and forgot one year to leave out a platter of chops for Cailleach. He was never seen again, becoming one last meal for the meat-hungry witch. The pot, bereft of its owner, has roamed slaughterhouses ever since, collecting the unused entrails and stomachs, always full but with room for more.

The owner of this Tripe Pot can give it three commands:

Saying 'Waste not, want not.' will send the pot out to search the village, walking slowly on its stubby metal legs, seeking to fill itself to the brim. It will gather meat, guts, and unused scraps of all kinds thrown out by butchers and housewives. It is particularly fond of sheep stomachs and can smell one from a mile away.

Hoisting the pot by its handle and saying, 'Spill yer guts!' will pour out one hundredweight (8 stones) of offal and guts, never diminishing the bucket. If poured into a sausage grinder all hundred-weight will fit and slowly be used as casings or filler for the links. The bucket is heavy and burns 100 stamina each time it is used in this way, tiring its owner. The weight of the pot is always constant at two hundredweight. It reacts poorly to anyone but the owner touching it. Constantly packing the pot around will strengthen its owner, granting them +2 STR.

The third command is 'Make Soup'. The pot will waddle over to the nearest cookfire, settle over the coals, and begin bubbling as it produces fifty gallons of tasty Tripe Soup. There is enough soup to feed 200 hungry soldiers who will benefit from the nourishing meal, gaining a full belly and healing 500 points of wounds to each. The Tripe Pot is tired after this and will slowly simmer until the next morning, refusing to do anything else.

In later years, the Tripe Pot has become something of a snob, only accepting the finest entrails or offal to gorge itself on. Sausage made from the pot's entrails is tastier than normal and provides a complete and nourishing breakfast, blessing the eater with either +100 mana, stamina, or health for the rest of the day.

He flipped the lid of the pot shut and hung it from his belt by the wire handle. Then showed the others the cookbook that had appeared with it. "Looks like I've got some reading to do."

Recipes for Disaster, a Butcher's guide to Cooking

This old and tattered cookbook made of stitched vellum pages has been passed down from Butcher to Butcher over the centuries. None but the owner can read the horrible handwriting that describes the recipes within it. Hours of study will be needed to reveal each new page of instructions. The owner's recipes will be magically added to the back of the book.

If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

Squirmie looked with longing at the pot. The butterfly tightly held a large roll of pale yellow silk to her chest as she sat on Rolly's shoulder. The butterfly had woken up as soon as they left the portal.

Eyeing his curry comb, Ben noticed Suzette had nothing new. "Did you get anything yet?"

"Nope. The system thinks I got my loot already. And to be fair, I have a couple of nifty items, both of which are as stubborn as the witch I stole them from. Neither was behaving until now, so I think my reward is them acknowledging me as their owner. Nothing fabulous like what you got, Ben, but these will do."

Signet Ring of the Countess of Silverthorn Vale

This legendary ring has two uses. Firstly, it enhances spells that use the aspects of Silver and Poison, increasing damage by 100%.

Secondly, the ring will hold a hoard of magical items, treasures, or works of art. The ring is peculiar in its storage capability, caring if the item is worthy of being stored within it. Mundane items such as food, wine, or crafting materials are rejected as too ordinary unless highly magical in nature or very valuable. The current limitation of the ring is a modest library of twenty feet by twenty feet, but care must be taken to arrange the items in a proper manner with appropriate furnishings.

Coronet of Countess Silverthorne

Like all Fae Crowns, this legendary Coronet signifies the acknowledged right to rule over a Fae Realm. The ruler may create and move gates to different places to control access through the borders of their realm. The coronet grows in power as its owner grows.

+500 Mana Per Tier

+100 Health Per Tier

+2 CHA Per Tier

Glamour of Wealth: When the coronet is visible, the ruler is clothed according to their station in a flowing gown of white silk trimmed in silver and jade or a full set of Fae-made Silverthorne armor.

Ozzy and Rolly whistled long and loudly in appreciation. Suzette twirled in a circle, showing off first the set of armor and then the flowing ball gown. Ozzy noticed that her skin paled and her eyes showed brilliant green when she did this, her form barely human. She was tall and willowy, with the long pointed ears and the large eyes of the Fae.

