Reincarnated as an AXE!

Chapter 15: Welcome to the world of Tomorrow!

Eleven years! Eleven years! Oh my God! Ive lost eleven years of my life! How could this have possibly happened?

Well, time does flow differently in the astral plane.

But does it really flow that differently?! Come on, does this happen to everyone who learns magic?

Well, no, obviously not.But you did put ten entire points into the Path of Earth. I warned you there could be consequences

Liar! Liar! Libby the Liar! You told me it was an awesome idea! You said I should do it! You were like Everything you touch turns to gold, Boss! Wow, you sure are the best!

I dont recall saying anything of the sort and can in fact produce the memory of the event in exact detail in order to prove my innocence

Oh, youve got all the answers, dont you, Libby? I bet you doctored the footage, didnt you? Someone cut Michael Jacksons estate a check, we just found ourselves a smooth criminal!

It was a mere eleven years.May I remind you that you are functionally immortal?

That doesnt mean anything! Dont you see, Libby? Weve experienced a time skip! Now all our friends and rivals have gotten more powerful while we sat here in stagnation!

One:You dont have any friends or rivals. You dont know anyone!Two:You did not stagnate, youve acquired [Earth Mastery] an extremely rare imbuement possessed only by the greater Earth Elementals themselves.You have becomeexceptionallypowerful

Everyones been out developing new special moves and pumping themselves up for the final confrontation with the Dark Lord

You dont know anyone, there is no dark lord, there is nothing to be enthused or upset about

And then just think of how much technology and society must have changed! Im an axe thats been cut from his era! Will I recognize anyone or anything? This must have been how Captain America felt when they thawed him free of the ice

Im going into sleep mode now.I will not be available for the next twenty-four hours.Please enjoy your day.Good night.

Huh? Libby?

Libby is currently unavailable.

Libby! Hey! Liiiiibby!

Libby is currently unavailable.

Oh, nuts! This must be a technical error! This is probably another bothersome issue brought about by that darn time skip!

I plopped myself onto a dusty couch and pondered todays terrible revelations. Oh, hey, I'd grown myself a new body! When had I done that? Meh, whatever. I had other things to think about.

Gosh, I wonder if theres anything like an Apple Store for malfunctioning appraisal screens? Oh, Id hate to have to trade Libby in, but I did wonder if an upgrade was available. If so, could it connect to a five G network? Or are we on six Gs now that it's the future?

And what did the g stand for, anyway? Gosh, there were so many mysteries to unravel in this strange new world of tomorrow

You! Hey, you over there! cut in a girls voice.

I looked up and saw a cute redhead in a formfitting white outfit with a short cape, pointing a dagger at me. Then I looked around in confusion. Was she speaking to me?

Hey, are you speaking to me? I asked her.

Do you see anyone else in this room?

Was that a trick question? Uh, is that a trick question? I asked her. I see yooou.

Where is Ardale Lange? the redhead demanded.

Oh, god, god, god, this is embarrassing for me, but I have no idea who that is! I admitted sheepishly. It sounds familiar though! Like, tip of the tongue familiarYIKES!

The woman raced across the room and now had her blade placed directly against my neck. If I moved so much as an inch, her weapon would have opened my neck up like a birthday present.

Whoa! Youre fast! I said admiringly.

Speed is definitely one of my things, she agreed.

Youre really cute too!

Thanks! I take pride in my appearance!

Are you seeing anyone? I asked hopefully.

Sorry, but Im in a committed relationship. My mans name is justice, and I have eyes only for him!

Awww. Are you the heroic type?

Im too humble to call myself that, but yeah, Im a righteous chick who follows the light.

Well, its a loss for me, but I admire your commitment! Can you not stab me now?

That depends on what youre doing here.

I was only sitting around, contemplating my options.

Why are you naked? She asked.

Why arent you?

Oh, youre good! But Im not falling for it.

May I please point out that youre straddling me? Im doing my best not to make this weird, but you were the one who said you werent into me.

Im not! But I refuse to surrender the high ground in case you prove to be dangerous!

So, were just going to keep sitting here like this? Seriously, I dont mind, but Im basically sucking in my gut here to keep this from getting perverted.

The girl smirked at me.

You really are kind of considerate, arent you? she asked. Okay, Ill take a chance and trust you for now. But first, put on some pants!

She stepped away from me and sheathed her knife. I looked around for something, anything I could cover myself up with. I grabbed one of the old sheets off a nearby piano in the corner of the room and wrapped it around myself. It was dusty and starchy though, not comfortable in the slightest.

This wont do, I thought ruefully to myself.

Then, I had an idea!

I was now a master of Earth Magic, right? And this sheet was made up of all sorts of fibers grown in a field somewhere, yeah? With that in mind I tore the sheet in half then used [Earth Mastery] to pump each of the pieces full of energy. Then, I focused on them and mentally molded them into the forms I desired. The results: A good pair of jeans, and a sonic Youth t-shirt I hadnt seen since I lost it during a move to a new apartment.

