Merchant Crab

“Get away!” Balthazar yelled at the other two, as the mass of flying insects buzzed furiously towards them. Glancing across the pond, the crab spotted Henrietta jumping in place as she saw the swarm of mosquitoes that formed over the surface before hopping off her rock and into the water for safety.

“Where the hell did that come from?!” yelled Joshua, nearly tripping over his own feet as he started backing away.

“It was your stupid friend’s stupid box, it was cursed!” Balthazar responded loudly as he turned himself around to flee, the sound of thousands of mosquitoes drowning their words as they came closer.

Seeming unfazed by the whole situation, the barbarian watched the swarm approach with a confused look on her face, both her arms hanging in front of her.

“Thunk! Get away from there!” the farmer boy yelled at her.

She turned to look at him, dumb expression still on her face. Before either could utter another word, the cloud of bugs reached the adventurer, enveloping her in tiny black dots, buzzing and stinging all over her exposed skin. The woman flailed her arms around wildly, trying to swat away the flying pests, but they were too many, and the cloud around her only became thicker.

“No!” the distraught young man screamed, taking two steps back towards her but stopping as he realized the barbarian’s reaction was not pain.

A few paces further away from the boy, Balthazar stopped as well, looking at the woman with a mix of concern and disbelief.

Thunk was flailing her arms, but not because of panic or damage. She was, in fact, giggling like a child, covering her head and swatting away the biting mosquitoes.

Balthazar focused on the swarm of insects through the lens of his monocle, and his vision was flooded with a torrent of text.

[Level 1 Mosquito]

[Level 1 Mosquito]

[Level 1 Mosquito]

[Level 1 Mosquito]

[Level 1 Mosquito]

[Level 1 Mosquito]

[Level 1 Mosquito]

[Level 1 Mosquito]

The pop-ups kept appearing everywhere, covering his sight with new entries for each mosquito. The crab felt as if a terrible migraine was taking shape within his shell when the system itself, as if tired of printing all those lines, suddenly stopped and replaced them all with a single new label.

[Level 10 Mosquito Swarm]

Unaware of all this, the farmer watched the barbarian as she went from giggling to full on loud laughter. The more the mosquitoes attacked her, the more ticklish she became.

“I don’t think they’re even damaging her,” he said, turning his head to the crab.

Turning his attention away for just a moment was a mistake.

“Watch out!” Balthazar shouted, pointing a pincer at a group of mosquitoes breaking off from the main cloud and darting towards Joshua.

The boy turned to where the crab pointed and let out a high-pitched whimper before taking a step back, tripping, and falling on the ground. The bugs took no pity and surrounded him before he could get back up, viciously attacking his skin and forcing him to cover his face with his arms as best he could, at the cost of having the latter be stung by the famished swarm.

His yelling and cries of pain made the ticklish barbarian open her eyes and lift her head from under her arms, the giggling suddenly stopping.

As if they were nothing more than a cloud of fog around her, Thunk stepped through the swarm of mosquitoes towards the boy while pulling her massive felling axe from her back.

“No hurting my friend!” the barbarian angrily shouted, making even Balthazar glad he was a crab and not a mosquito.

With a roar, the woman started swinging her weapon around, the blade cutting through the air above the boy, but doing nothing to the tiny insects, which continued to bite away at the two of them.

“An axe isn’t going to do anything to a swarm of mosquitoes, you moron!” Balthazar yelled.

As if reminded of his presence by the warning, a large chunk of the mosquito cloud swooped down in the crab’s direction.

“Me and my big mouth!” he muttered, turning around to run away, but the tiny winged menaces were too fast and came down upon the crab like hail.

“Oh! Ow! Ouch!” Balthazar exclaimed, as they swarmed all over his chitin and he waved his claws around, attempting to shoo them off him.

“Hey, wait a moment…” the crab said, slowly bringing his arms down and ceasing his struggling. “What am I doing? I don’t have any skin. I can’t even feel their bites!”

Realizing the pointlessness of his worries, the crab turned back to the two humans still trying to fight off the cursed attack on their skins.

“Well, that is still a problem, though,” the golden crab covered in small black spots said to himself. “I can’t have them dying at my place.”

Balthazar pondered on what to do, all the while hundreds of mosquitoes continued to try piercing through his shell, to no avail.

