Discussing The Correct Posture To Enjoy Dog Food

Translated by Hua Li ^_^

"... Marrying a ger from the household of a seventh-rank scribe, isn't that too much of an insult for my dear minister, hmm?"

The Emperor said this with a smile, but snapped the imperial brush in his hand.

Gou Liang silently shifted an inch to the side, with a stiff face, said, "I have already refused."

He had Ye Xiao, Commander of the Night Owl Division by his side, so such a major event could not be concealed from the Emperor. Naturally, the Emperor knew that Gou Liang had immediately refused Madam Chu. The Emperor had been waiting for Gou Liang to confess this to him, but after three days, he only heard that Madam Chu had privately visited several households to find a suitable ger for Gou Liang. Therefore, he casually brought up the topic when Gou Liang was unprepared.

Gou Liang was pressed for all the details, and the Emperor, who had just said, "Feel free to speak, I will forgive you," was now looking at him with a smile that did not reach his eyes.

The Emperor snorted coldly and said, "Marriage is a major event, determined by parents. I doubt your father will listen to your persuasion."

Gou Liang was taken aback and then frowned.

He knew Madam Chu hadn't given up, and stubbornly said, "Anyway, I will not marry anyone."

The Emperor understood his difficulty. He pulled Gou Liang onto his lap and said, "So, do you want me to keep you without a title?"

Gou Liang was stunned, then blushed, "Your Majesty, please don't say such things."

The Emperor said, "I never speak lightly. One day, I will certainly..." He didn't finish the sentence but instead asked, "After making me suffer such a great grievance, have you thought of how to compensate me?"

Gou Liang squinted his eyes and smiled silently. Pretending to think hard for a moment, he said, "Spicy chicken?"

The Emperor was amused by his seriousness.

Since their first night, Gou Liang had shown his true self in front of the Emperor.

No matter how they behaved in private, the Emperor would never suspect he wasn't the original owner. He especially loved seeing the contrast between Gou Liang's public and private personas and the special treatment he reserved only for him. Seeing the Emperor unsatisfied, Gou Liang quickly added, "Boiled beef slices? Chopped pepper fish head? Spicy squid? Fried tofu? Spicy... mmph!"

The Emperor expressionlessly covered his mouth and cruelly said, "Don't even think about it. The imperial physician said you can't eat oily or spicy food."

"Mmph..."

Seeing Gou Liang's tearful eyes, the Emperor wavered between abstaining for three days and indulging him with a meal, but ultimately kissed his forehead without much sincerity and said, "Be good, listen to the physician."

Gou Liang angrily turned his head away.

The comprehensive care manual for gers written by Imperial Physician Zheng had been meticulously memorized by the Emperor.

The physician advised that after intimacy, meals should be light to avoid harming the body, and the Emperor strictly adhered to this.

How could Gou Liang bear it?

He had been craving spicy food for a month, and forbidden things always seemed more tempting.

His attempts to change the subject were obvious, and the Emperor followed suit, knowing that even if Gou Liang couldn't withstand the pressure of filial duty, he wouldn't let Madam Chu cause trouble. Seeing Gou Liang's scheming look, the Emperor knew he was planning to sneak some spicy food at home. He tapped Gou Liang's forehead and warned, "If I find out you disobeyed, I will punish you."

Gou Liang wasn't afraid, and the Emperor, enjoying his spoiled arrogance, said with a smile, "If you disobey, I'll gift a beauty to the General, how about that?"

The General was still strong, and Madam Chu was always worried he'd be seduced by some vixen.

The Emperor wouldn't mind giving her something to worry about, distracting her from Gou Liang's marriage.

Gou Liang was stunned by his shamelessness and slumped on his shoulder, weakly saying, "I... obey... your... order..."

The Emperor laughed.

Despite his words, seeing Gou Liang's unhappy expression, he still had a mildly spicy dish of boiled beef prepared for dinner.

This delighted Gou Liang, and even though he was only allowed two bites, he kissed the Emperor appreciatively several times. That night, he didn't resist when the Emperor insisted on trying a new and embarrassing position.

However, they both underestimated Madam Chu's persistence.

