Beers and Beards: A Cozy Dwarf Tale

Book 3: Chapter 37: Meeting Thadd Harmsson

For the second time in as many weeks, I had to ask myself if I could make a body disappear.

On one hand, we already had the holes dug, and I had a bunch of dwarves with ready shovels.

On the other hand, we wouldn’t be able to take out Harmsson and all his guards without losing at least a few of us.

And everything in the world isn’t about you, Pete! He probably isn't even here for you! Probably.

It was still a problem. [Politicians] and other political Titles could give Abilities that sensed falsehoods, lies, and even things like genealogy and names. [Politician] in particular gave [Heighten Emotions] and [Hidden Motives]. The first he’d probably been using at his speech to amp us up, and the other let him roughly sense others motives and hide his own. We’d discussed the possibility of running into Harmsson or some other powerful noble at this event and discounted it. It was supposed to be a huge event, so why would we ever meet one?

In fact, there were hundreds of people here! Why was he visiting us!? Go away!!

For his part, Harmsson gave a beaming smile as he peeked into the trench we were digging. He spoke in the same rich baritone from his speech, his vernacular lacking the oddly flowery wording that I’d noticed with other nobles. “I wanted to come see you all personally. I heard that your group’s been doing excellent work for Lord Knowles. Kinshasa appreciates your noble hearts, for it is upon the backs of strong dwarves such as yourselves that we will carry ourselves forwards.”

He bowed low, leaning on his silver topped cane. “Thank you.”

Phew! I was off the hook! Thank you for the thank you, Lord Harmsson, now kindly make like a rock and roll.

The youths all gawped like fish, until Micah stepped forward, “Aye, thankee Lord Harmsson. We didn’t realize that you knew who we were!”

“Of course I know you, Micah!” Browning gave an affirming nod, and Micah nearly fainted. “How could I not know the name of the dwarf who stood up against the guard at Redwall!”

While the two of them talked, I did my best to avoid calling attention to myself. I didn’t exactly hide, but I did hold up a dirt wall. Joseph stood beside me looking bored and ignoring the byplay.

As Harmsson finished talking up Micah, he called down, “Excuse me, sir elf! Am I correct in recognizing you as Ambassador Stannard?”

Shit!

Joseph looked up at his name, finally acknowledging Harmsson’s presence. Thankfully, he stepped away from me, pulling Harmsson’s attention with him. “Yea, that would be me, Lord Harmsson! Well met.” He put his two fists together and bowed straight at the hips.

There was some muttering from Harmsson’s entourage, and Micah and his crew stepped back in shock, a few of them shooting questioning looks at Bando. He was going to have some explaining to do, but we’d make sure to back him up. It wasn’t like we’d tried to hide Joseph’s position, we just… hadn’t mentioned it.

Harmsson clasped his fists together and bowed similarly. “Well met, Ambassador! I admit that I’m surprised to see you here! In our last meeting you indicated that Awemedinad wasn’t interested in inter-dwarven politics!”

Joseph smiled a diplomatically neutral smile. “Ah, but this isn’t politics. I wanted to experience some aspects of true dwarven life, and what could be more dwarven than digging a hole?”

Joseph and Harmsson shared twin-edged smiles. I held back an impulse to move further away.

“And how’ve you been finding it, Ambassador? Does the city outside of Redwall meet with your expectations?” Harmsson asked. “Your predecessor never visited Yellowwall, as far as I know.”

“I’ll admit, it wasn’t quite what I was expecting.” Joseph said. He then pointed his hand around at us. “But I’ve met some fine blokes here. Kinshasa really is in good hands if they’re its future.”

For the first time, Harmsson’s smile seemed genuine. “They are indeed. Would you have some time after this, Ambassador? I’d love to chat.”

Joseph thought for a moment, then nodded. “Yea, I could do that.”

“Excellent! Thank you!” He turned to examine the rest of us, and I tried not to sweat.

And then the absolute fiend made his way into the trench. He had to slide in, his bum leg making the jump difficult, but he never swore or complained, and he completely ignored the stains left behind on his suit. Once he was down and had brushed himself off, he went around from dwarf to dwarf to gnome bumping their fists and thanking them personally. If they had babies he would’ve kissed their foreheads.

I was last in line, so I got to watch everyone else react. It was mostly shell-shock or bashful swearing. Richter and Johnsson were the most circumspect, limiting themselves to a simple dwarven fistbump. Then it was my turn.

Harmsson’s fistbump was strong, but not overpowering. I looked him in the eyes, trying to take his measure.

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“Nice to meet you, young dwarf!” he said. “Thank you for your hard work for the cause!”

I pitched my voice a bit lower than usual and replied, “Thankee Lord Harmsson, I heard ‘bout ya from me friend, and wanted ta do me part ta help.” True, though really it was to help Bando, not him. My motives were pure! No hidden motives here! I’m just a plain old Pete, here to help!

Harmsson glanced back over his shoulder. “Ah, from Micah? A fine bit o’ gold, that one.”

I shook my head. “Nah, I came with Bando.”

Harmsson smiled again. “Bando! Were you there when he denounced the tyranny of the Council in the Grand Market itself!?” He said the last grandly, sweeping a hand over in Bando’s direction.

