A Joytoy’s Journey to become a Hive-Queen [A SCS Fanfic]

Chapter 71 – Fractured Unity, or: Being a Hive-Mind is hard

“Some people think Samurai are heroes. Others think they are monsters. In my opinion, both are correct. In general, they like to help people, saving them from the plant aliens and corporate greed alike, but they become downright monstrous if you eat the last cup of yoghurt. Ever went to take a shower, only for it to suddenly electrocute you? That makes you rethink your life choices.”

  -  Evelin ‘Maniac’ Vance, after eating GroundWire’s last cup of yoghurt.

“Nobody eats my last yoghurt!”

  -  GroundWire

With a flourish we cut down the model Five in front of Us. We had gotten the drop on it, finding the cave in a bit of disarray after one of the Silthen’s went through with their toxins. It made dealing with the xenos so much easier, and we had only added to the confusion with the help of our holograms.

Chloe and Bobby had dealt with the Hive structures in short order, and we were just about to carry on, when Junior contacted Us.

“My Queen. There iss ssomething I would like to talk to you about.”

Turning our attention to her with our virtual self, our body self continued on, following the others into yet another tunnel.

“What is it?”

“I have taken some time to talk to Kayssa about your body modificationss. We have the pointss and mosst of the cataloguess, we can obtain the Vi’xan catalogue and upgrade it as needed. We can alsso work without you pressent, we have the Sspotterss for purchassess, and we have the capability to produce more of Uss without your oversight. There really issn’t a reasson you shouldn’t be able to get them now, and I do believe it would be helpful in the near future.”

That did surprise Us. Okay, that wasn’t entirely true. Once she mentioned it, we became aware of her discussions. Really, it was very weird to know something but not knowing that you knew it. It wasn’t a new sensation, of course, but that didn’t make the disorientating feeling of it any better.

Mentally replaying the broad strokes of their conversation, we frowned. The body modifications would be incredibly helpful, and we did want them, but some of the topics that were raised left Us feeling… undecided. We weren’t sure exactly how we felt about it all, the knowledge that it would basically replace our body.

Of course, we had known that the changes would be extensive. But on the other hand, we also hadn’t spent much time really thinking about it. What would it mean for Us? The others had already come to the conclusion that it might mean losing part of our humanity, and now that we took a moment to think it through, we could understand that fear. Shared it, even.

Not to mention that it would take me out of commission for a not insignificant amount of time, which was another thing that didn’t sit well with me while we were on this expedition. But Junior was also correct that the rest of Us could work without me present.

Still, the thought was… unsettling. And we weren’t quite sure why. 

Ever since we became a Hive-Mind, we didn’t really have any compunctions of doing things in a non-human way. Yes, we had feared Chloe’s and Jenna’s reactions to the inner workings of the chorus, but that was more about their opinion on Us, not if we should have done it in the first place.

Even when we first got the upgrade we didn’t think much about it. Yes, we might not have known the extent to what it would mean to become a Hive-Mind, but we did know that it was decidedly non-human, and it didn’t bother Us too much at the time. Nor did we regret the decision.

It wasn’t like we were still human in the same way other humans were. And getting the body modifications also wouldn’t mean we couldn’t retain our human perspective. That was something that was born from Us, well, being human at the core. The entire chorus was built upon a human, upon me, as the basis. While they might differ individually, the core of Us would remain the same, no matter what form our bodies took.

Even for me, you could make the argument that I was no longer human in a very important way. Being a Hive-Mind is fundamentally very different from being human, and that had been rather apparent already. So there really wasn’t a reason that this should change anything.

And still we weren’t sure what to think.

Perhaps it was a question of our perspective? Being human was what differentiated Us from being like the Devourer of Worlds. We had certain opinions and perspectives that the other Hive-Mind lacked. So far, the Devourer of Worlds was our only comparison, since we didn’t know any others. But was it a good idea to cling to that image?

The Devourer of Worlds was powerful, no question. We doubted that there was a force in the universe that could easily deal with it, or at least without suffering significant losses. We had seen the havoc it could wreak, the destruction it left in its wake when it moved. We had felt, first hand, what it was like to be a true Hexclaw Hive-Queen, a being so powerful that antithesis that would threaten the world itself were nothing more than punching bags to be pushed around.

