Chapter 117: Florida Man Caught Hoarding Alligator Excrement in His Bedroom, Claims It's Key Ingredient for Immortality Potion. A Laptop with “2-Girl-1-Cup” Video on Endless Loop Found Next to His Bed
It had been a week since Felix got stuck in the storm. The sky gradually brightened.
It had been a week since Felix got stuck in the relentless storm, but now the sky was finally clearing. Sitting alone on the cold, obsidian floor of the cave, Felix slowly dressed and peeked outside. Warm sunlight greeted him at the cave's entrance.
"Finally..." he muttered.
As he stepped out, Felix surveyed the damage. Unsurprisingly, the rainstorm had caused a landslide and flash flooding. The mountain paths were a mess of mud and loose stones, making travel treacherous. A waterfall that hadn't existed before now poured muddy brown water from the overflowing natural reservoir, staining the rocks below.
Every surface was slick and dangerous, making progress slow and exhausting.
Felix purchased a pair of rain boots from the system shop to help him navigate the terrain. Yet, even with the extra grip, hiking through the wet, unstable ground consumed more energy than he anticipated. After just half a mile, he had to stop and rest, his legs burning with fatigue.
At this rate, he'd be stuck here until nightfall.
Still, Felix remained hopeful. He had gained a significant amount of lifespan from his recent cigar-smoking ordeal, enough to purchase another ATV. Even better, the old, broken ATV was still under warranty, something he had yet to take advantage of.
While resting, Felix opened the system shop and pulled up the ATV warranty details. According to the description, in the event of an accident, customers could ship the damaged vehicle back to the factory for repairs. If the damage was caused by a barrier malfunction, they would replace the ATV with a brand new one.
He opened his inventory menu, searching for a way to ship the broken ATV back, but no button or indicator appeared.
"Jessica..." Felix sighed in exasperation.
Jessica's window popped up, and she seemed to read his frustration immediately. With a knowing look, she addressed his concerns.
<I'll handle the return to the factory. Just be aware that it will take about a month for the warranty center to complete the shipment, inspection, and notify you of the result.>
Felix groaned, "I should've known. Man, I wasted so much time."
Regret washed over him as he realized he could have started the process weeks ago, but now all he could do was wait.
Since it was too late for regret, Felix decided to stop resting and pushed forward, hiking further up the mountain. He hoped the terrain would improve once he reached the plateau. Unfortunately, that hope was short-lived.
At the top of the plateau, the landscape had changed drastically. What was once a dry savanna had transformed into a treacherous swamp, riddled with natural traps. The once-solid stones atop the mountain had eroded into basin-like craters, filled with stagnant rainwater and thick mud from the recent storm.
Craters dotted the land, and in the distance, Felix could see massive holes in the side of a mountain range, as if colossal beings had fought there and torn the land apart.
Cautious of potential threats, Felix pulled up the system map. Fortunately, it showed no signs of hostile creatures or people within a 10-mile radius.
At first, Felix felt relief. But as he paused to think, his expression darkened. He remembered that there should have been a small village of Highland natives at the end of his hike, where the mountain track met the plateau road. Yet, there was no sign of humans anywhere.
'What happened here?' Felix thought, convinced that some dangerous entities were behind the destruction. He scanned the sky, half expecting to see flying mages or dragons overhead. Fortunately, there was nothing.
With a bitter sigh, Felix made the costly decision to purchase another ATV, sacrificing 5,000 years of lifespan. Though the vehicle wasn't ideal for the rocky, wet, and swampy terrain, Felix needed its protective barrier more than anything. Especially with the threat of an unknown, powerful entity lurking nearby.
He climbed onto the ATV and activated it, carefully navigating the treacherous wetland while keeping the barrier at maximum output.
After traveling west for a mile, Felix's system map pinged with a life signal—a massive purple dot had appeared to the north.
Felix glanced at the map, then looked toward the northern sky, scanning it with growing anxiety.
The sky seemed clear at first, and he prayed that whatever the signal was, it wouldn't detect him from this distance.
But as his gaze shifted, Felix saw a massive dark cloud in the distance, flickering with thunderbolts. Another storm was brewing there, and the last thing he wanted was to get caught in it. He comforted himself with the thought that maybe the signal was just related to the weather.
That hope was quickly shattered by Jessica.
<I'm detecting a dangerous creature north of here. You should hurry and cross the mountain range as soon as possible.>
Felix's heart sank. Whatever was out there, it was far more than just a storm.
Felix refocused on the rocky path, gradually accelerating the ATV. Starting at a slow crawl, the speedometer steadily climbed.
10 mph.
20 mph.
40 mph.
