The Butcher of Gadobhra

Chapter 352: The Countess and the King

Suzette crossed her arms and glared at Oberon. "This isn't my home. Sedgewick is home; we even wrote the definition of 'Home' into the contracts. This wasteland isn't it. Sedgewick is Home, and that's where I'm going." Then she looked around at rolling hills and meadows filled with thorn bushes, poisonous flowers, and tall, dark oaks. They seemed oddly...familiar. Why? "And explain what you mean by My Realm."

Rolly laughed and petted Squirmie. "Wizard of Oz logic, girl. You killed the wicked witch, you get the Ruby Slippers. Only in this case, it's a fixer-upper of discrete fractal dimension subdivided from the rest of the base dimension."

Ben stared at him. "Sometimes I hear the noises coming out of your mouth, but not the meaning."

"What part of fixer-upper didn't you get? But there are some neat critters in here. I've got some of them half-tamed. You should come to see the dire beast sit and jump to catch a chunk of ham. And there are nests of double-tailed snakes, venomous flamingos, and perfectly clear pools of sentient poisonous slimes. Hold off on swimming in those until you get your poison and acid resistance higher."

The courier was intrigued. "Flamingos? Are they still bright pink? Can you talk to them with your ring? Do you know how much fun it would be to put flamingos on some of the buildings in Gadobhra and drive Billy crazy?"

Rolly's face lit up at the idea.

Suzette glared at them. The two became silent, winked at each other, and held their next bits of banter.

Ozzy, on the other hand, was straining against whatever force was holding him. Oberon said nothing, intrigued by how much force the Butcher was putting out and wondering just how far he would go. Suzette didn't want to find out. "What is it that you want from me? From us?"

Oberon had to reinforce his holding spell as the Butcher started to burn through it with heat and pressure. Then he smiled at Suzette, "Truly, I only wish to travel with you for a few hours as you walk to an exit from your Realm on your way home, which I will agree is the quaint human village you rule, and speak about your battle and the repercussions of being victorious."

"I'll agree to talk under one condition: You promise we can go home to Sedgewick with no tricks and say it in a way that calms down my boyfriend."

"Another time, then. I was getting a better understanding of how you prevailed over the Duchess. He really is a stout fellow, and those fists of iron and steel would be a surprise to so many residents of my Realm. I remember when he hit the Duchess and pondered why she made that sour expression with what was left of her face."

He stood taller and spoke in a loud and serious voice. "I swear, upon my crown, my gold, and my roses, that I bear all of those present no ill will and that we shall only talk as I escort you home to Sedgewick, imparting useful information to you with no debt incurred and no 'tricksy fae shit'. We shall arrive in a timely manner, and things shall be to your liking, without coercion on my part, except for the information that I give to you. I charge Gombindle, the Ribbon Lord, and Alwyn, Lord of Summer, to be impartial witnesses."

There was a strange weight to how he said the words, and Ozzy saw how the goblin and Alwyn relaxed. He quit fighting to move. "Fine. I'll behave."

Suzette took his arm. "Good. I don't want you exploding and spending months in the smoke again. Once was enough." Turning to the king, she said, "I don't want to be a Countess."

"And I didn't want to be King! I was next in line to be the Fox Prince! All it would have taken is even one of my older siblings learning how not to avoid assassins, but they couldn't even learn to do that. So now I have to be King, and you get to be a Countess."

Oberon started walking. "While it might have seemed like 'more Fae bullshit,' I needed to separate you from the crowds and close off this realm. The far gate is also closed, and now that this Realm is secure, and I know that no one else is in this Realm besides us, and no one can overhear our conversation. I don't want the members of my court to find the clues to what I did, and what I saw, and put together the puzzle pieces."

Ozzy had controlled his anger and was now listening to the words carefully. He noticed Suzette had on her innocent poker face, which meant she was up to something. Or hiding something. "And what did you notice?"

The king laughed. "Why, that Suzette had taken control of this Realm, of course. With the Realm comes a position in my court, the advancement to the rank of Countess, and she becomes a player in all of the silly games of politics, war, and one-upmanship that we amuse ourselves with. Something, I will note, she is presently ill-equipped for. Not because of a lack of cunning or intelligence, only of knowledge and practice, no matter how many books she has read recently."

Suzette shook her head. "Nope, I did not claim this Realm. Why would I want this place?"

"I will put aside the Why for now and present my proof. The first bit of evidence is that when you issued a desire, the winds carried it to the lesser fae, resulting in the coffee, tea, and snacks we enjoyed for the rest of the negotiations. Well done, by the way. The coffee was flavorful. I'm generally in the mood for tea, but I think a decade of coffee drinking is needed. A family of brownies is an asset that most of us value far too lightly."

Ben pondered this. "And all lesser fae behave this way?"

The goblin replied. "Naw, mostly, we find ways to interpret commands in such a way that we can ignore them. But the brownies saw a new Lady without any retainers and jumped at the chance to enter into her service. Life can be harsh for fae who don't have a patron. They were happy as a cheetah at a catnip festival and twice as fast. Good people, your Ladyship, they will serve you well."

