My Servant Is An Elf Knight From Another World

Summarizing was like reliving.

Y'know you get those people that tell you that living in the past was painful and that you need to move on with your life.

And they'd be right.

Relaying to Ria what has transpired these past few days were like bite-size versions of the events themselves. Everything from the grocery trip, to the cats, all the way till we reached Asteria, I felt every emotion, every bit of that frustration that I felt back then.

My mood took a nosedive to the gooey sticky depths of misery… it was going take a while to get out of that swamp, for now though, Ria was done listening, her elbows atop the dining room table, her chin pillared atop folded hands, nodding ever so profoundly to the end of my tale.

"You suck with girls."

Oh gee thanks, I knew there was something missing with all the bitterness and sorrow I was feeling - insults, the perfect type of comfort.

"Actually, scratch that - you just suck with people full stop."

Fixed myself a cup of coffee as a stress reliever to which I took a sip out of right then. After hearing her input, I realize I'm probably gonna need a lot more than just one cup, aren't I?

Ria's gonna make a caffeine addict outta me yet…

"Anymore uh… much-needed feedback you wanna give, or are you done?" I asked.

There came a cheeky, cheeky glint blazing in her crimson eyes along with a smile spreading glaringly wide.

Oh boy…

For the sake of my dignity and for reasons of the prideful kind, I will omit the details in her 'little' list of flaws that she laid out in front of me. Criticism is a great teacher but it was also a mean one, let's just leave it at that.

Actually, you know what, abbreviated version - I'm kinda spineless. That's basically what her little spiel amounted up to.

"Which is amazing, really," Ria remarked. "You can go up to an enraged Matriach and tell her to cut her bullshit, yet you also go full chicken saying hi to a harmless Elf. You're a mess."

"Irene was so much better at this," I mused, gazing longingly to the heavens above for a savior in sight.

Sadly there was no savior… only ceiling.

And the only semblance of one that I do have was saying mean words to me like a big bully.

Look at that, she's still smiling… what a cheeky cun - cunning woman.

"Aww, am I not enough for you? You rather have her? That succubus? You're thinking of another girl when there's a perfectly fine one right in front of you? Ooo, what a player you are… playing hard to get like that."

"No, I'm thinking of someone that might actually try and help me out."

Ria made a gasping sound, feigning shock on her face. "And you think I won't?"

I raised a brow. "Evidence that states otherwise?"

"Silly, silly, you… did you forget? I'm under you, my little eggplant. What - do I need to call you 'Master' every ten seconds to remind you? I have to help you out! It's like in my genes or something."

Well, I did get what I wished for, didn't I? Wanted brash, I got brash. Wanted bold, here you go. Did I ask for snark? Don't remember asking for snark… probably comes with the package.

"Alright, if you say so…" Another sip in an almost empty cup. "Got any suggestions, a plan, or something?"

Her chair squealed like a pig. Standing up so abruptly can make it do that, which she did, towering above me with a twinkle in her eyes, a smug look on her face.

I thought perhaps maybe she did have a plan, the way she slowly leaned downwards, inching her face towards me, as if ready to tell me a secret in a whisper… it really did look like at it, so much so that I also leaned forward, anticipating, with ears keen and eager, so close now that I could hear her breathing, see her lips spread apart, and what she said to me was…

"Later," She drew her head back, still smiling. "I need a shower."

"Oh."

Did I just get bamboozled?

"Go right ahead, then," I said, collapsing back to my chair with a huff.

"Care to join me?"

My lips went gaping, and my eyes went staring. "Ria, can you not? Is there like a daily requirement you have to fulfill on how many times you have to tease me in a day?

"Not teasing," she said, a bashful look on her face. "I really do mean it."

Wasn't falling for that one. "Sure you do. Buzz off little birdie."

"Alright then, your lost… no takebacks."

And just like that, her little show of timidness went all but falling apart with her every step towards the bathroom upstairs. She took her sombrero with her too, probably going to chuck it in the guestroom where all the other souvenirs from her escapades ended up being left and neglected.

She keeps this up, we're gonna have a house full of exotic artifacts. Ms. Worldwide right here.

I took another sip, kicked back, and set my sights back on the television, watching but not really watching. Needed something to do while I waited and I'm sure as hell not going to leave myself wallowing in my thoughts.

If I wanted depression, I'll go ahead and watch a sad movie, don't need my mind kicking my metaphorical teeth in 24/7.

Oh would you look at that, I am watching a sad movie. I just can't win, can I?

By the time Ria got back, the love-interest had sacrificed herself, main-character was a broken mess and the credits were rolling. What a punch in a gut, only slightly dampened by the fact that Ria waltz back in wearing that freakishly large sombrero on her head.

