[Book Three] Chapter 08: The Truth

Chapter 08: The Truth

Jane Shepard was looking stoically at her brother’s form on the med-bay bed he was sleeping on. His face was uncovered, mostly as a breathing mask was covering his mouth and nose. To anyone around looking at her, meaning Mordin and Eve, the female krogan that the salarian has named so, she may have passed as pensive and disapproving. Nothing was further from the truth as Jane was experiencing all kinds of emotions. None of them were positive. Panic, fear, despair. She nearly lost the one person she loves the most, again, and by his own hands at that. Taking a deep breath she left the room, asked EDI to display the med-bay’s cam  on her omni-tool and went to the meeting room one deck above. There she found her whole team, minus Javik, waiting for her.

“What the heck happened?” James started the conversation with.
“Rick…” began Jane but couldn’t say the words.
“He tried to kill himself.” Ashley said bluntly, coming to her rescue. She was not panicking anymore but angry. Very angry.
“Why?” asked the human male who got an answer from Garrus.
“Rick is a former colonist of Eden Prime. Three years ago when Saren and the geths attacked he not only lost his wife but also his unborn child.”
“Oh.” was the only sound James let out, understanding or not. “I get it now but… it’s been three years, shouldn’t he… have moved on? I mean, he’s…hmm… knocking boots with you LC… and Liara. No offense.” He quickly added.
“It’s complicated. He doesn’t deal with emotions, instead he compartmentalizes to an insane level. I guess whenever he’s with Liara or me, he’s in the now, not in the past. Same thing for when he’s working, too much focused on his task to think of anything else.” the brunette explained.

Keeping an eye on the display of her omni-tool, Jane looked at Liara who hadn’t spoken a word yet. She seemed so lost to her, with her eyes unfocused looking at something so far away.
“Liara?”
“Yes?” answered the asari as she was brought out of her thoughts.
“You’re the one he confided in the most, did he tell you anything?”
“No… he didn’t.”
“But you know something.” Jane insisted.
“It’s… private, Jane.”
“In normal times I would respect that but not now. Not in this situation, I need to know if he’ll do it again, I need to know of a way to prevent it.”
“I… He… that wasn’t out of grief.” answered Liara after relenting.
“Hard to imagine, what other reasons than grief would have push him to attempt suicide?” commented Garrus.
“Well, it’s part of it but not the main reason. It was guilt. Rick is… he…”
“Commander, he’s awake.” announced EDI.

That piece of news prompted Shepard to turn her head to look at her omni-tool to verify that statement. She saw his eyes open, looking at the ceiling in thoughts. Eve seemed to talk to him from the bed on the side as he reached for his breathing mask and removed it while still looking at the ceiling.

“EDI, give me the sound.” Jane ordered which the AI obeyed.
“... not your fault, Eve” she heard him say. “You lost children because of the genophage, because of others’ doing, not because of yours. You didn’t see from far away the geths dragged your pregnant mate. You didn’t run like mad to reach her, to save her and watch as the geths put her on a dragon tooth. You didn’t hold her in your arms, after slaughtering them all, as she was still alive when you got her down, the changed into a husk interrupted but already advanced enough that she was trying to bite your neck. You didn’t have to put her down…”

Everyone in the meeting room had been silent the moment EDI put the volume on but that last bit made some react.

““Damn…”” said Garrus and James in sync.
“It gets worse.” Liara said as she was looking down at her hands.

Jane couldn’t imagine what could be worse than failing to save the one you love and having to put them to rest yourself. She didn’t have to wait long to have an answer to that question.

“..You didn’t see, your own unborn child clawed his way out of her mother’s womb, half you half machine, with her bright blue eyes ablaze with a synthetic light, crawling to you, letting out two pitched deformed screams, still connected to her mothers via the umbilical cord. And you didn’t have to put her down either.”

It was too much for Ashley, who ran out of the room, clearly sick by what she heard and with tears in her eyes. The rest of the room was in the same state, horrified by what they had heard. Jane couldn’t even begin to comprehend what he was going through. How much pain, grief and guilt her baby brother must be in. She felt for him. She felt for her sister-in-law and her niece who she would never meet and had a gruesome end. Immediately something in her snapped. Something strong, powerful, and primal from her core. She didn't know what it was, she didn’t pay attention as she was busy listening to Rick but it made her stand up and rush to the med-bay.

“We may both have survived our children, Eve, but we’re not the same.” he said as he got off the bed and left the room, leaving an uncomfortable silence to the female krogan and Mordin who had been listening attentively as he was running some test.