Bando swooned harder than my daughter ever had over vampires or werewolves.

“That I did. He even called ‘em ‘A Lot O’ Craggy Karst’” Oh, I definitely remembered that one. That was the first time he’d been dragged home by the guard. He was still on probation, and I strongly suspected after today’s events that a reform mine was in his near future.

Harmsson gave me a nod and a smile, then turned to address the crowd. He pointed at a dwarf in coveralls with a set of oversized goggles on his bald head. “I’m told by our [Engineer] that at the current rate it’ll be two days before the pipes are ready to be laid. It’s behind schedule, but not by much. Can I count on your support tomorrow as well? With your hard work, Yellowwall should have running water as soon as Barday!”

Everyone cheered, myself included. See, politics was one thing, but great public works like this were absolutely worth the cheers. Too bad I was jaded enough to recognize that we were doing free labour so rich dwarves didn’t need to give money to poor dwarves.

And I WAS one of the rich dwarves! I could be sitting in my hot spring right now, relaxing and counting gold. Instead I was knee deep in mud and swinging a pickaxe! Bah!

Harmsson pulled Micah aside for another quiet chat, and the rest of us got back to work with renewed vigor. I activated a [Power Pick] with certain vicious glee. When the two finished their conversation, they shared a fist bump, and Harmsson climbed out of the hole. He gave us a cheerful farewell, instructed us to contact Lord Knowles when we were done, then left with his people in tow.

Having now met the dwarf, I fully agreed with Rosie’s assessment of him. He was dangerous. I’d had a few pre-written lines to try and catch him as my mystery Chosen, much like I had with Copperpot, but decided against it. I didn’t want to chance piquing his interest at all. Lucky Jean had been right; avoid political or warlike Chosen and their circles at all costs!

Maybe we could just keep Bando so busy that he wouldn’t have time for all this. Or…

Wasn’t Sam entangled in all this intrigue? He’d said he and Drum were involved with the local unrest. I could put him onto keeping Bando safe. Yes, that was the ticket! I'd contact him via a request for a ‘Red Rabbit’ at the adventurer’s guild and tag out.

And then I’d never, never, ever get involved with Harmsson ever again.

—

Thadd Harmsson walked away from the trench of workers, a smile upon his face. As soon as they were out of sight, he activated [Clean Attire] and his suit quickly lost every speck of dirt that it’d accumulated. It was no [Immaculate Attire] but it would do! After they’d walked a block away, his brow furrowed, though his smile never slipped.

“Is there something wrong sir?” Lady Viola asked, catching his change of mood immediately.

“Is it Ambassador Stannard?” Lord Newcastle added. “Why was he there, do you think?”

“I am not sure why the Ambassador was there. Hopefully our talk later will illuminate that bit of darkness,” Harmsson said. “[Hidden Motives] did not activate on anyone, but several of them were not registered with [Recognize Face]. I asked Micah how well he knew them, and he said they were really new, brought in by Bando just this morning. They came with the Ambassador.”

“Bando, the young firebrand?” Lady Viola asked, chuckling. “How on Erd did he get in contact with Stannard?”

“Yes. That is the one, and I do not imagine he got in contact with them. I suspect that he was singled out as easy to manipulate.”

The pair of nobles laughed out loud at that one.

“He’s tryin’ ta get at tha secrets of Dwarven Engineerin’!” Their [Engineer] grumped. “I don’t know if you lot noticed, but I’ve got tha Perception of a hawk, and two of ‘em were wearing disguises!”

Lord Harmsson made a motion to Lady Viola and she pulled out a notebook and pen. “Which ones?”

“Tha last one you were talkin’ to, and tha shifty gnome!”

Lord Newcastle’s face turned thunderous. “Do you think they are with the Guard? Or the Council of Greybeards?”

Harmsson nodded. “Aye. That or some noble trying to curry favour with Stannard, most likely.”

“Should we put Ambermine on them?”

Harmsson’s brow furrowed in thought. “He is a bit… too eager. If it actually is ome youngsters who want to remain anonymous while helping the cause, I do not want to chance Ambermine doing something we will all regret.”

“Not likely with Stannard following them around.” Lord Newcastle muttered.

“Should I put Sam and Drum on it?” Lady Viola asked.

Harmsson stopped walking and tapped his fingers on his cane for a moment before speaking. “Tell him that I would like Bando and his friends followed. They will need to be very circumspect. Stannard would not leave the compound without his guards, and Awemedinad’s [Hidden Guard] are among the best.”

“Bah. I didn’t see nothin’, and if my eyes didn’t catch ‘em, they weren’t there.” The [Engineer] said vehemently.

“I am not doubting your stats, Engineer Urist, but we should always play it safe.”

“What should we do if they turn out to be from one of the noble houses?” Lady Viola asked.

Harmsson shrugged. “It will depend on the house. If it is some minor noble trying to curry favour with the Ambassador, or one that the Ambassador is using, then we can leave them alone. There is no benefit to needlessly antagonizing Stannard. Maybe we will even be able to get them on our side.”

“And if they are spies from the Council? Or one of the Dukes?”

Harmsson’s eyes sharpened, and his tone grew deadly. “Then send Ambermine.”

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