Eternal Saṃsāra: The Wanderer of Worlds

[55] The Secret Truth

Chapter 55: The Secret Truth

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The biggest fall of my morals started in my 8th life and only expanded in my 9th.

I don't want to go into detail about my 8th life, but in short, I was starting to go really insane after my 7th death. I lost everything. 

Back then, the Mankind's Emperor was my longest life, I was the most attached to it. But then, all of a sudden, I reincarnated and I had nothing. Even though I finally had the chance to bring someone with me in my death, my Empress didn't accept the offer. So I felt most devastated when I woke up in my 8th life.

I pondered back then, couldn't I have tried a bit more? Why didn't I force her into it? What am I going to live for, now that I have nothing left?

My 8th life was the most suicidal point of my existence.

Finally, when I was reborn in my 9th life, I subconsciously knew I had to take a dive away from my Emperor side. The events in my 8th life influenced me towards a darker side than what I had ever dove into, too. A mixture of many things caused my mindset to change to that of a psychotic killer since my 9th childhood.

I was born as the son of a servant who worked for a renowned clan, the Tang Clan. It was a particularly hard start since I was not only poor but I couldn't use Magic until I was 18, and lastly, I was born as a cripple. Both spiritually and physically; I didn't have one of my arms, and I couldn't cultivate.

Let's not go into useless details, the point was that—I had enough reasons to become insane. Most of my victims didn't deserve what I did to them, but I didn't care. Later in that life, fate gave me countless chances to fish me out of the rabbit hole, but I didn't accept any. Fate, The Heaven, I was going against it all. 

As a madman, a loner, I went along with my life for hundreds of years.

It was a Xinxia world, and there the idea of a "Heavenly Demon" didn't exist, it was a Murim term after all. But I brought it there, I became the first Heavenly Demon of that world; I who had poison for blood and death in my eyes. A long time before I became the Venerable One, I soared as the Heavenly Demon, a Demonic Human more devilish than the mere devils of this world could ever be.

I was the epitome of evil, a maniac of a man with only murder in my mind.

In that life, I was selfish and away from normal interactions. The first real-time I did something not for myself was when a rotten fool attacked my home clan. The one I had worked in as a butler and was shamed for years for being a useless cripple. Well, the clan didn't really exist anymore, I destroyed most of that Tang Clan with my own hands while my Icon sang me the [Many Men] song, but I did let a few live. 

I wasn't a fool who didn't know that leftover enemies might bite me on the rear later, but I let them live anyway because they too were oppressed by the Tang Clan. Especially the eldest daughter of the clan, who had the same fate as me. She was born with a weak body, and couldn't cultivate, so she was shunned by everyone else. Nobody stood up for her since her parents, the previous patriarch and his wife, were dead. For some odd reason, the new patriarch and his people made me her direct servant, as if it was funny seeing a cripple serve another.

Still, more than me taking care of her, she took care of me. Not having an arm sucked, so she helped me with things as much as she could. It wouldn't be a lie to say that, back then, she was the only person I gave any shit about—not that her care stopped me from turning into a man-eating monster. 

When I massacred the Tangs, I let her live. Along with some other servants whom I was close to. Then, I left them be for decades to come. They lived in an outskirt village in a backward kingdom, living their days in peace without any worry. That was until one day, an enemy of mine found their location and annihilated them. Just to get on my nerves, even though it's been decades since I met with those people.

When I found out about that…

I destroyed half of the planet, starting with the bastard who caused all that, I killed all of his women, children, his family, clan, sect, town, kingdom, and even the continent he lived on. Because of a foolish little man, half the world vanished overnight.

That's the day that the world truly realized who the Heavenly Demon was, and that he was not tolerant of provocations. 

I had a reputation that made people tremble just from the mention of my title. I was the boogeyman that mothers used to put their kids to sleep with, the single-man army who had the power to make the world bow its head. In the next few years, I did just that, I took over that world, and for once in that life, I wasn't lonely. The eldest daughter of Tang Clan was with me; as my servant, my assistant, my woman. The story about how I managed to save her, and how she managed to lessen my edginess—is for later.

The moral of the story was—that this new world of mine, with Devils and Gods, didn't know who I was. I didn't have a real, proper identity here, and that allowed random fools to mess with me and my family. But making too much of a blood bath wouldn't be wise, it would be detrimental to the weak people around me.

So while I will make that Kokabiel bastard pay, I'll have to do some more to make sure the supernatural side of this world knows my name. 

Otherwise. 

This world won't survive for long.

* * *

Back to the present, I was inside the living room, sitting beside Ai while the three little girls sat on a couch opposite ours. 

We were discussing everything from the start of this Freed situation, about how Ai met Asia. The little nun apologized quite a few times to both Ai and me for causing trouble for us.