Im not really a big expert on Sonic Youth, but this chick I was dating at the time was really into Noise Rock, and I feel its important to fake an interest in things if itll help you get a girls attention.

Our relationship didnt last long, but that shirt stayed with me for ages. The great thing about Sonic Youth is that no one ever challenges you on them. Even their own fans were so jaded and indifferent that they didnt care if you were a fake, just as long as you repped the merch.

I tried doing that with Pantera once and ended up having to stab someone in order to get out of that bar alive. Don't mess with Texas!

Sweet! I said happily. Look at me guys, this axe has now become an official member of the DIY community!

Wow, the knife wielding girl said from behind me. I havent seen any magic like that before. What school is that?

Earth, I said proudly.

Earth? she said skeptically. Honestly?

Very honestly! Its the supreme school of sorcery, you know. You can do anything with it, if youve got the right imagination and nigh-godlike power.

Okaaay.

All right, Im clothed! Dont think I didnt notice you checking out my glutes, by the way.

It was done out of academic interest! An intense study of anatomy is a requirement for mastering how to kill efficiently.

Oh. I usually just hack away pieces of someone until they stop moving.

Thats the technique of an amateur! She said admonishingly.

I have so much left to learn! I realized.

__

Reinforcements soon arrived and found Denard holding Julias body. Treat her carefully, guys, he instructed them as he handed her over.

Treat her carefully? one of his men asked incredulously. Look at what this bitch did to us! I say we drop her in a midden pile and let the flies turn her into maggot shit.

Watch your mouth, moron! Denard growled. Shes still wanted for questioning. If we keep the body intact, theres a good chance she can be restored. Our bosses need to know what she knows, its that important.

What? Our guys get blown to hell, and this bitch gets to be resurrected? Captain, how the fuck is that fair?

Fair isnt what we signed up for. All that matters is finishing the job and achieving the best possible good.

But

Thats enough! Denard snapped. Have we got entry to the manor grounds secured yet?

There's nothing to secure, sir, another warrior informed him. Looks like something wiped out the the estates defenses a while ago. From all the misalignments Ive counted, Id say there was some sort of local earthquake if you can believe that. Maybe there was a residual reaction of some kind from the collapse?

Shit, you really think so? Denard asked. Gods, is there no place that disaster didnt reach?

The collapse of Paladia. A disastrous event, utterly cataclysmic in its magnitude. The sort of black moment that occurred once in a dozen generations. Paladia had been a legendary kingdom, the home of the Landholt federation that united mankind and the other intelligent races of the world in an alliance dedicated to peace and justice. A place of power and splendor, where legends were born, and glory was eternal.

Now gone. Fucking gone. All in the blink of an eye. And no one knew why.

The temple now claimed that Paladias splendor was an elaborate lie. It had to be so. Why else would the Elementals turn against it with such unrelenting fury? No one would just wipe out such a densely populated and important part of the mortal world without just cause. They had to have done something to bring it upon themselves! They were being punished.

This belief persisted and grew among the remaining nations of the world until it became a fervently believed fact. And just like that, the surviving citizens of Paladia went from being refugees seeking a future, to victims of persecution and hatred.

Everywhere they went, they were scorned. Wherever they settled, they were immediately blamed for local problems. If there was thievery, a Paladian did it. If a cows milk soured, a Paladian must have cursed it. No matter where they went, the abuses and indignities were piled on. And that was just for the human citizens. The Dwarves, Lycanmorphs, and especially the Elves were often killed on sight.

It was a bad time not to be a native of the lands you dwelled in.

Tch. Well, that makes it easier for us, then. Julias apprentice must have the girl. Shes nowhere near as dangerous as her master was. Go collect her, boys, and then we can finally put all this shit behind us.

Youre not coming, chief?

If I fought her, I might kill her. Im tired of killing people today. Just get it done, guys.

"You can count on us."

__

So, whats your name, anyway? the girl asked as we headed downstairs.

Dont have one! I responded promptly.

Yes, you do. Whats your name? she insisted.

Errr, Axe-el. Axel! Im definitely an Axe. El.

I think youre lying again.

God, youre so perceptive!

I was trained to know truth from lies, she said smugly.

I wish I could do that! Im surprisingly gullible at times! I lamented.

My master taught me that you have to clear your mind of whats unnecessary and focus on what matters most.

Really? Your master sounds cool!

Oh, she really is! Believe it or not, shes Julia Victus! Julia of the Five heroes.

No way! The five heroes?

Yes! The five heroes! she said happily.

Who are they? I asked.

What?

Youre not lying this time, she said in shock.

Why would I? If I dont know something, I dont know it.

