Eternal Saṃsāra: The Wanderer of Worlds

[149] Must I Crush Tsubasa’s Soul?

Chapter 149: Must I Crush Tsubasa’s Soul?

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I was quite the nice guy in my first two lives. First I died to save my sister, and in the next life, I slew the demon lord to save the world. But after Lilithra’s betrayal, my view on life changed quite a bit.

 I was a monster in human skin in my 3rd life. I couldn't trust anybody. That life too ended in betrayal, as my generals and sons wished to usurp me off my throne. It was a pitiful death in the end.

That's why, during my 4th life, I strived to cleanse my heart. I lived as a Hermit.

Unfortunately, the attempt at good change in my heart backfired when my fragile ego and morality were hurt by the odd culture of that world. I betrayed my mother, and in a sense, I recreated the scene of my death at Lilithra’s hands by killing Emmanuel.

After that, I lived for her, trying to stop her death again and again… till even Time gave up on me and I killed myself. It was my first suicide, but sadly not the only one.

For the next two of my lives, 6th and 7th, I think I lived as a good man. I had my ruthless moments, but I was overall a good entity. That changed hard in my 8th life. 

My 9th life was even worse, and in that turn, I didn't have the excuse of depression.

I wonder how things would have unfolded if my demon wife never betrayed me. My third life would have certainly been a lot different, and subsequently all my others.

Until my 6th life, I had a negative opinion of her. Although I told her to flee in the end and said I'd miss her, I didn't like her. During my 7th life, for as long as I lived, my emotions became like a tranquil sea. I didn't truly hate anyone.

During my 9th life, I began to miss her. In my current life, I don't miss her anymore, but I don't hate her either. I'd… like to see her again, too, if possible. I wish to return to that world again if it still exists.

There must be a way to return to my old worlds, the tiger cubs’ existence proves it, and I'm looking forward to revisiting all of my precious worlds. One day… 

Today was not that day. Today, I shared a bed with Tsubasa and Shoko in my arms while the moon rose high in the sky.

The air was cool, the wind gentle, as the lovely moonlight filled the room. I lay in the middle of the bed, with Shoko on my left arm, and Tsubasa on my right.

“She's sound asleep,” my cousin peeked over my shoulder and looked at Shoko.

“Seems like it,” I said. 

Shoko made a mess when we finished our song together. Like last time in school, she felt the emotion in my voice, and my singing, and felt sad. This time it was a bit worse, she had started crying like a child.

I had to take her into my arms and calm her down. I was worried my promised talk with Tsubasa would be delayed again, but she was an understanding girl. She agreed when I invited her to sleep with Shoko and me. Now that Shoko was sleeping, I could talk with Tsubasa.

Before that, I had to whisper a command to the world to make sure Shoko's Sacred Gear didn't eavesdrop on us. It registered and I spoke to Tsubasa, “Sorry about this.”

“It's alright. She told me a long time ago that her power lets her feel emotion through a person's voice,” Tsubasa laid on her side, her head resting on her hand, as she looked at me and talked. “I don't have that power myself, but even I didn't miss the sadness in your song, Aqua. Gets me curious, who broke my sweet playboy's heart?”

I chuckled and rested a hand on her waist, gently squeezing her, “It's just nostalgic, I don't feel heartbroken by it anymore.”

“Just how much stuff are you hiding from me, Aqua?”

“Too many. I'm sorry,” I sighed, looking into her eyes. I told Mem-Cho about it, and thinking again it's surprising why I did, but I don't want to tell everyone yet.

She sighed, “It's okay… I'm used to it.”

“I'm sorry.”

“You don't have to be, Aqua,” she reached out a hand and gently caressed my face. “I love you… a lot. And I like you too. I don't find it hard to forgive you.”

I had noticed that much. She did forgive my gravest crime with a simple smile. That made me glad. Girls like her were rare. 

I grabbed her hand and gently kissed it, my eyes locked with hers. “What did my sweetest Tsubasa want to talk about? Ah, if you want to talk and make love, we can do that too.”

“No,” she giggled, looking at Shoko. “It'll hurt me to see her sad if she woke up and found us having… fun.”

After Tsubasa awakened her vampire and white tiger bloodline, she had no need to wear glasses. She still did, out of habit. In the bed, however, she has taken them off.

Her purple eyes met my blue ones, and I just stared at her gorgeous face in silence.

She stayed silent too, smiling at my gaze. A minute later she broke the silence, “My mother… the one inside me… she told me something concerning recently.”

“Hmm?” I frowned. What's so concerning that she couldn't tell me at any time, and had to book an appointment?

“We were possessed recently, or so she claims,” she said and closed her eyes for a long second. When she opened them, her pupils were golden, and her sweet smile had a seductive edge to them. Even her voice came out differently, “If you want me to be more specific, it happened during that night two months ago when you received severe and heavy injuries.”

“....” I looked at Tsubasa- no, her mother, Hanekawa, and frowned.

Frankly, I should have died that day. I knew of many ways to save myself, but I was passed out, and I couldn't implement any of those ways. So logically, I should have woken up in the next life.

Yet, I was healed.

