QT: Don't fall in love with the Male Lead

Chapter 31: Don't panic Imperial Concubine Xi

Xi Zirui opens his eyes into the bright glare of an overhead light, for a brief dizzying moment it's as if he hasn't left that odd all-white limbo space at all.

Sensation starts returning to him slowly. First the tips of his fingers, then tingling on the soles of his feet, until he realizes he's laying down on the padded chair inside the "pod" of the Transmigrator 4000.

He rubs his stinging eyes, and is shocked to find out that it's as if no time has passed at all. The clothes he was wearing before being strapped to the machine are barely wrinkled.

"What---" he starts, trying to move only to remember the worrying metal straps keeping him in place.

The bubble-gum popping shopkeeper materializes at his right, giving him a curious look. "You didn't look like you enjoyed yourself."

Xi Zirui snorts. This girl doesn't know the fucking half of it.

He proceeds to tell her what exactly he thinks of her, her shop, the Transmigrator 4000, and the stupid, arbitrary, restrictions he was subjected to, while there.

She takes note of everything on her tablet, an action oddly reminiscent of Li Siqi, and Xi Zirui feels woozy for a moment.

"I see, I see, well I'm really sorry you had such an unpleasant experience," she pops her bubblegum at him in a way that indicates that she feels no such thing. "What do you say we extend your free trial a while longer and you have another go."

That makes Xi Zirui cut his tirade short.

"Will -will I be able to see Han Yu again?" That's the only thing that matters to him. As far as he's concerned, this entire parallel-universe-hopping thing is pointless if he can't see Han Yu again.

And stay with him. For good this time.

The shopkeeper widens her eyes, and blows up a pink balloon so large it almost takes up half her face, before bursting with a loud pop. "You want that? Sure, that can be arranged."

She starts fiddling with the screen on the Transmigrator 4000, adjusting parameters and whatnot at such a speed that Xi Zirui can't keep up with the movement of her fingers.

"And another thing, none of that 'Don't fall in Love with the Male Lead' crap," Xi Zirui says, his skin vibrating with nerves and anticipation.

Will the next world's Han Yu be just like his own? Will he like him back? Will he still call him 'didi' with that devious smirk?

She nods, a little distracted, which doesn't bode well for Xi Zirui. "Fall in Love with the Male Lead, got it!"

She taps something else on the screen, and Xi Zirui struggles against his restraints. "Wait! No, just no gimmicks, just let me fall in love with Han Yu."

Looking up from beneath her curling lashes she sketches a thin smile and coos at him. "And what would be the fun in that?"

Xi Zirui rears back up to berate her some more, but she cuts her off with a pithy. "Sure, sure, as you wish."

She fiddles with some other settings on the machine, and then gives Xi Zirui pat on the arm. "There, all set."

His stomach is still tying itself in knots, he makes himself ask, "The previous world....I got to learn what happened to everyone else, but not Han Yu, why is that?"

She hums for a moment, pops her bubblegum once, twice, before shaking her head and shrugging. "Must have been a glitch, probably won't happen again."

"What do you mean a glitch? Won't happen again- what-"

Smiling wider than her narrow face can bear, she taps one last button and says, "Have a nice journey!"

Xi Zirui wants to fight back and say something, demand more answers, but he feels his conscience ebbing away, until everything goes quiet.

The last thing he remembers is that odd sensation of his body disintegrating.

---

The shopkeeper eyes the definitely not disintegrated body on the Transmigrator 4000's chair, and closes the pod, switching the green "empty" display that flickered up as soon as Xi Zirui's conscience arrived back, into "in use."

She takes her place at the counter in front of the shop windows, and stipples her long, acrylic nails on the wooden counter.

A snake-like creature comes slithering away from behind one of the shelves and crawls up the shopkeeper's tattooed leg, over the soft planes of her narrow waist, and under her blouse, nuzzling against one perky tit before perching on her neck and biting her ear.

"Ni Ni stop it," the shopkeeper says, batting the snake-like creature, who is actually a dragon, away.

Ni Ni huffs, and tiny mists of water come out of her nostrils, she bumps one of her jade horns against the shopkeeper's fingers to little effect; the shopkeeper still picks her up by the scruff of her neck and deposits her on top of the counter.

"What is it? You need to hurry, he's going to wake up in the parallel universe any minute now."

Ni Ni pouts, and stomps her taloned legs all over the counter. "But I missed you! I've been away so long."

The shopkeeper awws at the pout in her lipless snout, and scritches under her scaly chin. "Once you're back to your human form, I'll reward you."

Ni Ni preens, coiling her tail around the shopkeepers fingers, keeping them in place. "I'll hold her Heavenly Majesty to that!"

The shopkeeper, who isn't just a shopkeeper, smiles fondly at the little dragon and nods towards the back of the shop. "Now go, the sooner this mission is complete, the sooner we can go back."

"I'm going, I'm going," Ni Ni says, as she scurries down the counter and into the floor. At the last minute she stops and looks back at the shopkeeper to ask, "Why didn't you want him to know what happened to that world's Han Yu?"

The shopkeeper smiles knowingly. "Would he have wanted to keep looking for him if he had closure so early on?" She shakes her head. "No, better to keep him guessing. We both know what needs to happen...for everyone's sake."

