Mage Tank

Chapter 22: Are These Item Descriptions... Flirting With Me?

I’d almost forgotten about the black and silver amulet with its glittering black gem. I reached down and touched it, realizing I’d never taken it off. It was strange. I had no memory of wearing it while in the bath, or even the weight of it around my neck while I was being tossed around by the C’thon inside the Delve. It had mostly left my conscious awareness, but here it was, still hangin’. I peeked down at it, focused, and an item description popped up. It wasn’t really a surprise, I’d already seen the description right before entering the Delve, but it had changed.

Traveler’s Amulet

This is an evolving item.

Current Level: Crumb-Cruncher

Effects:

1: It’s stylish.

2: Soul-Sight: You can perceive the strength of the souls around you. This effect is set to the lowest setting by default. You can intensify it by concentrating, but be careful. Some souls are better seen from a distance.

Make “Soul-Sight” your own to unlock this amulet’s next effect.

Well, now the item went from useless to being of dubious utility. Soul-Sight sounded cool. Maybe it was like a power-scanner, or aura-perception, or ki-sense, or feeling someone’s reiatsu, or gyo, or seeing cursed energy, or demon-scent, or being a stand-user, or sensor-jutsu, or a spirit-medium.

That’d be cool.

I took a look at Grotto to see if I noticed anything different.

He hovered in the air, his little octopus feelers undulating and his cool-toned feathers drifting lazily in a non-existent wind. He was surrounded by a thin shimmer of some kind of bright, silvery substance. I stepped closer and reached out a hand, but he drifted away.

[Why are you doing that?]he asked.

[I'm trying to feel your soul.]

I went to try and touch the substance again, which clung to Grotto almost like water in a zero-gravity space, but he continued to move away. Though the stuff flowed like liquid, it was only visible along the edges of his form. When I moved around him in a circle, the edges moved with me, staying locked around Grotto’s periphery. When I studied it closely, the color had gray undertones, but was vibrant and luminous. There was also another layer underneath, closer to Grotto’s body. I squinted and focused, which caused the substance to grow in size until it spread out about a foot in width around the Delve core. I could now make out the bottom layer, and it was a dark green that shimmered as though it had oil mixed into it.

“Huh,” I grunted. I went to the full-length mirror and glanced at myself. I had the same, bright silver halo around my body. The thinnest layer around my form was also green, like Grotto’s, but it was lighter and more vivid, sparkling like it was made of gemstone rather than oil. It matched my eyes. “Lookin’ good there,” I said, shooting finger-guns at myself.

[My escaped lunatic theory is growing more likely.]

[Come on, can’t you see through my eyes?]

[Not exactly, it’s more of a mental impression.]

[You see this shiny shit around me? It’s around you as well.]

[I… do not.]

[Hmm, weird.]

I shrugged, giving that up to something about the way the amulet worked. I concentrated so the effect went back to the smaller, ‘default’ setting, heeding the warning in the description. I went to the closet-thing. Or was it a dresser? An armoire? Maybe the right term was wardrobe? I dunno, I’m bad at identifying furniture. I went to where my boa and jacket were stored and opened the thin, upright clothes-storage furnishing.

I paused before grabbing the garments and concentrated on them, seeing if they had any effects beyond being glamorous. I started with the boa and was happy to see a text box open before me. The text here was the same as the normal System messages, not the messy handwriting of the mysterious stranger who I suspected was either the divine being involving themself in my life, or maybe a henchman of some sort. I read through the text.

Rocket Man’s C’thonic Feather Boa of the Cat’s Pajamas

The name may be long, but we bet you’re longer, rawr.

Armor rating: None. It’s a feather boa. It won’t even stop an agitated chihuahua.

Effects:

1: There is an increased chance that dames and jobbies will think you’re keen and try to make you their daddy. This item somehow makes you sexier than you already are.

2: There is an increased chance when you’re putting on the ritz that you’ll be seen as the bee’s knees. You’re more likely to persuade, impress, or entice others with your words and actions. Bonus is amplified when dressed in formal wear or otherwise fashionable attire.

3: You’re not the man they think you are at home. Tales of your heroic deeds are more likely to spread and take on an exaggerated form. It’s technically not lying if you fail to correct your rabid fans when they talk about the triple-backflip you performed while killing a Greater C’thon. At level zero. By yourself. And *checks notes* with your goddamn bare hands! Badass alert! Relevant actions must be performed while wearing this item to gain the benefit of this effect.