As the door to the elevator opened, he barely had the time to see a red mop of hair that he found himself in a bone crushing bear hug. Immediately realizing who it was he tried to pry her off of him.

“Don’t touch me.” he said gravely.
“No.”
“Leave. Me. Alone.”
“Never. Not anymore.” she said as she pulled him inside the metallic cage and brought him to her cabin where she dragged him to her bed.

Had she been in better control of what she was feeling she would have noticed that despite his words he didn’t fight her to get away and instead just let himself be led. She removed his weapons and threw them on her couch then did the same for his long leather coat and his armored clothes leaving only in his pants and shirt. She took his hand and made him get on the bed where he laid down. Quickly she removed her own armor leaving her in her leggings that she now wore every time she geared up and her shirt.
She joined him in bed and embraced tightly trying to convey her support as much as she could. Finally after a moment he buried his head in her chest and gripped her shirt as hard as he could. Minutes later when his grip lessened she knew that he was asleep, lowering her head she kissed the top of his head and kept holding him.

I’m never letting you go again.

____________________________________________________________

She woke up alone at what now she considered her usual time. 4:45 am. Rick was gone and she cursed herself for not ordering EDI to not let him out but she knew that it would only have bitten her in the ass. Getting out of bed, she took a quick shower, dressed up and went to the Cargo Bay where she saw him putting back his gear in his locker, his helmet on. She wasn’t so insensitive as to ask if he was alright so she just started to stretch.

“Today we’re focusing on barriers. The area type which is way bigger.” he said as he came to her as if the previous day never happened.

Rolling with it she asked a question. “Isn’t it just putting more power?”
“Yes.”
“... You’re making me practice it because it’s not just about power.” she stated as a matter of fact. She knew that if that was all there is to it, he wouldn’t have made a session focused on it.
“No it isn’t, despite what most think they know.”
“One of your tricks?”
“Yes. Now, which is the difference between a field barrier and just a bubble?”
“The size but that’s not the answer you are waiting for so I’d say…Power? But you said it’s not about it.”
“It is and it’s not. True, the more power you put into it, the bigger the area you can cover or the more durable you can make it. But let’s say you make a fifteen feet radius field like this.”

He raised his hands and flared his biotics, putting the both of them under a blue dome.

“How long do you think you can maintain it? How many impacts could you whistand? Compare it to the usual bubble with the same amount of power.”
“I don’t know but I think that the bubble will last longer and will be more durable as it is more compact.”
“Correct. As the area is bigger, when impacted the drain will be bigger than by using the bubble.”
“Hmmm… A bit like a shield?”
“Exactly like a shield but instead of a man crafted power source…”
“We are the power source.”
“Yes.”
“I’m guessing that what you’re trying to show me is… how to reduce the drain and not exhaust myself faster?” she commented and Rick nodded in acknowledgement.
“Go pick a gun and shoot at it.”

She exited the blue dome, went to the workbench and after picking a M-3 Predator, as it didn’t have a lot of power but a good fire rate, she emptied the clip on his barriers.

“What did you see?”
“The barrier stopping the shots.” she replied a bit confused, not understanding what was the point of what she did.
“Obviously but what did the barrier do?”
“She flickered a bit at the point of impact.”
“Yes. Normally it wouldn’t but I’m putting barely any power in it for you to see that. Now try it again.”

Despite still not understanding why, she changed the clip in the gun and emptied again. This time she was more focused on the barrier and she felt something was different but she couldn’t put her finger on it.

“You did something. I don’t know what but… something’s different.”
“Good, you noticed. Come closer, and look at how the barrier is behaving.”

She did so and didn’t see anything wrong at first glance, until she focused on one particular spot.

“You’re making it spin!” she exclaimed in shock.
“Inaccurate but you got the gist of it. I’m making the energy flow. When something spins it generates kinetic energy. I use that energy in combination with mine to lessen the peak of drain created by an impact. It takes care of a part of the shot’s velocity by dissipating some of its power or rather redirecting it to the side.”
“Instead of flowing the energy through your body you’re making it flow outside. That’s… insane. In your body you can feel it but not outside.”
“That’s the second hardest feat of control that I know of, the first one being controlling any nodule separately from the others. That’s what I want you to learn.”
“That’s…” she hesitated as she didn’t think it was ready but if Rick was teaching it to her, then he thought she was. “Okay, how do I go about it?”


