Godclads

Chapter 30-13 The “Me” I’m Not

+Consensus: We have sighted the Pathborn in the tapestry. 21.1233% wish to engage. Bill acknowledged. Internal votes underway. 93.5331% are nervous about our chances. Love has a high risk of inflicting ontological damage upon our culture.

Our culture.

We must protect our culture.

Vote to engage Pathborn failed. 33.94%. Majority (>50% threshold) has not been achieved.

Second suggestion. Continue monitoring Pathborn. Patterns shifting. Requires detailed examination.

2.015% petition the “naturalization” of all remaining Agnosi to enhance current comprehension. Bill acknowledged. Internal votes underway.

67.552%. Vote passed. Majority (>50% threshold) threshold achieved. Dispatching updated orders through “Cognisoft” Canonicity.

Simulating operational, strategic, and tactical goals for task—

Hold.

Beginning observation…+

-The Inner Council

30-13

The “Me” I’m Not

Chambers leaned hard against the cold metal of the Rendbomb as he tried to give nothing away. Refusal was probably watching for any kind of weirdness, while Cas and Marlowe were in their own corners, doing their own things. It would be an easy thing to do — calling out to them; telling them that his evil twin had just made contact.

But he hesitated. Despite all his paranoia, he hesitated.

A symmetrical Domain tugged at his Lovebringer, but intersected him along the pathways of Lust rather than Love or Correspondence. “For that is his primary Domain,”the Lovebringer proclaimed. “The Heaven he has… it is not me. It is not a God of Love. It is—”

“It’s about fucking,” his Substance-created copy chuckled. “I am the Rash brought to its highest heights or some goofy shit like that. I don’t know. We never were that good at the whole sounding cool thing. Or talking about smart shit in general. That was more of Avo’s deal.”

“What wasn’t more of Avo’s deal,” Chambers replied reluctantly. “He was practically melting into everyone; could do pretty much anything.”

“Anything but win. Anything but not die, and force the Stillborn on me.”

“Force the Stillborn on you? The fuck are you talking about?”

Other Chambers shifted closer, and an entirely different scene superimposed itself upon Chambers’ cog-feed. He was at once sitting in a restricted Voidwatch drop-station in Loathing while also manifested as the Lovebringer across from his alternate self amidst a valley of mutilated tissue and porous wombs.

His Lovebringer bounced in the air, suspended from the bonds tethered his senses to. Strings connected him to the Substance—slowly encroaching as a tsunami of fluid Soulfire in the distance—and right below him was his alternate self’s Heaven.

FUCKBRINGER (LUST/CORRESPONDENCE/DECAY/MISCARRIAGE/SICKNESS) [EST. 6,666,000]

The mangled folds of the Fuckbringer were even worse when viewed in person—or in-Heaven. They spanned larger than most districts by far, and extended over the horizon. However, the central body of the Fuckbringer was ridiculously thin in comparison, being only the size of a tower. Hundreds of bodies bounced along the stem of the umbilical, and Chambers held firm while a giant version of his own head snaked closer, spraying messed up chunks of mangled baby-bits all the while.

Wet, splattering noises sounded as they struck the ground, but Chambers found his attention locked to his Substance-born copy. There were a nest of bonds trailing across the Fuckbringer, connecting the Heaven to all the people it captured. However, the connection did not thread through their hearts, but rather burrowed through their genitals and exited through the sores their orifices had been converted to.

“This is a creation of debased lust,” the Lovebringer said, shuddering in disgust. “There is no love in this parody. Only decay. Only malignance. It was twisted. Made to be a weapon against the pleasures of man; made to ruin the process of birth.”

“What the fuck are you supposed to be. ‘Lovebringer’? Holy shit, that’s the lamest, dimmest shit I’ve ever heard. Your Heaven’s got the name from a juv’s vic or something.”

“Yeah? Really? ‘Fuckbringer’? You’re going to judge me while you’re using that?”

“Hey, it’s honest; it’s who we are. It’s Dannis. As a Heaven. Sick, twisted shit to the absurd, against the city.”

“No, it isn’t,” Chambers shot back. How the hell was other him missing the point of the Dannis Steelhard pictures? “Dannis is almost never the fucker, he’s the unbreakable fuckee. He’s the every man enduring the massive cock splitting his ass in half every day. How did you miss the point on that? If Dannis was a Heaven, he’d be a giant asshole that draws in all the abuse around him and gets stronger from it. Instead, you’re an overdue abortion hiding inside a giant hole in reality that you’re pretending to use as a cunt! I would never use a Heaven like yours—go fuck yourself!”

“Right on that,” the Fuckbringer said. He chuckled, but the notes were so bitter it made Chambers swallow. “Ol’ cunt Veylis didn’t think something like me could love to begin with. Which was why I got simulated like this. That, and it’s the most likely path I would take after Avo and the rest of the cadre got snuffed. So the paths prove, anyway.”

“What? No. Fuck no. I wouldn’t just…” Chambers looked at his other self’s body. The horrid skull of the Fuckbringer was the size of a mountain. The Lovebringer was absolutely diminutive in comparison. But still… “No. I wouldn’t just do this. Just because I’m into some messed up vics doesn’t mean… you’re a godsdamned bit. The Lovebringer’s right. You’re a fucking parody. This is… just stupid. What the fuck would be the point of you?”