Ben gave up on jealousy and bowed low. "Let me be the first to acknowledge that both outfits make you drop-dead gorgeous."

Suzette acknowledged the statement with a small nod of her head and said icily. "I accept your compliment and grant your wish to drop dead." She pointed a long, pale finger at him that glowed green.

Ben dove into the stream, trying to dodge. He came up sputtering to see her dressed as a barmaid again, and all four of his friends laughing.

"OK, You got me good that time."

Suzette got her giggles under control. "Can I make it up to you with a lovely volume detailing the runes used in creating Fae Portals? I saw it in her library and thought you might be interested." She pulled a book from the ring, a thick volume with a purple and green paisley cover that swirled and confused the eye.

Ben bowed again, his clothes dripping, and carefully touched the book, storing it inside his Courier's ring. "For that, all is forgiven! What else did you manage to steal."

She tilted her head, looking at the hidden room inside the ring, "Oh, a few things. Books on the history of the Fae, both great and small, a dictionary to translate older works, a few primers on Fae magic, and some beginning spell books—a dozen terrible weapons disguised as mundane items and a hundred other small bits of treasure. Don't lock a spy in your library if you don't want it looted. There were alarms and protections on some of it, but I grabbed what I could. It's odd stuff, though, and I think most will head to the gnomes to enhance our bank."

Everyone was suddenly interested. Ozzy said, "Such as? How odd?"

"Well, I have a letter opener that hits as hard as a two-handed great sword but can only be used by a left-handed woman. There's a hat that disguises you completely as a random person, never the same twice, and you can't control the image. Also a reusable poisoned apple, a crystal decanter that changes good wine into worse brandy, and my favorite useless item, a zombie mosquito that you can command to buzz around someone's head and annoy them. If they squish it, it stinks like rotten meat and returns to you in a day."

Ben made a face of disgust. "Your predecessor had a weird taste in magic items."

"Oh, you have no idea how twisted the Fae can be. Don't ask about her shoe collection; you'll never look at chocolate cake the same way again."

"Not asking."

"Nope."

"Don't need to know."

Ozzy was thinking. "There may be a good market for that stuff. Players are weird. Don't toss it to the bank just yet; I have some ideas."

The conversation stopped as Ben's horse, Mudhead, came running up the stream, playfully splashing through the mud and the muck. True to his name, the horse was covered in mud with his mane full of willow twigs and infested with cockleburs from pushing through the bushes. He walked up to Ben, nudged him with his head, then whinnied loudly.

"Lucky you have that comb, isn't it, Ben?"

"Thank you for pointing that out, Rolly. Might as well clean him up; I can't ride him with his coat like that." He began using the curry comb on the horse. On the first stroke, the comb glowed, and so did Mudhead. The horse grew two hands taller, with powerful muscles and a long, flowing mane and tail. Still muddy, but certainly an improvement.

You have chosen the Majestic Horse, Mudhead, as your Chosen Mount!

Mudhead is now a Named creature, Level 16, and will increase his level automatically to match his rider.

Health: 10,000

Stamina: 20,000

Mana: 0

Mudhead has the following Enhancements available to him and will accept your points to pay for them due to your great friendship.

Increased Speed Level 1: +10% speed in all gaits. Cost: 5 points.

Increased Stamina Level 1: +1000 stamina. Cost: 5 points.

Water Running: Level 1 (30-second duration, cost of 1000 stamina). Cost 5 points.

Wind Running: Level 1 (30-second duration, cost of 5000 stamina). Cost 10 points.

Pegasus Transformation 1: (Your Chosen Mount grows wings when it wishes, with a slow flying speed.) Cost 25 points.

Kelpie Transformation 1: (Your Chosen Mount becomes aquatic when it wishes and grants water-breathing to its riders.) Cost 25 points.

More abilities will become available with further levels.

Ben looked from the comb to Mudhead. "When are we hitting that dungeon? I have a mighty need for enhancement points."

Ozzy looked towards Gadobhra. "Soon. But we need to check in with Billy first and finish a fortress. He's running out of time."

Rolly gestured with his staff. "Let's get to it then." The bushes and close-growing trees parted in front of him, making travel easy before the forest closed up behind them.

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