Yet, we had also realised immediately after the simulation that we weren’t like that. Not only were we by far not that powerful, we also had an entirely different outlook on life. The Devourer of Worlds was an extreme case, something that was so immensely big and powerful that it was nigh on impossible to get a perspective on it. 

And from the mental perusing of Junior’s conversations with Kaysa and the others it was clear that most Hexclaw Hive-Minds would differ from that. Less than we did, of course, but it would not be fair to measure them against the world eating monster that was the Devourer of Worlds.

Would it even be fair to compare Us to any Hexclaw Hive-Mind in that way? Would we do ourselves a disservice by ignoring what made Us unique?

We frowned, agitated at our own doubts. Rationally, they didn’t make any sense. There was no reason to believe that we would change on a personal level just because we obtained our body mods. On the flip side, this question of humanity, especially in a non-human body, was something that the media was all too happy to address in various displays of fiction. Not that we knew many, we had never really been into that kind of thing, but it also wasn’t alien to Us either.

Chloe had been pretty terrified by what it would mean for Us to be a Hive-Mind, primarily because of the fictitious texts she liked to read in her free time. And she had eventually understood that it wouldn’t change who we were at the core. Really, was changing our body as big of a difference as becoming a Hive-Mind was? Apart from me, all of Us were already Hexclaws. And all of them were, in large parts, human.

Yes, there were differences, of course, each had their own personality and all of them had a touch of Hexclaw in them, but their core beliefs were still the same. They wouldn’t suddenly start eating people, nor would they think less about anyone just for being a human. If we thought less of someone, it was because they were a disappointment as a person.

Human morality was something we wanted to keep, but, again, there really wasn’t a reason to believe that would change. If anything, we had the Philosophers to make sure of that. It was their entire purpose to make sure we didn’t drift too far to either side, they were the balance that kept Us from going overboard.

Yet, even with all that logical reasoning, something still irked Us. It made the question of ‘did we really want to do this?’ much harder to answer than it should have been. Because Junior was right, it would be a huge boon. And unless things went wildly out of control, I did trust the rest of Us to keep a tap on things while I was out.

“What are your thoughts on this?”

Just contemplating this on our own wasn’t helpful. We needed a different perspective, a perspective from someone who knew our troubles intimately, while also having their own opinion.

“We feel the ssame. We all do. We all have thesse worriess. But I do not think it iss healthy for Uss to push them asside either.”

That made a lot of sense, and we nodded, absently. This was a much deeper topic than we had originally anticipated, and we weren’t quite sure what to make of it. Or even if discussing it now was a good idea. We did have antithesis to deal with.

On the flip side, maybe that was precisely why we had to address it now. We didn’t know what the antithesis had in store, considering the recent surge in activity, and we might well be needed to step in. Something that would be infinitely easier if we had our combat forms.

“Why is this so hard to decide?” we ventured, more to ourselves than to Junior.

“I believe it iss part of a deeper routed problem we have ass a whole. We lack a clear idea of what it meanss to be a Hive-Mind, to be Uss. We are different, both from the Devourer of Worldss, ass well ass from other Hexclaw Hive-Mindss. We are sstill human, somewhere deep down. Thiss crississ of identity might be what holdss Uss back in a myriad of wayss.”

Her discussions with Kaysa returned once more to the forefront of our mind, and we nodded at her theory. We just didn’t know what to do about it.

“We fear no longer being human. But why? It’s not like we aren’t in large part Hexclaw already.”

“Perhapss it iss jusst human nature? There are many thingss I would conssider Hexclaw nature, and they expresss themsselvess quite openly in Uss. That difference might be what iss sspurning Uss on to doubt oursselvess.”

“What do you mean?” We did know what she talked about with the others, but we couldn’t read thoughts. Each of Us was their own person, which was part of what made Us so unique.