"Wait! I didn't..." She turned to Ben and Rolly, "Did I?"

Ben said. "I think you did."

Rolly spoke in a high-pitched voice. "I need cake, chocolate, and a good cup of coffee right now."

"And I believe later when they said they hoped you found them useful, you said, and I quote: '"Cake like this is always welcome."

Gombindle nodded. "Yep. That's a contract right there. You just have to decide their duties, where you want the clan to live, and how often you want cake. Standard stuff."

Suzette frowned, "This is why I should absolutely not be a Countess. I don't know any of these rules."

Oberon put his hands behind his back and casually said, "Then perhaps you should not have humbled the Duchess, forced her to bend to your will and release her servants, then killed her and worn her signet ring."

Ozzy saw the slight blush on her cheeks. "I take it you looted a piece of enchanted jewelry on your way out?"

She put her hand into her pocket and pulled out an ornate mithril ring. "Not quite. I found this in her desk. It's a storage device like your bag. I looted everything I could steal from that bitch on the way out of the Library she was holding me in. It doubled as her trophy room. There were alarms everywhere, but some things were beneath her notice, and there were a lot of books."

Rolly looked at the ring. "This makes a lot of sense. Taking her signet ring implies usurping her position, and the loot symbolizes acquiring her land and wealth. Ozzy, acting as your minion, stole her power and broke her pride, and then you used the rest of us to weaken her while you waited for the perfect moment to strike. Add that to a dagger in the back, and you get a promotion. Very Fae! Just roll with it, Suzy. We're moving up in the world. The rest of us have to quit slacking and catch up with you."

Ben turned to Rolly. "Hold on, Ozzy has part of a ship, a sausage factory, and a business in the northern capital. So it's just the two of us who are slacking. He's a hard-working Butcher."

Rolly shrugged his shoulders. "Sorry, buddy, time to pick up the slack and quit being a saddle bum."

Oberon was highly amused and happy to gather so many tidbits of interesting information. "Let us continue our discussions now that you understand the consequences of your actions. That you have taken control of this Realm is a fact that can not be ignored. This is a small piece of the larger world controlled by the Fae and myself overall. And Lord Roland? If you have time to spare, it would bring me joy to discuss the term you used before. A discrete fractal dimension, was it? I would love to hear your thoughts on this."

He turned back to Suzette, "My apologies, Countess. As I'm sure you know, new things are fascinating to our kind, and I can be sidetracked by them easily. This is one of the reasons I was so happy to see you replace Duchess Midnight; she had become nothing if not predictable. A bad habit that contributed to her downfall. It was splendid to watch, even if the presence of the coldest iron nearly killed me. A good reason to see it locked away where it cannot threaten either you or me. Our realms are safer because of it."

Suzette sighed. "I'm getting the hints. But I can't leave my life in Sedgewick and move to a toxic wasteland. I like my life, I'm under contract, and I don't know the first thing about cleaning up this place."

Oberon nodded thoughtfully, "Yes, and I expected you would have those concerns. Don't worry; cleaning up after Duchess Midnight and seeing to this Realm's difficulties won't be your responsibility for some time. Lord Alwyn and Lord Gombindle will be seeing to that."

Alwyn and the goblin both stopped walking and looked at each other as they realized why they were there. Oberon looked at them and gave each a slight smile. "Oh, you thought I was promoting both of you to lofty heights as my newest advisors because I liked you? While you are both amusing, and I will enjoy seeing the gnashing of teeth as a country bumpkin and lesser creature make my court seethe in anger, frustration, and jealousy, it was also so I would have two eager helpers to do the heavy lifting for our newest Countess."

"Should have stuck to selling ribbons. But damn, my girl is cute, and driving Fae to frustration is every goblin's dream job. I'm in." Gombindle bowed to Suzette. "At your service, your excellency."

Alwyn stared at the lands around him. "I hardly know where to start." He seemed fearful at first, then looked again. "Then again, it can't be any worse than dealing with a plague of unicorns. My flowering bushes are still recovering, but they are breeding so fast, that I despair." He bowed to Suzette as well. "I look forward to discussing how I may craft a better Realm for you."

Oberon snapped his fingers. "See? And just like that, all the drudge work falls from your shoulders, leaving you to your leisurely life in the mortal lands. Feel free to visit when you like, instruct your two allies in your current whims, and see what you can make of this place. Perhaps you will be ready to assume your place in court in a century or two. Until then, this will be our little secret. I will publicly declare that Lord Alwyn of Summer shall be given the work of repairing the wounded land for me. Lord Gombindle of the Ribbons shall work with you and coordinate the hiring of lesser fae needed to accomplish the changes to your fair. I also appoint our goblin to be Master of the Fairs to be held in Sedgewick. Do these appointments please you, Countess?"

Suzette sighed and turned to her friends. "Thoughts?"

Rolly was all for it. "I'll be happy to help rounding up the wildlife and setting up some habitats for the critters you want to keep. We can herd the rest into the Menagerie and see what happens. Survival of the fittest. We'll get some new crossbreeds and surprise a few hunters."