____________________________________________________________


Of the three hours they trained before breakfast, two had been focused on this new exercise while the last hour was reserved for nodule growth. Jane had not succeeded even once to make the energy flow, not even a little bit however she was undeterred and didn’t linger on her failure. Reaching the Crew Deck, she greeted Ashley and Garrus who were having a late breakfast. Rick and her joined them at their table but the atmosphere was awkward.

“Who died?” Rick asked nonchalantly as he put a piece of his pancake in his mouth. That was the wrong thing to say as Ash blew up.
“YOU, YOU ASSHOLE!!” she yelled.
“Pretty sure I didn’t.”
“YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!”

Putting his fork down he looked at his lover.

“We all have moments of weakness in our lives, yesterday was mine. There is no need to hang on to it as today is another day. It wasn’t the first time, won’t be the last. End of story.” he said as picked another piece of pancake and went on, considering the conversation over and done with.
““WHAT?!!””

Obviously the talk was not over for the two ladies who didn’t like the last part of what he said. For his part Garrus wanted nothing more than to get the hell away but was curious at Rick’s statement.
“What do you mean it wasn’t the first time?!” Jane asked.
“That it wasn’t the first? I admit though, it was the closest one.” he replied simply as he chewed on his food.
“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! How can you talk like that about your own life?!” Ashley shouted as she stood up slamming the table with her hands.
“Lot of things and because I’m used to it? I have always been like that as far as I can remember.”
“WHAT?! SUICIDAL?!”
“Yeah. I get it, it was your first time so you’re worried and shocked but honestly you’re blowing things out of proportion. I’m too much of a sore loser and an ass to just kick the bucket like that. Besides, it’s just when I’m in a really bad mood which doesn’t happen often. Usually I distract myself enough with work or something else.”

Ashley looked at him with her mouth open wide. Not believing what she had just heard she had just froze. She wasn’t the only one shocked; Garrus too had his jaw hanging low while Jane had her brows raised high.

“That’s it. I’m putting you on suicide watch.” the redhead declared.
“The hell you are, that’s not necessary.”
“I don’t care, you are starting now. You go nowhere on this ship or outside of it alone. I want someone from the ground team with you at all times.”
“You could just have EDI watch me.” he tried to downplay
“EDI too, in her synthetic body. That’s final. Garrus, do you mind starting?”

The turian shocked his head to convey that no he didn’t mind being on babysitting duty. He stood up and followed his charge towards the Main Battery room, his own lair.

At least I’d be able to work. was what he thought

From the table, Ashley had her head in hands, silently crying at the man she loved, not caring if he died. Jane moved from her seat to the one next to the brunette and tried to comfort her by massaging her back.

“How could he, Jane? How…”
“Rick’s actions and disregard for his own life is indicative of a severe depression that was left untreated, for years if he felt like that as far as he could remember. Although…” explained through the speakers but stopped voicing her thoughts.
“What is it?” Jane asked, wanting to know more.
“His usual behavior is not one of someone with such a mental disorder. He cares for others' lives, he cares for the people close to him, his bickering with you, commander. It indicates that he hasn’t given up on life.”
“Then why is he like that?!” Ashley shouted.
“I do not know. I can only advise professional help for him.”
“As unlikely to happen as the Reapers surrendering out of the blue.” Jane said in a sigh.

____________________________________________________________

“Ugh! People! Fucking annoying with their emotional shit. Especially women!” Rick ranted as he entered the Main Battery room.
“First, it’s sexist. Second, you can’t blame them for caring about you.” corrected Garrus, clearly not in the mind to take his rant.
“Studies have shown that human women are more emotional than human men. And I don’t blame them, I’m annoyed. Look at EDI, she’sneither yelling at me or ordering me around. ”
“That’s not really…”
“While I can not care or get angry, I am, however, very much disliking your actions, be it from yesterday or a few minutes ago.”
“See?” replied the Turian, surprised but glad to have some support.
“You know what? Let’s be productive. What’s with all your time spent calibrating?”
“Not much to tell. I adjust the numbers, clean the canons much like Ashley does with the weapons downstairs.”
“What do you mean by adjusting the numbers?”
“Loading speed, power, aim, heat generated just like a regular weapon. I’m surprised you’re asking, with how similar they are working.”
“I never was interested much in anything regarding ships but you said ‘similar’, implying it’s not really the same. What’s the difference?”
“The speed at which the projectile is shot. For this big girl, it’s a fraction of the speed of light. Can’t really do that with a gun, the barrel is way too short.”
“Too short?”
“Yes, the longer the barrel the more the speed accumulates. That’s why most military ships are lengthy, for more fire power. The Thanix is a bit of an exception as the power is created before the shot but is still multiplied later. That’s why she packs a punch despite the Normandy being not that long. It’s also why guns don't shoot projectiles at the same speed as a ship’s cannons. The barrel is too short to reach a fraction of the speed of light.”
“So in other words, the more distance the projectile travels, the more power of the shot.” Rick stated pensively.
“Yeah. We can’t have ships two kilometers long though. Way too impractical.”
“Yet, it was Sovereign’s length, give or take a few meters.”
“And it destroyed most of the alliance’s fifth fleet during the attack on the citadel. Point proven.”
“Hmm… What if… What if we could lengthen the distance the projectile goes through without needing to lengthen the ship?”
“That'd be great, perfect even but sadly impossible.” Garrus replied, but he realized that Rick had been speaking to himself and was in his own world.