In my Venerable One mode, I refused to think much about it, but later I did do some research on it. I asked Ai and she told me that the tiger cubs gave her a script to read about Nyxondra, and she transformed into her. After that, she remembered nothing.

So, of course, I assumed that it was her who saved me from death's door. I didn't pay much attention to this topic after that.

But what is this?

“What do you mean by possessed?” My voice was low as I asked, and Hanekawa didn't miss it.

“It seems you're suspecting something,” she said. “You know something.”

“Answer the question,” I commanded, my Tiger Icon flickering overhead.

“I'm telling, I'm telling~ don't get mad,” she said and giggled. “I’m not sure about the details of course, otherwise I wouldn't be here to ask you, but back then it felt like a… higher being was over us. Tsubasa and my soul reached a nexus and gave birth to a being who lasted a little before vanishing. If that makes sense.”

“It does.”

“Oh? That's surprising-”

Was it? I didn't wait for her to finish. I pulled her into my embrace and pressed my forehead against hers, looking deep into her eyes. She paused and looked back at me, a silent surprise in her eyes.

“Quite the bold hold,” she smirked. “You have something to say?”

“I don’t know, actually,” I said. “A part of me wants to kiss you because of what I’m interpreting this situation as,” and another part wanted to confirm that interpretation by pressing my Tiger Icon into the souls inside this girl's body and merging them into one, but if my interpretation is wrong that a new irreversible entity will be born. That will effectively kill Tsubasa, in a way. I didn’t want to take that risk. A cold edge grew on my fingertips as it caressed her neck, “While another part is telling me to be cautious, that such a possibility is too good to be true and you're just a trap who needs to be eliminated immediately.”

No, this is too good to be true.

I understand how the cubs were here, I've seen them being summoned. But how can Nyxondra ever be here? This was either a trap or someone else. 

There's also a more probable explanation too. Since Tsubasa held white tiger blood in her veins, when Ai transformed into my wifey, the temporary spirit of my wife for some reason chose Tsubasa nearby instead of staying inside Ai. Nyxondra had a lot of mental and spiritual and other forms of odd powers that she trained to support me, and since Ai is a newbie user of Wardrobe, this explanation was not an impossibility.

Yes, that makes more sense.

There's no way I'm that lucky.

Still… a part of me had to hold back a lot to not actually crush their souls into one. If it let me reunite with my wifey, I didn't… mind doing that. 

Even if that'd kill Tsubasa.

The only reason I didn't do it was because of the uncertainty that this is a false call. Because that makes more sense than my luck suddenly shining bright like a star.

“....”

I paused for a brief moment.

‘Fuck,’ looking at Tsubasa's face, I felt a pang of guilt in my heart. Had I truly not moved on? Am I really considering killing this poor girl because of someone that I've not seen for millions of years?

I did want to meet my wifey one day, as the tiger cubs told me she was still alive, having last shown herself to the public 18 years ago. But do I really want to do it at the expense of one of my current lover’s life?

I love Nyxondra much more than Tsubasa but it still is unfair to this girl.

I can't confirm any of this with the little information I have on this. I need to wait and see. If we are destined to meet like this, it'll happen sooner or later… I can wait a bit more, a few months, years even, since I have waited for a million years.

“Part your lips, switch to Tsubasa,” I said to her and she cocked an eyebrow.

“Am I not better than my daughter?” She asked and I gave her a dry look. “Fine~ I'll get myself that massive tiger… some other day,” she said with a flirty tone before her golden eyes went back to purple.

I pulled Tsubasa into a kiss and she gave in. Although Shoko was right beside us, sleeping, I ended up making out with Tsubasa for half an hour.

I had a lot in my head, but they had no viable answer to follow. For now, my only choice was to wait and see. I didn’t like that feeling.

****

Shoko ended up sleeping over, so Yuzuru stayed back too. She shared a room with Asia, we had a lot of rooms so it was no issue.

Shoko’s parents needed to be notified about it, her mother and grandmother, so I left them a call. They understood easily, they trusted me. Morning came, and we got ready in our school dresses and finished breakfast.

“We’re yet to talk, Aqua,” Ai stood with her arms crossed over her apron, looking at me with a tilt of her head. “I understand because of the situation, but I’ll wait for it tonight.”

‘Can these women stop putting appointments in my time everyday?’ I shook my head internally while nodding at her.

The girls around us looked at us, eyes filled with curiosity, but they didn’t ask. Shoko looked a little sad to miss out, while the tired Tsubasa yawned and rubbed her eyes in drowsiness. I didn’t keep her up last night for long, but she should have slept more.

“Sure, see you later.” I agreed and left the house with the girl.

I let the girls go first, because we were not all heading to school. Yuzuru had to return home, and I decided to give her a lift through the sky. I dropped her off and returned to school. The girls seemed to have reached school by then, my Jade Perception let me know about that.

But it also let me know about something else… Why the fuck is there a Demi-God in the school? And isn’t that Rossweisse’s presence?

Brave little fucks. I need a distraction anyway, so let me see what they’re trying to stir the pot for.

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Link: /Master4thWall

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