Civil Servant in Romance Fantasy

Chapter 228: Going to the Capital as a Beast (5)

I could still hear the sound of the Mage Duchess crying overhead, but I didn't look up. More accurately, I couldn’t bring myself to.

Was it because I didn't want to see the face of someone who had apologized? No, that wasn’t it. Honestly, from the moment I saw the pitiful state of the Mage Duchess, my heart wavered. When she even dropped all her dignity and apologized, any faint resentment I had disappeared.

How could I hate someone who apologized so sincerely without any excuses or self-justification?

This is unfair.

That thought crossed my mind. Why did she have to apologize while I was wiping her feet, which looked truly pitiful and pathetic?

No matter how clean the roads of the capital were, they weren’t clean enough to walk barefoot without any harm. Moreover, the Mage Duchess was just a frail woman without any training apart from magic.

That was why I couldn't look up. If I looked at the Mage Duchess now, I might get angry for another reason. I might raise my voice and ask why she had to suffer like this, or if she thought I would like it.

If I did that, then the Mage Duchess would probably cry and apologize again. It was obvious.

"Your Grace."

After taking a brief, deep breath, I lifted my head. Seeing her crying like a child stirred a different kind of emotion within me.

"...Please give me the comb."

However, I quickly suppressed it. Getting angry at someone who had already apologized would be too much.

The Mage Duchess turned pale and shook her head at my words.

"B-Baby. This, this..."

She hugged the comb she cherished even tighter, as if pleading with me not to take it away.

"I'm not asking you to give it back. You need to comb your hair, don’t you?"

Sighing at her pitiful state, I spoke softly. No matter how angry I was, I would never take back a gift. Besides, my anger had already subsided.

I just wanted to comb her hair. Although I had wiped off the dust earlier, her once silky hair was still a mess.

Fortunately, she calmed down and cautiously handed me the comb while glancing at me nervously.

"This will take a while."

I sat behind her and gathered her hair.

It was long even at a glance, but it was immense when gathered.

"It's okay. Take your time."

As I held her hair, her ears, which had been drooping, perked up slightly.

...Let’s pretend I didn’t see that.

***Silence filled the room. There were no more sniffles or apologies.

Only the sound of the comb gliding through her hair and the rustle of her hair falling onto the blanket could be heard.

It’s so soft.

It was so quiet that I even had idle thoughts. However, her hair was really soft.

It was so smooth that it only took me a few strokes to tidy it up; what I thought would take a long time was finished quicker than expected.

I couldn't tell if it was because she had taken good care of it or if it was an elven trait.

"Ah...!"

When my hand brushed against her ear while combing, a small sound escaped her lips, and her ears twitched.

"I'm still angry, you know."

At my words, her ears drooped again.

Of course, that was a lie. I wasn’t angry anymore. People who said 'I’m angry!' rarely were genuinely angry.

It was just a bit of mischief. Even though my anger had subsided, my mind was still in turmoil. Should I forgive her so easily? The Mage Duchess’s expressive nature just made me feel a bit mischievous.

It was a childish thing to do and definitely not something I’d repeat.

"Why did you say that?"

I calmly asked as I continued combing her hair.

"You could at least give me an excuse."

However, my tone wasn’t as calm as I wanted it to be. I was demanding to hear the words that deep down, I wanted so much to hear from her.

"You could say that you did it for my sake or that I would appreciate it once I calmed down."

Immortality. Some might call it a blessing; who wouldn’t want it, especially when it was combined with wealth and honor?

She could have said that. She could have told me that I was just overreacting and that I would be grateful once I cooled down.

"You could say that thinking of losing me made you too sad."

She could have appealed to my feelings and told me that she loved me too much to let me go—that the thought of living hundreds of years without me was unbearable.

If she had said that, then I might have been flustered. Just as I didn’t want to be left as the only one alive after losing my loved ones, perhaps she wouldn’t want to be left alone after losing me.

"...Why aren’t you making any excuses?"

However, she chose none of these. She simply said that she was sorry and that it was her fault.

"Because I want to be honest."

She answered without hesitation.

"I already deceived you once. I didn’t want to do it again."

Her voice was filled with self-reproach and emptiness.

I couldn’t see her face since I was behind her, but she probably didn’t have a pleasant expression.

"In a moment where I’m asking for your forgiveness, how could I do such a thing...?"

