I Should Have Just Died

“What is it?”

“I don’t know.”

Alyssa exhales a long sigh, moving her lungs, which had been stiffened by her tension. Hoo. Now she can breathe. Alyssa bites her trembling lips.

“Once I changed my clothes, Sasha. I should be polite and go see mother.”

“Yes. It shouldn’t be a big deal…”

It was a light wish, but it was also a wish that no one would grant.

***

“…I’ll try my best.”

“Yes. I’ll help you, and the date is set. So I don’t think I can go to the cemetery next week.”

Juliana ended her words.

“Yes, Mother.”

Since there was nothing more to say, the two stayed quiet for a while. With Alyssa’s mouth shut and avoiding her gaze.

Alyssa realized.

‘I really am a coward.’

She didn’t want to be hurt anymore. After being hurt, she became scared of approaching others first. Alyssa’s courage is shorter than a rat’s tail, so this is how she is.

Her hand had been struck several times already. In that situation, she didn’t know how to reach out her hand again.

That is why she can’t hold on to Juliana’s hand even though she can’t see it now.

She knows that Juliana’s offer is for Alyssa. Managing the affairs of the mansion was in line with handing over internal authority to Alyssa. Juliana had no qualms about offering it to her.

But, still.

In the eyes of Alyssa, the hostility that had filled Juliana’s soft pupils the previous day seemed to be visible.

Besides, isn’t she justified?

‘It’s the daughter of the enemy’s family who killed her son.’

‘The enemy’s younger brother is harassing her daughter.’

So Alyssa will never open up to Juliana, Ophelia, or Seidrick. No matter how hard she tries, she won’t be able to remove Avery’s shadow from her unless she changes all of the blood in her body.

Alyssa’s sad gaze stayed in the vase behind her. The man in the portrait near the vase was apparently the dead Master Kendrick. It was a chrysanthemum in the vase.

A flower to comfort the dead.

Alyssa decided to confine her courage like a rat tail.

Even though she might be teased for living a life without courage, she couldn’t get hurt again. Not only could it save Alyssa’s little world, but it seemed like it was for them too.

Alyssa drank all the cooled tea.

“Oh, I’ll go back. Mother.”

Juliana couldn’t catch Alyssa.

***

She didn’t expect it anymore, she got used to the night without her husband, Seidrick. Getting ready to sleep alone. She doesn’t even know where Seidrick is, who she has never even seen before.

No one told Alyssa, and she didn’t ask.

Because nothing would change even if she got to know.

She finished her early bath, preparing to sleep alone today.

“By the way, Madam. What was the reason for meeting the Grand Madam today?”

Sasha asked, rubbing Alyssa’s leg. Although Alyssa’s head was bowed, she could understand the worries on her face. Is there anyone who cares about Alyssa as much as Sasha?

She knew that Alyssa often shed tears secretly.

Alyssa laughed awkwardly and shook her head.

“No big deal, Sasha. You don’t have to look like that. Next Wednesday is the Cambridge family’s banquet. Can you help me with the preparations for that day?”

“…did you say you were going to do it?”

“Yes. I have to. I am supposed to do what I have to do…”

“Are you going to be alright?”

Sasha asked with worries in her young eyes. Wouldn’t it be too much for them to prepare for such a big event in the current situation where they are in the dark with the employees?

However, Alyssa just smiles with a resigned face.

“But… I don’t want to be a nuisance anymore.”

The next day, the house’s managers, including the butler and the maid, came to Alyssa at the end of breakfast. With thick papers in their arms.

She thinks this was the help Juliana said.

Juliana sends the people so Alyssa doesn’t have to look for them. She’s giving Alyssa a chance to reach out to them.

It was the day Alyssa opened the office door for the first time. She thought that until now Juliana hadn’t said anything at all, so that means Alyssa wasn’t enough to leave her work too. That’s why she’s never been near the office.

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