My Beloved Concubine Only Wants to Eat Melons

As night fell, Yuwen Lan entered Ganlu Palace to find Yanshu furiously writing at her desk.0

She was so focused that she didn't even notice him enter.0

It was Rendong who finally spoke up, "My lady, His Majesty is here."0

Only then did Yanshu look up and see him. She hurriedly stood up from her desk and bowed, "This humble consort greets Your Majesty."0

She then glanced out the window with a surprised look, "What time is it?"0

"It's 9 PM," Yuwen Lan answered, somewhat amazed. "Have you lost track of time writing your novel?"0

Yanshu nodded, "This consort wanted to finish quickly, so I didn't pay attention to the time."0

"Oh?" Yuwen Lan grew curious, "What kind of story is it this time?"0

Since she was nearly finished anyway, Yanshu cleared her throat and said, "Today this consort wrote about an ungrateful person who ultimately gets their just deserts."0

Yuwen Lan had already sat down nearby, looking ready to listen attentively. "Let's hear it then."0

Yanshu continued, "Many years ago, there was a poor scholar who lived a very frugal life from childhood due to his family's poverty. So he resolved to study hard and make something of himself in the future."0

"This scholar did indeed have some talent. He passed the county and provincial exams, and was about to go to the capital for the Spring Imperial Examination. On his way to the capital, he met another candidate. This candidate came from a wealthy family, was generous, and liked to make friends. Hearing that the poor scholar was quite talented, he invited him to travel together. Along the way, he not only treated him to meals, but also shared boats and carriages with him, helping to pay his travel expenses. He took very good care of him."0

"But this scholar was narrow-minded and envious. He actually took advantage when the other wasn't paying attention, stole his travel money and ran off on his own."0

Hmm?0

Yuwen Lan raised an eyebrow, "Then what happened?"0

To be honest, he still couldn't determine this person's identity from what he'd heard so far. He couldn't help but wonder if this was just a fictional story.0

But logically, someone who repays kindness with evil shouldn't have a good ending, right?0

Yet he heard her say, "Later, unexpectedly, this scholar actually placed highly in the exam, while the one whose money he stole unfortunately failed."0

Yuwen Lan hissed, "His companion didn't report the theft?"0

Yanshu looked at him as if he were naive, "This scholar had actually planned to steal the other's money from the beginning, so he gave a fake name at first. Even if the other wanted to report him, he couldn't find the person, let alone know about his success in the exam."0

Yuwen Lan frowned, "This person was so calculating? Then what happened next?"0

Yanshu continued, "Afterwards, this person smoothly entered officialdom, while his companion returned home in disappointment. When he tried to take the exam again, the scholar secretly used his position to sabotage him, causing him to fail repeatedly. Meanwhile, the scholar himself climbed higher and higher, eventually becoming an important court official."0

An important court official?0

Yuwen Lan was stunned. So it wasn't fictional?0

The person was actually a court official?0

Who could be so ungrateful that he didn't know about?0

Not wanting to ask directly, he said, "Then what happened after that?"0

He heard her say, "Later, because he failed the exam repeatedly, that companion finally became discouraged and decided to go into business instead. However, because of his open and friendly nature, his business actually did quite well."0

"As for the scholar, because he was skilled at scheming and currying favor, his official career was very smooth at first. But later, he began to frequent brothels, and in the end died of venereal disease."0

Yuwen Lan: "..."0

Well, this ending...0

He knew who it was now.0

However, he still didn't quite understand why she had written such a story about Xie Pei again?0

Could it be that this was also Xie Pei's past experience?0

He tentatively said, "To me, this person seems somewhat similar to that merchant who visited brothels from the other day."0

Yanshu nodded, "Indeed they are quite similar. Your Majesty can think of it as an alternate life for that merchant. In any case, they both loved visiting brothels."0

[Don't doubt it, it's him, your Southwestern Communications Commissioner Xie Pei! The most ungrateful bastard in history!!!]0

Yuwen Lan: "..."0

So it really was Xie Pei.0

To think this person had done such an evil deed in his youth?0

He thought for a moment, then said, "It seems this person truly has poor character. This ending is even harsher than the last one."0