DISCLAIMER

Actual rate at which rumors spread and exaggerations are taken seriously are not guaranteed and vary between subjects. Always consult your local mana-weaver to see if this item is right for you. The claims on this item have not been evaluated by the FDA, the FTC, the CIA, any Divine Beings, or any other mundane or heavenly authority. This item is offered as-is and System disclaims any and all warranties of any kind, express or implied, including any warranty of merchantability or warranty of fitness for any particular purpose. By using this item you hereby agree to comply with any and all terms and conditions set forth in the attached materials. System will not be held liable for any damages from any and all causes including misuse, modification, unauthorized repair, negligent product design, hazardous waste chemicals or materials utilized in the manufacture, distribution, or enchanting of this product, slaughter of innocent civilians arguing about your deeds, or misrepresentation of your physical features appearing on, near, or around statues erected in your honor, regardless of whether the damages were foreseen, likely to occur, or outright encouraged by the System. Good luck, have fun.

What the fuck.

I threw the feather boa over my shoulder and checked the vest.

Outlaw’s C’thonic Leather Vest of the Dirty Muffin Toy

Hurt them, hurt me, hurt yourself. Hurt anybody you want, baby.

Armor rating: Minimal. This item will stop an agitated chihuahua, but not much else.

Stolen novel; please report.

Effects:

1: You are more likely to succeed during attempts to intimidate, frighten, or outright scare the daylights out of people. You gain a bonus to this ability if you wear the vest open and without a shirt, showing off your manly chest hair and rock-hard abs.

2: Whips, chains, handcuffs, and lethal weapons. You’re a masochist and it’s time to admit it to yourself. Not only do you like pain, you revel in it. When taking damage you recover a small amount of stamina based on the amount of damage you received. We won’t tell you how much, because we know you’re eager to find that out for yourself. You also gain a bonus to this ability if you wear the vest open and without a shirt, showing off your manly chest hair and rock-hard abs. Did we say rawr already? Fuck it. Rawr again, baby.

[This is unexpected,]thought Grotto.

[This is what gets you? The System actively encouraging me to keep my shirt off?]

I thought about the puking session that had ruined my new shirt.

Was that intentional?

Had I really needed to excise what I suspected was exactly twenty-two percent of my organs through my mouth? Or, was that just some sort of sick joke by the System to render the new shirt unwearable? I didn’t like the implications, so I convinced myself that it was a coincidence, trying to preserve my tender grasp on sanity.

[No. Although the level of prurient interest being shown by the System is foul, that likely has to do more with you than the System itself.]

[Cool, cool. Do you think this is an intervention of some sort?]

[I believe the word you are looking for is enabling, not intervention.]

[Eh, I guess you’re right.]

[Regardless, what is strange is that I just received a System message as well.]

[Figured you’d get those a lot in your line of work.]

[Well, yes, but not this type of message. You were previously granted Dungeoneering for bonding with me, but I am the one who received the prompt to choose an evolution.]

[What? That doesn’t seem right. It’s my skill isn’t it?]

[Given that I am the resident expert on Delves, it makes more sense that I be allowed to choose.]

[I hear your argument, but here’s my counter. It’s my skill.]

[That is irrelevant.]

[No, I think it’s highly relevant.]

[Well, it doesn’t matter what you believe. I’ve already made a decision.]

[Fuck me, I guess. What did you pick?]

[Increased efficiency when building Delve constructs.]

[Ok, that really seems like it benefits you and not me.]

[It will be necessary when I begin forming our new Delve.]

[Now it’s “our” new Delve?]

[Yes, you are necessary since I am bonded to you. It is not complicated. We can apply both of our skill sets to its creation. I am looking forward to performing experiments on you.]

[That’s not going to happen.]

[Er, I am looking forward to… performing experiments with you?]

[Better, but now I’m suspicious about your motives for some reason. I mean, I’ve been suspicious the entire time.]

[I am looking forward to working with you… on the experiments that we will perform together. Collaboratively. With neither of us as a primary subject of said experiments.]

[You’re not doing a great job recovering from that slip.]

A grumbling sound came from Grotto.

[It matters not. I have made the best choice, so we can move on from the topic.]

[What were the other choices?]

[Do you really care?]

I began to sigh, but it turned into a yawn.

[I guess not.]

I threw the leather vest over my bare torso, then wrapped the feather boa around my neck and shoulders. I was simultaneously ready to hit the town and have someone hit me. A fresh pair of boots sat near the doorway and I pulled them on over a pair of knee-high stockings.

I stepped back out into the hall to find Lito sitting in lotus-position against the wall. His form was surrounded by an intense golden shimmer, much larger than the one around either Grotto or myself. Looking at it evoked a deep sense of power, and gave me a tingle of dread. The layer closest to his body was orange, and fluttered like a flame. He opened his eyes and looked me over.