Calling for Druma and Bouldy was a no-go, as they were both out collecting wood. And he doubted the golem’s impressive strength would do much better than the barbarian’s powerful axe swings against such tiny foes.

“All this loud buzzing really isn’t helping me think,” the crab complained, making a useless attempt at swatting the bugs away with his right claw.

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

A few paces away from him, Thunk continued her own pointless efforts, alternating between swinging her axe and punching the mosquito cloud around her and her companion, no doubt feeling very frustrated that her usual problem-solving skills weren’t working in that instance.

There was only one thing Balthazar had left as an idea, and he worried whether it would work, or go the same way as the previous times.

For the crab’s own good, but especially for the other two fools sake, he really hoped she had changed her ways enough since the last time he found himself in a time of need.

“Blueeeeee!” Balthazar yelled up to the sky, both pincers cupped around his mouth, more to keep mosquitoes from flying in than anything else.

He tried to scan the air around for signs of the drake, but the mass of angry insects grew so dense it nearly blot out the sun, keeping him from seeing anything. The frenetic buzzing was so loud the crab also couldn’t hear for any signs of his call being answered.

Through the countless little zipping dots, Balthazar watched as the farmer whimpered on his knees, trying to cover his head as his protector changed from trying to swing an axe at the mosquitoes to punching them, with equally fruitless results.

As much as the creatures could not actually harm him, Balthazar felt a dire sense of desperation for what might happen if something wasn’t done quick.

Just as the horrifying question of whether he had left his box of pie uncovered earlier and whether those mosquitoes were also attracted to sweets, a loud screech came through the ceaseless buzzing of the swarm.

She had answered his call.

Swirling his larger iron claw around to create a brief opening in the mass of insects flying around, he peered through them to spot Blue, flapping her wings above the whole scene, hovering in place with a frown in her expression.

“A little help,” Balthazar yelled, nearly swallowing a handful of mosquitoes. “Please?”

He pointed his other claw at the two humans, still struggling with the cursed swarm.

The drake’s brow furrowed even deeper. Whether it was determination to help, or merely her taking offense at having another flying menace around her territory, Balthazar would never know for sure, but she was angry and ready to show it.

“Get down!” the crab shouted as loud as he could at the other two, before throwing himself flat on the ground.

The farmer peeked between his shielding arms, first at the crab, and then briefly at the drake above them. Understanding what was about to happen, the boy threw himself down to the ground as well.

The barbarian, however, did not. Either too busy punching air, or simply too dumb to understand the warning, she remained standing and swinging at her foes.

Blue pulled back while still hovering over the cloud of insects and with a loud screech let out a long stream of blue flames right above the crab first, and then swiftly moving over the other two. The fire jet extended until right above the ground level, causing a scorching heat around the group, but leaving them unscathed from any direct burns.

All except the barbarian.

As the swarm of mosquitoes quickly turned to ash and was blown away by the breeze, Joshua raised his head just as the last flames enveloped his traveling partner.

“No! Thunk!” he cried out, extending a red, swollen hand, covered in mosquito bites.

Balthazar hopped back onto his eight feet once the cloud of smoke and ash around them began dissipating and ran closer to the boy, who was on his knees, still reaching for where the barbarian last was.

The crab winced, unsure of what to say to him. Part of him wanted to mention how it was all her own damn fault, but another small part also knew that was likely not going to improve the situation. He just hoped not to end up taking the blame for his drake carbonizing the barbarian.

But just as the smoke from the last of Blue’s fire began clearing, they noticed a figure still standing amid the flying ash.

Thunk stood there, unharmed, only a few minor scorch marks on her leather chest piece, huge felling axe still in hand, looking around confused, as if lost on why her flying opponents had suddenly disappeared.

“T-Thunk?” the young companion said in a choked voice, a faint smile forming on his face that was covered in small red circles, quickly swelling up into blisters.

“Joshy!” the big woman whimpered, quickly putting her axe on her back again and sliding down to him. She took his hand into her much larger palm and looked at him with a deeply concerned expression, despite the helmet that covered most of her face.

“Did you just call him… Joshy?” Balthazar said, his mouth twisted into a frown of slight disgust.

“Get bag!” Thunk yelled in a commanding bark.