Uh, they were the ones who defeated the Kezren Empire? They stopped Emperor Kriegorn from opening the black gate and feeding the entire world to demons?

Whoa! Thats the kind of backstory that sounds like it really matters! Wooo, I bet you could build a franchise on it if its good enough. Sure does sound derivative, though.

Hey! My masters legendary heroics are not derivative of anything, the girl said in a huff.

Okay, okay, not trying to offend you, I said. So, which one of them went bad?

What? What do you mean?

Well, you just exposited some pretty important details, didnt you? Your master was part of the heros party, now you, her obvious replacement, are running around doing important things in her stead, so clearly the past has come back to haunt the world in some nefarious but obvious in hindsight way, right?

Umm. Well, were protecting the granddaughter of the leader of the five heroes

Okay! Well, there you go. Hes the bad guy now. Probably got corrupted by demon gunk or something during the last battle. Happens a lot in these kinds of stories. I nodded.

Wrong! The leader of the heroes was Count Langier, and he died years ago, the girl said triumphantly.

Okay, but did he have a son?

Yes.

And did his son inherit all of his legendary strength and charisma and stuff?

He has been hailed as the second coming of his father, yes

Welp, there you go! Daddy issues! The number one cause of murderous villainy among the idle rich.

Axel, you cant be serious about this.

Hey, just think about it from his perspective. Day after day, everyone compared him to his legendary daddy, but he could never win his dads respect, probably due to Boomer issues, so he eventually grew to hate his old man.

Continue, she said thoughtfully.

I will! Next, his dad died before his son could avenge his hurt feelings, but everyone around him still kept comparing them to each other! Nothing he accomplished ever counted as his own achievement! No matter what he did, someone would say: Youre just as amazing as your father was! Or The apple doesn't fall far from the tree! Heh, wouldnt that drive you nuts after a while? Knowing youd always be compared to a dead man you hated?

Ithink it might, the girl agreed.

Okay, so, one night, after years of his resentment eating away at him, he snapped and made a big declarative statement outlining his newfound commitment to evil. Probably something to the effect of: Ill destroy my fathers legacy and make his name which they all LOVE so much, into one theyll CURSE FOREVER! Its all very dramatic.

"Then, because its a fantasy story, he made a pact with the forces of Hell and now plans to sacrifice a loved one to a demon for power. Probably the girl you're guarding.

Wow, the girl said, stunned. "You've got this all figured out."

Right? It seems like wealthy people can afford anything they want except good therapy.

Suddenly, the girl had her daggers back out. And this time the look in her eyes wasnt amused. It was merciless.

Seems that master Julia was right. Give a criminal an opportunity to hang himself with his own words, and nine times out of ten, hell take it!

I wanted to ask her where what research group shed deployed to gain those statistics, but she had her knife against my throat again.

Well, I didnt expect to learn the entire plan in one go, but Im grateful for your loose lips, she said.

Miss? I thought we were just theory crafting. I slowly said.

Sorry, Axel. My craft doesnt include theories. JustJustice!

JustJustice?

Yeah. Got a problem with it?

Nothingjust sounds a little alliterative is all.

What a sad choice for your last words. Any final regrets?

I regret not convincing you to sleep with me!

Maybe in a kinder world, evildoer.

Did you really call me an evildoerAGHHH!

With a fountaining splash of arterial spray, I was out. She sheathed her blade regretfully and stepped away. I wish you had chosen a better path, she said. Then she walked away.

Wow. That was one fiery redhead!

You know, on second thought, as pretty as she was, I think Id be better off avoiding any further contact with her. Babe though she was, she was way too much of a power ranger. I had enough of my own issues to deal with. Never stick your finger in a moving fan blade, and never pursue a relationship with a crazy person! Thats just sensible advice.

After I got back up, I saw with some dismay that my Sonic Youth shirt was now coated in fresh blood. Darn it! You go to the effort of making yourself presentable then someone goes and slits your throat! Why is nothing ever easy in life.

A moment later, the doors crashed back open and three guys in armor came in with the girl and forced her face down on the floor, pinning her arms behind her.

Scum! Slaves! Fools! Murderers! Get your goddamned hands off me! she screamed, while spitting at them.

Three more armored men came stomping in after them, one of whom began kicking the girl in the head.

Got you now, bitch! Got you now! he hooted in triumph. Its fucking over! Now wheres the girl?

Check your ass, Imperialist! she snarled.

Always with the backtalk with these Eun Malum witches! he snarled. He dropped to a knee and grabbed the girl by her hair. You know who isnt talking shit anymore, kid? Your beloved master, Julia.

The girl paused in her struggling. W-what? she asked.