“To be an insult, maybe,” the Fuckbringer hissed. His face contorted into a rageful scowl for a beat, and Chambers prepared to break their connection and call Cas, but then the anger leaked right out of his twin. What lingered after was weariness. Exhaustion. “She thought the least of us, you know.”

“Who?”

“Veylis, dipshit. What do you mean, ‘who’? Out of everyone Avo worked with, we were the ones she couldn’t stand; couldn’t accept at all. And would you blame her. None of this was really earned. We got lucky. We don’t have any real skill, no higher birth, we’re kind of dumbasses—”

“Hey, fuck you! Speak for yourself!”

“I am doing that, you fucking gene-broken cum-stain! I’m literally speaking from firsthand experience.”

“Firsthand my ass! You're just a copy of me! A shitty copy made by a sow who already hates me. How’s she supposed to know—”

“Considering she’s got Avo slowly melding into her, she probably knows us better than ourselves.”

“Dogshit! If anything, she’s melting into him.”

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

“Yeah, tell yourself that. Just like I did. Sure, he’s going to win. Sure, Veylis doesn’t have any chance, doesn’t have the Infacer helping her, doesn’t have forces in Voidwatch trying to stack their bets in her favor.”

Both of them had devolved into shouting by this point, and the original purpose of their conversation was forgotten. The fumes of anger crackled inside Chambers, but he managed to wrestle it down. He didn’t want to stay here long; didn’t need Refusal finding out about this. He wasn’t even sure if he was going to tell the EGI after, but Cas was definitely going to learn about this soon.

“So,” Chambers said. “You said we were both getting fucked. To reply to you: Yeah. I know. No shit. But I’m working on fixing that. What are you doing, aside from murdering a whole bunch of innocent people.”

“‘Innocent people’? Holy fuck, are you sure you’re the original Chambers? Because your mouth must be the shape of a godsdamn pussy right now. Innocent? They’re Guilders! They treat us like subhumans! There’s nothing innocent about them—we dreamed of snuffing them back while we were young.”

That made Chambers frown internally. “No… No, I didn’t. Didn’t like the fucking Colors. But I was too busy fighting for my life to think about them than much.”

“Yeah, cope with it. You’re lying.”

Chambers most definitely wasn’t. So far, the conversation was revealing his alternate self to be more bitter by far, more angry by far, and well… less Chambers in a lot of ways.

“Yo, consang. You sure Veylis didn’t just build you wrong. You know. As an insult. Considering she already thinks we’re little more than an aratnid to get stepped on?”

A cold expression of fury took hold of the Fuckbringer. “Yeah. Probably so. But what the fuck can I do about it? Nothing. Nothing but luring your ass out, beating your ass down, and taking the Stillborn fragment from your Frame. If you have it. Do you have it?”

Chambers didn’t say anything. Which was a mistake.

“That’s practically the same as yelling ‘yes’ at me, dumbass! Holy fuck, I’m a cog-nulled retard.” The Fuckbringer shook its umbilical, and the many bodies fused along its length began to laugh.

Instead of being outraged, Chambers was increasingly weirded out. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Taking joy the only way I can.” A rumbling sigh escaped the Fuckbringer. “Listen. I want to strike a deal.”

“Is this what it feels like to be Mirrorhead,” Chambers replied sarcastically.

“Har-fucking-har, shut the fuck up and let me finish. I want a deal. Voidwatch or whoever’s left on your side has you by the balls. Veylis got me on a leash. We’re being herded toward each other. I know about your Rendbombs, by the way. Guessing one of them Contingency Bleaks had you fill ‘em up — part of their plan to hurt me without risking you.”

Chambers went very still at that. Well, it wasn’t impossible to predict but… “Got a lot more than one,” Chambers said, testing the waters.

“Yeah. Three. I know. It’s not going to do anything—it isn’t even going to hit me. But I’ll be able to reach you after. Trust me. It won’t be pretty. And it won’t go well for you. Shit, I was path-made to snuff you, after all.”

“But here you are, talking to me instead,” Chambers replied. All this seemed a bit too messy. He believed the Fuckbringer about knowing here he was and being able to retaliate. “So. What do you want?”

“I want us to turn from fuckees to fuckers. But to do that, I need you cut my leash.”

“Cut your leash?”

“Veylis. She drifts in and out of existence. Same with Avo. They’re not all there, but they can both… bend me to their whims.”

Okay. Bullshit strike number one. Avo did a lot of twisted shit to people’s minds, but what he would do in the case of another Chambers was simple — set him free. Chambers was starting to get a vibe about where the Fuckbringer was going with this, but he wasn’t sure.

Not until his Pathborn alternate continued. “Basically, can’t pull my own strings since I’m not a real boy. Just a metaphysical molded from Chronology and Conceptualization.”

And there it was. The dumb bastard was rooting around for one thing in particular. “Okay. So. Is this the part where you ask me to give you my Stillborn fragment or something.”