Gou Liang intended to talk to her again, but within a day, Madam Chu had already made a big announcement about Gou Liang's impending marriage.

In the capital, the aristocrats' minds began to stir. Those most eager to marry Gou Liang were not the refined nobles who admired his master and talent but those aristocratic families who had been neglected by the Emperor for many years.

The family of the General was a rare one favored by the Emperor among the noble families. Marrying into this family was also a way to pledge allegiance to the Emperor, possibly paving a path for their underutilized younger generation to advance.

Furthermore, who didn't know that Gou Liang was highly favored by the Emperor and had a bright future ahead?

As a result, within just a few days, the threshold of the General's mansion was almost worn out by matchmakers.

At this juncture, Madam Chu high-profiledly brought a ger into her household, the very one she favored from the family of a seventh-rank scribe.

This individual was someone she had painstakingly selected-gentle, virtuous, skilled in household management, and more importantly, he suffered from night blindness. This meant that having him as a companion for her son would not only avoid the risk of exposing their secret but also ensure that he could assist with managing internal and external affairs once her son inherited the marquisate. Additionally, given his status, even if he discovered the truth one day, he wouldn't dare to speak out.

Madam Chu publicly claimed that this ger had once saved her during a pilgrimage, and she was very grateful to him, but anyone could see her true intentions from her affectionate behavior towards him.

Because of this, the aristocrats in the capital lamented.

Zhou Xun, taking the excuse of visiting his two ger cousins, mustered the courage to confess his feelings to Gou Liang in person.

However, he didn't get the chance to see Gou Liang. As soon as Gou Liang returned home, he hurried to the main courtyard and, not waiting for Madam Chu to dismiss everyone, said, "Mother, didn't I say I would never marry? What are you doing!"

Madam Chu was startled and quickly dismissed the others, saying, "What nonsense are you talking about! How can there be someone who doesn't marry when they grow up? You are already at this age and still not married, how will others see you? When people ask, how are your father and I supposed to answer!"

The more guilty Madam Chu felt, the more she wanted her son to live better than a man. Everything a man should have, he must also have, otherwise, it would inevitably arouse suspicion.

Gou Liang's face darkened, "Mother, I am not the only man in the world who hasn't married. You bringing someone home, do you want to expose our secret and bring disaster to the family, or do you want an innocent ger to suffer and die because of our mistake?"

Madam Chu opened her mouth to say that the ger she had carefully selected would never reveal the secret, but upon hearing the last sentence, she couldn't say anything.

Gou Liang knew she wasn't a heartless person, so he softened his tone a bit and continued, "Whatever your intentions were back then, it should have stopped by now."

"A mistake is a mistake. Over the years, I have done my best to cooperate with you, to cover up for you, not because I thought you were right, but because I didn't want you to suffer for it. All my life, I've only wanted to hide this matter well, so the family wouldn't suffer, so you wouldn't be disappointed. But I am not omnipotent... Mother, these years, to hide this matter, I have lived very painfully. I am really tired. I don't want to be constantly fearful outside and still have to pretend in front of my partner at home. Do you... understand?"

Madam Chu felt sad but could not relent on this matter.

She said, "These things are not unbearable. Son, just help your mother. If you don't marry, how can your father pass the marquisate to you?"

Gou Liang's face turned livid, "Even if I marry, I can't have children. In the future, wouldn't the glory of the General's mansion and the marquis title be inherited by Eldest Brother's son? What's the point of all this?"

"How can it be the same!"

Madam Chu said, "Even if it is passed on to Chu Qian's son, it must be adopted under your name, making him your son and my grandson, not just Chu Qian's son."

Hearing this, Gou Liang realized that his mother had long made plans and said, "Mother, why do you insist on fighting for something that doesn't belong to us? Even if Eldest Brother inherits it, with his nature, he would never disrespect you. To take a step back, even if future generations are unfilial, I will pass away before you. Who would dare to disrespect you, a noble lady?"

Madam Chu said, "Am I doing this for myself? I am doing this for you!"

"For me?"

Gou Liang laughed, and tears instantly fell, "For me?? so you lied about my gender. For me?? so you want me to hide and compete for fame and fortune. For me?? So you want to harm an innocent ger? Mother, if you truly care about me, have you ever truly thought about wha I want, what kind of life I want to live?"

