Crown of Thorns

CHAPTER 64

Translator : Cuties ––– Editor : WilsonWilson

A little calmed down, I sat leaning against the wall. Evan, too, sat leaning against the wall next to me like that. His hand was on the back of mine. I tried to carefully pull it out of his grasp, but he immediately grabbed my hand and wouldn’t let it go.

All of Evan’s actions confused me. They made me think that I was a woman just like when the young man who remained in his memory made me feel. But unlike him, Evan was away from me for a long while as he grew up, so even if he had feelings for me, I thought they wouldn’t go much deeper than a distant memory.

Is he doing it just to be comforted by me? Does he want me to be supportive, as he said?

I have also once wiped Evan’s tears, hugged him, and held his hand. I hoped Evan’s feelings would not be that deep. I hoped they would stop. I couldn’t handle it anymore. I couldn’t handle Evan.

The deeper his feelings, the greater his sense of betrayal will be, the greater his pain will inevitably be. I hoped he would feel the least hurt possible. It’s already too late, but I really wanted it to be less painful.

What’s a little comforting is that his life is shorter than mine. He won’t have that much time to suffer.

“Nyx.”

Evan, who had been silent until now, broke his silence. I just looked forward without answering.

“I’ve asked you before, but… Don’t you want to get revenge Nyx?”

I was overcome with anxiety, remembering whether I had unconsciously ranted to him. I remembered what I dreamed, what I did and what I said there. There was a lot of dangerous talk mixed in. No, I wouldn’t have done that.

When I didn’t say anything, he added.

“I heard you muttering in your sleep. It was painful. It was horryfying. Stop it now. I was wondering if it had anything to do with your past.”

I frowned unconsciously. But I’m a little relieved that it won’t be a big problem, but Evan said in an urgent voice, “Maybe I misunderstood a little when I looked at your face.” Then with a louder, more confident voice, he said.

“No, you don’t have to if you don’t want to talk. I’m sorry. I reminded you of something hurtful.”

“No, it’s not like that.”

I breathed a small sigh and continued my words.

“I’ve answered before, but it’s all useless. That doesn’t mean what happened will go away and it won’t heal.”

“But isn’t that unfair?”

What’s wrong with him? I’m a witch anyway. I answered this for him before, but today I gave him a different answer while making sure to keep my thoughts hidden.

“Even if it’s unfair, what difference does it make? What they want from me is not the truth anyway. What matters to them is not the truth. They simply looked to be comforted by looking at someone who was more in a difficult and distressed situation than they were in, someone to suffer instead of them. In such a situation, this a very simple and sure method. By ostracizing those who are different, they could build closer ties between similar people.”

Most of all, I am not in a position to cry over being be falsely accused. Because I was no different than those people who ostracized me. That’s why Darkness should not rule over the world. Darkness is just a change of stance, but nothing fundamental changes with it. Everything has to be started over from scratch. It has to be toppled upside down.

Those who were satisfied with the creation of one such a thing as a witch or a monster had to know that this was not all. They had to be realize that nothing would change at all. They had to understand why I had to go so far.

Change may begin with a trivial thing, but it eventually spreads out to touch the whole.

“I just want the world to change. That’s why I need you.”

“Then tell me what kind of world you want.”

I thought for a moment and then opened my mouth.

“A bright, peaceful world. A world without war, without exploitation, without discrimination. A world in which one acknowledges, accepts, and respects differences. A world of giving, sharing and understanding. A world where anyone can learn, teach, and be recognized if they have the ability.”

“Wouldn’t that be a little hard?”

There was once such a world, but Evan didn’t know. He might never know. It’s hard to turn back the time into those peaceful days. It really took a lot of time for me to make it like that again. But that’s on the premise that everyone is trying to make that happen.

“I hope it’s at least a world where you can have a happy time. Just enough so that all families alike can just get together and have a cozy time.”

“That’s too… Isn’t that too simple?”

Is that so? How many families are eating together now? Before that, is there a family left with all its members reunited? The head of the families and brothers who were taken to the battlefield, the mothers who were driven into the streets to make ends meet, the children slowly dying in the cold reality that no one was looking out for them.