What the heck did he think of this time?

____________________________________________________________

“What did he do this time?” Liara asked as she saw Ashley and Jane entering her room with somber faces and with the former having tear marks on her cheeks and her eyes red.
“Oh! I’m sorry Liara, we can come back later.” Jane said as she saw the naked asari stepping out of her shower with only a towel around herself.
“That’s alright, Ashley already saw me in less, and I don’t mind you.” Liara replied, making the redhead’s eyes go wide.
“You two….”
“Had sex yes.” Liara replied as she picked one of Rick's shirts that, not unlike Shepard, she had borrowed, and put it on, with nothing underneath. “Come on, sit down and tell me what’s wrong.”
“He’s chronically suicidal! That’s what’s wrong!” Ashley shouted.
“Oh.”
“Oh? You didn’t know?” Jane calmly exclaimed.
“Contrary to what you think, he doesn't share everything with me. Some things I only know because we melded, like what truly happened on Eden Prime three years ago. Or that you’re related.”
“He accepted to meld with you despite knowing you’ll know?”
“Yes, Jane. He didn’t mind me knowing, he just didn’t want to say it, to hear his own voice say the words. He said it was like twisting a knife made of salt into the wound.”
“Yeah that’s great and all but how do we fix him?” Ashley asked, getting impatient.
“It’s going to sound a bit cliche but time, patience and love though I don’t think we can truly ‘fix’ him as you say.”
“That’s it?” Jane inquired in disbelief .
“For Ash and I, yes. For you…confronting his mixed feelings towards you.”
“I’m doomed then…” the redhead said dejectedly.
“Not necessarily. If he does, he will blow up, so be prepared.”
Shepard sighed in resignation wondering why nothing could be simple in her life. “ I miss Kelly, she would have been able to help.”
““Who?””
“Kelly Chambers was the Yeoman of the Normandy during our fight against the Collectors. She was also the psychologist of the crew.” EDI said.
“She left the Cerberus after our victory, not linking what she saw of the organization during our travels.” added Jane.
“Maybe you can ask Mordin?” Liara proposed. “ I mean, he’s a former STG, I’m sure he must have had some psychological training and at the very least they have lots of similarities.”

“The idea has merit.”
“Well do so, meanwhile I’ll punch him then fuck him until he stops being stupid. Or both at the same time.” Ashley said as she left the room still upset.
“That could work too.”
“For both of you, maybe.” lamented Jane.
“He will come around, Jane. You’ll see.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I saw the kind and innocent child he was and I know that child is still there, buried deep under a huge pile of pain and hurt but still there.” Liara answered with a warm smile giving Jane a moral boost and hope.
“Thank you, Liara.” the redhead said and went to hug the asari.
“Think nothing of it. That’s what friends are for.”
“I guess that's true.” she replied as she broke the hug. “Now how did you get Rick to give you one of his shirts?”
“I didn’t, he doesn’t know.” laughed Liara. “Ash did the same.”
“At this rate, he’s going to be topless all the time if we keep stealing his shirt.”
“You know, that’s not a bad idea.”

____________________________________________________________

Lunch time came and Rick and Garrus came out of the Main Battery room, the former humming the latter being somewhat haggard. That made more than a brow raised at the table and when the turian sat down while the human went to cook the members of the team couldn’t help themselves.