Hate to be the one to tell you this, no, scratch that, Im delighted to be the one to tell you this: That filthy traitor, Julia Victus is dead. Captain Denard pulled her heart out and ate it like an apple! He offered the rest of us a bite, and when we passed, he swallowed it in one gulp then pissed on the corpses face! Youre all alone now, little girl!

You son of a bitchyou sons of bitches! she screamed.

Anyone hear this little sow back-sass the law? That deserves a response, doesnt it, boys? their leader said. He then lifted up a heavy cudgel and brought it down viciously on the girls skull. Once, twice, thrice! Jeez, if he kept that abuse up, he was really going to kill her! She was completely helpless!

Ha! Like I cared! Slit my throat, will you? Pfffft on you!

I left them to their business and tried to walk past them, but then one of the soldiers said: Hey, who the hell is this guy?

Just an ordinary citizen on the way to the market, I calmly replied.

What sort of clothing is that? And whys it covered in blood?

She did it! I said immediately, pointing an accusing finger at the cute but now battered redhead.

It was her! She came across me and said Im Cutthroat McGuilicuty! And I want to cut your throat! And I said, no, please! I still havent gotten married! And then Cutthroat said My knife will marry your throat! And then it will forcibly penetrate it, because it does not respect marital consent! And officersit didnt!

Someone get a scrying glass up and tell me who this idiot is, their leader said.

Hey! Name calling!

One of them raised what looked like a hand mirror and waved it at me while staring intently at it. Sir! This guy has an open bounty on him, all the way back home! Morrison Cobb, formerly of Duskvale! Wanted for massacring his coworkers with an axe! He's a total maniac!

Uh, who the hell is Morrison Cobb? I asked in confusion.

Nice try, asshole, now kiss the ground!

I was getting really sick of people pointing weapons at me. I told them so, too.

Today just aint your day then, huh prick?

I guess not, I said evenly.

Then, I smiled.

__

Denard wondered what was taking so long. Julias apprentice would be clever, true, but there was only so much distance she could put between herself and his men while dragging a child in tow. There should have been news by now.

Concerned, he headed to the main entryway of the estate where his men had breached the building. It was quiet. Why was it so quiet? Where was everyone? What was happening?

Caaaaaaptaaaaaaain! came a distant sounding wail, so filled with pain and hopelessness that it pulled at something in Denards chest. Im here! Im here, hold on! he yelled, bursting into a sprint and running inside the building, past the receiving room and into the dining chambers where

Oh. Oh, by the gods above me, he whispered.

His men were not men anymore. They were now something else. Something resembling art, if art were something carved from once-living flesh. This was worse than what Julias spell had done earlier. Far worse. This was deliberate, and cruel, and slowly wrought. There was even a sense ofhumor about it? Was that the right word? Humor?

Limbs everywhere. Organs everywhere. Blood everywhere.

Someones head was on the table. His lips had been carefully peeled away to make it look like he was smiling.

Someone had enjoyed this.

Mom? said a whispery voice.

A young man he recognized as Varner was sitting against a wall, with his belly slashed open and everything it once contained within, now spilled out onto his lap.

Varner! Denard yelled, racing to the dying mans side.

Hey, mom, Varner said with a dazed smile on his face. I got the job. But thisis...just step one. Im gonna get all the training I need, then Im gonna-then Im gonna-then Im gonna (cough!) be an adventurer! Gonna beat a dungeon, mom, gonna come back rich! Then I can take care of you! You wont have to worry! I love you, mom.

Im sorry we argued. I just want you to be proud of me.

Goddamn it, Denard said with tears in his eyes.

H-hey, captain! Varner said. Hey, Captain, this job is pretty hard, huh? Im really trying.

Youre doing a great job, kid. Denard said quietly.

Really? Im glad. Can you tell my mom that? Can you tell her I tried?

I swear it on my life, kid. Ill tell her.

This really hurts, Captain. Im scared.

Im with you, kid. Im right here with you.

Varner began crying. He cried helpless, childlike wails, and Denard could do nothing for him. Then Varner began trembling and did so for a full minute before he was finally still. All the while, Denard stayed with him, holding his hand until it was over.

Telling him how brave he was.

The door to the dining room opened, and a whistling man entered the room.

He was covered in blood.

Hey, the stranger said.

Hey, Denard replied blankly.

Question: Do you know how to get red stains off white clothing? the stranger asked as he pointed at his shirt.

Denard looked carefully around the room. Then he asked: Did you do all this?

Guilty as charged! was the cheerful reply.

Okay, Denard said. He closed Varners eyes then stood up. The huge man then walked over to the stranger and loomed over him, his large hands opening and closing and opening and closing. He stared at the stranger with wide, wild eyes.

Im Denard.

Hey, Denard.

You just killed a lot of good men.

Is that right?

It is.

Okay. Hey, Denard?

Yeah?

Why are you looking at me like that?

Like what?

Like you think youre going to do something about it?

Denard grinned.

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