"Brazil?" I asked her, taking another sip of my mug with nothing in it.

"Costa Rica," she answered, her face in an expression of pure bliss. "Un lugar hermoso."

"Judging by the tenderness in those words, I'm guessing France just got toppled off its throne?"

"Tied. Probably tied."

"So that's six countries down, where you off to next?"

"Not sure," she paused, sparing a moment of thought. "Actually, I hear Australia is pretty interesting, maybe… it doesn't really matter where I go. What you have here on earth? Kronocia? It's got nothing on this world, I'll tell you that."

Oh yeah, speaking of Kronocia… I discussed something with Adalia the day before, asked her some questions that needed answers and though she answered well, it was still answers given in a state of triple Zs. Highly doubt any of the answers she gave were as accurate as she believed them to be.

Besides, doesn't hurt getting a second opinion.

"You mind if I play some 20 questions with you?" I asked.

Ria scoffed and took a seat again across from me. "Sure? Can't really think of any questions to ask you though."

"It's fine," I said. "I'll ask the questions. Ready?"

"Mmm-hmm."

I hunched myself closer to the table and set my cup down. "Do you know of a province called Lamir?

"Uh," Her eyes wandered briefly. "Google is your friend?"

"Not Earth."

"Oh. Um… well, I don't think so at least. Kronocia doesn't really have that many anyway."

So Asteria has a Lamir but Kronocia does not. Okay, I guess Adalia wasn't all that unfocused. Next question.

"What year is it currently in Kronocia?"

"You mean if your dear mommy dearest didn't make Kronocia go boom?" Ria gave a small chuckle. "5449 A.E. is my guess. Irene could probably confirm better, though."

5449 A.E. - that is ways away from the start of Asteria's plot. And then there are those initials again, hmm…

"I asked Adalia this and she mentioned that A.E. stood for, uh… Alato… Alato Eva - Eva something, can't remember."

"Alitro Elvanos."

"That's the one. What does it mean? Adalia didn't know."

"Oh no, she probably does," Ria said. "She probably just didn't know how to translate it in your words."

"And in my words they are?"

"I guess the most accurate translation would be…" She trailed away briefly, her face forming creases as she mulled it over for a moment before she finally answered. "After Cleansing."

Well, that doesn't sound ominous at all…

"Cleansing, huh? Cleansing what, exactly?"

Turns out that was the question where I finally got her shoulders shrugging and her lips frowning.

"Don't know."

"You don't know or you're not telling?"

Ria folded her arms. "Wouldn't lie. Besides, I'm not a historian, I go caw-caw and set things on fire. Also as far as I'm aware, we only started keeping track of things after A.E… before that? Probably lost history, nobody knows, at least nobody alive does anyway."

Shame. Here I was trying to fit all the puzzle pieces together to form a perfect picture. The only problem is that I'm missing some parts, and the pieces I do have, most of the time they don't even fit well with each other.

Why do Kronocia and Asteria share so many similarities with each other and yet also have so many inconsistencies between them? If Asteria really was based on Kronocia… they didn't really do a good job at replicating it.

Unless that wasn't actually their intent.

So what was?

"Now I got a question for you!" Ria suddenly piped up.

The suddenness of it had my train of thought stopping dead in its tracks as I looked up at her with a bemused, "What?"

"Yeah. Question. My turn. You still want my help with the Elf?"

So much eagerness in her tone, the enthusiasm lit up a fire in her eyes, blazing with so much fervor, it was actually quite unnerving.

Still, who was the alternative here?

I responded with a still bemused, "Yes."

That mischievous grin that formed on her face raised some red flags. Then when she flung off her sombrero and drew out a detective's cap from her coat pocket, that's when I knew this probably wasn't the wisest choice.

Oh, and then she also pulled out a magnifying glass - where the hell did she get that trench coat?!

I remember now… England. I guess those souvenirs didn't really go to waste after all.

"Ria Ignis, the love detective," she said, placing the cap on her head. "How do I look?"

At this point, the fire alarm in my head was blaring loud and red as I frantically shook my head.

"I don't need a love detective," I said at once.

"Hush now, you don't know what you need." She stared at me through the magnifying glass. "Never hurts to try, right? It might actually help."

My third party was a psycho bird-lady. But at this point, beggars can't really be choosers.

"Alright then, fine!" I threw my hands in the air like I just didn't care. I cared. "What are you gonna do?"

"Well, as a wise person once said - love is war," she flashed another smile that gave danger signs. "For starters, how about a battle strategy then, hmm?"

I'm gonna need that other cup of coffee.

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