Yanshu snorted, "Bad people must face retribution, otherwise wouldn't everyone go do bad things? Regardless of reality, in this consort's stories, villains must always face their deserved fate."0

[Hmph, if I wanted to wrong him I'd just stop writing! He even dared to file an imperial complaint? I'll let him know the consequences of messing with me!]0

Yuwen Lan: "..."0

Well, he was wondering why she had suddenly killed off Xie Pei again.0

So it was because she learned about what happened in court this morning.0

He nodded and said, "This story is excellent. I think it should be spread far and wide, to let people understand the principle that evil deeds will be punished."0

Yanshu's eyes lit up, and she quickly nodded, "This consort thinks the same. Why not have Your Majesty take it to Scholar Zou tomorrow morning, and have the book merchants publish it quickly?"0

Yuwen Lan raised an eyebrow, "Why wait until tomorrow morning? We can send it over now."0

Saying this, he instructed Fu Hai, "Find someone to deliver Consort Yi's manuscript to the Hanlin Academy scholar's residence."0

Fu Hai acknowledged and went to find a guard.0

Yanshu: "???"0

Why was he even more eager than her?0

She saw him turn to look at her again and ask, "By the way, have you finished writing?"0

Yanshu came back to her senses and hurriedly said, "Just two more sentences."0

Saying this, she quickly went back to her desk and finished the ending with a few brushstrokes.0

That's right, revenge should be carried out as quickly as possible.0

Not worrying about anything else for now, once Fu Hai found a guard, she handed over the newly dried manuscript.0

Tsk, now to wait for that ungrateful Southwestern Communications Commissioner's reaction.0

She was quite looking forward to it.0

Yuwen Lan: "..."0

Was this... addicted to arguing?0

A night passed.0

Early the next morning, as Yanshu was leisurely enjoying her breakfast, she heard a message from the system.0

[Your new novel has been printed overnight by book merchants. This morning as soon as the bookshops opened, over a hundred copies were sold.]0

Over a hundred copies?0

Yanshu's eyes lit up. [So my novels are already bestsellers?]0

Selling over a hundred copies first thing in the morning, let's calculate how much silver this wave will bring in.0

System: [Hey, is silver the focus right now?]0

Yanshu: [...You're right. Has that damn Southwestern Communications Commissioner seen it yet?]0

System: [This guy just bought a copy on his way home from court. Now he's hiding at home reading it.]0

Tsk tsk, Yanshu really wanted to know what expression this person had.0

Especially when he got to the part about himself dying of venereal disease.0

She took a bite of her beef pastry, not forgetting to tell the system, [Remember to show me what he looks like after he finishes reading.]0

System: [Gotcha.]0

Yanshu then contentedly enjoyed her delicious meal.0

Mmm, this beef filling burst with juice with each bite, the pastry crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. It was truly delicious!0

Just as she was about to finish her beef pastry, the system finally sent another message: [There, that guy has finished reading. He angrily threw the book into the coal stove to burn it, and raged about finding a way to catch you.]0

Yanshu raised an eyebrow. [He actually plans to catch me? Looks like he won't learn his lesson until it's too late.]0

Alright, after she finished a bowl of pumpkin porridge, she would write in detail about how this person "battled" with various courtesans.0

Oh right, she couldn't use the word "battle".0

Given his abilities, she should use "skirmish" to describe it.0

So, once she had filled her stomach, she prepared to get started.0

But just as she picked up her brush, she heard the system ding again. [The emperor just issued two edicts.]0

Yanshu: [Edicts? Doesn't the emperor issue decrees every day? What's special about these?]0

System: [First, officials are strictly prohibited from visiting brothels. Second, there will be a strict investigation into the lifestyles of court officials. Anyone who has ever been involved in theft, robbery, illegal detention or other crimes, regardless of when they occurred, will be dismissed from office and held strictly accountable.]0

[Think about it. Think carefully.]0

"..."0

Yanshu: [Ummm could it be that these edicts were inspired by my novel?]0

Otherwise, how could they come so perfectly timed and so targeted?0

However, she was also a bit worried for the emperor. After all, based on the gossip she had heard, most of the current court officials, especially the older ones, were basically not clean.0