Although I had glared at her before, now that I was composed, I knew she wasn't at fault. She's a lovely girl who even healed Ai in haste; Ai did a good job taking her in and thereby protecting her from those church bastards.

"You, listen," I pointed a finger at her and said. "You're not returning to the church. It's a dangerous place, as you saw. There are good people there too, but as you said, in the past even those 'good people' called you an evil witch because you saved a devil." I told her, referring to the backstory that she had just shared. "You'll live here, with us. Well, it's not really up to my choice, but I don't think the house owner will disagree."

The house owner, Ai hit my shoulder with hers, she naturally didn't have any reason to deny it. "I am not letting her go, of course. Nope, not to those creepy church people. She can stay here if she wants."

"Even if she doesn't want to, she's going to stay here," I insisted. "Where else can she go? She's an orphan, she has nobody, and she is too pure and naive for this world."

"True, true— Ah, I know," Ai snapped her fingers. "Let me adopt her as my daughter! Since she has blonde hair, she is already halfway there. Oooor~ she can be my daughter-in-law!"

"W-what?!" Asia flinched.

"Mom, she's a Priestess…" I looked at Ai with dry eyes while Asia blushed, Tsubasa choked on air, and Ruby laughed.

"I know, I'm joking," she scoffed, slapping me on my back. "Learn to take a joke, kids, you guys lack humor."

"Right," I ignored her and looked at Ruby. As I did, my eyes brushed with Asia for a brief instant, and she quickly looked down. She's kind of cute. 

I focused on Ruby. "Now it's time for our story since mom and Asia told us theirs. How much did you tell her, Ruby?"

Ai stopped playing around and began to pay attention to our conversation. Ruby bit her lip and looked at me. "Um, not much… I mostly just told her about the supernatural world, but nothing about ourselves. She kept asking, but I said we should wait for you. You can explain… better."

I can lie and bullshit better is what she meant, and she was smart for that.

Ai gave me a side look, "She really finds her big brother reliable, doesn't she? Well, she's not wrong, but it almost felt as if she was scared she'd tell me too much. While my rebellious son wouldn't."

"Who said I won't?" I turned to her, "You should have more trust in me, mother."

"Hmm," she narrowed her eyes. "Tell me, then. From the very beginning. What are these powers you guys gave, and do you remember 'that day'?"

"...Girls, leave the room," I looked at the three girls and told them to leave us alone. "No, get out of the house entirely. Tsubasa, take them to your home. I'll need a bit to tell her everything ."

The girls exchanged glances and Tsubasa nodded. "Alright, take your time."

They got up and left through the door, and only when I sensed them leave the border of the house and go into Tsubasa's house right beside ours, did I turn to focus on Ai.

She was looking at me suspiciously. "What could possibly be the reason that you need us to be alone for a simple explanation?"

Given we were sitting this close, she may have been worried I'd try something weird again. The only thing I did was leap at her and wrap my arms around her, while holding her head on my chest.

"Wha-"

"Are you really alright?"

"..." Ai fell silent. She giggled a moment later, putting her arms around me and lifting her head to look at me. "Why couldn't you ask that in front of them, playing hard and strong on the outside, hmm?"

"It’s not a ‘play’—you won't understand." I frowned at her that she ignored.

"Sure I won't," she said and then gently placed her forehead on my chest. She fell silent. "Yeah… it was a little scary."

I felt my fingers twitch, my blood felt hot all of a sudden. How dare anyone make her feel scared?

"Sorry." I sighed.

"For what?"

"My Lightning Seal didn't help," I said. "It's not an absolute technique, but I was at least confident that it'd be able to deal with nobodies like Freed Sellzen. Well, he would have been dealt with if not for his sword, but still."

"You're overreacting, and besides— if not for that technique I'd have been… done for before Ruby even woke up." She tightened her arms around me. "I should be the one to keep you guys safe and protected, but you always do that instead. First you, and now Ruby. I am… glad that my children are so strong and powerful, but… I feel so useless as a mother now. What if you guys were just normal kids, what if after that Freed guy killed me, he went after Ruby? What if he waited until you returned, and then…" 

Ai paused and gulped, shaking her head off such thoughts. "No. You shouldn't be the one saying sorry, Aqua. It's because I'm so useless. How did I never notice?"

"People can hide the uses of magic, that's why it's a secret to the world," I consoled her. "That's why normal people can't notice such things. However, you somehow still noticed Mem-Cho's age. That's not normal, because her age is being suppressed by magic. Time magic, of all things, which means there is nothing that'll let a person guess her age from just her physical features. Yet, you managed to do it last time you met her. You are an exceptional person, Mom, your ability to read body language is incredible. If not for your quick thinking, anyone else would have returned Asia to the priest, and who knows what he would have done to her then? You're also brave. You kept the little girl safe even when your life was in danger. So how can you call yourself useless?"

