Aiming to be the perfect butler for my lady

Chapter 23- Why?

"My lady, should I serve a fresh cup of tea?"

"Ah, no. It's alright."

I was woken up from my stupor by Maria's call.

It wasn't the first time today that I spaced out, out of nowhere.

Being a princess and a warrior, this behavior of mine was not acceptable, however, I couldn't help myself.

...something happened between me and Kyle yesterday.

As a girl, I should be more interested in topics like romance and marriage—my mother and some acquaintances used to tell me back then, when I used to live in the capital. However, I held nothing particular in concern that could divert me from my goal.

I didn't want to involve myself in love and romance since the focus of my life was something far greater and significant.

However, yesterday...I felt something for Kyle.

I accept that it was me who invited him into my room and told him to strip since I wanted to apply ointment to his wounds...however, never did I anticipated that there would come a moment when I would present my vulnerable self to Kyle.

...in that particular moment when our faces were inches apart, I was fine having my lips taken by Kyle.

For a princess, a noblewoman, and a maiden to have such thoughts....I should have been ashamed of myself.

Even Kyle wore a dark grey aura around him that signified guilt. It seemed he understood the gravity of the matter and held himself before we could have crossed that ultimate line.

Ever since that incident occurred and Kyle was taken captive, I have begun to develop something for him...which I cannot tell anyone. However, the sad part—Kyle doesn't see me in the same way. Or more like, other than his master he doesn't see me as a woman at all.

I don't know how I should be feeling about this realization and how should I act around Kyle. That's why I have been keeping my distance from him since yesterday.

'I hope this lifts the weight off my chest...'

*****

"My lady, should I brush your hair?" The next day early in the morning, Kyle appeared in my room with a gentle smile on his face

His aura was once again greenish blue, which signifies admiration and respect.

I stood up from the bed before telling him, "Don't come to my room in the morning from now on. I have told Maria to help me dress up."

...it hurts. When I said those words, it felt a tight knot choked my heart and nearly stopped me mid-sentence.

The expression he had upon hearing my words, made me feel even more complicated.

Those droopy and sad eyes...I didn't want to look at them or I might....

"I understood, my lady. Please excuse me."

I clenched my fist and restricted myself from stopping him.

Seeing the closed door from where he left just now...I felt the weight over my chest only elevating.

'....what am I supposed to do?'

******

[Two days later]

'The steak is too dry...' While slicing the meat I felt my mood worse than it was in the afternoon.

However, there has been nothing happening these days that could worsen my mood.

All my classes and training sessions were moving phenomenally and today I even succeeded in chanting a Third-grade spell without fortifying myself with my angelic powers.

If anything, I should have been celebrating this occasion, just as Maria and Collen suggested...however, whatever I do I just couldn't find myself satisfied.

Ah...now I realize...

"Where is Kyle?"

I asked Maria, who was standing behind me, to provide me if I needed anything.

Normally it should have been Kyle standing in her place, but tonight, he wasn't present in the dining hall.

....is he sick? Or maybe went to hunt alone again? Or maybe he was too tired?

Although I tried assuming every possible reason for his absence, I could have never expected the actual reason.

"Kyle said that in his presence, Your Highness can't eat properly and feels uncomfortable, that's why he decided to stay in his room during Your Highness' meals."

*Clink*

The fork from my hand dropped on the plate upon hearing Maria.

My eyes remained affixed to the empty chair in front of me.

A cluster of thoughts was born in my head at that moment.

...Kyle's presence affecting me that much? Why did I never notice?

"My lady, forgive my audacity, but has anything transpired between you and Kyle? I couldn't help but notice that both you and Kyle appear somewhat distressed and sad of late."

"Sad? Kyle is?"

"Indeed, my lady."

...I don't know why, but hearing that Kyle is also feeling sad because of the sudden gap I have created between us.... makes me happy.

"My lady?"

"It's nothing."

I think it's not only me who feels these complicated emotions...Kyle is the same as me.

*****
[Next day]

"It's look pretty, my lady."

*Ba* *dum*

Although I knew he was approaching, my heart just spiked hearing his voice.

I didn't allow my finger to make a mistake on the painting as I responded, "You think? Well, I am not satisfied."

....what was I saying? Isn't this the best painting I have ever made? Then why do I have to be so irritable in front of Kyle?!

"I am awestruck by your talent, my lady. In my eyes, there could have been nothing more perfect than this."

*Krik*

The painting brush in my hand cracked. Reason? His formal tone just irked me.

"Forget about it...I am no longer in the mood to paint anymore..."

I grabbed the canvas from the middle and tore the sheet away before crumbling it.

Throwing the sheet away I went toward the table where all the painting equipment rested.

Suddenly, my eyes got the figure of Kyle, crouching down and picking up the sheet that I had just thrown.

Getting up, he slowly began to unfold the sheet with a soft smile on his face.

"...what are you doing?"

Since I discarded something, as my servant shouldn't he have gotten rid of it?

Then why that smile?

"It's the second time Ala has finished a painting...and I am truly lucky to have the second one all for myself as well."

*Ba* *Dum*

...he remembers it. The first painting I made was back when I was just ten years old and started learning painting.

That painting was just of a simple flower that I gifted Kyle. I was not very good at painting, and when a single flower came out better than all my failed attempts, I gifted it to my best friend.

...I didn't know that Kyle would have that stupid flower with him all this time.

Why is he like this? Why did he call me 'Ala' just now? Didn't he want to treat me like just as his lady? Didn't he want to just admire me? Then why did he make my heart race every time? Why does he keep doing things that keep me awake all night? And when I fall asleep why does he appear even in my dreams?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

"Ala?"

I didn't ask why he was so shocked before I advanced toward him and held his collar with my trembling hands.

The tears welling in my eyes could no longer be suppressed as I glared at him.

I just wanted to know...what does he feel about me? For the first time, I did not want to believe my skill to judge someone's feelings toward me.

I want to hear from him how he sees me.

However, before I could have uttered anything, Maria reported something entirely unexpected from the threshold of the room,

"My lady, Your Highness Prince Edmund has arrived!"

*****

A/N:- I won't mention it in chapters most probably: Because of her emotional instability, Alatia, unconsciously conjured her angelic wings, making Kyle, momentarily stunned.

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