Once this edict came down, he might lose quite a few people.0

System: [You think the emperor is stupid? Those old guys are either the previous emperor's people or the empress dowager's people. Isn't it better for the emperor to take this opportunity to remove them one by one and replace them with his own people?]0

I see.0

Yanshu suddenly understood.0

Tsk, the Emperor is intelligent and capable, and even good-looking. If only he didn't have that one flaw.0

Anyway, she no longer needed to write any "instant battles" now. She could just sit back and enjoy the show.0

Tsk tsk, these two imperial edicts were so targeted. One wonders if that Southwestern Communications Commissioner was scared out of his wits?0

In Qianming Palace.0

Besides those two edicts, Yuwen Lan also ordered an increase in personnel for the Censorate and commanded the Ministry of Personnel to reform the official evaluation system, in order to strengthen supervision of the court and thoroughly rectify conduct.0

So he spent the entire day busy with work.0

As dusk fell, lamps were lit in the hall.0

Fu Hai stepped forward and said to the monarch who was still reading memorials, "Your Majesty, it's time for the meal to be served."0

Yuwen Lan made a sound of acknowledgment, but then asked, "What has Consort Yi been doing today?"0

Fu Bao hurriedly came forward to answer, "Your Majesty, Consort Yi has been in Ganlu Palace all day. She had the kitchen send over many snacks like melon seeds and preserved fruits. She seems to be in a good mood."0

In a good mood?0

Yuwen Lan raised an eyebrow.0

Could it be because Xie Pei was frightened after reading her newly published story?0

He decided, "Have the imperial meal set up in Ganlu Palace. I'll dine there."0

Fu Hai quickly acknowledged the order.0

Meanwhile in Ganlu Palace, Yanshu had been eating melon seeds for most of the day and was just about to have dinner when she saw Fu Hai arrive.0

Behind him followed a long line of palace servants, carrying various bowls, plates and food boxes.0

Fu Hai said with a smile, "His Majesty will dine here tonight. Please wait a moment, Consort."0

Oh?0

Yanshu's eyes immediately lit up - another chance to share the imperial meal?0

She quickly agreed and went to one side to wait as the servants set the table.0

Before long, an array of dishes blossomed on the table like flowers.0

Yanshu scanned them: there was braised pork with melon, spicy tripe strips, fish fillets in milk sauce, duck feet with mushrooms, as well as eight-treasure chicken, salt and pepper chicken wings, mandarin fish slices, peppery fish soup, and three desserts - bird's nest pastries, two-colored bean cakes, and ruyi rolls.0

This was actually a simplified menu compared to before, with ingredients like sea cucumber, abalone, deer tendon and quail tongues replaced by more down-to-earth options. But the imperial chefs' skills were superb, and the dishes were exquisite in appearance, aroma and flavor.0

At this moment, the various fragrances assaulted Yanshu's nose all at once, making her stomach growl.0

For the first time, she eagerly anticipated seeing the Emperor appear.0

Fortunately, it wasn't long before Yuwen Lan showed up amid her eager expectations.0

Yanshu's eyes brightened and she hurriedly led the others in a bow, saying, "This consort greets Your Majesty."0

[Finally he's here!!! Do you know how long I've been waiting for you???]0

This made Yuwen Lan secretly raise an eyebrow -0

Was she... finally missing him?0

How rare.0

However, her next thought was: [Hurry up and sit down at the table, don't waste time talking!!! Otherwise the salt and pepper wings and bird's nest pastries won't be crispy anymore!!!]0

Yuwen Lan: "..."0

Alright, so it was still about the food.0

He could only say "Rise" and went to the table.0

He wanted to say something more, but fearing her nagging, he simply started eating.0

Seeing him pick up his chopsticks, Yanshu hurriedly followed suit.0

Mmm, thankfully the salt and pepper wings were still crispy on the outside, while the chicken inside remained juicy. Not bad, not bad.0