"You haven't, never! All you care about is whether I can inherit the marquisate, whether I can make you the true and only master of this house!"

"You!"

Madam Chu, enraged by her exposed selfishness, raised her hand to strike.

But looking at her son crying, she couldn't bring herself to do it. Feeling rather embarrassed, she said, "Why can't you understand your mother's hard work? Once your father... this house will be dominated by Chu Qian. Do you really think he will be wholeheartedly good to you? You've never experienced the bitterness of relying on others, what do you know?"

Madam Chu had lost her parents at a young age and lived with her elder brother and sister-in-law, suffering many grievances.

Even though Madam Chu later attained the noble status of the marquis's main wife, it must have been very hard for her, and she had long vowed never to let her son suffer the same fate.

Gou Liang was silent for a moment, and in the end, he didn't offer any comforting words. He only said, "Mother, no matter what, I will never marry a ger. Before things get out of hand, you should give up on this idea, so you won't blame me later for making you break your word and lose face in front of others. If you still insist on this, I might as well come clean to Father, and we can stop living in constant fear day and night."

"You... you are rebelling!"

Madam Chu was furious to the extreme, and this time she really tried to hit Gou Liang. But before she could do so, a stern voice shouted, "What are you doing?!"

Madam Chu shivered and looked at General Chu, who was walking in with a stern face from the doorway.

General Chu glanced at the teary-eyed mother and son, his brows furrowing deeply.

His youngest son was the least likely to get angry, so he wondered what had caused such a fierce conflict. Thinking of this, General Chu gave Madam Chu a disapproving look.

Having had a gentle and gracious first wife, General Chu found it hard to truly connect with the domineering and ambitious Madam Chu. Their relationship was mediocre, and he had always disapproved of her harsh and aggressive way of raising their children. But since there was no one in their family who pursued a scholarly path and he himself knew little about it, he had refrained from intervening. However, this didn't mean he was unaware of the hardships his son had endured over the years. Previously, Madam Chu had at least maintained some sense of propriety, but seeing her now trying to strike their son, General Chu could no longer tolerate it and intervened sternly.

He sat down, trying to control his temper, and said, "What are you arguing about? Fourth Son, what were you going to reveal to me?"

Madam Chu's face turned pale instantly.

Gou Liang knelt down and said, "Father, I-"

"Shut up!"

Madam Chu sharply interrupted him, but General Chu glared at her sternly and still she continued, "Don't listen to his nonsense. We have nothing to hide from you. It's just a few harsh words."

"Be quiet! Fourth Son, you tell me."

General Chu wasn't about to believe Madam Chu's words and insisted on hearing from Gou Liang.

Gou Liang said, "Father, I cannot marry because I have-"

"Fourth Son!"

"-a hidden ailment."

Madam Chu, who had screamed, looked at Gou Liang in shock, as if her throat had been choked.

General Chu didn't notice this and, with a furrowed brow, asked urgently, "What ailment? Can it be cured?"

Gou Liang shook his head and said, "Father, you might recall that two months ago, I was sent back from the palace by His Majesty. At that time, you asked me what happened, and I concealed the truth because it involved a royal secret."

"In reality, someone poisoned His Majesty that day, and I accidentally ingested it. The poison... causes impotence. When you mentioned arranging a marriage for me, I already informed my mother of this, not wanting to implicate an innocent ger. But mother, worried that I would lose face among my colleagues and fearing people would gossip about my hidden ailment causing the delay in marriage, insisted on setting up a match. I refused, and that's why we argued."

General Chu's face changed drastically, "Can it be recovered?"

Gou Liang said, "At that time, Doctor Zheng stayed in our mansion for three days and has often come to check my pulse since then. He has confirmed that there's no possibility of recovery."

Madam Chu collapsed to the ground. Seeing her son use this explanation, which completely ruined his chance to inherit the marquisate, made her both anxious and angry. But she couldn't refute it, and for a moment, she covered her face and cried sincerely.

General Chu was silent.

Although he had speculated about the incident several times, he had never imagined this outcome.

It turned out that the Emperor's affection and trust towards his son were because he had suffered in his place... He wondered who could be so heartless as to poison the Emperor!