“Garrus, are you alright?” asked Jane.
“Please point to me where the bad man touched you.” Liara joked, making Ashley snort and spit the water she was drinking.
“What?!” exclaimed their friend coming back to reality.
“What did he do that, you, of all people, were spacing out?” inquired the redhead.
“Nothing, he just revolutionized space warfare. Just another Tuesday.” he said with a sigh.
“Rick, resolved the problem of the distance needed for a projectile shot from a ship’s cannon to travel.” explained EDI.
“Meaning?” Ashley asked.
“That a small ship like the Normandy could shoot projectiles with the power of a dreadnaught now. In theory.” Garrus said in layman’s terms.
“In theory?” questioned a very interested Jane.
“The whole cannon would need to have an overhaul so would the eezo core area.”
“A good part of the inside of the ship would need to be dismantled and modified that’s not counting on creating the new parts necessary. It would take weeks and the ship would need to be docked, naturally.”
“Sadly, we don’t have that kind of time.”
“No but some other ships in the galactic alliance may. Creating the parts is what will take the most time at first.”
“So it could be useful for the war? I can talk about it to Hackett?”
“Yes.” “Yes.” replied the AI and the turian in sync.

Rick came to the table with two plates, one full of dextro food for Garrus, who was appreciative of the gesture and one for himself. He was still humming.

“You seemed in a good mood.” noted Liara.
“Mm-mm.” Rick replied, enjoying his cooking.
“When will the file be ready for your known invention?” his sister asked.
“It already is.”
“Really? You already have it patented?” she said sarcastically.
“No, not yet, but that’s alright. I have enough clout right now that if any idiot tried to claim ownership, lawsuits would be the least of their problems.”
“What do you mean?” Ashley asked, still a bit miffed with him.
“The alliance would not let anyone take credit for my invention, they can’t allow it. They would lose and anger me and they can’t afford it. By saying that it was a joint human-turian development, the hierarchy will shut up as it’s a revolution in space warfare and would want to be in my good graces and under the limelight. The salarian can’t do shit, not with the big guns behind my back. And if the plan to remove Linron is successful, I would have their support too. Anyone who tries to patent it would be probably paid off, threatened or accidented.”
“And the asari?” Garrus inquired.
“They probably can’t touch him.” Liara announced off handedly.
“Aria?” Jane asked her blue friend who nodded.

They ate while doing some small talk with the exception of Rick who couldn’t stand it. In fact he was the first to finish his plate and to stand up.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Jane asked, grabbing him by his arm.

Removing her hand, he answered casually. “My quarters. I didn’t have the opportunity to take my post-training shower.”
“Not alone. Ash, you’re on babysitting duty.”
“Aye, aye captain. It would be a pleasure.” the brunette replied with an unknown glint in her eyes.
Rick sighed and spoke up. “Then take your food with you because I’m not waiting.”
“That’s alright, I’m done.”

Ashley stood up and like her lover, cleaned after herself. Entering with him in the elevator, she said nothing when instead of going up one deck they went down two. Arriving in the Cargo Bay, he picked up three or four different guns and went back to the elevator, this time up to the CIC. Getting out he went straight to his quarters where he put the weapons on the workbench part of the workstation. Afterwards, with Ashley still on his heels, he went to his bedroom and began to undress. Removing his helmet, the brunette finally spoke.

“Finally!”
“Wha…”

His question died in his throat, or rather with his jaw as Ashley delivered a right hook upon it.

“That’s for scaring me to death, asshole! Don’t EVER do that again!” she shouted.

Rubbing the spot she had hit he glared at her but nodded.

“Now go take that shower and afterwards we will cuddle.” was delivered in a no nonsense tone.

Not in the mood to argue, he went to his bathroom and let the hot water relax his body for a few minutes then cleaned himself up. Turning off the water he dried himself and exited the bathroom. Ashley was already under the bedsheets naked as he saw from the corner of his eyes her clothes disorderly thrown onto the floor. Silently he got on the bed and went under the sheets too, embracing her from behind, letting his forehead rest against the back of her neck.

“I’m sorry.”
“That’s not enough, a sorry won’t cut it. Do you know how I felt when I saw the smoke coming from your house? Then the fire? Then you, lying on top of your bed?”
“Yes. I lived it, remember? But where I failed you succeeded.”
“Did I? Did I really when there will be another time?”

She turned her body around to face him and look into his eyes.

“What if I’m not there? I can’t lose you, you bastard… Did you think of that? Did you think of me? Of Liara?”
“No. I didn’t think at all. I just felt so… wrong. And I wanted to pay for my failure to protect them. I still do to tell the truth but it’s not the same. Here, right now, it’s just… an annoyance but back there it was overwhelming. As long as I’m not going back, I don’t think there would be any reasons for me to do it again.”
“There is Jane too. You owe her an apology.”
“I do not.” he replied, frowning.
“She’s your sister! Long lost one at that! How do you think she feels?”
“Don’t know, don’t care.” was his curt answer.
“You know it’s not true. You can’t go on like this and ignore that subject anymore.”
“I’ve done it for three years, I’m sure I can do it more, like the rest of my life.”
“Rick. You need to do it. Not only for yourself, but for all of us.”


