Soul for a Girlfriend?

Moriko's POV

The more I kept my feelings to myself, the more unbearable they were getting. I couldn't talk a moment without feeling this heaviness in my heart. My feelings were eating me from inside.

It was getting difficult for me to be around him without falling for him even more.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I called out to him. His dark eyes slowly moved towards me, and he replied in an indifferent tone, "Nothing in particular. What are you doing here?"

He seemed to be thinking about something. Back then, he used to zone out quite a lot. Almost as if he was physically standing next to me, but his mind was soaring somewhere far.

It used to make me even more curious about him, but he never talked about it.

As usual, he was alone. None of his friends were to be seen around. A bunch of students were playing basketball, but they were from a different class than him.

"I was just passing by and noticed you sitting here." I replied casually, trying to ease up my tension. I didn't want my nervousness to ruin that moment.

Raising his eyebrows with a cheeky smile, he asked, "Passing by? Don't you have classes or anything?"

Of course I had classes, but I was skipping it.

"I could ask you the same question." I replied instantly, which made him chuckle. With a vague shrug, he said, "Well, fair enough."

I had to make my move. It was quite a scary situation for me, even though looking back at it; I was quite silly and immature.

Walking a bit closer to him, I sat next to him. He was never the kind of person to talk much in person, so I always had to poke things out of his mouth. Talking with him was a pain, but I liked it.

"Is something wrong?" I asked as usual, and he smiled softly at me. His eyes shifted back towards the ground as he replied, "Nah, I'm good. You have something to say?"

He was always a person with very sharp intuition. Even through that minor exchange between us, he was able to tell that I wanted to tell him something. I shifted my eyes towards him and noticed him glancing at me.

At that moment, I felt like the ground below me was becoming more and more wobbly. I was getting a strange sort of feeling in my stomach.

I was scared.

The call for judgement was right at my steps.

He was looking curiously at me. For a moment, our eyes met and I couldn't help but feel my cheeks getting hot. Averting my eyes from him, I took a deep breath. Messing up wasn't something I could afford at that moment.

After all, I've waited for this moment for so long.

"I don't know how to say this." I said and took a slight pause to notice his expressions. But they were unfazed as ever. His eyes were piercing through me, which made me even more nervous. Gulping down, I started hesitantly, "And I feel like saying this will change what we have between us."

'I'll end up losing you!' Were the words which were ringing inside my mind.

"I'm prepared for whatever's about to happen." I said to him while laughing. It felt more like me trying to empathise with myself. At that moment, my mind was completely empty except for one thing. And that was getting my feelings out.

There was an awkward silence between us, and he seemed to be staring at me without uttering a single word. I couldn't bother to make eye contact with him, as I blurted out those words, "I think I'm falling for you."

His eyes widened up as those words left my lips. I still remember the expression on his face. After a brief moment of staring at each other, he spoke up, "What!?"

It was the first time I saw that sort of expression on his face. He left me in silence, as I continued, "I can't be with you, Saishi. It's getting difficult for me to be close with you."

He averted his eyes from me and clenched his jaws. He didn't say anything as a thick silence grew between us. I was getting more and more restless, but I had nothing to say.

I was prepared for the worst.

  "I… I never thought about you in that way. I'm sorry." Those weightless words left his mouth and it made the scenes from that day wash in front of my eyes. That day when he rejected my friend.

His eyes were as cold as they were that day.

He suddenly felt so distant from me. 

But I wasn't surprised. After all, I had seen this coming. I always knew in the corner of my heart, that things would've never worked between us.

"Oh, don't apologise. It's alright." I smiled at him, even though I felt like my heart was sinking to the depths.

"I just wanted to get my feelings out. It was killing me from inside."

No!

I hated it!

I didn't want to let out my feelings for nothing. I wanted him to reciprocate my feelings. I wanted to continue having what we had between us. I wanted to be more than friends with him.

"If I ever said something or did something that might have given you a wrong idea, then I'm extremely sorry for that." His voice broke me out of my thoughts, as I looked towards him and laughed sheepishly, "Areh, I told you it's alright."

Standing up, I stared into his dark eyes while dusting the back of my skirt. With a wry smile, I said, "I'm feeling quite better now that I told you about it." 

"You feel lighter, don't you?" He asked in a soft voice, as I nodded, "I actually do."

"I wasn't expecting any answer from you. I just want to continue what we have between us." I waved at him and walked off while a small tear rolled down my cheeks. 

Everything has an end.

I learned it the hard way.

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