Chapter 173 - Li Chuntao, Let’s Get Married (1)
'I love you. I really love you.'
Weren't these the words that she'd been waiting to hear from him for a long time? However, no matter how many times she tried to believe that she mattered to him, Shen Zichen had always found an opening to 'unintentionally' break her?
"Li Chuntao, if I told you how much I love you, would you still dare to leave me alone?"
When she heard those words, it made her feel ready to break down in tears. She felt like she was just hallucinating. or maybe there was something wrong with her ears.
How could he say that he loved her? After all the pain she endured because of him, wasn't it too late to say 'I love you' now?
For days, she'd been wondering when he would give up, because every passing day that he showed himself to him only brought the pain of uncertainty to her heart.
When Shen Zichen didn't receive a response from her, he felt truly defeated. He started to feel anxious, truly worried that he would never get her back again.
"Li Chuntao, please take it back. Say that you won't leave me again. Take it back. Please take it back." He said helplessly.
He didn't know what else he should do to win her back. How long should he suffer until she realized that he had repented for the mistakes he'd done in the past?
When Li Chuntao still didn't say anything, Shen Zichen continued.
"Li Chuntao, I love you. I really love you. I don't know how to convince you, but can't you give me a chance? Can we be together again?"
Li Chuntao didn't know how to respond as Shen Zichen totally caught her off guard. She'd never thought that there would come a day that she'd be able to hear those words from his lips.
How was she supposed to answer him when it never occurred to her that they would end up like this?
Was this another trick of her mind to torture herself? Did Shen Zichen really say he loved her?
Her lips quivered as she tried to stop her tears from streaming down her face. She blinked twice and tuned out everything around her to focus on herself. Li Chuntao could feel him in her entirety. His scent, his voice, his warmth… the tears that scorched on her skin, told her she wasn't dreaming.
The man whom she had loved for more than a decade was now professing his love for her. She could feel her weakening resolve with every passing second she was caged in his arms. The worst was that her heart wanted to leap out of her chest by his confession.
Li Chuntao knew she still loved him, that she wanted to be with him… but she was afraid to face another heartache if Shen Zichen decided he didn't want her anymore.
Her silence troubled Shen Zichen. Wasn't she willing to be with him anymore?
Right then, her hands gently pushed away his arms around her, making Shen Zichen feel truly defeated. However, he couldn't blame anyone but himself for being stupid. She had loved him for a long time and he was the one who was blind to see it.
Li Chuntao turned to face him, her tears now rolling down her face. However, before she could say anything, Shen Zichen engulfed her in a tight embrace again.
"Don't cry. Please don't cry. It's my fault, so please don't shed tears for me anymore." Shen Zichen whispered to her ear. "I'll never leave you again so please tell me you won't either."
The snowflakes started to fall from the dark sky and the wind became chillier, but Li Chuntao felt none of it because Shen Zichen's body was pressed against hers. The people around them started running for shelter as the snowfall became faster and the wind became harsher.
When Li Chuntao shivered in his embrace, Shen Zichen gradually loosened his hold and looked down at her teary face. His hand reached up and wiped the tears at the corner of her eye.
"Let's go before you get sick. We can talk inside my car while we wait for the weather to settle." He said in a gentle tone. He carried her all the way back to the parking space near Oriental Bliss and covered her with his coat to stop the shivering of her body.
Through all of it, Li Chuntao was silent as she paid attention to his actions and facial expressions. She could tell he wasn't lying. Shen Zichen had a habit of looking away or scratching the back of his ear whenever he was lying. She wasn't sure if he knew about it.
"I wasn't expecting a snowstorm tonight," Shen Zichen said as he dried his hair using a fluffy towel that he took from his backseat. The snow that fell over his head and shoulders had started to melt and seeped through his clothes.
When he didn't hear anything from her, Shen Zichen turned his head to look at her. It seemed like she was in deep thought as she considered the things he'd said earlier.
"If you truly love me, then why were you gone for almost a month? You neither showed yourself nor gave me a call. Didn't you know…" she choked a sob. "Your silence was killing me."
Shen Zichen felt guiltier than he already was. He didn't know his absence had made her worry and sad.
"I'm sorry, Chuntao…" he started. "I know you are already getting tired of hearing me say it but I truly am. As for my absence... I admit that it was hard for me to accept everything at once." Shen Zichen lowered his head in shame and he spoke as if it pained him to do so.
"When your Aunt Yue told me the truth about the kidnapping and fire… when I heard from you how you lost our baby." He closed his eyes. "Do you know Chuntao, how I despised myself back then? How I hated myself for being foolish? I wanted to blame you, to get angry at you but I couldn't, because I know you did everything you could for my sake and for Zirui."
He turned away and sniffed as the tears stung his eyes.
"I was ashamed of myself. I've been conceited for a long time. Had I known that you love me…" This, Shen Zichen said in a whisper but Li Chuntao was still able to hear him, "I would've done my best to take care of you and our baby. You probably hated me back then. I won't blame you, but I wish you'd tried to reach out to me instead of hiding the truth from me."
Li Chuntao remained silent as she listened to his confession. She never knew that he could say so many words at one time and she knew in her heart that he was only doing this because it was her.
"I don't deserve you, Chuntao, that was what I taught during those weeks of not seeing you, but everyday that went by without you by my side proved that I'm nothing without you, so please… Can we be together? Can I be with you?"
"You mean as your lover?" Li Chuntao was perfectly aware that the affair they had before was superficial and she didn't think she would be able to continue it.
Shen Zichen shook his head and looked at her straight in her eyes.
"Come back to me, Chuntao, as my wife."
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