He closed his eyes and sighed in defeat before nodding slowly in agreement.

“Good; cuddling time now and love making later.” she said as she felt his rock hard cock pressing against her stomach.
“Love making, not sex?” he asked with a raised brow.
“I don’t need to vent or scratch an itch. I need to feel your love.”
“Then you will get it.” he replied as he kissed her lips amorously.


____________________________________________________________

After lunch, Jane went straight to the med-bay where she apologized to Eve for her brother’s behavior.

“You were offering support and he just brushed you off, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize for what other people do, commander. Besides, there is no need. It was his pain and guilt talking. I went through that too, so I understand. While the circumstances are different, we both feel pain and guilt for what happened to us respectively.”
“You seemed very accepting of it.”
“I had centuries to do so. It hasn’t been easy and the pain never lessened but I learned to endure it better and overcome my guilt.”
“How?”

Eve used her hand to reach under her clothes. Fumbling a bit she pulled out a shiny stone and showed it to Jane.

“This.”
“A… Crystal?” inquired the redhead, not seeing how a rock could help her brother.
“When I lost my first born and found out that as a consequence I was sterile, I despaired. I had no real utility to my people and I thought about giving up my own life but I wasn’t about to let myself die like that in dishonor. I gave myself one last chance to be useful to my people and I underwent the trial to become a shaman where only the strongest survive. Locked inside a deep cave for a week with no food and no light. In complete darkness one has to make their way out. At first I dug the wrong way for the first three days. I didn’t know it of course so I went on until I found this crystal. You only find them deep in the earth, commander, so I understood that I wasn’t going in the right direction and used its light to find the correct way and got out. At that moment, I saw it as a sign that the spirits of old had some plan for me and learned that in your darkest hour there is always a way out.”
“So I just have to find him his own crystal, metaphorically I mean?”
“Not you, commander. Him. But he already found it.”
“He did?” Jane asked in surprise.
“You and your brunette friend. You were there to get him out from his deepest darkness. He may not see it now but he will with time. The spirits have some plan for him too, I do not doubt that.”
“I wished my faith was as strong as yours but my faith in him has been shaken. I believed in his survival in a situation that no one believed he would, even the laws of physics stated that he wouldn’t. But he did it. He did survive. But now? I don’t know.”
“Faith is a strange thing. It tests us constantly and most often its rewards only come way after it. Focus on what makes you believe in the first place and disregard the rest. Life is a succession of ups and downs and we can’t give up or doubt at the first hurdle obstructing the way no matter how tall it is.”
“That’s… very…” she began to say but didn’t have the proper words to express herself.
“I know, commander. I’m a shaman after all.”
“Thank you.”

Eve accepted the heartfelt thanks from Jane and was left alone as the women went to talk to Mordin.

“How is it going?”
“Good. Still need tissue sample from male krogan. Cure not far away.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” she said before changing the subject. “As a former STG did you undergo any kind of psychological training? Towards other I mean.”
“Yes. No expert but know enough. Related to Rick, I presume?”
“Yes. He said something about it not being the first and not being the last time.”
“Suicide rate, all species included, rather low among high IQ people. Interestingly more prone to mental disorders though. Like depression.”
“Any idea why?”
“Two factors. Isolation from peers and information gathering too great. Former usually consequences of latter.”
“I get the isolation part but not the gathering one.”
“High IQ people see differently, see more than average people when looking at same thing. See the world as it is, no good no bad just is, in more details. Example, glass never half full or half empty always full. Half liquid half air. If see too much bad, mind gets warped. Plays a lot on interaction with people too, negatively.”

Jane nodded in understanding, knowing how Rick’s childhood has been she wasn’t surprised that he was the way he is now. The events of Eden Prime didn’t help one bit.

“EDI suggested therapy; Eve suggested support from close people.”
“Both viable options. Therapy, problematic for Rick unless professional of same level of intelligence. Would be condescending and self-diagnose, never a good combination. Rick too smart to not know that.”
“And since he’s one of the smartest people in the galaxy I doubt we’ll ever find a therapist with the right qualification.”
“Correct. Close ones’ help better approach.”
“That’s a whole other problem.” she commented with a sigh. As she thanked Mordin she exited the med-bay but not fast enough to not get the salarian’s last advice.
“Commander… Can’t help people not wanting help.”