The braised pork with melon and fish fillets in milk sauce were both light and delicious. The duck feet with mushrooms were tender and flavorful. The eight-treasure chicken had hidden delights inside. The fish soup was fresh and spicy.0

Especially the spicy tripe strips went very well with rice. Before she knew it, Yanshu had finished a whole bowl of rice.0

Seeing her leisurely eating dessert and sipping fish soup, while inwardly marveling at how refreshingly sweet the bean cakes were, Yuwen Lan couldn't help asking, "How come you have such a good appetite today?"0

Yanshu said with a grin, "Because this consort is in a good mood today."0

Yuwen Lan raised an eyebrow, "Why are you in a good mood? Did something good happen?"0

Yanshu casually replied, "It's nothing much, just that my story writing is going smoothly, so I feel happy. Oh, Your Majesty should try these bird's nest pastries, they're so crispy they crumble!"0

But inwardly she thought, [Do you even need to ask? Of course it's because I'm delighted to see my opponent in trouble!]0

[Ever since those two edicts were issued today, that damn Southwestern Communications Commissioner immediately panicked, fidgeting like an ant on a hot pan. He even slipped while going to the toilet and nearly fell into the latrine, hahahahaha]0

Just thinking about it made Yanshu want to die laughing.0

Yuwen Lan, however, twitched his lips imperceptibly.0

What? Xie Pei nearly fell into the latrine?0

He hadn't even received news of this yet, how did she already know in such detail?0

Still, imagining that scene... it was indeed quite amusing.0

Yuwen Lan picked up a bird's nest pastry to try.0

Mmm, crispy on the outside with sweet and sour hawthorn filling inside. It really was delicious.0

Perhaps infected by her mood, he was unable to suppress his expression and also curled up the corners of his mouth.0

After dinner, it was still early, so the two decided to play chess to aid digestion.0

However, Yanshu's skills were inferior and she was utterly defeated in three consecutive games.0

Just as she was losing interest, Fu Hai entered the hall and said to Yuwen Lan, "Your Majesty, the Imperial Guard has something to report."0

The Imperial Guard were the Emperor's confidants, and usually reported matters that outsiders shouldn't know about.0

Yanshu's eyes rolled and she hurriedly said, "This consort will go take a bath first and not disturb Your Majesty."0

Damn, clinging to the big boss was really not easy. It was too difficult to endure with her meager chess skills just to please the Emperor.0

Yuwen Lan: "..."0

He had already gone easy on her to save face.0

Oh well, it seemed this activity could be eliminated from their interactions in the future.0

So he nodded, "Very well."0

He rose and went to the outer hall.0

Upon seeing him, the Imperial Guard immediately reported, "Your Majesty, since receiving the edict today, the Southwestern Communications Commissioner Xie Pei has been in a panic. In the evening he fell at home and injured his tailbone. He's currently bedridden and likely won't be able to attend court tomorrow."0

Yuwen Lan raised an eyebrow. Injured his tailbone?0

It seems he really might have fallen while using the toilet?0

Then he heard the Imperial Guard continue, "We have gone through the examination records from twenty years ago one by one, and found a candidate from Jingyang who is likely the person Your Majesty mentioned. His name is Hu Zi'ang, and he's from a neighboring hometown to Xie Pei, so it's very possible they traveled together. Moreover, the year Xie Pei passed the exam with high honors, this man failed. Afterwards, he came to the capital six times in a row, all ending in failure. Later he started doing business, and now owns several silk shops and tea houses in Chang'an, doing quite well."0

So there really was such a person...0

Yuwen Lan said, "Summon him to the capital to identify Xie Pei. If the incident from back then is true, submit it to the Ministry of Personnel and the Court of Judicial Review for investigation."0

- Since the edict had already been issued, there had to be results. If they didn't make an example of someone, the officials wouldn't take it seriously.0

The Imperial Guard acknowledged the order and withdrew.0

In Zhongcui Palace.0

After Consort Zhou was demoted, the Emperor had her continue living here out of consideration for the Empress Dowager's face, and the interior decorations had not been removed.0

However, the palace that still looked lavish and grand was no longer as lively as before.0

Tonight, Consort Zhou also waited for a long time before finally seeing Consort An enter with her maid Liu Di.0

