I’ll Quit as The Empress

It was normal for people to be different. Fabian didn’t refute, however, and waited for the next words from Evelyn. Since he was sure, she wasn’t simply asking for pleasantries. And Evelyn reopened her mouth, as expected.

“Your Majesty’s childhood, how was it?”

Fabian’s face was hit by an unexpected question with a mysterious light.

“I’ve never heard your story when you were young ……”

“About my childhood ……?”

He didn’t know what the question meant, but Fabian tried to answer as honestly as possible, “I think it was boring …… I felt like I didn’t have the time. I think it was stressful in several ways.” It was a really Fabian answer, an answer that didn’t deviate from expectations. It was the childhood of a prince who grew up in a Duke’s family.

“Before you got the Emperor’s education?”

“Hmm…… I didn’t have such a thing because I was the only successor.”

Evelyn nodded this time. The only successor to the Empire was entrusted to Duke’s family, who had a long history. He rew up and trained in thorough etiquette, Royal studies, and martial arts, and was crowned at 16. So, the question of what kind of childhood he had was a bit strange.

“Your Majesty, you grew up with Sir Serus. Didn’t you have fun when you two played together?” Evelyn asked, “……have you ever played?” She was always curious if, in his childhood, there might be at least one good memory.

“Maybe once…….”

“Hmm……” Fabian retraced his memory, but nothing came to his mind. “I don’t know if I have any memories of playing around because I was busy learning.”

The person who talked about it was calm, but Evelyn looked sad, “No wonder you’re a successor…..”

Instead, Fabian looked up at Evelyn and said, as if he were soothing her, “It wasn’t that sad, the whole thing was fun, it was a little boring, but … it didn’t bother me.” Fabian didn’t know why he was making excuses, but Evelyn’s face was so sad that he felt he had to say something.

“The Duchess who raised me is a good person. I wasn’t unhappy at all. I was raised as a noble successor.”

“Yes, Duchess Perth is a nice person. It’s a relief.”

Fabian was somewhat relieved when Evelyn opened her mouth again. Honestly, as he spoke about his childhood, he didn’t know why her eyes looked sad, something he never thought before.

“Yes. My childhood was fine.” Fabian said calmly, but Evelyn felt sorry looking at him.

Who would say that his childhood was fine? At least not where Evelyn was born. Even though there may be children who weren’t happy, they managed to have a decent childhood.

However, Fabian, who had lived as an Imperial successor since birth, unaware of the difference. And it broke Evelyn’s heart.

“Why, you suddenly ask me that?”

Evelyn herself didn’t know. Perhaps because she felt sympathy for Fabian’s inevitable birth. What was certain was that she couldn’t imagine if Adrian having such a childhood.

No matter what, she couldn’t send her lovely child to such a place. No matter how much sympathy she felt for Fabian, there was no instinct stronger than motherhood who wanted to keep Adrian’s smile.

“If you had a child……That child would have grown up that way, right?”

Fabian nodded casually. He never thought deeply about his children. It was close to the one who couldn’t afford it.

“That alone makes me a reason. After all, I think the divorce was right.”

“······Why? You were married me, the Emperor.”

“Yes. I know it’s ridiculous grievance. I was too young at that time. I could only think of myself. I didn’t look to the future.”

It’s only natural at Evelyn’s age. Back then, she didn’t think about a child’s childhood that she hadn’t yet given birth to. Especially when she had just fallen in love.

“I don’t know why it’s wrong.”

“Because I wouldn’t have been able to adapt myself to the Empire until the end.”

It was a mistake to think it was a problem that would be solved over time. The problem was that Evelyn was optimistic that she could start a family with love because they had the same race and the same words.

But there were such different values, unfamiliar and cold manners, and Evelyn was always an outsider.

“You did well,” Fabian said.

“But until when should I have done it?”

Evelyn couldn’t stand the attitude of the nobles who looked at her with caution’s eyes. She could barely adapt to the strict Imperial etiquette. Moreover, the matter of heart, affection, and love wasn’t a component that could be sacrificed at all.

“If I had a child…..If, according to the Empire’s custom, I had to let him go to someone else’s arms without being able to breastfeed him… Could I have endured that sadness?”

Before returning, Evelyn had sent her child away twice. Before they were born, she had a miscarriage. It was very painful, when a small life that she had never seen the face, that hadn’t even become a child, had just vanished. Because of that, Evelyn couldn’t send a child that she had given birth to and held in her arms.

“But it hasn’t even happened yet and it’s not actually sad. The child will grow up, and he will always be your child.”

Evelyn smiled sadly at those words. It was this difference in values that couldn’t be penetrated by any cultural wall. Fabian didn’t think that his childhood was miserable, so he thought that his child could grow up like that.