“A father who comes home from a long day at work, a mother who’s prepared a warm meal while waiting for her husband, children who have spent the day learning things even if they don’t want to… all gathered around one table; eating and filling each other in about how their day went. It is by no means simple. It’s the most peaceful and beautiful world. It takes a lot to achieve that.”

There was a time when that was possible. No, there was a time when such a thing was natural. At that time, there was no shortage of men in the villages, no lack of place to teach kids, and if one had the ability, they could be recognized for their talents. There were no families who were forced to be separated, nor people who died in loneliness due to discrimination or exclusion.

“Is that perhaps your story?”

When I couldn’t answer his unexpected question, Evan turned to me and asked again.

“I want to hear it. How was your family like? If you don’t like talking about your family, then tell me about you. What were you like when you were a kid?”

“…”

“I told you, too. About my brother. I could tell you more if you’re curious. My mother picked me up in the woods and raised me firmly against the opposition of the villagers…”

“…Fine.”

I didn’t want to hear Evan’s story that much. Because I already knew it. I knew it all very well already, so I couldn’t make him relive his horrible past again.

I hesitated for a moment and finally opened my mouth.

“There was a time when I had a family, too. Back then, I also lived while dreaming. I could at least dream in the world I lived in. Because there were many ways to achieve one’s dreams.”

“What was your dream?”

“…It was ordinary.”

“What were the ordinary dreams of those days?”

Meeting a man who loves me and being loved for the rest of my life. I couldn’t bear to tell him, so I shut my mouth. Then Evan asked another question.

“You were so ordinary, why the hell…”

“Have I become a witch?”

Evan replied it with a small nod as if it were hard for him to voice it.

“Well, it’s like asking you why you became a monster. My world ended with Darkness. I was too young, and there was nothing I could do and I knew nothing. I’ve always been under protection, and one day I’ve become the only one who doesn’t remember ever making a decision on my own…”

Now that I think about it, I only did pathetic things. I didn’t run away and I didn’t even think to make my voice heard. I was just afraid. Of everything. Would it have been a little different if it were the me now who faced those challenging times? Maybe I could have changed a lot on day I was driven to be a witch…

“And my family… At the time when the world was covered with Darkness, they passed away as many did. But if there’s anything else, it’s just that my family has tried their best to protect the world. They have dedicated themselves for that cause to the extent that I, a young child at the time, could hardly understand.”

What my family didn’t know was that after Darkness covered the world, I became a witch and suffered so much. I didn’t die under the curse, and I really became a witch myself. If they knew, they might have taken me with them to the afterlife. Of course it might not have been possible.

“Nyx’s family struggled to protect the world, so why aren’t they being recognized for it? How could people have treated you like that when you were part in such a family?”

I felt it was so unfair at first, but not anymore. As I said just now, it wasn’t the truth that mattered to them. And my family has long since been forgotten. The world does not remember the sacrifices of others for very long. Sometimes even their sacrifices are bound to be distorted.

I stammered, remembering my fallen family but then stopped because the corner of my heart seemed to burn cold. It still hurt. I miss them, to the point where it was painful just to think of them.

“My family members were bright and beautiful enough for me to feel sorry for turning up like this. So unlike them.”

“…Nyx.”

The existence of someone like me was nothing but a disgrace to the family name. It was better just to bury it deep in my memory and not show it to anyone. It was wrong to talk about all this because of Evan’s question.

I hurriedly changed the subject.

“Make a world where children can live happily, Evan.”

“Children?”

“A world where children are happy is truly peaceful and beautiful. Don’t forget your childhood. Don’t let there be sick or lonely children anymore.”

There should have been no more children being driven into becoming monsters or witches. But a world where children are happy could never be made easy. In order for a child to be happy, parents had to be happy and so, everyone’s happiness had to be guaranteed which is no easy feat. The world where children dream of a bright futures, and the world where they can keep their dreams, must have been the most peaceful and beautiful world.

It’s a difficult job, but Evan could do it. Evan just needed to create a world where the type of childhood he had could never be repeated.

If it were a warrior who looks at the witch and understands her, if it were Evan who tries to be a warrior for then witch, it will be possible.

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