60 mph.
Felix barely noticed the increasing speed. His perception of time seemed to slow, making everything feel surreal. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a rock kicked up by the front tire, flying toward his face. It collided with the barrier surrounding him, bouncing harmlessly off.
It almost felt like there was no gravity.
'Odd,' Felix thought, watching the floating debris before snapping his attention back to the trail ahead. A large crater loomed in front of him. He pressed the brake gently, slowing the vehicle as he steered to the left.
The ATV responded perfectly. But as he maneuvered around the crater, the tires dislodged several small and medium-sized rocks, sending them tumbling into the pit below. Curious, Felix glanced down, wondering what could be at the bottom.
At the center of the crater, a 20-foot high meteor loomed, its cracks seeping eerie green light that cast an ominous glow over the rocky pit. Felix's instincts screamed at him to stay away, but his curiosity gnawed at him. He scanned the crater with his eyes, estimating it to be about 200 yards wide and 30 feet deep.
Greedy and intrigued, Felix parked the ATV at the edge. He double-checked the map, confirming that the mysterious object didn't register as a threat. Again, the only hostile entity within the dark cloud to the north remained on his radar.
Relieved, Felix decided to investigate further. He slid down the slope cautiously, his boots crunching against loose gravel as he descended to the meteor. Upon arriving at the bottom, Felix kept a safe 10-foot distance from the object.
He brought up the system inventory window, his fingers hovering hesitantly. With a light push, he sent the system screen toward the glowing rock.
*DING*
The system inventory responded, absorbing the meteor into Felix's storage space. He held his breath as the system automatically appraised the object, revealing its identity on the screen.
The green glow faded into the void, and a new notification popped up.
Felix raised an eyebrow, wondering what kind of treasure—or trouble—he had just claimed.
…
Megalith Dragon's Excrement
This rock is nothing but a rock dragon's poop. It emits powerful close-range radiation, potent enough to instantly rewrite the DNA of any lifeform upon contact.
WARNING: DO NOT TOUCH THIS OBJECT WITH BARE HANDS.
Effects: Randomly transforms carbon-based organisms into earth-type monsters.
…
Felix stared at the description, his face pale.
"That was a close one," he muttered, grateful he hadn't directly touched the rock.
Since it was now safely stored in his inventory, he figured he might as well make use of it. He navigated through the inventory options, hoping the system had a way to refine, break, or smelt the dragon excrement into something more manageable, such as ores.
Sure enough, two options popped up - Smelting and Alchemy. However, the options were locked, and there were requirements.
[Requires Automatic Smelting Feature or Intermediate Alchemy.]
Felix frowned, tilting his head as he remembered something about having an alchemy option. He checked the menu again.
Indeed, there was something he had forgotten—Basic Alchemy. Felix sighed, realizing he'd been neglecting it since the moment he got it. After all, why bother concocting potions when he could just get them for free by completing daily quests?
Now, his laziness had caught up to him. The idea of refining dragon poop into something useful forced him to reconsider the value of working on life skills or handcrafting items. He might not have a choice.
Closing the system menu, Felix climbed back into the ATV. Unfortunately, the steep slope made the return trip difficult, forcing Felix to spend an hour to get back to the safe zone.
This delay would come back to haunt him.
.
.
Meanwhile, Angrit and his young master, Magna, were leading the highlanders in the middle of a large-scale evacuation. Ever since the rainstorm hit, the native population had been migrating northwest.
Over 20,000 giant men, women, children, elders, livestock, and horse-drawn carriages stretched in a long line like a colossal snake, occupying the main road toward Ace Province, north of the Veria Belt.
Ace Province was the smallest and most barren region in the Dragoon Empire, but its city was considered a backup capital of the empire.
Its ruler, Duke Crio Dragoon, was the uncle of Emperor Saucon. After the death of his brother, the former emperor, Crio secluded himself in the city. Rumors circulated that he was hiding from Saucon's assassins or perhaps serving as a puppet to maintain his power.
However, Angrit knew Duke Crio well. The 7-star knight, once hailed as a hero of the empire, had not dulled with age. Even at 89 years old, Crio's skills and strength were formidable. Angrit, having been one of Crio's disciples, respected the old man deeply.
A coward hero hiding in his castle? Not happening. Angrit was sure that Duke Crio had been scheming something in his city, and it might not be beneficial for the empire.
Angrit turned his gaze southeast toward the sky, where a dark cloud concealed the infamous "Jade Dragon," looming just five miles away. He silently hoped it would move away from their path.
As if heaven answered his wish, the dark cloud drifted southward with the wind. Angrit was overjoyed, letting out a sigh of relief.
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