Nexus Awakened (An Isekai LitRPG Gender Bender Story)

786. Forget Me (Not)

“Eat me… Eat me. Eat me! EAT ME!”

“… You were the first of your sisters to come out. You… you were the first to be named by her!”

Raoul swung his blade numerous times, scaring the earth and sending dark crescent to bring Cer down. Corruption was a one-way phenomenon. The only mercy he could grant was to finish her off as quickly as possible.

Her despair washed over him. Unlike the previous times, they did not disappear like the foams of a beached wave. They latched onto him, restoring unwanted memories as the sight of Cer reminded him of a trepid memory.

It was like when the Blue Dahlia lost her mind.

“If every Cer can disappear, then you can be the only one! What mother wanted was for you to be free but…!”

“I can be like everyone else if you let me try hard enough. Please don’t squeeze me too hard or you’ll get my blue currant sauce on your shirt.”

The Cerberus was force fed the rotting food within Cer’s body. She stuffed it full and electrocuted it until it was bloated to the point of bursting like a ballon.

“Mother underestimated the price she needed to pay for your happiness. You were everything to her. And I…”

Cer turned her attention to Raoul now. However, it seemed like her sudden emotional outburst was coming to an end. She incorporated the guts of the Cerberus into her body, likely further enhancing her strength.

To his surprise, Cer’s body steadily returned to normal as though her Corruption was only temporary.

“… what was I?”

“Mother… loved more than Res? Bullshit… that’s…” Cer was mentally exhausted, whereas Raoul began to experience his own emotional throes.

Still, the two did not give in to each other.

The damage has already been done.

* * *

Cer came to a realization as Raoul’s expression darkened. The flowers surrounding her were not blue dahlias. It wasn’t until that she experienced Instability that she was struck by a sudden realization.

“These are forget me nots.”

They were flowers that symbolized remembrance, rather than blue dahlias which did not exist in the first place. At first Cer believed the blue dahlias represented how the theoretical Cers were not real, but in reality, these flowers were a metaphor for her mother’s desire to remember her.

“… I don’t know if I can believe you. But Frost said the same thing… Frost… has never lied to me.” Cer wanted to crumple down. Deep down, she wanted there to be another way to solve this.

It wasn’t a matter of her pride as a wolf, or her duty as a Moon. It was her resolve as Cer to stand up straight and stare at the problem dead ahead. Raoul hadn’t moved from his spot for a good minute, and neither did Cer.

Both were entangled by their own thoughts. Despite their conviction to kill one another, both were deeply pained and concerned for their wellbeing.

It made Cer feel like an idiot.

“Every Cer was destined to suffer.” Raoul recited.

Cer gulped.

“Then what about me?”

The forget me nots could no longer continue producing the Cers at the same rate anymore, as though her mother’s thoughts were finally coming to an end. Eventually, a bolt of lighning struck her directly.

But Cer was unaffected by it. It damaged her, and steam rose from her body, but it did not kill her. If anything, it provided her with HP and MP.

Unlike the other Cers, this one survived. She lived and endured her mother’s wrath as she always had. The bolts of lightning struck her again and again, but could not take her down even when her body wanted to collapse.

“WHAT ABOUT ME!?” She cried through clenched teeth.

The lightning storm eventually subsided. Cer held out her burned hands and clasped at the air as she shut her eyes, her mind in disarray and her heart left more confused than when she first arrived.

Raoul didn’t answer her, even though he had all the answers. But how much of it would be truths rather than his version of the past?

Did you really love me, mom…?

Suddenly, she grasped something.

It was thin and smooth. The tiny object felt slippery in her fingertips.

She opened her eyes and looked down at the object.

Her eyes widened in surprise.

“Mom…”

It was a picture of her mother holding Cer in her arms, with a little Raoul holding Ber and Res. She had no reason to believe that the child in her mother’s arms was her, but this image compelled her to believe this.

The smile her mother wore was just like the ones she’d show Cer on the nights they spent on the mountain beneath the moon. It was different from the ones she’s show Res. There was no small crumple on the side of her lips – that permanent, painful expression that accompanied her, even when she smiled.

“What… is the truth, Raoul. Why did she forget about me? Just to protect me? I… if that was the case then I would’ve rather that I lived like a dog… as I always have… just for a chance to be with her like this…”

Cer felt like she had finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel after all these years. Why did it take her so long to realize that her mother loved her more than her sisters?

More of these polaroids fell, surrounding Cer with images of her mother. One depicted her during her pregnancy, sitting on a rocking chair at the same lake that Ber was forced to call home.

These were her happiest moments.

It was equal, right? Mom you… looked so happy. I didn’t know… I never knew… I’m glad that I never hated you.

But this momentary warmth was interrupted by Raoul.

“Now do you understand why I want her back?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You said it yourself. You also would have lived like a dog if it meant that we could live in paradise. All of us. You… me, our sisters. Our mother. The twins. Whoever you wish… we will have a place in that kind of world.”

He spouted nonsense again. Just when Cer thought that something could be achieved here, Raoul proved to her that nothing could be changed. But unlike before, Raoul was no longer complacent with his emotions.

Raoul’s despair was displayed in full as his shadows began to eat at him. The swirls of darkness intensified, and he no longer held his blade proudly in the air. It was dragged across the grass with a disgusting sound, and Raoul had never looked more torpid in his life.

“The Amalgam can’t change anything. In order for us to have peace in this world… we must be accepted first. I am what I am because I know that fighting back is futile. Our ticket to salvation lies in buying our place in the upcoming world…”

Raoul manifested the ‘darkness’ before him, displaying it for Cer to study.

“You will understand me when you lose your precious Amalgam. I’m not the only one with this power. I only have a fraction of what they were willing to lend me.”

“Invulnerability… we’ve fought that before. Frost will break through it, like she always has.”

“Invulnerability?” Raoul sluggishly uttered. “Haaaah. You don’t know a thing, Cer. This… this darkness, it has a name.”

The second round of their battle was poised to begin beneath the emerging light above. But that light was soon engulfed by a sudden emergence of dark clouds. The blue light of the Dirge dwindled.

Something was happening up there.

The dark swirl before Raoul disappeared, and he finally uttered its name.

“Where there is light, there is an equal shadow. That shadow is what you see in front of you. Remember this Cer – This is Qliphoth!”

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