"This consort greets Your Highness."0

Consort An unhurriedly performed a curtsy.0

Consort Zhou coldly looked her up and down, then said with a sneer, "In the past you used to come to me all the time for no reason. Now it's hard for me to even see you once. I waited half an hour for you tonight!"0

Consort An said, "Please calm your anger, Your Highness. I was ill the past two days and didn't dare come for fear of passing on the illness to you. Just now the imperial physician was checking my pulse, so I was delayed a bit."0

Consort Zhou knew the other party already looked down on her, so she snorted rudely, "Don't think that just because Consort Li is in the Cold Palace and Consort Ning hasn't finished her confinement, you're now the top-ranked in the harem. That Li Yanshu has been promoted to Consort and is now of the same rank as you."0

How could Consort An not hear the provocation in those words?0

So she simply continued with her head bowed, "Your Highness speaks truly. At this rate, it may not be long before she's of the same rank as Your Highness."0

"You..."0

Consort Zhou choked with anger.0

After a moment, she deliberately laughed and said, "So you're just going to watch that country bumpkin become your equal? Aren't you upset?"0

Consort An only said, "There's nothing to be done about it. Haven't you seen it yet, Your Highness? His Majesty's heart is with Consort Yi. No matter what happens, he will always protect her. Ordinary tricks won't work on her at all."0

It was meant as honest advice, but who knew Consort Zhou would deliberately provoke her again, "Weren't you always so clever and resourceful? Even the Empress Dowager thought highly of you. What, have you run out of tricks now too?"0

Consort An gave up.0

An smiled and said, "Your Highness flatters me. I'm but an ordinary person. Besides, since that day after the ceremony, my grandfather has been staying at home and hasn't attended court. I have no way to help right now."0

Hah, only someone as foolish as her would still try to use others as pawns in such a situation.0

Consort Zhou became angry and snorted, "If the Minister of Rites hadn't been so quick to admit guilt that day, would we be in this situation now? If there's anyone to blame, it's him for losing his nerve!"0

But Consort An replied, "Even if my grandfather hadn't admitted guilt, the Duke of Cheng'en would still have fainted during the ceremony. Surely Your Highness can't blame my grandfather for your current predicament."0

"You..."0

Consort Zhou's eyes widened, looking as if she was about to raise her hand to strike.0

What an insolent wretch, daring to talk back to her now!0

Just then, the sound of the night watchman came from outside.0

"The air is dry... mind your fires..."0

Unmistakably, it was Consort Wang's voice again.0

Consort An lowered her head and said, "It seems they're about to lock up for the night. I won't disturb Your Highness any longer. I must pay respects to the Empress Dowager in the morning."0

With that, she turned and left the hall.0

The Lantern Festival was approaching, but the night wind still held a biting chill.0

Liu Di followed behind her mistress and, recalling the earlier scene, asked with concern, "My lady, Consort Zhou is known for her cruelty. After how you spoke to her today, do you think she might retaliate against you?"0

Consort An gave a contemptuous smile. "Retaliate against me? Who in the palace still listens to her now? Can she order anyone around? Even the Empress Dowager won't see her anymore."0

That was true.0

The Empress Dowager used to favor Consort Zhou the most, but ever since her father had disgraced himself at the ceremony and she was demoted, the Empress Dowager no longer received her.0

Even on the rare occasions they met at palace banquets, the Empress Dowager wouldn't spare her a glance, her disdain quite evident.0

On the contrary, the Empress Dowager had been summoning her mistress frequently for conversations lately, showing clear signs of favor.0

Liu Di felt somewhat reassured at this.0

As the two walked on, they saw two guards in fish-scale armor striding quickly from not far away.0

Liu Di was startled and said, "Why are there Imperial Guards in the rear palace?"0

Consort An looked in the direction they had come from and said, "Isn't that the direction of Ganlu Palace? They must be going to see His Majesty."0

Liu Di sighed softly and said in a low voice, "Even though Consort Zhou has lost favor, His Majesty still only visits Ganlu Palace. When will he come to see you?"0