Startled, the crab jumped in place before skittering to the farmer’s backpack with no thought about questioning the barbarian’s order.

Dragging it by its straps with difficulty, Balthazar brought the pack next to them. Blue had landed atop a nearby rock, observing the scene with curiosity.

Thunk cradled the boy in her muscular arms while he winced in apparent pain. With a feeble movement, he reached one hand up towards the woman before speaking in a faint voice.

“It… it itches.”

“You have got to be kidding me,” the annoyed crab muttered, staring disapprovingly at the boy.

“Give!” Thunk barked, while pulling the backpack to herself and quickly rummaging through it with one hand, while the other arm continued holding the young man.

Balthazar crossed his arms in annoyance while he watched the barbarian pull a red potion from the bag and quickly pour it into the boy’s mouth, who seemed very content with the whole thing, despite his supposed state of suffering.

“You done?” the crabby crab asked, throwing his arms up.

“I-I feel much better now. Thanks, Thunk,” Joshua said with a smile, as the mosquito bites slowly started losing their redness and swelling. “I should have known there’s nothing you can’t take, be it mosquitoes or fire.”

Despite his claim, the barbarian stood up with the boy still in her arms and pulled the huge backpack onto one of her shoulders.

Balthazar followed her as the woman walked back into the bazaar through the back entrance.

Hearing soggy hopping behind him, Balthazar looked back to see Henrietta joining them after having jumped out of the water.

“Gods, is everyone alright?” she asked, looking concerned. “I saw what happened from the other side of the pond, but there was little I could do to help.”

“You could have hopped over and eaten a few to help, you know?”

“What the hell?!”

“What? You’re a toad, aren’t you? Toads eat all sorts of bugs.”

“I’m a human, Balthazar!”

“In a toad’s body! Could have played your part, at least.”

Henrietta scowled at the crab, her mouth twisting in disapproval and annoyance.

“Either way, don’t worry, it could have been a lot worse,” the merchant said, before turning back to the other two. “That still doesn’t change the fact that you just tried to sell me a cursed box!”

“You have to believe us! I swear neither one of us knew that thing was cursed!” Joshua pleaded, still sitting in the barbarian’s arms.

“Judging by her intellect, I can actually believe that,” the crab said, “but it doesn’t change the fact that there’s no way I’m accepting that thing as payment for the boots you wanted!”

“Balthazar!” Henrietta called. “Did you not already close the deal?”

“Well, yes, I did, but—”

“Then what do you think you’re doing?!” the toad asked in a tone of disapproval. “As a merchant, all we have is our word. If you made a deal, you don’t take it back! You should know better!”

“But… that thing is cursed!” Balthazar argued, pointing both pincers at the open box on the floor.

“And that’s on you for accepting a shiny trinket without checking it first! Seriously, what kind of merchant accepts a trade without making sure what they’re getting is safe? Have you never encountered cursed items before?”

“Actually… no?” the crab said, trying to disguise his embarrassment.

Henrietta looked at him like the crab had just spontaneously grown a second head.

“How have you gotten this far as a merchant?!”

Balthazar glanced at the golden box once more, trying to avoid the toad’s gaze.

“You think that now that it’s been opened, it will be safe to keep?”

Henrietta’s cheeks puffed up with air as she croaked angrily, but before she could answer, Thunk’s mighty foot crushed the box under her boot, smashing it to smithereens, one stomp after the other, until there was nothing left but tiny, unrecognizable fragments.

“What the hell!” the crab exclaimed.

“Evil!” Thunk groaned, her eyes bulging behind her helmet’s visor.

“You know what, whatever, fine, I’m sick of this whole situation already,” Balthazar yelled. “Just take the damn boots and get out of my sight!”

Without hesitation or another word, the barbarian took herself, her bag boy, and her bag out through the front gate. Joshua peeked over her shoulder on the way out with an apologetic look on his face.

“You know, you really should work on your customer handling skills. That and maybe read up on cursed items. Any merchant worth their salt knows about those things,” Henrietta said, before turning and hopping back out of the bazaar through the back exit.

“Yeah, whatever,” Balthazar begrudgingly said under his breath. “Speaking of cursed things, I’d better check this system level up, so it stops annoying me in the corner of my eye.”

[Level 15]

[Congratulations, you have reached the maximum level!]

“Say what now?!”

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