Ben tried to consider the downsides but gave up because of too many variables. Instead, he focused on the benefits. "It gives options. It's someplace Billy doesn't know about. ACME can get grabby, but you have control over the gates that lead here. That may be important in the years we have left on our contracts and more important in the years after that. It can also be a place to retreat to if there's another war, invasion, or hell, who knows what. Not the nicest hidey-hole right now, but I have a couple of ideas."

Ozzy looked at Oberon. "Can she get rid of it? Is there a way?"

The king nodded. "Oh, easily, if that's what she truly wants. I'd just need someone who desired their own Realm or an expansion of their existing Realm. Then, a knife in the back, and after she's dead and they claim her title, she can walk back from death and be rid of it. But it might be a long, slow walk."

Gombindle looked thoughtful. "Any knife? Or something special. Just asking for a friend. I have a lot of relatives who don't care who they kill to get a meal. I could have you dead and hiking back whenever you like. And don't you all glare at me like that. I took the job to assist her. I'm just being helpful."

Suzette patted him on the head. "I appreciate the gesture and the helpful attitude, but I think I'll hold off on dying for now. But let's talk later about hungry relatives."

He smiled up at her. "You got it."

"So, you're ok with this?" Ozzy had always had a hard time figuring Suzette out, but she didn't seem as upset as she had been before.

"Yeah, I think I am. Like Ben said, it gives us options. I'm already thinking of a few things we could do, and we have Alwyn and Uncle Gom to help us figure things out."

Oberon looked at her and grew taller and darker, the smile gone from his face. "Suzette, known to mortals as the Lonely Barmaid and to the Fae as Lady Morninglade's apprentice, do you swear to me, as your king, that you accept responsibility for these lands, holding the rights granted as a landed Countess of my court, and accepting the protections I offer?"

She thought it over, "I'd need to carve out some room for my oath to Hermes, my contract with ACME, and my duties as Mayor of Sedgewick."

Oberon sighed. "Yes, yes, It's not like I didn't expect someone associated with Lady Morninglade not to slip in some loopholes in the contract. Exceptions granted."

She knelt on one knee. "Then yes, I accept."

Oberon placed a pale coronet on her brow, woven of delicate thorns of silver metal. One thorn pricked her skin, drawing a drop of blood that the coronet drank in. She felt something change inside of her.

"Then, by my power, I name you Countess of Silverthorn Vale and grant you the custody of the land for as long as you can hold it." Thunder rolled across the sky, and the dire beasts squealed with joy. Oberon shrank to his original size, looking tired. Everyone but the king bowed to her without thinking about it.

She glared at them. "Stop that. Can we go home now?"

Oberon nodded. "As you wish. There are three gates to your lands, one of which links your Realm to that of Lord Alwyn and the other to the wilds beyond this realm. The third may connect to the mortal realm in a place of your choosing. I leave that up to you and wish you a good journey. But one thing more. Slaying a Duchess of the Fae, freeing thousands of captives, and becoming a ruler of your own realm comes with certain rewards. Some of those you wear upon your finger. But their are others the spirit you call The System will wish to bestow upon you."

Oberon paused, a curious look on his face as he wondered how she would react. "As ruler of your Realm, will you hold those for yourself or share with your companions?"

"Share, of course.

He nodded. "So be it. I wish you a good journey home. Be forewarned, that first step is a doozy." The king turned, nodded to Alwyn and Gombindle, "We will talk, soon." and vanished.

Gombindle let out a deep breath and sat down, mopping his brow. "Damn, it's hard being around that guy. His aura is so dominating, it makes it hard to think."

Alwyn pulled a bottle of wine from somewhere and started pouring glasses; the first went to the goblin. "I understand completely. If I hadn't spent time around my mother, I wouldn't have been able to control myself."

Ozzy took a glass and handed one to Suzette. "Didn't notice."

Alwyn stared at him and then the rest of the mortals. "Is this more of the Contract Worker's abilities? I swear I can't figure you people out even after spending so many evenings drinking beer in your tavern."

Gombindle's ears pricked up. "Tavern?"

"Oh, yes, our Countess owns a quaint country tavern with excellent beer. Several Fae Lords have adopted mortal names and glamours so we can enjoy a few nights off each week and relax with the mortals. It makes for a highly amusing evening, and wait until you taste the beer and wine. Quite different from the same old thing we've drunk in the Fae Realms for centuries."

"Do tell." His nose twitched as he smelled the potential for profit. "I'll have to stop by sometime."

Suzette eyed the two of them. "Well, put on your illusions and pick out a name. I'm heading home. I think I know how to make the gate, but I need a good spot to hide it. Any ideas?"

Rolly had one. "There's a nice spot in the forest near the wall of Gadobhra. A little stream emerges from a small cave and trickles down to the larger stream that goes through Sedgewick. Hard to get to, and I only found it when a calf got stuck in a thicket."

Suzette suddenly had a picture in her mind of the spot and felt almost all of her mana rush out of her. Silverthorn brambles sprouted from the ground, forming an archway that framed a shimmering portal. Through it, they could see a small stream winding through tightly growing willows and brush. They stepped through to a small dry shelf inside the cave.

All four workers swore as a cascade of system messages in blue boxes poured across their vision.

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