Heart of Dorkness

Bane One - Home

Bane One - Home

I gestured into one of the rooms. This can be for either of you, I said. Theres another room just over there thats empty too. Mines the one in the middle.

Felix stuck her head into the bedroom and sniffed around. Its big, she said.

The rooms were decently sized, with a four-poster in the back and a small living area. There were empty drawers for stuff, a few little sofas set on a nice oval rug. A window at the back overlooked the side of the castle, not one of the more scenic vistas, but it wasnt a bad view. The rooms were dust-free and smelled nice and clean.

Its a cell, Esme said. A fancy cell, but thats what it is.

I rolled my eyes.

Esme wasnt taking the fact that shed been kidnapped all that well, which... that was fair. I couldnt judge her because she didnt like that. Still, she was being very negative about the whole thing. How about we talk in my room, I said. Or my cell, if you want to insist on calling it that.

Sure, Emse said.

Id like to see where you lived, Felix said with a happy grin.

Well, at least one of my friends wasnt being a big butt about everything. Felix was doing a lot of gawking at all the statues and at some of the bigger halls and such. To be fair, the castle was pretty massive. Like, very massive.

The footprint alone was larger than the Hero's Academy back in Montele, and the castle was a lot taller, with spires and towers and several layers of walls and battlements. Mom kept adding to it as time went on, so the castle was never really complete. The building was slow, but shed been adding little sections to it every couple of decades for centuries.

This is my room, I said as I opened the door. It had been a few days since Id been in my own room. It felt a little weird.

There was my bed, with a pair of bed-warmer monsters lounging on it, their big furry bodies slumped over as they slept, and there was my dresser, nearly empty of clothes, mostly since all of my clean clothes were on a chair next to the dresser.

I had a bookcase, of course, and a nice comfy chair next to it with a heap of cushions and blankets on it.

Whats that? Felix asked as she pointed to a monster in the corner next to my desk. It was one of the biggest monsters Id ever made, basically a large pair of lungs, a small skeleton so that it could stay upright, and a stomach and mouth under that.

Thats my heater friend, his name is Mister Twitchy Breath, I said. You feed him under there, and when hes full he starts contracting all of these muscles inside of his lungs that make a bunch of heat. He can blow hot air at you all day long as long as you keep him fed.

Thats disgusting, Esme said.

I sniffed. Well, he works very well, most of the time. Look, not every monster can be aesthetically pleasing. Besides, hes a prototype monster. I think getting an angry monster who can use fire magic and also is mostly made up of lungs would be much better.

You have weird hobbies, Felix said.

I crossed my arms. I find it fun. Besides, you cant read all day. Sometimes I want to do something with all of that knowledge Im learning.

Esme crossed her arms right back and me and glared. She didnt look like a glarer though. Not with her frizzy hair and her puffy cheeks. I dont like it.

I took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. Im sorry, alright? I shouldnt have kidnapped you, but... well, yeah, its my fault, I could have found a better plan, or explained things more, or... something. But its done now. So Ill just apologize a lot and maybe I can make it up to you?

Miss Valeria isnt mean, Felix said.

Esme pouted some more, then she nodded. Okay, but only if you promise that you wont do that kind of thing to me again.

Okay, I agreed. Uh, what kind of thing? Just to be sure.

Esme counted off on her fingers. Trick me into doing crimes, kidnap me, put me in a whole heap of danger without explaining things first, and keeping big secrets from me.

Uh, that first one wasnt my fault, you knew what we were doing was illegal, I said.

She crossed her arms again. Fine, we can do crimes, but only if I know that were doing crimes and I dont mind doing them. Im not going to hurt innocent people for you.

Thats okay. Uh, I think I can promise all of that, yeah.

That was a quick promise, Esme said.

I shrugged. Its hardly all that hard, is it? What I did wasnt very nice to a friend, and I shouldnt have done it, so I promise that I wont do it again. I can swear on, uh, Mom?

Theres no point in swearing on the name of a god that will always be in your favour. That's like cheating, Esme said.

I giggled at the idea of Mom having to punish me for not keeping my word. She totally would, but I dont think it would be much worse than a grounding, and as it was, I was grounded for life already, at least until Mom calmed down. I guess so. Anyway, suppers not for a bit, did you want to visit the library?

Yes, Esme said angrily. Yes, I would.

I led my friends out of my room. We could have a sleepover later. I was sure we had enough blankets and pillows to build an awesome pillow fort to sleep in, and worse case I could recruit some of the softer monsters around the castle to help.

So, I dont know how long you two will be staying here, I began.

Can we even go back? Esme asked.

Sure you can. Mom can give you permission to pass and none of the monsters around the capital will bother you, Im sure.

Esme shook her head. I meant more... you know, going back home. To the library and Montele.

Oh, I didnt realize that she wanted to go back so badly. Then again, I probably should have. It was one of those obvious-in-hindsight things. M-maybe you can? I asked. People wont recognize you that much, will they?

Were pretty distinct, Esme said.

Im not. Im just some blind street orphan. Bet everyone I knew thinks Im dead now, Felix said.

That was also somewhat morbid. Well, youre not any of that anymore. Youre my friend, which makes you... uh... I dont know. Mom doesnt do titles that well.

Arent you a princess? Esme asked. Felix could be your handmaiden.

That sounds nice, Felix said. Whats a handmaiden?

Its like a servant that knows all the court stuff. Politics and intrigue, and how to put on complicated dresses, I explained.

Oh, Felix said. Can I be like, a royal guard instead? I heard they get cool spears.

Halberds, Esme corrected.

Whats that?

Its like a spear, but it also has an axehead on the end, Esme explained.

Felix nodded. Cool spear, like I said.

I giggled. Sure! Ill tell Mom you want a nice spear and a big suit of armour, I bet we have some somewhere in the castle.

Nice, Felix said.

Well also teach you how to read and write, right Esme? I asked.

We both nodded in time, even as Felixs good humour deflated a little.

Its okay, Felix, I said. Well make learning fun! It cant be that hard to learn how to read. Oh! And I bet if we tell mom about all of our adventures shell be willing to give us all a bit of magic training.

Training from your mom? Esme asked.

Yeah. Dont you want that on your resume? Trained by a god?

Esme blinked. Well, when you put it that way.

We got to the top of the stairs, just a little winded, and I moved us over to the doors leading into the library. I grinned at Esmes little oh as the doors opened and she saw the towering shelves filled to the brim with ancient tomes and books collected over centuries.

Dont worry guys, while youre in my home, Ill do my best to make sure that we have a lot of fun, and that we learn lots!

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