Ni Ni nods, and goes on her way. Honestly, she feels sorry for Xi Zirui, in the time they spent together she has come to see him as, not as friend maybe, but a close acquaintance. Someone whose well being she cares about, at any rate.

The truth is that she doesn't know if he would have been any better knowing Han Yu spent the rest of his life heartbroken over Xi Zirui's sudden death. Pouring himself into his work until there was barely anything left, and going through a string of failed relationships, in the desperate hope that the next one would work out.

They never did. Who can measure up to a ghost?

No, Ni Ni isn't sure if it would be better for him to know, but she feels sorry for him, all the same. For both of them, really.

She steels her heart with the knowledge that all of this is necessary, and that her lover, in all her unfathomable wisdom, will sail them all into welcoming shores.

---

Xi Zirui is sitting somewhere cramped, and that just won't hold still. He can feel himself being jostled every other second.

He opens his eyes, and comes awake in a world of red. Fine, red silk all stuffed inside the world's most uncomfortable sedan.

Wait, red silk?

He takes a hurried look down at himself and confirms his worst fears. He's wearing a wedding robe.

He runs his fingers down the fine brocade and golden embroidery and reaches an even more sobering conclusion: this isn't a costume.

The wedding sedan jostles violently and he's almost thrown out of the chair. The million dangling ornaments in his hair rattle like windchimes during a tornado.

He touches the side of his head, trailing his fingertips over his perfectly brushed and bound hair. All of it gathering up in an intricate knot on top of his head, from which a length of unbound strands falls down in his back in a dark inkspill.

That's definitely his real hair, and not a wig this time.

Xi Zirui wants to panic, in fact panic is about the only thing he can do in new and unusual situations where he doesn't have full control over every aspect of what's happening around him.

But first, he must scream: "Ni Ni!!!!!!!"

The metallic chime on his silver bracelet goes off, a cheery little tune that doesn't suit his mood at all. "Ah, I'm glad to see Host is finally awake!"

"Why am I wearing wedding robes?"

"Because Host is about to get married!"

"And who am I getting married to?" Xi Zirui asks, gritting his teeth.

"To Emperor Ai of Su!"

Xi Zirui mentally rifles through all the history books he's ever read. He's quite certain there has never been an Emperor Ai of Su. There was the famous Ai of Han, and Ai of Tang but never an Ai of Su.

In fact there was never a Su dynasty!

As if she can hear the gears turning in his mind, Ni Ni is quick to intervene. "Ah, Host, please remember this is a parallel world, one of many scattered through the vast multiverse. History isn't the same as you remember in your own home world."

Well, that would explain why he, a man, was marrying an Emperor, something that never happened in his own world. Unless...

"Ni Ni, am I supposed to give the Emperor an heir? Are cis males capable of bearing children in this world?" he asks, his face growing several shades paler.

"Oh, no, not in this world..." Ni Ni says, offhandedly, which makes Xi Zirui worry about the world in which that isn't true.

Anyway, he only has time for a crisis at a time.

So he's marrying one this world's version of Ancient China's Emperors. That's not actually a bad thing, as long as the Emperor is Han Yu. Which he should be, because that's something he specifically asked that cursed shopkeeper for!

"Ni Ni, what is my...ah...mission, in this world?"

"Ni Ni is glad Host asked!" she clears her throat, an inane thing to do considering she's an AI and has no throat to speak of, before continuing. "The original is also called Xi Zirui, and as one of Emperor Ai's concubines, Host is supposed to hold the Emperor's favour and make him dote on Host above all other harem members, including the Empress. Host must not displease the Emperor, and must avoid the schemes and intrigues of the Harem at all costs. I can also tell Host about the B-couple tasks he has to fulfill, and an exciting C-couple addition!"

Great, more matchmaking, just what he needs, considering it worked out so well the first time around.

Right now he doesn't have the time to hear about extra quests.

Again, Ni Ni saddles him with a ridiculous task and hopes for the best. How is he, a man, obviously lacking a womb, going to be able to compete with women giving the Emperor heirs?

Are the men in this world really stupid? There's a reason why there weren't any men in the harems in his world, despite several emperors and princes having scores of male lovers.

It's because you wouldn't wish an Imperial Harem on your worst enemy, let alone your lover!

A man had nothing to gain by becoming part of a harem, he wouldn't be able to give the Emperor heirs, and secure his position in that way, he would last merely weeks until the other concubines made minced meat out of him.

Traditionally an Emperor's male lover(s) was someone who could be at the Emperor's side at all times, travel with him outside the Imperial city (something all harem members were prohibited from doing, during most dynasties they couldn't even leave the Palace!), and wear the Emperor's favour in the form of so many government, military, and nobility titles that it would take eunuchs an hour to announce him and all his titles when he entered a room.

Xi Zirui wouldn't be that lucky, because this world's original was clearly a complete idiot to have gotten himself in this situation.

And now it's up to Xi Zirui to make it through the Imperial Harem, alive.

Whatever, he's not going to panic just yet. As long as the Emperor is Han Yu, he'll have no trouble currying, and keeping his favor. Maybe even talk him into doing away with the whole harem. That little thought even manages to put a smile on his face.

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