“Didn’t like the shirt?” he asked.

“Alas, it fell victim to an unfortunate skill evolution.”

Lito grunted, then stood.

“One of mine made all my clothes catch on fire,” he said. “Gotta be careful where you upgrade.”

I thought about that, and wondered if it related to the base color of his soul.

“Thanks for the heads up,” I said.

“Sure,” he said, dusting off the seat of his pants. “Follow me.” He turned and began walking casually down the hall.

I followed close, studying the flowing golden substance that surrounded him. It was obvious that he was much more powerful than I was. The pure emotional impression I got from staring at the soul-juice was enough to tell me that. I also studied the soul-stuff surrounding the people we passed. Lito was stronger than all of them.

I checked his level, and saw that he was level twenty. Was that a high level, or was this the noob-zone? Many of those we passed were level one, fresh out of the Creation Delve, but I saw one man pass who was level twenty-eight. Even his soul didn’t feel as potent as Lito’s. That man’s soul was a dull silver, though, so I thought the colors must represent the quality. Or, at least the raw strength.

About a third of the people in the halls were Delvers, with a variety of colors shrouding their forms in differing levels of intensity. The servants, attendants, initiates, and children who crowded around the Delvers all possessed what looked like the base level of soul-juice, but lacked the stronger, more distinct glow present around the Delvers themselves. As we walked I noted most of Delvers had thin, copper and silver spirits, with a small handful possessing gold. None had a spirit the color of Grotto or I, and I realized that the color of the soul matched the type of Delves they’d completed.

Grotto and I had the bright, white-gray sheen of platinum. Some, like Lito, had the vibrant yellow of gold, with far more possessing the duller metallic-gray of silver and just about as many with the reddish-brown of copper. The base layer, however, varied widely in both hue and style, displaying every color of the rainbow and mimicking the qualities of many different types of materials. Some appeared like water, similar to the delve auras themselves. Lito’s moved like fire, while others squirmed like little worms or algae on the seafloor. A few looked like clumps of dirt hovering near the body, and I swear I saw one woman whose form was hugged by a slithering snake eating its own tail. I couldn’t help but gawk as we made our way through the facility.

“What is that thing, really?” Lito asked, snapping me out of my awe-induced ogling. I followed his gaze to Grotto.

I opened my mouth, about to insist that he was a C’thon, but my newfound understanding of the man’s power stopped me. He might have some lie detection, or ability to see through Grotto’s disguise.

[Is there a reason,]I thought to Grotto, [that you’re keeping what you are a secret?]

[The same reason as you, I suspect. Self-preservation. I am not overly fond of the idea of these cretins interrogating me over questions that I am forbidden to answer, or dissecting me to try and uncover some of the hidden mechanisms that govern the Delves.]

“Any particular reason why you’re interested in my familiar?” I said aloud to Lito. It was a shitty deflection, but it was the best I could come up with.

Lito’s empty grin returned, and he stopped walking. He took the mostly-smoked cigarette from his mouth and tossed it to the ground, then snuffed it with his foot. He pulled a silver case from his pocket and popped it open, revealing a half dozen more hand-rolled smokes within, and plucked one out. He put it in his mouth, tapped it with the tip of one finger, and it ignited. He took a long drag, then blew the smoke out to the side, away from us.

“Normally, I wouldn’t give a shit,” he said. “What you bond with is your business until it becomes my business.”

He took another puff. Whatever he smoked, it wasn’t tobacco. The scent was rich and deep, but there was something floral about it as well. Overall it was a lot more pleasant than an earth cigarette, but I still wasn’t a fan.

“I know it’s not a C’thon,” he continued. “At least, you don’t think it is, which is why you lied about it to Dalton. Right now, you don’t owe me an explanation. But if we get upstairs and it turns out you aren’t supposed to be inside this Delve… Well, let’s say I appreciate honesty upfront, and take a dim view of people who waste my time.”

He stared at me, still smiling, as he tucked the silver box away.

It was a classic tactic. He was trying to get me to admit that I was guilty of something when he didn’t have any evidence that I was. Any promises of leniency or friendliness for answering his question were very likely to be an act. They didn’t mean anything.

“Well, I’d hate to waste your time,” I said. “So maybe we should just go ahead and get all this over with. Whatever it is.” I gestured down the hall in the direction we’d been walking. He shrugged and turned back to his measured gait, as though he didn’t have a care in the world.

“Suits me,” he said.

THIS CHAPTER UPLOAD FIRST AT NOVELBIN.COM