Chapter 87 - Priorities
ELRETH
They ended up curled up on the couch. Aaryn laying on his back with his head propped up on the thick arm, Elreth tucked into his side, between him and the back of the couch. He wasn't shaking anymore, but his face was dragged down into lines of grief and even though his fingers played along her arm and back, she knew it was thoughtless. He touched her because she was there and he needed her, but he didn't even realize he was doing it.
She knew, because she found herself doing the same thing.
"When are you meeting Tarkyn?" he asked suddenly, after minutes of staring at the ceiling and neither of them making a sound.
"I was going to go to the training this afternoon. It doesn't matter, Aaryn, I can—"
"No." The world held all the impact and authority of his Alpha status for the disformed and it landed strangely for Elreth. One part of her wanted to submit—and thrilled at the strength in him. But another piece of her bristled. She didn't answer right away, wrestling with that dominant part of herself that did not appreciate being given an order.
He was scared and tired and grieving. And he'd always been allowed to tell her no.
She pushed up to brace on his chest, resting her chin on her arms. He stroked her hair back from her face and their eyes locked.
"I'm not leaving you to deal with this by yourself," she said firmly.
"You forget, there's very little to actually do," he said, his voice quiet and gruff. "She won't leave the room. She'll sleep most of the day, and… and grieve most of the night. I just… I didn't see this coming. She hasn't gone to bed for years. She's had some rough patches, but she's kept going. I thought… I thought we were past this."
"What happened? Do you know what triggered it?"
Anger flashed in his eyes, so hot and demanding Elreth stiffened. But he wasn't looking at her. His eyes had dropped to the other side of the room. He was only seeing what was in his head as he snarled, "I guess she saw us leave together last night and she was hoping that we were finding each other. She thought maybe others noticed too and she wanted to celebrate it. She connected… she heard some people talking. Wolves. I don't know if was about me, or my dad, but whatever it was…" he shook his head.
He swallowed like he was nervous, like there was something he wasn't saying, but she let it slide. He was so on edge. She couldn't blame him for not wanting to let the ugliness of his people into the room just then.
"We'll get her through this, Aaryn. You don't have to do this by yourself anymore. You should never have had to do it alone when you were little. I'm sorry… I'm sorry there wasn't more help for you back then."
He shrugged. "I was too young to realize I could just ask. She told me where to get the meals and how to do the things that needed doing. I just thought life was like that for everyone. It wasn't until I was a little older and saw families together at meals and parents showing up when their kids trained and…" he trailed off.
Elreth had to close her eyes for a minute.
Her father was the King and he'd still managed to be present for every major milestone in her life—and most of the not-so-major ones as well. And even the few times he couldn't be there, her mother always was.
His mother had had no excuse. And his tribe…
His tribe had ignored them because he was disformed, and his father was believed to be a traitor. Sure, they'd been fed, and Aaryn had always had clothes. But kids needed more than that. When she'd met him he'd been so fiercely independent, she'd thought it was a mark of his strength. She hadn't known it was actually a product of his fear.
"Aaryn, I'm sorry I didn't find you sooner," she said quietly. "I knew you were having it tough and I was just… I was a kid with a happy life who didn't think enough about other people. I'm sorry."
He snorted without humor. "El, you were the only one who did think about me. You have nothing to apologize for."
"Those years before that though—"
"No, Elreth. You're not going to take responsibility for something the adults in my tribe should have done. They're the ones who should be apologizing."
"Did the Outsiders help you?"
"They weren't really organized back when it was really bad. And I was too young, anyway. We don't bring the kids in until they're adolescents—not for real. In case they start talking about things they don't understand. We just make sure there's an adult or two near them to support them or their family until they're old enough."
Elreth's hackles rose at the idea of secret agreements and networks within her Kingdom, but she knew this wasn't the time to address that. So she stayed quiet.
Aaryn continued staring at the ceiling, his fingers playing up and down her back.
"You need to go," he said a few minutes later.
She shook her head. "I can skip lunch and head up to the training grounds in an hour or so. They'll be there all afternoon."
"What about the elders? When are we meeting them?"
"Tomorrow. I got the message that they couldn't all be in one place until then. First thing. Unless you want to wait? I mean, I understand this is important. If you think you're going to need more time…"
Aaryn sighed, his fingers on her back slowed, then stopped. Then he brought his eyes back down to meet hers, and they were blazing. "Elreth, she'd have to be dying to keep me away from that meeting," he said fiercely. "Part of the reason this is shaking me so badly is because I'm so desperate to move our lives forward… I can't fathom being stuck here and… but there's no one else."
She pushed up to kiss him, taking his beautiful face in her hands and letting him feel how much she wanted and needed him. "We won't let anything get in the way. We'll figure it out," she whispered a minute later.
Aaryn nodded, but his hold on her tightened, like he was afraid something would steal her away.
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