Her head lowered more and more, and her shoulders began to tremble slightly.

"After having hurt you, how could I say that I’m hurting too?"

She felt like she didn’t deserve to appeal to my feelings after having already deceived me.

So, she didn’t speak about our lifespans or the fact that without the potion, I would have left her first.

"...I’m really sorry. I’m so sorry..."

Her apology came again, but this time it wasn’t mixed with sobs and pleading. It was an apology that felt like she had let something go, as if she had resigned herself to something.

"I was so selfish. I claimed to love you, and yet I didn’t even consider your feelings."

She turned around carefully as she continued speaking.

Tears that had just stopped started flowing again, and a faint smile appeared on her face.

"I was greedy. Even though I found someone I loved more than anyone, I couldn't be satisfied with just that and wanted to spend a lifetime together."

She was smiling even as she cried.

Her expression was clear right in front of me, but it was so confusing.

"Even if you don’t forgive me and even if you never want to see me again, that’s my fault. You’re making the right choice."

Her smile deepened as I remained silent, and more tears fell.

"But please, at least let me watch you from afar. Let me keep my baby in my heart."

And then, she added quietly.

If I can have just a few decades to see you, then the following centuries without you would be bearable.

Damn it.

At those words, I stood up. I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t forgive her after hearing something like that.

If she was showing that much sincerity, then I needed to respond in kind.

"B-Baby?"

She blinked in confusion at the sudden movement.

My heart ached at the sight, but I turned away and opened a nearby drawer. If my memory was correct, then it should be here.

There it is.

Fortunately, it was just as I remembered. It seemed like the butler or the maids hadn’t moved it during cleaning.

Inside the drawer were about three bottles of potion. I had set them aside for drinking during the vacations and forgotten to take them back with me.

I never imagined that my forgetfulness would come in handy like this.

"Your Grace."

"Y-Yes?"

As I spoke with a serious expression while holding the potion, she stammered, clearly nervous.

I looked at her and then drank the potion.

"...You said it takes about 40 years to see the effects of this, right?"

I let out a small sigh. I wasn’t sure if this was the right choice, but I couldn't think of a better one no matter how much I thought.

"We still have plenty of time. Let's think about it together until then."

Whether I should match my lifespan to hers, or if we should find another way.

"So stop talking nonsense about watching me from afar."

Where did she learn these melodramatic lines? It was driving me crazy.

At my exasperated words, she stared at me in a daze before bursting into tears again.

I quietly pulled her into an embrace. If this was going to end like this, then I shouldn’t have made her cry by losing my temper.

"I’m sorry too, Your Grace. At the Magic Tower, I said things I didn’t mean during a fit of anger."

Her sobs grew even sadder at my words.

It was my fault. This was my karma.

***After crying for a long time, she didn’t leave my arms even after calming down.

However, I wasn’t heartless enough to tell her to move away now that she had calmed down.

...What do I do now?

The atmosphere was awkward. We had made up, apologized, and mended our relationship, which was a happy ending.

However, this situation felt too awkward. How could we move apart naturally and start talking about something else?

Ah.

Glancing out the window, I saw the dark sky. That gave me a good idea for a topic.

"It's already late, Your Grace."

I felt her grip tighten on my clothes.

She must have misunderstood. I wasn’t telling her to go back to the tower because it was late.

She had wandered around the capital in such a memorable appearance that no one could forget. If she returned to the tower alone at this hour, what kind of looks would she get? The rumors spreading by tomorrow morning would be even worse.

"It's too dark to go back. Would you like to stay here for the night?"

She nodded her head eagerly at my suggestion.

Then, she asked cautiously, lifting her head.

"Baby, are you staying here, too?"

Of course we would sleep in separate rooms. What was she thinking?

"...Yes. I'll sleep on the sofa, and you can take the bed."

But looking at her tear-filled eyes, I automatically made the offer.

Fine. Sharing a room should be okay as long as it isn’t the same bed.

"..."

"Your Grace?"

Strangely, she buried her face in my chest and stayed silent despite the tight grip she had on my clothes.

Honestly, I could handle a hundred of her kind without magic, but still.

"...Are sleeping already?"

Her ears twitched at my words but she remained silent, as if pretending to be asleep.

What the...?

She must’ve been really distraught today.

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