Jane thought a bit about that and nodded in understanding.

How do I get him to want help?

____________________________________________________________

“Honestly, if I wasn’t on the pill there is no way I wouldn’t be pregnant by now.” Ashley said as she cleaned himself thoroughly with help of the shower pommel.
“You’re the one that said and I’m quoting here: ‘Fill me up! I want it all! Give me every last drop!’, so don’t complain.” Rick replied as he was outside the water stream looking appreciative at the sight.
“I’m not complaining, I’m just stating. Getting pregnant is not in my short term plans.”
“Short terms?” he said, raising a brow.
“Not as long as we’re at war.” she specified.
“So you do want children.”

Ashley slowed down her movements, this conversation was entering a very dangerous minefield that she wasn’t sure she could navigate without setting one off. That was the kind of conversation that most of the time changed a relationship and with Rick’s past and very recent events it could affect him badly.

“Eventually.” she answered after a few seconds of silence.
“I guess I should prepare myself for the end of our intimate times, then. At least I have plenty of time for that.”
“You’re delusional if you think that I would let you go or that I would have anyone else's babies.”
“Ash… I’m not father material. Studies show that parents tend to emulate the behavior of their own parents. I don’t even know who my father is and let’s not talk about the Butcher or…”
“And yet you were going to be one.” she replied noting the ‘or’ he had let slip.
“Analysse insisted and I couldn’t tell her no. And she played on my impregnation kink too.” he replied trying to liven up the mood of the conversation and hoping to change the subject.

She turned around as she was done cleaning herself up, grabbed him and pulled home into the Shower with her. The space was a bit cramped but they had enough to move a bit. She raised her head and with both her hands on the side of his made him look down. Eye to eye, Ashley spoke with determination.

“You suck at the emotional side of things, true but I don’t. What you can do is be there for them, raise them to be independent, to be their own person and think for themselves; to protect them for anything and everything. I know you’ll be patient with them, that you will listen and do everything you can for them.”
“You’re wrong and I proved it.” his answer was, eyes full of guilt, which triggered the brunette.
“This wasn’t your fault! And it wasn’t her! The moment Analysse was put on the dragontooth, they were both gone.”
“Even if… even if that happened to be true.”
“IT IS!”
“Even then, I…”
“Look, let’s not talk about it further. We have a war to win before anything else and things could change a lot. I stand by what I said. Now let's clean you up and go down for dinner.” she said and gave him a kiss.

Rick went further using his hands to reach behind her and grab her ass. They were quickly slapped away.

“Nuh-huh. While I’m not exhausted at all and can go for much longer, I’m hungry, so no.”
“You can’t  get me in there, talk about procreating while rubbing your wonderful tits against my chest, making me all hot and bothered, and expect me to behave.”
“No, but I can deal with that in another way.” she said with a smirk.

She quickly exited the shower while turning the hot water off and the cold water on. The scream he let out made her laugh as she dried her body in record time, not caring with her hair. With no time to dress in her own clothes, she put on one of his shirts. Picking up her discarded clothes and her boots, she left his quarters under the surprised gaze of Traynor and entered the elevator, laughing even more when she heard Rick shout what he would do to her in revenge. The only effect it had on her was to wish he would punish her now.

Arriving at the Crew Deck, she went to visit Liara to dress up. Entering the asari’s room her friend was there with Shepard, who both raised a brow at her sudden entrance.