Consort An smiled and said, "The opportunity will come eventually."0

Though as she had said earlier, ordinary tricks wouldn't work on Li Yanshu, no one was perfect.0

She didn't believe Li Yanshu would never make a mistake.0

The road ahead was long; she would wait and see.0

After the Imperial Guards had passed, Yuwen Lan paced back to the inner chamber alone, his mind still pondering.0

Xie Pei's fall, as well as the events of his imperial examination years ago... she had predicted it all accurately again.0

Since all other possibilities had been ruled out, there seemed to be only one explanation left.0

— She likely possessed an extraordinary ability like himself, just different from mind-reading.0

But it seemed even more powerful than mind-reading.0

No wonder she wanted to write novels. With so many secrets bottled up inside, she must have felt the need to write them out.0

He was shocked, of course, but also somewhat moved.0

It was fortunate that she had a pure heart. If such an ability fell into the hands of an evil person, what then?0

But was it not a waste of talent to let her just write novels?0

Imagine if a man had this ability, he could use it in many positions to benefit the country and accomplish great things...0

Suddenly, the sound of footsteps reached his ears. Yuwen Lan looked up to see Yanshu emerging from her bath.0

Her eyes were bright, her cheeks rosy, her thin lips red as cherries in May.0

Yuwen Lan suddenly felt thirsty.0

His earlier thoughts were temporarily set aside.0

— With such a beauty by his side, he'd better focus on getting well soon.0

Thinking thus, Yanshu had already climbed onto the bed.0

Yuwen Lan pulled her into his arms and asked softly, "What did you do today?"0

Yanshu, completely unaware of what had transpired, replied truthfully, "This consort didn't do much today, just had some snacks and played cards with Rendong and the others."0

Yuwen Lan raised an eyebrow. "Didn't write your novel?"0

Yanshu smiled and said, "This consort felt a bit tired these past couple of days and wanted to rest, so I didn't write today."0

[Hehe, mainly I was too busy enjoying the drama! Just watching old man Xie panic like an ant on a hot pan today was enough to kill me with laughter!]0

[Imagine if one day this man sees the intimate details of his encounters with courtesans in a novel, wouldn't he just faint on the spot? Hahaha, I can hardly wait!]0

Yuwen Lan: "???"0

What?0

Bed... intimate details?0

How could she even know about this?!!0

This ability didn't seem so good after all.0

So he said, "Don't stay cooped up in the palace all day. The weather is getting warmer, you should go out for walks more often."0

Yanshu thought to herself, [Easy for you to say. If I, the target of everyone's hatred, go out for a walk, how much more resentment would I invite! Who knows if someone might push me into a lake again. Or oil the ground to make me slip? Frightening!]0

Yuwen Lan: "..."0

What nonsense was all this?0

But he heard her say aloud, "This consort is still somewhat afraid of the cold. Moreover, the weather hasn't fully warmed up yet. It wouldn't be good if I carelessly caught a chill."0

Unexpectedly, as soon as she finished speaking, Yuwen Lan suddenly took her hand and said, "Don't be afraid. You are mine, and I will protect you well."0

As he spoke, he gently kneaded her hand in his palm, feeling her long, delicate fingers, soft as tender spring onions.0

Just as he was enjoying the moment, he heard her think to herself, [Those words sound nice, but if one day you no longer need me as your shield, wouldn't you just kick me aside?]0

Yuwen Lan: "..."0

Is this really what she thinks?0

He looked at her seriously and said, "I never speak empty words. Whatever I say, I will certainly do."0

At these words, she finally paused and looked at him intently.0

After meeting his gaze for a moment, she suddenly thought, [Oh my god, he looks so attractive when he's serious!]0

Yuwen Lan: "..."0

Why did she always add those two words before complimenting him?0

But still...0

She was finally captivated by him.0

Yuwen Lan felt pleased and wanted to kiss her.0

But just as he was about to lean in, he heard her think, [Tsk, if I were to write a novel about an emperor one day, would it be a hit?]0

[A man perfect in every way but with a fatal flaw! Just thinking about this premise is exciting!]0

Yuwen Lan: "???"0

Quick, stop right there!0

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