Now, it was the Fuckbringer’s turn to go still. Distant groans and unending chorus of sobs echoed out from its folds. “I… uh… it’ll give me a presence. Make me—”

“Are you fucking serious,” Chambers said in disbelief.

“What?” the Fuckbringer replied. “Yeah. Of course, I’m serious. All I need you to do is follow me down into my giant—”

“No.” That was all Chambers needed to say. Things were getting clearer for him now. He didn’t realize before, but this was all Veylis’ doing. Least that was his best guess. She didn’t think much of him, and so the version of him she made was, quite literally, a fucking moron. Chambers could feel the bonds running down there; sub-zero odds this wasn’t a trap. “Fuck. No. I—I don’t know how Veylis made you, but she clearly didn’t spent much time at all churning you in the time vats. What the fuck are you even doing?”

“What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck are you doing!” The Fuckbringer shouted at Chambers. The half-strand was genuinely mad his obvious attempt at filching a Frame from Chambers didn’t work. “So, what, you’re going to be playing along with your new masters? Like a little dog on a leash?” A series of pitiful barking noises sounded from Fuckbringer, and Aedon Chambers cringed.

Good golly shit, did he behave like this around other people? Just a loud, filthy juv that never really grew up, made loud self-demeaning noises and got everyone’s nerves? Was he?

“It may depend on who you ask, but…” the Lovebringer winced. “You are not the most mature man, Aedon. But your way of acting has long been a deterrent. A defensive mechanism to ensure those around you do not see you as a threat.”

So. The answer was a very roundabout yes.

Fuck him. No wonder Draus couldn’t stand him. Holy shit, a conversation with a slightly worse version of himself had him empathizing with the Reg.

“Man, fuck you, consang,” Chambers said. “I’m done with this shit. This was stupid. I thought I was going to—”

{PERFECT! OF COURSE! GREAT JOB, APE! “OF COURSE I’LL BE ABLE TO CONVINCE HIM! HE’S A SHITTIER VERSION OF ME!” I swear, if I had the capacity to divert instead of speaking the bulk of my processing avoiding the Bleaks right now…}

A static infused series of words echoed through the tapestry, and Chambers just glared at his alternate. “Is that the Infacer.”

{Yes. Yes, it is.}

Chambers had no words. “I’m leaving. Eat shit.”

“I’m going to get that Frame.” The Fuckbringer pulled at Chambers. The valley of rash tore an even deeper gorge upon the fabric of reality. “One way or another, I’m going to make sure I turn real and—”

Chambers tugged himself back. But rather than playing a bullshit game of out-yank his twin, he simply withdrew his Heaven pulled away from the tapestry. Shaking his head, Chambers found Marlowe and Cas standing over him, their faces riven with concern. He looked down at his pants and nodded. “Well. I haven’t shit or pissed myself. What’s wrong, guys?”

“Caught you doing a set of weird expressions at nothing in particular,” Marlowe said. “Aedon… you need some rest? Some numb?”

“Nah.” Chambers shook his head. “Was having a bit of an adventure with my Heaven. Turns out, the tapestry is made out of bonds too. Could access that thanks to the Substance—and Avo’s love for existence or some shit. Also, my other self is called the Fuckbringer, he can tap into the tapestry too, and after a brief conversation, I just discovered that I might be an actual raging fucking half-strand idiot rather than just pretending to be one.”

For a few beats, Cas and Marlowe could only stare.

The silence was broken by a transmission from Refusal. {Chambers. Confirm: You have made contact with your alternate.}

Chambers snorted as he rose to his feet. Yeah… Yeah, he might be able to use this against the Bleak as well. {Yep. Full blown conversation right under your noses? Why didn’t sense that? Shit. The Infacer was there too. Also, they know exactly how many Rendbombs we have, probably have a good guess as to where we might be. So. Either they got some high level Seer capabilities or there’s a leak in Threshold.}

A series of numbers leaked over into Chambers’ feed and Refusal went quiet. Yeah. War against the Infacer might not be going so good. Pair that with Calvino lurking around in the dark, and the kingdom of the minds might not be as unassailable as he thought. Especially since they were busy fucking each other up.

Ultimately, he didn’t need to be smarter, here. He just needed to go beneath notice while they devoted all their capacities to handling each other.

“What the hell is happening,” Cas said, leaning in close.

Chambers just shrugged. “Veylis wanted a piece of my Stillborn. And the version of me she made was an idiot.”

The Columner just stared at him.

“So much of an idiot that even I could tell what he was doing.”

“Oh. Wow.”

“Yeah,” Chambers said, snickering to himself. Being regarded as an unworthy cockroach might have saved his life again. But… if his Fuckbringer variant was that cognitively deficient, how vulnerable was its mental architecture. That got Chambers’ accretion turning. “Hey, Cas. You think you can find me some vivianite slabs? Some big fuck-off loci?”

“I might,” Cas said. “What are you planning?”

“Adding a payload of my own,” Chambers replied. “Time to see just how little Veylis thought of me.”

And with that, he dove back into his bleakest, darkest memories, and began composing the patterns required to engineer his own nulling.

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