"..." Feeling her silence, I lifted her chin up, watching her sparkling eyes staring at me. "Don't… hold me like this, Aqua."

My thumb gently pressed on her lower lip and parted it, her white teeth peeked at me. "I don't want you to think you're useless."

"But I am a normal human, it's true." She pushed my hand away and said, looking away from my eyes. "Also, stop whatever you're doing right now. I'll slap you."

"Why blame me when you're so attractive," I said as my hands wrapped around her waist and drew her closer. Her body pressed against mine. "You can slap me after."

It's true that I have chosen the lifestyle of a reckless fool, that meant I'd do anything I want, but that didn't mean that I should simply discard the feelings of the people I'm dealing with. Especially my mother's. She already thinks I'm weird, and though she isn't uneasy around me because of that, it's not exactly the same as before either. 

So, while at this moment, I wanted to kiss this lovely girl who made anyone want to protect her, I held back. These morals are so irritating; I can overlook mine, but she can't overlook hers. Slow steps, then.

"Aqua…" she called as I stared into her eyes in a silent daze. She grumbled, and then her hand came flying to my cheek.

A Slap. "Ow."

"Told you."

"Mhm." I sat straight on the couch again. She stayed silent and did the same, sitting beside me. "Sad, if only there was a can of alcohol in the fridge. But someone cleaned it."

"Ugh, why are you like this, Aqua?" Ai asked while I laughed. She grumbled at that. "This isn't healthy, Aqua. You shouldn't be trying such stuff with your own mother."

"Yeah," I sighed. I suppose she'll be hurt if I told her I don't see her as my 'own mother'. 

Ai changed the subject. "Alright. Now tell me about this magical thing, and stay a few centimeters away from me." She moved her butt to the side to create a gap between us. I leaped at her, she flinched, but this I just rested my head on her lap. I smiled up while she frowned down at me. "Hey, I just told you to… hah, never mind."

Ai gave me another, gentler, slap on my head as she looked down at my eyes. Her hand hesitated before she ran her fingers through my hair and spoke. "Now, explain?"

"Hmm, where do I start?" I hummed for a bit before deciding on a believable story. It's a story made of half truths. "I and Ruby are blessed by the Shinto Gods. I know you are a believer already, but yes, the Shinto Gods are real. Though most of the other Gods we know are real too, oh and the Biblical God is dead."

Both of Ai's eyebrows rose. "What now?"

"Yeah, big revelations, I know." I said. "I and Ruby are blessed by Amaterasu, I think. I recently met Bishamon and Sakuya-hime, in Fuji, too, they confirmed. You can choose to not believe me but-"

"I believe you."

"Oh? Good girl," I reached out a hand and patted her head. She blinked before glaring at me intensely. She pushed my hand away. "So rude."

"Shut up, tell me more. Do you remember that day? When I was first attacked?"

"Yes."

"Why did you pretend to not know, then?"

"If you noticed, Ruby and I have been very intelligent from birth. You thought it's your genes, but in truth, the blessing made us like that," I lied. "Back then I realized it's better to play normal, for many reasons, and so I did exactly that. I'm sorry."

"I see," Ai wore a complicated expression now and sighed. "I understand. It makes sense if I think about it, people would have been weirded out, and maybe even me too. Maybe. Hah. I guess these magical powers come from the blessing?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "Somewhat. Kind of."

She narrowed her eyes, "Kind of?"

"It's complicated," I smiled. "Is this all?"

"So is this related to why you'd sometimes disappear from home?"

"What a smart girl, good job."

"I'll slap you again, you brat." She glared at me while I laughed. "So annoying. You want a beating?"

"Only thing I want is you,"

"...You are in serious need of a girlfriend." She let out a sigh. "Do I rent a girlfriend for you, at this point? Do you want me to?"

"Nuh-uh, fuck that. I think you'll meet your daughter-in-law soon. There was quite a lot of development yesterday with the girls on the set." I paused. I sensed something and got up. "Fine, I'll stop being weird. Looks like we'll have guests, anyway."

"What? Who?" Ai stood up too; I replied by pointing my hand in front of me just as the room let out a luminous glow.

The beautiful visage of two women formed in the room, literal goddesses. One had pink hair letting out the smell of sakura, while the other lady's blonde hair was like sunshine. 

I smiled while Ai froze. "Bishamonten and Sakuya-hime, morning. Mom, these are the goddesses I just told you about."

The Two Goddesses exchanged glances, they seemed to be done with their meeting with the Satans, and probably were here now to fill their end of the deal. Ai stared at them in awe, until she broke out of her daze when Sakuya-hime jumped into my arms.

"Aqua-kun!" She cheered, her breasts all over my face, which I wasn't complaining about, as I hugged her back.

I am glad I sent the three little girls away just earlier, otherwise it's have been more trouble than necessary in his room with three mature women and a single me.

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