“Is that… Rick’s shirt?” asked the blue woman.
“Yeah, I had to get out of there fast. My clothes would have taken too long, so I grabbed one and ran.”
“Not going commando on the CIC?” Jane joked.
“I’m sure Traynor would have loved that.” Liara added.
“She liked what she saw enough.”  replied Ashley, displaying her body with her hand.
“How did it go? I don’t see the usual bruises nor bite marks.” Jane asked.
“Punched his perfect jaw for stater.”
“Ashley!”
“Don’t Ashley me! He deserved it and you know it. Anyway… Afterward we just cuddled.”
“No sex?”
“Oh, my pussy and his cock were definitely acquainted, why do you think I’m wearing his shirt, Skipper?”
“Hell if I know. I’m not aware what the two of you get on when you’re alone. Not anymore.”
“Do I sense a bit of bitterness and jealousy?” Liara commented with a knowing smirk.
“No.” denied Jane, caught.
“Sorry, Jane but this time it was just good old love making, nothing extravagant to share.”
“How… is he?”
“His usual self. Idiot compartmentalized everything. Wait, scratch that! He’s pissed as hell.” she answered, chuckling. “I turned the water to cold when he was under the shower. I’m in for harsh punishment apparently.”
“That will have to wait. We got a new mission. Traynor got a distress signal from Grissom Academy. Cerberus is sieging it and trying to get inside; I asked Joker to change course for there. It wasn’t far from our current position so we’ll be there in two days and I want you in top shape.”
“No problem. Now if you don’t mind girls, I’m dressing up.” she said as she went towards the bedroom area and began to put her clothes on, not bothering to close the curtain. “By the way, who’s on babysitting duty tonight?”
“Too scared to be tempted, so no second shift?” joked the redhead.
“No it’s just… our last conversation was about children and I put it on pause. I’d rather he takes some time to think, or not, without me around to put pressure on him.”
“You talked about children?!” exclaimed Liara.
“It wasn't on purpose, it just… came along.”
“Well, I guess Liara is out too since you’re sleeping with him.”
“I have no intention to speak about that particular topic, I told you I’m not ready for children.”
“It doesn’t matter, he’ll still think about it.” Ashley commented as she put her second boot on.
“Well… I guess that’s leaving me, which is fine. It might do him some good.”
“I’m also available.” came the voice of EDI.
“That’s true.” noted Liara.
“No offense EDI but I think it’s better that it’s me as he always has a good sleep when he does.”
“None taken.”
“You’ll have your turn. Why not with your organic body? Where is it stored by the way?”
“Noveria. The particularity of the planet’s situation allowed me to keep its development a secret from anyone.”
“It’s not far off either. I guess we can go after helping the academy.” thought aloud Jane.
“As long as there are no rachnis this time.” Ashley muttered.
“Speaking of rachnis…” began Jane to a paling brunette.



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Dinner went well, despite Rick glaring at Ash all along. He may have been wearing his helmet but everyone knew he was looking at the brunette intently. His inability to do anything to her was something she relished if her smug smile was any indication.

When dinner was over each member went back to their quarters. Liara, Garrus and Ashley’s being on the very deck they were already in, Jane was left alone with Rick as they entered the elevator.

“No one to watch me sleep? No more babysitting? I’m surprised or did you put EDI on it?”
“Oh no, you’re still under watch. It’s just my turn.” she replied smugly.
“No.”
“Yes, and we’re going to my cabin.”
“Not happening.”
“You had no problem last night.”
“I was out of it considering…”
“You had no problem for months when we were against the Collectors.” she revealed, cutting whatever he was saying off. That made him tense.
“...”
“Yes. I was awake and aware. Look, it helps you sleep well. You know it, I know it, so stop resisting and just get along with it.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“...”
“Well?” he insisted, not getting an answer.
“You won’t like the answer.”
“It’s for me to decide if I like it or not. Not you.” he replied with irritation in his tone.
“Because I was being embraced by the man I love who kept pushing me away. No way I was letting those opportunities slip by.”
“I won’t fall for your lies anymore.”

“See? I told you that you wouldn’t like my answer.”

That quieted him down for the rest of the night. When they entered her cabin she quickly began to remove her uniform and anything else she was wearing, leaving her stark naked. Not paying attention to him, she went under the sheets.

“No way in hell I’m…”
“Great, I didn’t put on your shirt to avoid a rant but I still got one.” she muttered. “Look, you did more than just see me naked. In that very bed in fact, so don’t act all prudish, it’s not the first time. Get in here, so we can sleep. I don’t care if you have your clothes on or not, just remove your boots.” she said in a no nonsense tone, knowing that no matter what he’d do, leaving the room was not an option he would take.

“...I hate you.” he said as he sat on the couch to remove his boots.

Hearing him say that hurt her quite a lot but she soldiers on; she was bound to hear it often as she  will not relent on fixing their relationship. When he joined her in bed he was only wearing a shirt and his underwear and was maintaining a certain distance between them. That wasn’t to her liking and moved behind his back to spoon him.

“I know.” she had replied.
“What are you…” he began protesting at being embraced but was shut up immediately.
“Shhh.”

He did and Jane wondered once again why he was being so obedient. He complained, he talked a lot in an angry tone, but he did what he was asked.

Is he embarrassed because he wants it and just doesn’t want to admit it?

That was a question for another time. A few minutes later he turned around and buried his head into her chest, like he usually did. Jane just smiled at that as to her it was proof that her baby brother was still there, wanting to reconnect, wanting to go back as things were when they were children. Most importantly it was proof that Liara was right. He still loves her.

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