“I have already noticed ssome disscrepanciess in the way we conduct oursselvess, compared to what you might expect. We might play at being a true Hexclaw Hive-Mind, yet we do not really act like one. Jusst think about the way we lack cooperation. The misstake you made in the fight with the model Eighteen. A true Hexclaw Hive-Mind wouldn’t have made that misstake, they would have been in perfect tune with one another. I do not blame you for it, I do not think any of Uss do, but it doess show a certain difference in approach. If we want to continue to grow and learn, we have to find our own path, combining both our naturess.”

There was a short pause, one in which she obviously searched for the right words.

“Ever ssince we became a Hive-Mind, we did thingss the way we thought they musst be done. We insstinctually created a moduss operandi for Uss, without delving deeper into what it meanss to be a Hive-Mind. Then we ssaw the Devourer of Worldss, and ever ssince then we fixated on it ass our primary point of comparisson. We let the fear of becoming that hamper Uss, the fear that our human sside iss pushing, and one we have to keep in mind. But it alsso shouldn’t define Uss. We have to learn how to be a proper Hive-Mind, and we have to learn that for oursselvess. We cannot ssimply look to otherss to try and figure thiss out. I alsso think that Knight Chloe’ss doubtss around our nature hass rubbed off on Uss in unsseen wayss.”

“Very likely. Her doubts made sense, and it is only natural to be drawn into fear and anxiety. Fear is a survival response, it makes you aware that something is wrong and that you aren’t safe. But it can also hinder progress. How many people had to overcome their fear to try new things for humanity to get where we are now?”

“Precissely. It iss why I am of the opinion that it iss now on Uss to take that ssame leap of faith. We are ass prepared ass we are going to be, unlesss we wait for the limiter to be deactivated. And it iss my hope that that won’t be such a big isssue, once we learn how to work together properly. Jusst remember what the Devourer of Worldss could do with only a few droness. Even if they might be sstronger and more powerful, sso were the antithessiss. Yet, they were sstill able to deal with them without much trouble. We can do the ssame, if only we ssit down and accept that we need a different approach to our methodss.”

With a sigh, we rubbed our face. Not that it was needed, considering that we were conversing with her from our virtual realm. Still, it felt good. Absently we stared at our hands. It was a definitively human action, and that just didn’t help Us at all.

“Maybe we should discuss this with all of Us. We need to decide as a whole, as Myriad. I have my bias, you have yours. We all have our own. Unless we actually come to a conclusion as a whole, none of this really leads anywhere.”

“That iss another thing I have obsserved. You do not act like a Hive-Queen would, you leave Uss mosstly to our devicess. That iss not precissely an isssue, but it iss yet another indicator. In the ssame vein, we alsso do not act like we should. We are not the same ass any other Hexclaw Hive, we are unique. We are individualisstic, and we should all keep that in mind. We shouldn’t jusst obey, we should quesstion. Disscussions of that level are our sstrong ssuit. Sso far we wassted that quite ssignificantly. It iss our duty to make ssure the choruss can work in harmony, that fallss to all of Uss. And ssometimess that will mean dissagreementss. But dissagreementss are what push Uss further.”

We weren’t quite sure if we agreed to that, but we were also aware that that was another human fear. That loss of control, of no longer being in charge. Rationally, we knew that wouldn’t happen. Even with disagreements, there was a strict hierarchy, one that we all would follow. Not doing so was simply not part of the chorus. In a way, that knowledge was calming. We were certain of that, no question.

Yet, we couldn’t help but fret.

“Okay. Let’s talk to the others. We’re just not quite sure if we should do so now, with all the antithesis we need to deal with.”

“Isn’t that a pretty good reason for why we need to do it now?” The voice belonged to Snuffles, who was now joining the conversation. “You should have noticed how well we can multitask, no?”

That made Us frown, and we thought about it. She was right. The fact alone that we were talking to them, while we continued to kill any aliens that we found was already a pretty good indicator. At the same time, we had that implant. The others didn’t.

“Yess. That iss an obsservation I have alsso already made. We can multitassk quite well, it jusst never really came up, at leasst until now. That iss another thing we need to keep in mind. Each part of Uss hass certain sstrengthss and weaknesssess, we need to find a balance between them.”

“Alright… Let’s chat.”

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