Redo of a Romanceless Author’s Life Devoid of Love; Another Chance at Youth

Chapter 30.

Chapter 30. The First Snowfall of the Year. (1/2)

A week passed by where I could finally enjoy some alone time at my own apartment. She had yet to cash in on her reward and said she wanted to give it some time before she did. She said something about the rather cold weather being a hindrance. It led me to believe she’d only cash in her reward when the place warmed up.

It led me to believe whatever she wanted me to do for her would most likely be… outdoors. A drop of sweat rolled down my back, this seemed to be a grave miscalculation on my part, but there was nothing I could do. I was the one who said regardless of the time and place. If things really turned out that way, I had no one to blame but myself.

Though I hadn’t dropped by her place after work this last week, the two of us still had lunch together in the same place every day on top of the entrance to the rooftop. The days were getting colder and it was set up for snow today, so it wouldn’t be long before we had to stop using the rooftop for our secret rendezvous for some time.

Just as any other lunch period, we were minding our own business on the rooftop. We’d only just arrived, but a few minutes into lunch, light snow began to fall. Seeing as the food would get snow in it we figured we’d return inside.

Much unlike every other time we were on the roof, the instant I dropped down from the top of the entrance the door suddenly opened up. With snow falling around me I slowly stood up and turned around calmly to discover a visitor unknown to me who I never encountered before.

She had long hair, the color, a mix between a very faint orange tint to blond. She looked at me who’d descended from overhead in surprise with her crystal clear steel-blue eyes. 

I didn’t recognize this girl at all, but it was clear by the pin on her uniform that she was a student here in her second year.

Well… this was a rather unpleasant development. In a story, this could be considered a flag of sorts, or a potential key meeting between two unrelated strangers. Once again, I had nobody to blame but Rosa for this unwanted event. If I’d never become entangled with Rosa I’d have stayed on track and remained in my back corner seat all alone until graduation. But because of her, I’d one day ventured out of the classroom and stumbled upon this rather pleasant isolated location I’d grown fond of frequenting.

A deep frown formed on my face as I stared at this unwanted guest.

She suddenly asked, “Uhm… should you really be up here on the roof?”

“I could be so inclined to ask you the very same question, but we’d just go in circles, now wouldn’t we?”

“Haha, I guess you’re right. We’re both doing something wrong, aren’t we? I just noticed it was snowing outside and I wanted to get a look at it from the roof then maybe take a picture of the first snowfall of the year.”

“I see.”

“Uh, wouldn’t it be normal for you to give your explanation after being told mine?”

“Well, I suppose it’s more or less the same reason.” I looked up above calmly at Rosa peeking down from the edge while I raised my right hand out beneath the falling snowflakes to catch some on the palm of my hand while I made it appear to the girl in front of me that I was simply examining the snow falling from the sky above. I signaled Rosa with my eyes to not reveal herself since our relationship still wasn’t public knowledge and troublesome rumors might spread if this second-year girl brought her encounter with me up with others.

“I see! So it was that after all.”

I looked back down at the pure innocent smile on her face as she had her hands clapped together in understanding.

It seemed I’d successfully deceived her.

Seeing her overly trusting sincere eyes made me feel a bit guilty though. The air around her was truly too pure. It felt like if someone dirty like me touched her she’d be easily defiled and corrupted. That was the sort of feeling I had as I observed this peculiar second-year girl whose identity I didn’t know.

I thought of taking my leave but realized Rosa might end up stuck up there in the cold all alone by herself for a while if I did.

As such, without speaking another word to the girl, I turned around and walked away from the door toward the edge of the rooftop.

I’d try to lure this girl away from the door then have Rosa escape in that window.

I took out my phone from my pocket and sent Rosa a text and explained my intent.

I stopped when I reached the railing at the edge of the rooftop then leaned forward and rested all my weight onto it through my cross arms.

Although I’d thought of the plan, I didn’t actually have an idea what to say to distract this girl. I just figured she’d move to the edge of the roof on her own and if I was there, my presence alone would be enough to keep her eyes away from randomly turning back to look at the entrance of the rooftop.

If I didn’t go back to the top of the entrance which I’d just jumped down from, then I doubted she’d climb on top of it either.

I secretly turned on the inward-facing camera on my phone and pointed it behind me to confirm Rosa’s position without the need to look back and raise the girl’s suspicions. I kept it positioned so the screen with the image itself wasn’t in the girl’s line of sight so she wouldn’t notice I was keeping an eye on her. I kept my eyes lowered to my phone hidden behind my arm and kept an eye on both Rosa on top of the entrance and the girl with her phone in her hand.

Snap.

I was a bit startled when I heard the sound of a shutter. Had I accidentally taken a picture without intending to? Was my cover blown? No… I was safe. I hadn’t done so. My cover wasn’t blown and I hadn’t been seen through. Rather, the one who’d taken a picture was the girl with the phone in her hand.

Shit, if that was the case, had it been a selfie? Could she have captured Rosa on camera? I had to confirm.

“Hey, you better not be taking pictures to blackmail me or something.”

“Ah. No. I wasn’t taking a picture of you for a reason like that.”

I naturally could tell she wasn’t that sort of person. But with her words, I’d confirmed that she hadn’t taken a selfie and inadvertently caught Rosa in a picture. I was internally relieved.

“I see. Then whatever. But it’s pretty rude to take pictures of others without their permission you know.”

“Uh… sorry. I just thought it made for a good picture. I’ll… delete it now.”

“It’s fine. It’s not a big deal, just ask before taking a picture. I don’t particularly like being in pictures, that’s all.”

“Huh? You don’t like being in pictures? Why not?”

“I look terrible in pictures and…” I paused before I completed my sentence.

“And what?”

“I don’t want to be remembered by anyone. I’d like to just fade away into the background and be forgotten by everyone else. Kind of like a ghost I guess.”

“Why would you not want to be remembered? Isn’t it normal to want to be remembered by others? To create fond memories with your friends and family?”

I held out my free hand and let the snowflakes fall on top of my palm before I responded indifferently, “I suppose so. But I’m not cut out for that sort of thing. I just want to disappear like a snowflake as it melts in your hand. Its form slowly fades away until all that remains is a remnant of liquid before it evaporates and returns back to the atmosphere as though its fleeting existence was nothing but a lie.”

Those were my sincere thoughts. I didn’t want to become someone big or make a name for myself in the world and leave behind some mark in history. I was fine with mediocrity. I accepted that some people were destined for greatness, but that there would always be those who weren’t. For every person that finds happiness, there exists a person who will lose something equal in return. I’d rather be the latter. One who loses so another may have.

If by taking the place of someone who was destined to lose, they are permitted to win, I would take that position without hesitation. I don’t ask to be remembered for it. I just ask that that person does their best with the opportunity they now have.

I suppose it’s just a form of self-satisfaction as a worthless defective human without any true ambitions.

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