His thoughts were chaotic, but as someone who had faced life and death on the battlefield, General Chu was relatively open-minded. He quickly accepted this bad news and sighed, "Since things have come to this, your mother's actions were out of a caring heart. It's okay for you to accept it."

Although it seemed to harm the ger, he cared more about having someone by his son's side who understood him and could keep him company in the latter half of his life.

Gou Liang stubbornly said, "Father, I am fine living alone."

Hearing this, General Chu did not press him further and turned to Madam Chu, "Since Fourth Son has made up his mind, you don't need to force him anymore. If he changes his mind someday, you can make arrangements then."

He then comforted Gou Liang a bit and, seeing that there were still issues to be resolved between mother and son, excused himself to his room under the pretext of handling official business.

As soon as General Chu left, Madam Chu slapped her thigh in frustration, exclaiming, "What kind of excuse is that?!"

All her years of hard work had now truly gone to waste!

Gou Liang looked at the heartbroken Madam Chu and said, "Mother, it's not an excuse. What I said... is all true."

Madam Chu was dumbfounded.

*

When the Emperor heard the Night Owl's report, he found it both amusing and exasperating.

In response, feeling that Gou Liang had suffered greatly on his behalf, the Emperor arranged for a room full of books to be delivered to the studious and book-loving Gou Hanlin. These were rare ancient texts collected from among the common people.

Gou Liang secretly pouted, but seeing the Emperor also reading along with him, he couldn't help but feel: having a Hanlin scholar as a lover, Tianzong was truly the most studious emperor in history.

However, Gou Liang was quickly proven wrong; the Emperor's enthusiasm for learning was never applied appropriately.

One day, amidst the pile of ancient texts, the Emperor found an old fire-prevention manual. Unusually, the main characters depicted in it were two men, their poses so explicit that even the self-proclaimed morally bankrupt Gou Liang couldn't bear to look directly at it. The Emperor, holding him, enthusiastically recited, "Look at this poem: 'Swallow the dragon into the deep pool, then discover another world. Its depth is unfathomable, its wonder indescribable.' Tsk tsk, it must be quite remarkable. Xiao Keng'er, why don't we try to verify its authenticity tonight?"

Gou Liang stared at him silently and said, "...It looks very painful."

Such positions, which were not ergonomic at all, should be abandoned immediately!

The Emperor was quite disappointed, but after consulting with the palace instructors and learning that while the position could indeed make a man ecstatic, it would also cause considerable suffering for the receiver and could lead to injury if not executed correctly, he finally gave up on the idea.

Meanwhile, Madam Chu adopted the ger from the seventh-grade registrar's family as her godson.

Although this somewhat damaged the ger's reputation, becoming the adopted son of the Marquis General's household clearly had more benefits. The registrar's entire family was deeply grateful. Gou Liang's marriage was thus put to rest, and those nobles who had come seeking marriage alliances were turned away by Madam Chu with the excuse, "The Emperor has commanded the fourth son to focus on compiling books, and he won't have time to marry for the next three years."

Yes, on the second day after Gou Liang revealed his "impotence," the Emperor issued an edict.

First, he commended Hanlin Scholar Gou for his exceptional work in compiling books, promoted him two ranks to a full third-rank Reader-in-Waiting, and then ordered Gou Liang to reside permanently in the Imperial Library, dedicating himself to royal book compilation.

Gou Liang thus rightfully moved into Zhengyang Palace, causing many to wonder what exactly he was working on. Even his former teacher, who was enjoying retirement in Yangzhou, wrote specifically to inquire. The Emperor, watching Gou Liang agonize over his response, dictated: "Bound by imperial command, I dare not speak lightly, but your pupil has obtained the Emperor's permission to present you with a copy once the book is completed."

The Emperor was thoroughly amused, thinking: Master Liu is already over eighty; in his lifetime, this book will surely remain unfinished. If it were completed and that fire-prevention manual were burned at his grave, would this lifelong upright old gentleman be so enraged that he'd climb out of his tomb and swallow me alive for ruining his treasured pupil?

With this in mind, the Emperor felt quite pleased and secretly decided it was worth a try.

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