“Yes. The Empire or Your Majesty can do that. But I can’t. I can’t stand it. That’s what I realized.”

She knew this only after she gave birth to Adrian and held him in her arms. Never, even her life was cut off, she couldn’t lose this child. There was nothing more important in the world than that. And Evelyn’s fate was determined at that moment. Her most precious being had been decided in her life.

“If it’s your child, it’s also a precious child to me. There’s no way I’m going to make the child unhappy.”

“But if he were your successor, would you raise him like Your Majesty?”

There was no other answer from Fabian. He didn’t even know his child existed, so she couldn’t expect his answer. Evelyn knew it, but she couldn’t help but feel the pain of her heart.

“I,……”

“Your Highness, do you see the tree?”

Silently, Evelyn cut the silence between them. A huge, beautiful tree was seen at the tip of her finger. “When I was seven years old, I climbed the tree and fell … I still have a tiny scar behind my ear.”

Fabian’s expression was perplexed. His look seemed to be wondering why she was suddenly talking about trees.

“When I was six years old, I drank the water with my mouth in the fountain, and my father scolded me a lot. Why did I love to play pranks so much?”

“What are you talking about?”

“After that, I secretly drank the water again, and I’ve had stomach pain, and I’ve been scolded again. I thought my father wouldn’t know if I was lying, but that’s the child’s misconception.”

A long-cherished smile bloomed on Evelyn’s mouth. Her smile was so beautiful in Fabian’s eyes that she couldn’t stop talking.

“When I was younger than that, I cried all night because I was sad because the snowman I made with my mother for the first time melted and disappeared. There was a time when I hid my busy father’s shoes. I was chasing birds with a stick for a while, and I fell down and cried out sometimes.”

There were so many memories coming to her mind just in this small place. Fabian stared at Evelyn’s side face, immersed in memories. It was a scene he had never seen before, and he could see the warmth in Evelyn’s eyes.

“I told him I wanted to be a hunter, but he scolded me again.”

Fabian’s mouth, which had always tightened, was softened without knowing it.

“I was so tired of crying, and I fell asleep. When I woke up, there was a toy bow at my bedside. My mom said it was a present from the fairy who visited my room.”

“·······then?”

Fabian was immediately fascinated with the story of Evelyn. A smile unknowingly spread when he imagined that Evelyn, young and small, was energetically running around the garden. Back then, she must have been a lovely girl.

“And then I got scolded again because I wanted to be a fairy.”

There was low laughter.

“She was a weird kid, wasn’t she?”

“She was a funny kid, and she was really sweet and adorable,” Fabian said, laughing. If their marriage wasn’t broken, there would have been a child like that between them. Suddenly, the corner of his heart was aching.

“Yeah, I laughed, I cried and I got a lot of scolding, but I was happy. It was a childhood that I could enjoy just once in my life,” Evelyn said, looking at Fabian. “Your Majesty, can your child grow up like that?”

Fabian couldn’t answer.

“Do you know the heart of a child, who grew with the love of her parents?”

“Evelyn…..”

“It’s not your fault.”

That was the saddest part of it.

“The Empire, Your Majesty is not a bad thing. It’s just so different from the place where I grew up.”

Evelyn was a woman who wasn’t supposed to love the Emperor from the beginning. She had already seen the bright and clear sky, but I couldn’t be happy in a beautiful cage.

“I can’t be happy in the Empire….But Your Majesty is the owner of the Empire, so you can’t leave. I was a fool……. I shouldn’t have married Your Highness from the start ……”

“No….I don’t want to hear that…..Whether wrong or different, I don’t regret marrying you.” Fabian looked at Evelyn with heavy eyes.

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, even though we’re divorced now, I don’t regret it.” His black eyes were hoping for the same response.

“Neither do I regret my divorce.”

The misery was swallowed together as Fabian breathed in.

“And I won’t regret it in the future.” Evelyn spoke calmly and stood up. She couldn’t say that she didn’t regret marrying to Fabian.

“I see. ….Is that all you don’t regret?”

“······Yes.”

Evelyn met this man, and she loved him. A miserable and vain end came, but a miracle turned back the time, and she was able to hold the child of her beloved man. Both resentment and regret were washed away at that time.

“I see.” Fabian swallowed the pain in silence. “Thank you for the story.” He didn’t know what expression to make, so Fabian raised his body too. Then he stopped trying to say something and turned his back on her first. And Evelyn saw his back only with her eyes.

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That way, Fabian’s back figure completely disappeared from her sight.

“Thank you for listening to me……”

Evelyn was whispering to herself. The stories she could tell, and the stories she couldn’t tell, had to be buried in her heart.

With a piece of a secret she couldn’t tell……..that, she didn’t regret marrying him.

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