I Don't Want to Be Loved

Chapter 215 – I wish to see her

Translator – Yue

Rihannan kept having the same nightmare over and over again.

Before she only dreamt of falling down the stairs but now, the dream would go on and she’d see herself at the bottom of the stairs with blood flowing between her legs. Every time she saw this, she knew the baby she was carrying inside her was probably dying and, since she was only human, there was nothing she could do against it.

“Igor!”

She reached out her hands. She felt that if Igor could only hold her now, her pain and suffering would slowly go away. But she knew. She knew that Igor was nowhere around. Even if she went looking for him with blood running down her legs, he wouldn’t show his face. He wouldn’t even tell her why he didn’t want to see her anymore.

Her wish to see her husband soon turned to desperation. Just when she was about to drop her hand, she felt someone pulling her firmly.

“Rihannan.”

When she opened her eyes, his face was in front of her. While she wandered between the limits of dream and reality, Igor held her firmly in his arms. A gently hand caressed her tangled hair.

“You are having a bad dream again. You and your baby are fine, don’t worry.”

“A dream…”

“Yes. A bad dream. A dream of a past that’s already disappeared, gone. There is no chance of the same thing happening again.”

Rihannan remembered the words he’d once told her in her past life, long ago. That he’d always be by her side, that he would not leave her on her own. It was a promised he’d said over and over again but this time, he was actually keeping his word. Whenever she was in pain or felt confused, she’d wake up to Igor’s voice by her side telling her that it was all a bad dream and that everything would be alright.

A week like this passed by. Every single day, Igor would lie with her in bed, holding her in his arms and gently waking her up from her nightmares, telling her that everything was alright. He’d also personally cook her meals. After a while, when the doctor realized that Igor wouldn’t even let Rihannan leave her bed, he tried scolding Igor saying that there was no need to exaggerate, but quickly shut his mouth upon seeing Igor’s deadly gaze. In a way, it seemed like Igor was quite happy taking care of Rihannan on his own.

As time went by, Rihannan’s health slowly starting stabilizing again. She didn’t have any more nightmares, either. She finally made peace with the fact that this life was quite different from her past. The baby in her womb was growing strong, and Igor would constantly take care of her, never leaving her side. It was as though he was overcompensating for what he’d done to her in the past.

One day, when Rihannan woke up from a short nap, she saw that Igor was still by her side in bed taking care of her. He was caressing the back of her hand with his thumb while absentmindedly staring out the window. When Rihannan looked at wherever Igor was looking at so intently, she realized that there was a heavy downpour outside, and that the rain was crashing against the windows.

She wondered what he was thinking of. He looked as though he was somewhere else, in another time. His gaze was so out of focus, lost somewhere, that she found it hard to speak.

“Did you wake up?”

A short while later, Igor turned back to her when he realized she was awake. His lost gaze quickly focused on her face. He smiled.

“You are hungry, right? I’ll order some food for you right away.”

Under Igor’s care, Rihannan had been sleeping and eating quite well. Thanks to that, her face color improved a lot and she even managed to gain some weight. However, Rihannan was aware of how Igor was clearly leaving aside his responsibilities as King. Besides, seeing as he was always awake whenever she opened her eyes, she was sure that Igor hadn’t sleeping well in a long time.

“I don’t want to eat anything right now. More than that, is it ok for you to be here like this?”

Igor looked at her with confussion.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I’m asking If it’s ok for you to be here for so long without caring for the Nation’s issues.”

Hearing her explanation, he laughed it off.

“Rihannan, all this time I’ve doing my best to make sure that nothing gets out of control in case something sudden occurs to me. After all, I don’t want the outcome of our past life to repeat itself again. There won’t be any issues even if I’m not there myself to deal with things for a while.”

“What will happen if something happens to you?”

“Well, first, there are two scenarios, depending on whether you have the baby or not.” Igor lowered his gaze as he kept explaining. “If we hadn’t had this baby and you wished to get out of this country immediately, you could. Regardless of where you’d want to go, be it Chrichton or somewhere else, it doesn’t matter. Basil would escort you.”

“And if I have my son?”

“If you have a son, the moment I’m unable to make more decisions for this Nation, you’d become the highest authority effective immediately. I left a will so that my mother would not be able to lay a single finger on you. I also left a list of nobles who’d help you. Also, since Basil has been by my side all this time, he knows everything there is to know so he’d help you, too. He’s the most talented person I have, and also the most trustworthy.”

In their past life, the moment Igor lost consciousness, all power went straight to the Queen Dowager’s hands. That’s why Rihannan couldn’t do anything to avoid being incriminated by her. It seemed like Igor had laid out this plan specifically in case something like this happened again.

“…I see.” Rihannan didn’t think that Igor would plan so far ahead. She soon realized that Igor had actually given much thought to what would happen in the far future, much more than she could have possibly anticipated.

“…did the Queen Mother say anything about me?”

Rihannan had yelled at her about things that the Queen Mother couldn’t possibly know of in this life. She’d certainly be confused of the things Rihannan had said. She might even think that Rihannan had gone mad.

“It seems like she only thinks you lost your senses for a while due to the stress of being kidnapped. She things you said those things while being deeply confused and traumatized, so you don’t have to worry much about it.”

Rihannan could finally understand why Igor got so mad that one time she went to visit the Queen Mother without telling him. Knowing what he did of the evil deeds the Queen Dowager had committed in her past life, it was no wonder he wanted to avoid Rihannan getting close to her.

“What will happen now with Leticia?”

Igor’s face suddenly turned somber. As he kept silent, Rihannan spoke again.

“It’s alright. Just tell me. I need to know.”

“As you were recovering your strength, a trial was held against her.” Igor found it hard to continue speaking. “For the two murders she’s committed, and for the two times she’s tried killing you, she’s been sentenced to death. If Count Clovis hadn’t testified against her, the trial would have gone on for a while. Since she was actually caught in the act of trying to murder you, there was more than enough prove against her so the trial ended quite quickly. She’ll be beheaded.”

Rihannan already knew something like this would happen, so she wasn’t too surprised by the news. After thinking silently for a while, she declared. “I wish to see her.”

“That’s not possible.”

Igor’s expression changed to fear. Maybe since he saw how much seeing the Queen Mother had affected her, he had the clear resolution of not letting her meet up with Leticia, regardless of the circumstances.

“There’s something I want to say to Leticia in person.”

“Do you know what that woman did to you in your final moments?” Igor grid his teeth. “She gave you the type of poison that would give you the most painful death of all. Just to make sure that you’d die as quickly as possible.”

Rihannan remembered the indescribable pain she went through as she died and her face paled immediately. She’d already had an idea when she saw the poison Danil had given her, but now she was reconfirming her suspicions. Leticia had actually hated her till her last breath with every single fiber of her being.

“I need to see her, regardless.”

“Rihannan!”

“This time, I will not do things like fainting. My body has healed and, what’s more, Leticia would never dare to harm me in this state.” Rihannan smiled a little. It was a smile Igor hadn’t seen in a while. “I’ve never asked you anything, not even once, right? I would really like you to grant me this wish. My first and last with to you.”

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